The Light Between Us (11 page)

“
You're crazy,” said Ruth, smiling. 

“
You know it,” Padme said smoothly, heading out of the classroom.  “Grovel, lady!” She threw the words over her shoulder as the bell jangled the start of the school day.

“
Crazy,” Ruth muttered to herself as she stowed the card safely in her purse.  But what was even crazier was the fact that she was seriously considering taking Padme's advice.

Chapter 7

Derek glowered at the numbers slowly lighting in succession as the elevator carried him up to his office's floor.  With a ding the doors peeled open, and he stomped through the opening past the mahogany front desk.   Jani, the secretary, frowned at him from her perch behind the desk, perplexed, as he made a beeline for his office, forgoing their usual morning banter. 

Although “morning” was a stretch – he knew full well that it was noon.  He hadn't been able to find the energy to extricate himself from his bed when his alarm had gone off hours earlier.  He could hear his coworkers murmuring in their own offices, and felt glad no one was out in the hall to rib him on his late arrival.  The four other male lawyers and single female lawyer that he worked with, not to mention Jani, all had a pretty good idea of his usual way of relating with the opposite sex.  Derek didn't know if they approved or not, and frankly had never cared, but was glad to not have to hear any teasing this particular morning.

Arriving in the cool order of his office, he clicked the door shut, shrugged off his overcoat onto its hanger, and slid into the plush comfort of his leather desk chair with a sigh.  He touched the power button on his desktop computer, the screen glimmering to light.  It was the latest gen, of course.  He had the best of everything.  The best suits, the best bed sheets, the best technology, and the best run of women of anyone he knew.

Well, usually.

He clenched his teeth, punching his login code into the computer more aggressively than usual.  Even though it'd been very nearly a full day, he still couldn't believe that practically the instant he let himself consider something lasting with a woman, he got burned. 

It brought his teenage years back too clearly. He'd been the chubby kid, starry eyed over his crush.  Denise Parker, of the curly hair and kind eyes.  She'd said yes when he'd asked her to the prom, but when he went to pick her up on prom night, her shocked parents apologetically explained that she'd already taken off for the dance – with another guy.  Snuffling on his humiliated tears, he'd walked home, dumping the luscious corsage he'd bought for Denise in a trash can he'd passed on his first and – he'd vowed – last walk of shame.  And he'd kept that vow through the years, until yesterday.

Yesterday, he'd felt confused, and then hurt, just like that chubby, pimply teenager he used to be.  But now – now he just felt mad.  He wanted to punish Ruth. 

Derek clicked through his client files on the computer, then sat back, eyes closed, as he waited for them to load.  He imagined seeing Ruth through the glass that comprised the inside wall of his office, emerging from the elevator and coming to him to apologize, to beg forgiveness, to say she knew what she'd lost.  And he'd reject her, victorious.  Or maybe he'd fuck her first, and then leave her dangling.  It's what women like her deserved.  She and Denise Parker and the rest of their treacherous kind.               

The computer beeped its readiness.  Derek opened his eyes and sat forward to begin his work.  He'd barely read a word on the screen when his phone buzzed.  He hit a button. 

“
Yes?”

“
You have a visitor, Mr. Stone,” Jani's voice piped over the line. 

He frowned, fairly certain he had no meetings scheduled that morning.  But when he looked through the office's glass wall toward the front desk, his throat went dry.

It was Ruth.  She gave a little wave as their eyes met.  Derek blinked, hard, wondering for a moment if he was seeing things – if he had actually gone insane. 

“
Mr. Stone?” said Jani through the phone.

“
Oh.  Ah.  Right.  Send her in,” he managed at last.  Drawing a deep breath, he rose from his chair, smoothing the front of his impeccable charcoal gray suit as he settled onto the top of his desk, feet still planted firmly on the floor. 
Higher ground
, he thought to himself grimly.

Ruth pushed through the door, the scent of vanilla wafting in with her.  He swallowed, hard.  The vanilla aroma and her tousled hair, the gauzy blouse that clung to her in all the right ways, and the way her legs unfurled from her short denim skirt, clad in leggings and tall boots – he hated that their combined effect nearly undid him.  Derek forced himself to scowl, although his inner teen wanted to flash a dopey, lovestruck grin.

“
What?” he asked, voice flat.  “Come here to make my humiliation complete?”

“
Your humiliation?” she snorted as the door closed behind her.  “It seems to me that whatever humiliation you've experienced both matches and is the result of the humiliation you put me through.”

“
I didn't put you through anything,” he spat.  “I wasn't with the woman who answered my phone.  It was –”

“
I know, your friend's girlfriend.  Sandra, right?  Padme told me,” she explained.

“
You knew, and you still decided to spite me by hooking up with another guy?” he asked, incredulous.  “That is messed up.”

“
No, it's not,” said Ruth, crossing her arms.  “I didn't find out until this morning.  When I met Sam, I had just – I thought, anyway – chatted with your most recent hookup.  And so I went out to write, and Sam was there, and he was nice, and – well, I guess you know the rest.  You can't blame me for that.”

“
Can't I?”  He practically barked the words.

“
Well, I guess you could,” she said, shrugging.  “But that would be really stupid.  You said it yourself – you want to find out if we could have something together.  I want to find that out, too.  And I was willing to forgive you that waitress.  Our relationship – if you want to call it that – has so far been one massive misunderstanding.  I'm willing to start fresh, even though I'm not sure I should.  But,” she paused, biting her lip as she narrowed her eyes at him, “I want to.  I feel like I've been a slave to 'shoulds' my whole life.  And I don't want that anymore.”  She paused, biting her lip for a moment.  “I want you.”

As she spoke, Derek felt pressure building in his chest.  He didn't know whether he wanted to shout at her or laugh or cry, or something else entirely.  Finally, he drew a breath.  “What about Sam?” he managed to choke out.

Ruth shook her head.  “Does it matter?  I'm not asking about your waitress, am I?  Or about who you were with last night, for that matter.”

“
I was alone, unlike you.”
 

“
Wrong.  I was alone, too, and aching.”

“
And what does Sam think of all this?”

“
Does it matter?”  She shook her head.  “I don't know what he thinks.  All I know is that I want you.  What do you want?  To hold onto your bitterness or forgive the honest mistakes we both made and take the risk you told me on Saturday that you wanted to?”

“
I'm not sure I can trust you.”

She laughed mirthlessly.  “The feeling is mutual.  Don't you see that?”

“
It was really hard to see anything but Sam in your apartment yesterday morning when I came to explain, to apologize.”

“
Fine,” she said, thrusting her hands onto her hips.  “You clearly think you're somehow better than me, that I'm supposed to just swallow whatever hurt and mistakes you send my way, but you won't extend the same grace to me.  I'm not going to waste my time with a man who won't treat me as an equal, no matter how intrigued I am by him.  I'm going.”

Ruth spun on her boot heel and moved for the door, but before she could throw it open, Derek was there, blocking her way, suddenly afraid.  “Wait,” he said, the pressure expanding within him.  “Just – wait.”

“
Why?”  She glowered at him, the muscles in her jaw working as she clenched her teeth. 

“
Because,” he said, surprised at his own breathlessness, “because . . . you're right.”  The pressure dissipated as he spoke, and his anger deflated with it.

“
Ah,” she said, folding her arms back over her chest, stepping back and giving him an appraising look.  “I'm listening.”

He sighed, feeling suddenly exhausted.  “Look, I know hearing Sandra answer my phone must have made it feel like all bets were off.  I just – I didn't expect you to go sleep with another guy so soon, before I could explain.  I was calling you all night, and you never picked up.”

“
I know.  I was hurt, and mad, and I thought you were just going to feed me lies or excuses.”

“
Fair enough.  But . . . I thought you said you didn't date much.  And then I go to your place in the morning and there's this guy cooking breakfast.”

“
I don't date much,” Ruth said, eyebrows raised.  “I'm not a liar.  But I was feeling . . . I don't know, oddly bold, I guess, and then Sam was just there and really kind.  I'd gotten my hopes up that this really mesmerizing guy was mesmerized by me, only to find out that he was (I thought) still sleeping around.  Can you fault me for that?”

Derek fixed her with a long stare, and she gazed defiantly back, eyebrow raised.  “No,” he said at last, “I guess not.”

She smiled, a small upturn of rose-colored lips.  “Good.  I'm glad that's settled.  So now,” she swung into one of the chairs facing his desk and spoke over her shoulder, chin tucked coyly into her curls, “what now?”

He moved around her and settled back onto the desk in the position he had assumed when she was first entering the office, no longer seeing it as the position of power now.  Instead, those fluttery nerves had re-invaded his abdomen.  “I think it's your call.  You've earned it, I suppose.”

She flicked her eyebrows up at him in amusement.  “Damn straight.”  Ruth flashed a full on grin at him, and the sight made him go weak in the knees, a sensation as true as it was cliché.  He smiled, both return as well as in amusement at himself.  He didn't know that a person could actually
feel
weak in the knees, much less that he was capable of it.  But the unfamiliar sensation was not unwelcome. 

“
Here's what you're going to do,” Ruth was saying. 

Derek nodded, narrowing his eyes to refocus his mind, trying to pour all of his attention into listening.  “Okay.  What are we going to do?”

“
I have to go back to work now.  But you're going to call me later and fill me in on the romantic and, ah, redeeming date you will have planned for us.  Then you will come pick me up, and we will go and have fun and start to get to know each other, and it will be a fresh start.”

“
A fresh start?”  He smiled.  “I can do that.”

“
And,” she said, pointing a finger at him, “just to be clear, we are committing to now be exclusive with each other, right?”

“
Right.”  He nodded.  “Wait, does that mean we are officially dating?”

“
I don't know what label to put on us, and I honestly don't care, as long as we don't leave room for any more of these misunderstandings.  But,” she said, blushing a little, “I wouldn't mind saying that we're dating.”

“
Okay,” he said, feeling a twist of excitement now in spite of his still smarting smarting sense of betrayal. 
She must be feeling something similar
, he told himself,
so get over it. 
“This weekend really was a disaster, huh?”

“
Complete and total,” she said, rising to her feet, smoothing her skirt. 

“
I'll call you later,” he said, moving to hold the door open.

“
I believe you,” replied Ruth.  “But – there's one more thing I have to do before I go.”  Her cheeks grew pink again.

He frowned.  “What is it?”

All amusement faded from her features, and she hung for a moment with her eyes on his.  And then, to his surprise, she leaned in and kissed him.  He stood frozen in surprise, then cradled the back of her neck with one hand and kissed her back, just as hard as she was pressing her lips into his.