The Light Between Us (6 page)

She rolled her eyes.  “Your promises don 't seem to carry a lot of weight.”

Derek pulled around and stood squarely in front of her, forcing her to stop.  His eyes held a fierce light.  “Look, I didn't lead you on.  I didn't make any promises, any commitment.  You left me at the bar last night with no explanation.  If I'd known you were interested, I never would have slept with that woman, I swear.”

“
You told me that you don't date.”  She glared, hating how her heart tripped over itself in attraction even as she met his cerulean gaze with her own seething one.

He shook his head.  “I don't.”

“
Well, that waitress told a different story.  And right now I'm thinking she's a hell of a lot more credible than you.”  Ruth folded her arms over her chest.

Derek dragged a hand through his chocolate colored hair, subtle natural highlights glinting gold in the sun's light.  “I don't date.  I never have.  I . . . okay this is going to sound bad, but please, hear me out.  Just for two minutes, and then you never have to see or hear from me again if that's what you want.”

Ruth sighed.  “Fine.  Two minutes.  Talk.”  She didn't know what to hope for, only that in spite of everything her skin seemed to whisper for his touch.

“
I don't date,” he began.

“
Okay, that's the third time you've said that, and I'm feeling that there's a huge 'but' coming after, so just spill it.  There's no use in trying to pretty it up for me now.” 

“
Fine.  I fuck.”  Derek spoke in an even, matter-of-fact tone, but even so Ruth found herself wincing at the hard word.  He continued, “I don't date women –  I sleep with them.  It started after high school, born out of insecurity, I guess.  I know that doesn't make it okay, but that's the truth of it.  I was the school whipping boy, until I started working out and got my body.  Then I realized that I could get back at those assholes who made fun of me.  One night stands would hurt the girls I slept with along with the guys they were with or who wanted to be with them.  And from there . . . it just became habit, I guess.  Easier.  A way to blow off steam.”

“
And now I'm your next conquest,” Ruth said.  “Fabulous.  Thanks, but no thanks.”

“
No, you're not just another tryst,” he said, voice earnest.  “I swear.  There's something about you . . . something different.  And honestly, I've lately become dissatisfied with my way of being with women, even before I saw you last night.  It's not fun anymore.  It's not what I want, I think.”

“
So now you just want to do me, to make me your little sex partner, is that what you're saying?” she said with disgust. “Because that's so much better.” 

“
No.  Well, yes, obviously I want to have sex with you, because I'm damn attracted to you.  But I want more than that, too.  I want to know
you
, not just hop in bed with you.  Which is a first for me.”  He sighed.  “I'm not saying it right.”

“
Well, your two minutes are up,” Ruth said.  She knew she should walk away – no, run away, far away.  This guy was bad news.  He had to be.

But there was something urging her to stay, to give him a second chance. 
Bad idea, self
, she thought.  And yet she stayed where she was, pedestrians flowing past them like river water around a pair of stones. 

“
I know,” he said, rubbing at the back of his head in frustration.  “I know.  I'm really sorry things went like this, Ruth.  I screwed up.  I'd love to make it up to you, if that's even possible.  What I said before, about what I saw in you – it's all true.  Even if you decide you're done with me, please believe those words, for yourself.”

“
Why should I?” 

“
Because you're worth it.  Because you are those things, and are becoming those things.  Because you are amazing.  I barely know you, and I can see it so clearly.”

She shook her head, brain suddenly feeling muddled and thick.  “I don't know what to think.”

“
I know.”  Derek grimaced.  “I'm really sorry.” 

Ruth took a deep breath, and the cigarette smoke spewed by a passing pair of hipsters wafted into her lungs, soothing her in an unexpected but wholly welcome way.  “I think I'm going to go home,” she said slowly.  Derek sighed, nodding.  “But . . . you've got one more chance.  And not,” she stabbed a finger into the center of his chest, “because you deserve it.  Because I like you, except for all this stuff you just put me through.  And if you're for real then I'd hate to miss out on that because of something so stupid.”

“
You're serious?” he asked, blinking hard, understanding washing surprise across his skin.  “You are actually willing to give me a second shot?”

“
A last shot,” corrected Ruth.  “I won't let you drag me through hell, no matter how much I think I might like you.”

“
I understand,” Derek nodded.  “And – I'm glad.  You are worth it, like I said.  Worth not putting up with shit.”

“
Yes, I am,” she said, more emphatically than she felt.  “You'd better not forget that, because if you do, whatever this is between us will be over.”

He nodded again, smiling.  “Thank you, Ruth.  I won't let you down.”

She returned his smile in spite of herself.  “I hope so,” she said, even as she cringed inwardly.  She hoped she wasn't making a massive mistake. 

* * *

Derek threw himself onto one of the T's plastic seats, craving the soothing wander of the Saturday midday crowd populating the public transit system.  He couldn't believe what had just gone down at breakfast.  Brunch?  Damn, it didn't even matter, they'd barely had coffee before that woman – Tina?  Tara?  – had shown up as their waitress.  Of all the luck. 

But.  He had her number.  Ruth's number.  The one that matter.  And, even better, he had her yes.  Her willingness to let him try again – just one time, but that was all the chance he needed. 

Well, it usually would be, given his track record.  But with Ruth, he wondered if it would be enough. If it even could be.  She was so different from his usual conquest.  Not to mention that she was not the kind of woman who'd tolerate being a mere conquest, as she'd made so exquisitely clear. 

And that was just it.  He didn't want a conquest, either.  Not this time.  Not with her.  He was craving something with depth and texture, something that grew with tendriling shoots down through the strata of his heart, rooting in his sinews and synapses.  In his soul. 

At least, that's what he thought he was longing for.  He didn't have the experience to know for sure.  But now, with Ruth, he had a chance to find out. 

As the train lurched into motion, his phone buzzed in his pocket.  He drew it out and tapped the answer button.

“
Yeah?” he said into the phone, the train shuttling into the black, musky subway tunnel that seemed to mirror the unsettled feeling in his gut.

“
Hey man,” came the familiar voice of his friend Ridger on the other end.  “What are you doing tonight?” 

Derek smoothed his free hand along his jeans.  “Nothing much,” he replied.  “Why?  Did you have something in mind?”

“
Hell, yes, dude.  My girl's band is playing a sick set at Plow tonight, and you don't want to miss it.  You in?”

Derek sighed. The last thing he felt like was another night out.  “I don't know, I'm kind of tired . . .”

He heard Ridger snort on the other end.  “Tired?  Are you kidding?  What are you, a senior citizen?”

“
Don't be an ass.”

“
I can't help it, your ass-ery is coming through the phone and infecting me.  You are coming tonight.  The Plow, seven o'clock.  If you don't show, I am calling 911, because the only way you'd miss something this amazing is if you had fallen and couldn't get up.”

“
Fine.  I'll be there.  But you're still the ass.”

“
I have no problem with that.  I'm just looking out for your health here, man,” said Ridger.  “See you later.” 

“
Yeah, see you,” Derek said hollowly, hearing the click on the other end of the phone as the line went dead.  Maybe Ridger was right.  Maybe he was getting sick or something.  Could illness cause his uncharacteristic attraction to Ruth?  He wasn't sure what answer to hope for.

* * *

“
I cannot believe you gave Derek my number,” Ruth told Padme as they sweated alongside each other on a pair of elliptical machines at the gym that afternoon.  “He could have been a serial killer or a stalker or something.  He still could be, for that matter.”

“
My serial killer spidey senses didn't tingle . . . although other certain parts of me did,” Padme said, wiggling her voluptuous eyebrows, earning herself a playful swat on the arm from Ruth.  “That guy is
hot
.  And he was totally into you.  How could I let him get away?”

“
Well, apparently he's totally into everybody,” Ruth said sourly.  “He slept with the woman who was our waitress.  Last night.  In a city like Boston, we just happen to end up with one of his headboard notches as our waitress?  The odds are incredible.  He must have slept with every woman here practically.”

“
He hasn't slept with me,” said Padme.  “Or Cecilia or Maddie.”

“
Not yet.”

“
And anyway, you said that he said --”

“
Yeah, sure, he said he wanted something different.”  Ruth rolled her eyes.  “But I can't help but wonder how many other women he's used that line on.”

“
You should have asked the waitress,” Padme snorted. 

“
Nice, really nice,” said Ruth as their elliptical machines beeped nearly in unison, signaling the end of their workouts. 

“
Look,” Padme said as they grabbed their towels and water bottles and headed toward the stretching area, “what's the harm in giving him another chance?  You know about his seedy past, at least.  He's not hiding it from you.”

“
Maybe he's hiding something else.  Something worse.”  Ruth passed her friend a yoga mat and then unrolled one for herself, sinking down onto it.

“
Or maybe he's not.  Maybe he is totally serious about looking for something different.  Something that he wants to explore with you.” 

Ruth fixed her friend with a steely look.  “Why are you pushing this?”

“
Are you serious?” Padme gaped.  “You're the one always talking about how there are no good guys out there, how you just need that one right guy.  And here's this smoking man who is not only throwing himself at you but also willing to change his philandering ways so he can be with you . . . and you're too scared to let him in.”

“
I am not scared,” Ruth muttered, scowling.

Padme took a swig of her water.  “Well,” she said, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, “I think you are.  And I also think you should give him another chance.  It's just one more shot, like you said.”             

Ruth shook her head.  “I just – okay, yes, he is totally gorgeous, and he seems to be fairly genuine, as far as I can tell.  But why would someone like him be interested in someone like me?”

“
You mean a beautiful, intelligent, creative, talented, and strong person like you?”  Ruth scrunched her nose up, but Padme shoved her shoulder gently.  “Do
not
make that face, Ruth.  You are every one of those things and more.  It's about time you started believing it.  That's what Derek sees.  You are a hell of a woman, and he'd be damn lucky to have you, and he knows it.”