The Light Between Us (14 page)

“
What did you think of
Phantom
?” Derek asked.  “Was it everything you'd hoped for?”

“
Well,” she said, setting her glass down and tracing over its circular base with a finger, thoughtful, “it was certainly gorgeous.  And the music is just – wow.  Like nothing else.”

“
But . . . ?” he smiled knowingly.

She shook her head.  “It's the character of Christine.  Could she get any more wishy washy?  I mean, she's engaged to Raoul, but then falls for this creepy guy who kidnaps her, and she spends the rest of her life torn between the two, even after she and Raoul are married?  She annoyed me.”

“
I'm surprised you aren't more empathetic with her attraction to a completely unsuitable man,” Derek teased.

“
Ouch,” she laughed.  “But I am
so
not Christine, even though I may be acting a bit unwisely in love.  She was betraying Raoul.  I'm not betraying anybody.  Except maybe my common sense.”

“
Now it's my turn to say ouch,” he said good naturedly. 

Ruth wrinkled her nose.  “That sounded bad, didn't it?  I just mean – well, you know.  There's your history.  But it's not like you've kidnapped me and I've gone all Stockholm Syndrome.”

“
Well, that's true.”

“
And you certainly are pulling out all the stops to win me over, while the Phantom mostly just bullies Christine and plays mind games.”

“
And,” Derek pointed out, “purposely creates a devastating and life-threatening theater set accident.”

Now it was her turn to laugh.  “Yes, and that.  I find it hard to draw much of a parallel between you and the Phantom, given the evidence.  Just don't say I'm like Christine.”

“
Oh, you've got her trumped by far,” Derek murmured, planting a kiss on the back of Ruth's hand.  “And you're right, she is rather annoyingly indecisive.”

“
Anyway,” Ruth said, taking a sip of wine, “I loved the musical as a whole.  It's just the one character that turned me off.”

“
So, the date is a success?”

“
Utterly.”  She smiled, cocking her head at a flirty angle. 

“
That's a relief,” said Derek, and she was surprised to see a faint blush spread across his cheeks for a change.  “Truly.  My dating muscles are more than a little rusty.”

“
Um, if tonight was your rusty attempt, I'm not sure I could handle a seasoned effort,” joked Ruth.  “I think you'd overwhelming me with pleasure.”

Derek leaned in close, making her give a tiny gasp of surprise.  “I'm looking forward to overwhelming you with pleasure,” he rasped, voice suddenly thick with arousal.  Ruth felt goosebumps dance pleasurably up and down her arms.  She shivered.

And then, as quickly as he'd shifted gears, Derek leaned back and said in an easy voice as she struggled to compose herself, “I have to confess, I never thought dating could be much fun.  But I am enjoying myself immensely.  Mostly because I get to share it with you.”

“
Well,” said Ruth, swallowing hard, willing her voice to steady, “that's very flattering.”

“
I'm not trying to flatter, just speaking the truth.”

She nodded her head, words escaping her again, and looked up gratefully to see the waiter carrying their plates of food toward them.

“
I hope you enjoy my selection,” Derek said as the waiter deposited the two steaming, immaculately prepared dishes before them.

Ruth inhaled the scent of the food.  “Mmm.  Is that salmon?”

Derek nodded, a worried expression shadowing his face.  “Is that okay?  You're not allergic are you?”             

She smiled.  “I adore salmon.”

He heaved a sigh of relief.  “Good.  I'm getting so lucky tonight with all these home run choices.  I wish I could take credit for them.”

Savoring her first bite of the delicious fish, she shook her head.  “I'm the lucky one.  I've never been so pampered.”

“
That's a shame,” he replied, “because you are so worth this and more, Ruth.  Believe it.”

She took another bite of salmon to avoid having to respond.  A bundle of nerves and excitement stirred in her belly that had nothing to do with the amazing meal. 

I think I'm falling for this guy
, she thought, watching him enjoy his own dish in the muted, glowing light of the restaurant, meeting her eyes for a moment with a smile that made her legs feel weak in a way that had nothing to do with the wine.               

Ruth wondered if she should be worried that she was feeling herself falling hard for Derek.  There were so many reasons to hold herself back.  But she couldn't bring herself to care about a single one of them.

* * *

When Ruth got back to her apartment, the sight of her familiar couch and mint-colored walls and plants and just
everything
dimmed the golden haze that had settled about her heart over the course of the evening, bringing her feet back to earth.  She sighed, leaning against the inside of the front door, closing her eyelids against the stark mundane of her home as she replayed the final moments of her time with Derek in her mind.

After they'd finished eating at the restaurant, he'd ordered the car to retrieve, and had helped her inside.

“
The driver will take you home,” he'd told her through the still open door.

She'd frowned up at him.  “You're not coming?”

“
I'll take the T,” he said, shaking his head.

“
But that's ridiculous.  You rented a car, for goodness sake.  At least let it take you home.”

He put his lips to her ear.  “If I am in this car when it drops you at your place, I'm not sure I'll be able to resist going upstairs with you.”

And then he'd planted a deep, sensual kiss that turned made her glad she was already sitting down.  She'd pressed her lips back, inhaling his scent as he twined his fingers through her curls, feeling her arousal awaken and begin to throb.  When he finally pulled away, they were both wearing openly dopey grins.

“
Until next time,” he'd said with a mischievous smile that completely undid her.  She'd kept her eyes on him as the car had pulled away from the curb with her inside, half wanting to tell the driver to stop so she could invite Derek home, going slow be damned.  But somehow she'd held off. 

Now, she still couldn't decide if she was relieved or sad that she would be going to bed alone. 
Who am I?
she wondered.

Ruth shrugged her coat off and hung it in her apartment's hall closet and then, kicking off her pumps, she twirled in her living room in glee before collapsing onto the couch with a happy sigh, closing her eyes.

Did tonight actually happen?
It seemed impossible.  And yet, when she opened her eyes, she was still wearing the amazing turquoise dress, and when she pulled her phone from her bag she saw that Padme has left her no more than ten text messages.

Is Derek ravishing you?!?!?
the most recent one said. 

Ruth rolled her eyes and left the rest of the messages unread, typing back,
Because I'd be texting you if he was?

She'd barely tossed the phone back into her handbag before it buzzed with Padme's reply. 
So how was it?!

There are no words for it
, Ruth wrote back wearing a dreamy smile, knowing that nothing could be closer to the truth. 

Chapter 9

Derek awoke with a start, his entire body hurled into a quick, jerking convulsion that startled him out of a rich dream. 

He frowned at the ceiling of his gray-painted bedroom, heart thudding, and tried to hold onto the warm feeling of his slumber.  What had he been dreaming about?  It was odd for him that he'd awake with any sense of dreaming at all.  His nights usually felt unpopulated, thick with comforting dark and no neurological wanderings. 

In a rush, memory of the night before flooded in.  The theater, dinner, Ruth tucked up to his chest in the car, the weight of her body against his intoxicating and terrifying.  And that, in turn, triggered the recollection of his dream.  Ruth was there, and Sam, he realized with a jolt.  The three of them were standing at the entrance to one of the rings of a three ring circus, the round space open before them.  Ruth had led Sam forward, into the circular space.  When they reached the center, they turned to face him.  Sam stood behind her, encircling his arms around Ruth, a hand stretching wide across her lower abdomen.  As he did, she smiled.  “I'm pregnant,” she'd said, and the silent crowd sitting in the audience seating crashed into wild applause.

Derek swallowed hard at the memory, feeling his pulse quicken. 
What did it mean?
he wondered. 

After a long moment, he shook his head, flexing both hands into fists and then spreading them open wide.  It was just a stupid dream, born of his fears and jealousies, not to mention the rocky start he and Ruth had started off on.  It's not like it was a prophecy or anything.  It was nothing.

He slipped out of the soft gray sheets of his king sized bed, digging his toes into the plush cream-colored shag rug, stretching and enjoying the cool air of his apartment wafting against his nude body.  Heading for the bathroom, he turned the water on extra hot and stepped into the scalding stream, feeling as if the steaming water washed away all vestiges of the dream from his consciousness, leaving him only with the honey-gold feeling of his night out with Ruth.

I don't know how I'm going to get through the day
, he thought, lathering his thick, dark hair.  The day had barely started, and he already struggled to think of anything more than the next time he'd get to talk to her, to see her, to bury his hands in her luxurious curls.  Was it too soon to call at lunchtime?  Or this evening, after work? 

Screw work.  He didn't want to go, even though he knew he had a couple of cases he needed to move on.  But he knew he'd be useless in this state. 

Derek considered for a moment what it'd be like to have Ruth here with him, in the shower.  He was immediately aroused.  Closing his eyes, he imagined her wet fingers trailing up along his chest, her lips on his –

Damn
.  He turned the water temperature to cold for the last few moments of his shower, the freezing jets clearing his head.  Fantasizing was not going to help him be patient until their next rendezvous. 

Emerging from the shower, he reached for a towel and began to rub his hair dry as he padded back to the bedroom, not caring that he dripped water as he went.  Derek made a beeline for his cell phone resting on the bedside table.  No missed calls or messages.  Sighing, he tried not to feel disappointed, but couldn't manage anything more than a tepid contentment.

Striding to the room's walk-in closet, he fixed his reflection in the mirror hanging on the inside of the door with a steely glare.  “You are being ridiculous,” he informed himself.  The reflection simply raised a single dissenting eyebrow in disagreement.  “Fine,” he continued, “you clearly are not in your right mind.  But we are not going to call her until tonight.  Deal?”

As he nodded at his reflection, Derek froze, realizing that he was having a full conversation with no one but himself. 
Man, I really am falling hard for her, aren't I?
he thought as he pulled a perfectly pressed lavender buttoned shirt from its hanger.

Glancing at the bedroom's clock, he saw that he had only been awake for fifteen minutes.  Fifteen minutes that felt like an eternity.  He sighed.  This day was going to be hell if the rest of it passed as excruciatingly slowly as the morning was inching by.

* * *

Two hours later, Derek shook the hand of the client he had been seeing and showed him to the door of his office.  Returning to his desk chair, he sank into it with a sigh and stared blankly into middle space.  Clenching his jaw, he willed himself not to look at his phone, to check it for messages – well, for
a
message, from Ruth – he might have missed during his client meeting.  But his body overrode his mind and he found his eyes being inextricably drawn to cell phone's face.

He gave in and tapped it into wakefulness, and then sighed even deeper when he saw that he hadn't missed any calls.

Standing up, he turned to face the massive window that spread the full length of his office, looking out over the city.  Raking a hand through his hair, he wondered where Ruth was and what she was doing at that very moment.  Probably teaching.  She'd at least be at school.  He knew that much, even though he wasn't quite sure what working as a teacher entailed. 

He wanted to call her.  He wanted to call her, badly.

Derek picked up his phone and dialed.

“
Hey, man.”  Ridger's voice came over the other end.  “What's up?”

“
I'm going insane,” Derek blurted out, thinking he should be embarrassed by how desperate he sounded. 
I guess I'm too desperate to care
, he thought.

“
Is it about that chick?”

“
Ruth.  Yes.  We went out last night –”

Ridge interrupted with a whistle.  “She gave you another chance?  Damn, you are slick.”

“
Or just lucky.”

“
There's nothing about how you are with women that's lucky, dude.  You've got the one night stand down to an art.”

“
But I told you, Ruth isn't just another pickup.  And we didn't have sex.  We went out.”

“
You mean . . . on a date?”

“
Yeah.  Dinner, a show, the whole deal.”             

“
Wow.  I know you said that you were into this girl, but I never, ever thought you'd ever be willing to, you know, be interested in a healthy relationship.”

“
So, is it weird that all I can think about is her?  About calling her, seeing her, touching her . . . ?”

Silence hung over the line for a moment.  Finally Ridger replied.  “Derek.  Do you know what this means?”

“
What?”  Worry surged into Derek.  Had he done something wrong, some faux pas born of inexperience?  He was so unfamiliar with the laws of dating.
I never thought I'd see the day when I'd describe myself as
inexperienced
with women
, he thought to himself wryly.

“
Dude.  I think you're in love.”

“
In love?”  There it was again.  The single syllable that he'd always seen as a four letter word, the worst fate imaginable.

“
Or falling in love.  That's what it's like, man – she gets into your blood, and everything else just feels like marking time, like trying to survive until you get to see hear her voice again.”

“
That's what it is for you with Sandra?”  He tried to imagine falling for the caustic woman, and failed.

“
Hell yeah.  It's a wild ride – and extra wild with Sandra.  All that attitude and – well, you know her.”

“
Yeah . . .”  Derek was barely listening.  His mind tumbled and churned, tripping over itself as he tried to put Ridger's words together with his experiences with  Ruth.  Could he be falling in love?  He'd always thought himself immune, ever since his prom night flop with Denise Parker.  He liked Ruth.  He liked her a lot.  But he didn't know if he liked the idea of being emotionally bound to another. 

“
This is a good thing, Derek,” Ridger said as if he could hear Derek's thoughts. 

“
Are you sure?  I mean . . . women are kind of crazy.”

“
Yeah they are,” Ridger snorted.  “But it's a good kind of crazy.  The kind we weren't meant to live without.  Being with Sandra makes me come alive.  It makes me more myself.”

“
But it's so . . .”  Derek grappled for the right word to describe the nauseous feeling twisting at his gut. 

“
Risky?” his friend finished.

Derek nodded to his faint reflection in his office's window.  “Exactly.”

“
Dude, everything is risky.  Life is risky.  Walking down the street is risky, for crying out loud.  And sure, giving your heart to a woman is taking a big chance.  I get that.  But where has playing it safe gotten you?”

Frowning, Derek turned the question over in his mind.  He had been feeling so . . . stuck, before he met Ruth.  His usual one nighters with a new woman every time had lost their appeal, their excitement.  It had become –

He gasped as he realized the word that completed that thought. 
Boring
.  His sexual escapades had become boring.

“
It's worth it, man,” Ridger was saying.  “Even if she breaks your heart, it's worth it.  There's a reason why there's so much great music about love.  Or pain. Or both.”

“
It's worth it,” Derek repeated, as if trying to convince himself.  But then he remembered the weight of Ruth's body leaning against his own in the car last night, her curls piling on his shoulder, their breath falling into unison, forming a new rhythm that both comforted and excited him.

That was worth it.  Whatever that feeling was, whatever name it could wear – it made the risk, the fear worth it.  He felt the truth of this deep in his core. 

“
It is worth it,” he said again, the words carrying power this time.

“
Damn straight,” Ridger said, chuckling.  “And if what you've said about her is true, this Ruth sounds like she could be the real deal.  Don't screw it up.”

“
I'm trying not to.  I'm trying to do this thing right.  Even though I have no idea what that means.”

His friend laughed again.  “Welcome to the brotherhood, man.  None of us have a clue.  Good thing the women who choose us are kinder, and smarter, than we are.”

“
So . . . would it be weird if I called her today?” Derek asked.  “I mean, I just saw her last night.”

“
I say do it.  For whatever reason, this woman knows about your past and has decided to give you a shot.  I don't think she'll be offended by some doting.  And you could always ask her.”

“
Ask her?”

“
If it's too much.  But with any luck, she's feeling something close to what you're feeling.”  Ridger paused.  “Man, I really hope this works out.  I mean, I'm really happy for you.  This is huge, you know.”

“
I do know,” Derek replied.  “It's so insane.  But good insane, I think.  I hope.”

“
It is.  You have my solemn oath.  Now quit pining and go call her already!” 

“
Thanks, man,” Derek said, and ended the call.  He stared at its face for a moment as it blinked into blackness.  Suddenly his belly was buzzing with nerves.  Before he could talk himself out of it, he quickly woke the phone and scrolled to Ruth's number and hit the “Send” button.

Lifting the phone to his ear, he cleared his throat as he slid into his desk chair, listening to the monotone ringing, hoping his voice would be steady when he spoke.