The Last Sin Eater (22 page)

Bletsung looked at Fagan and he shook his head, bewildered. He put his arms around his mother; she leaned into him, her fingers grasping at his shirt. He looked over her head at Bletsung, shocked at what had poured from her. He clearly didn’t know what to do or say to protect and comfort her.

“Bring her inside,” Bletsung told him quietly. “I’ll keep her here with me. I’ll hog-tie her if I have to, but she ain’t going back to him. One look at her face, and he’ll know what she’s done.” She stood back for them, following them up the steps. “Ye and Cadi get some things together and go hide in the root cellar. It’s cut into the mountain just back of the house.”

“That won’t do,” Iona said, hiccuping with sobs. “It won’t do at all. He’ll look there. He’ll look everywhere. He knows Cadi’s here and reckons Fagan ain’t far away. He says there’s a bond between ’em and he means to break it. They’ll have to go o’er the mountains to Kantuckee.”

“They’re children, Iona! Would ye send them to their deaths? There’s painters and bears and snakes. There’s Indians as well, some with long memories of the things done ’em. And if that ain’t enough, fall’s coming, winter soon to follow.”

“If they go, there’s a chance. If they stay, there ain’t no hope for either one of them.”

“The easier way is through the Narrows and down the river to the Blue Ridge . . .”

“I’ve kin in Kantuckee, remember,” Iona said. “One of my brothers would take ’em in, I’m sure.” Her mouth trembled as she looked at Fagan’s stricken face. “Ye’ve more kin than ye’ve ever guessed. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“We can make it,” Fagan said, giving an air of boyish confidence and bravado.

I knew a better place to go, but said nothing. Not yet. One word of it and Iona Kai would come undone again and make matters worse trying to hold us back.

“The Lord is with you, Katrina Anice,” Lilybet said and beckoned me from the doorway. “Go now.”

“We have to go.” I grasped Fagan’s hand. When I pulled at him, he gasped in pain. “I’m sorry, Fagan, but there’s no hope for us if we do not obey the Lord.”

Iona looked from me to Bletsung. “What’s the girl saying?”

“It’s too soon,” Bletsung said, distressed and wanting to detain us. “Ye’ll need food and something to keep ye warm at night. Ye can hide in the forest and come back when ye know it’s safe. Wait a few more days.”

I looked into Fagan’s eyes. His fingers tightened around mine. “We’re going now,” he said.

“I know the way,” I told him softly.

We were at the foot of the steps when I saw Brogan Kai coming up from the creek. “That way,” I said, pushing Fagan toward the sin eater’s path.

“Fagan! You
Judas!”

“Don’t look back and don’t stop!”

“Run, Cadi,” he gasped. “I’m not going to make it.”

“Brogan!”
Bletsung came down the steps.

“Keep going! Keep going!” I urged Fagan, slipping my arm around his waist and giving him as much support as I could. He stumbled once, almost taking both of us down. As I helped him straighten, I glanced back and saw Bletsung struggling with Brogan, trying to hold him back. He flung her aside and came after us. The look of death was upon his face.

“Oh, God,” I prayed. “Oh, God, help us! Please help us!”

We had reached the trees, but I knew Fagan would never make the climb. He was already winded, rasping from pain, pale and sweating.

“Fagan!”

Strength poured into my arms and back as I held him up and kept him moving. A heavy mist came down, seeping through the tops of the trees until it lay heavy around us. It swirled softly about our legs as we followed the path upward. I kept expecting the Kai to burst upon us. My heart drummed wildly in my ears. “Don’t give up! Keep on!”

“Fagan!” The Kai’s voice came eerie through the mist. “I’m going to find you, boy!” I could feel the blackness of his wrath. “And when I do, ye’re going to be sorry you was ever born!”

Fagan tripped over a root and fell hard. “Go on, Cadi. I can’t make it.”

“You have to!”

“You’re safer without me. Go on.”

“I’ll wait until ye’ve your breath back.” I looked back down the path, my heart pounding in my ears. Any second, the Kai was going to come through the mist and do to us what he’d done to the man of God.

“Go on, I tell ye! My father’s the best tracker in these mountains.” He shoved me roughly away from him. “Go on!”

“I won’t! I won’t leave you!”

“I’m going to find ye, boy!” The Kai’s voice was further off, coming at us disembodied through the mist. How long before he found us? I dashed the tears from my eyes and tried to get Fagan up again.

“Ye don’t listen worth nothing, do ye?”

“If ye’ve got breath enough to talk, ye can walk. Now, get up!
Come on!”

“What do you think ye could do if he finds us, aye?” he said, managing his feet. “Ye’re no bigger than a mite.”

“Save your breath.” I grunted when he stumbled against me.

We kept to the path as we climbed. We were both parched when we reached the waterfall. Fagan sank to his knees, white-faced and exhausted. He drank his fill of cool water and lay back on the moss-covered ground, eyes closed, unmoving. My thirst quenched, I let him rest briefly while I stood guard, watching the trail. I hadn’t heard Brogan Kai call out in a long while, but that didn’t mean he’d not found our trail. I could only hope his wrath would give way to his fear of the sin eater.

There was no mist where we were, but I could see it still thick among the trees below us. I could see no further than the trees just below us it was so dense.

“We have to go on, Fagan.” It was harder to get him up this time. He was tight-lipped, saying nothing now, and I knew it was taking all his determination to put one foot in front of the other. At the rate we were going we’d never make it up Dead Man’s Mountain by nightfall.

We weren’t even a quarter mile up the path from the waterfall when Fagan’s last bit of strength gave out completely. He sank to his knees again. He gave a gasp of pain when I tried to help him up. “Can’t . . . ,” he said, his head drooping against my shoulder.

“Fagan?”

When he didn’t answer, I knew he’d fainted. Easing him back, I held his head in my lap. “Fagan?” He was so white, I thought he’d died. “Fagan!” Laying my hand on his chest, I could feel his heart beating slowly. He was still breathing. “Fagan, I canna do it alone. I’ve got to get help.” He made no response.

I heard a branch crack not far away and caught my breath. I couldn’t leave Fagan on the path for his father to come upon.

Looking around frantically, I wondered what to do.

“Hide in the cleft of the rock.”

I recognized the voice, though it was like the sound of many waters. I knew it and obeyed. Grasping Fagan under the arms, I dragged him toward the rocky side of the mountain. The fallen leaves rustling beneath him sounded loud in my ears. Could the Kai hear it, too? I reached the rocks and pulled Fagan into a wide crevice. If his father came upon us there, we’d be trapped and easy prey for his wrath, for there was no escape. Stone rose above and around us. When I had Fagan all the way into the cleft, I stepped around him and pressed myself against the stone so that I could peer out and watch the woods.

The Kai appeared on the path below. Head down, he was following our trail like a hound to the scent. My heart stopped, for I could see how dragging Fagan had left a clear path straight to our hiding place in the rocks. I knew the Kai would soon be upon us like a mad dog ready to tear apart its prey.

He came to the spot where Fagan had fallen and stopped. My heart fluttered frantically within me, like a flapping bird, wings beating to escape its fate. The Kai stared at the ground as though he could not make sense of the signs. Straightening, he looked around slowly, his head lifting as though taking scent from the air. He frowned, perplexed. When he looked toward the rocks, I pressed back further and held my breath.

God, please, help us! I don’t want to die! I don’t want Fagan to die!

Silence. Nothing but the soft puff of wind high in the trees. Not even the insects moved.

He was waiting.

And watching.

I breathed shallowly, mouth open, straining to hear.

A twig snapped.

I could hear heavy footsteps approaching the rocks. The closer they came, the harder and faster beat my heart. The Kai came so close I could hear him breathing through gritted teeth, like a beast hunting its prey. My heart thundered in my ears. He began to move away again, passing so close to me I could smell his sweat.

Silence again.

I peered out cautiously. He was looking around the area, finding nothing. I could only wonder, for even I, poor tracker that I was, could’ve found our trail easily from the path across the leaves to the rocks where we were hidden. Had God put scales over his eyes so that nothing made sense to him?

Glaring around the woods in frustration, the Kai gave a black curse. He looked up the path, and something flickered across his face, stripping away the wrath and giving me a glimpse of the fear that held him from going further up the mountain. Kicking the dirt angrily, he turned and headed back down the mountain trail, slapping leafy branches out of his way. The mist closed behind him, and the forest sounds began once more.

I slid down the rock and hunkered there in the cleft. Gratitude filled me until my throat closed with tears. God had made the mist. I knew he had, though others later tried to convince me it was a coincidence. I knew the Lord God Almighty had protected us. Fagan and I had been in the midst of desperate trouble, and the Lord himself had stretched out his hand and covered us so that the Kai with all his tracking skills could not find us.

I leaned against that cold stone, my hands pressed against my heart, and knew I was loved. “Oh, Jesus, Jesus . . .” My heart was bursting. I longed for the Lord to be right beside me so I could throw my arms around him, so I could clamber onto his lap and stay there safe forever.

Fagan groaned softly, and the ecstasy of the moment evaporated like the mist that had been a wall against our enemy. Fagan could not make the climb up the mountain, nor could we go back. I knew from whence would come our help, for the Spirit of the Living God was whispering to me:
Run. You will not grow
weary or tired. Run . . .

And so I did, not the least worried about leaving Fagan alone. Surely God would put angels all around him. I ran the rest of the way up the mountain to the sin eater’s dwelling place.

“Sin Eater!” I cried out, coming to the mouth of his cave without calling out a hello first. “Sin Eater!”

“Don’t enter in! Stand where ye be.”

Never one to listen much, I entered in anyway and heard a scrambling. It was a moment before my eyes adjusted to the dimness and I saw him huddled against the back wall, covered over with a worn blanket.

“Ye canna come into this place, Cadi. Go back!” Edging to the right, he felt the bed and found his leather hood, snatching it beneath the blanket covering.

“I need your help, Sin Eater.”

“I canna help ye, child! I told ye before. Now, go away and leave me alone!”

“Fagan’s fainted. He’s just down the mountain, hidden in a cleft in the rocks just past the waterfall.”

“What’ve ye done, girl? Wait and take him back down.Neither one of ye should be here. This is the mountain of the dead.”

The Spirit stirred within me. “Get up, mon! Stop cowering in the darkness! Ye will no longer sit like a pile of dry bones. You will
stand up and live as you were meant to do!”

He rose, the blanket dropping away as he quickly pulled the leather hood over his face. “Are ye mad? Think what you’re doing. What put it in your mind to bring your friend to me, knowing what I am?”

“Aye, I know what ye are. Ye’re a man like all the rest!”

“Not like the rest. I’ve eaten sin twenty years past! I
am
sin now. Dunna ye understand yet? It’s overtaken me. And it will overtake you if ye do not go back where ye belong.”

I stepped forward, hands at my sides, chin jutting. “Have ye forgotten ye sent me to hear the word of the Lord? Well, I heard it!” I went out into the light.

Hungry and thirsty for it, he followed. “And?” he said, his very stance speaking his eagerness to receive the word of the Lord as well.

“I’ll not speak to you again until Fagan’s safe inside your cave.”

He uttered a frustrated cry. “Trouble hovers over ye like a black cloud!”

I didn’t argue. I simply led him down the mountain, glad my back was to him and he couldn’t see the smile on my face.

Fagan was where I’d left him, still unconscious. The sin eater did not come inside the cleft, but stood gazing in at the boy. I could see his eyes fill with compassion, but he made no move to do anything.

“Ye’ll have to carry him,” I said.

“I’ll not touch the lad and bring more sorrow on him!”

“Then what? Leave him here? There’s thunder in the distance. It’ll be raining soon. He’ll get wet. He’ll get sick. Maybe he’ll die. Ye want that on your head along with everything else?”

“I thought ye said ye’d not talk to me again until I had the lad safe inside my cave.”

My face grew hot and I pressed my lips together, glaring up at him.

“Easy, lass. I’ll make a stretcher. Ye’ve only to get him on it so I can drag him the rest of the way to shelter.”

E I G H T E E N

Fagan came round when we were safely inside the cave. “What happened?” he said weakly. I told him, seeing how his gaze moved about the strange environs. The place smelled of cool earth, wood ash, and stone. Somewhere deep inside the cavern water dripped softly.

“Is this where he lives?”

“Aye.”

“Then where is he?”

“Gone awhile. Down the mountain to see about Bletsung, I reckon.” It was long past sunset, the crackling fire our only light and warmth.

“It’s raining,” Fagan said, the wet rush pounding the earth outside the cave opening. I added another stick to the fire. Fagan was shivering, and I was about to take one of the fur coverings from the bed, when a voice behind me stopped me cold.

“Don’t touch that!” The sin eater stood just inside the entrance of the cave. Fagan sucked in his breath, staring up at the tall, thin man wearing a leather hood. In one hand was a large, dressed rabbit. “Look away, boy.” Fagan did so quickly.

“He’s cold.”

“These’ll warm him.” The man swung a large bundle on a pole from his shoulder and set it down before me. “From Blet- sung. She said ye’ll have to stay awhile.” He nodded toward the bundle. “Put the blanket around him. It’s all right. I’ve not touched it.”

I untied the bundle quickly and handed Fagan the dry blanket folded inside. Bletsung had also sent three loaves of bread, a jar of honey, a small sack of dried apples, a larger one of dried beans, and a dozen long strips of dried venison jerky tied with some string.

Setting up the frame, he spitted the rabbit and set it over the fire to roast. Then he broke the pole over his knee. Taking one half, he broke it again and tucked the two pieces into the fire. Breaking the other half, he set the pieces aside for later.

“What about the Kai?”

“He must’ve gone back another way.”

“And my mother?” Fagan said in a tense voice, shivering.

The sin eater cocked his head slightly toward Fagan, careful not to look at him. “She’s at the cabin. Long as she stays with Bletsung, she’s safe.”

“Thank you, sir,” Fagan said.

The sin eater went to the back of the chamber and sat. The wind blew outside the cave, rustling the dark woods round about. Thunder rolled in the distance. The fire crackled, filling the cave with a soft, warm glow and the smell of roasting meat. My stomach cramped, and I knew it would be a long time before the rabbit was cooked enough to eat. Tearing off some bread, I dipped it in the honey and gave it to Fagan. Breaking off a larger piece, I poured honey on it and rose. “It must be cold back there, Sin Eater. Come sit by the fire with us?”

“It’s better I stay here.”

“Ye’re soaked through from the storm.”

“I have to keep my distance from ye.”

Some feeling stirred within me, melting away my fear of him, and I rose. Dragging the fur covering from the sin eater’s bed, I hauled it toward him.

“Leave it be!” The man half rose and yanked the cover away from me. “You know not what ye do!”

I stood my ground and held out the bread with honey.

“You’re hungry. Eat.”

“Ah, Cadi, dunna be so rebellious, child. Ye must shun the sin eater or be tainted by the blackness I carry.”

“I won’t shun you!” I stepped closer. “Now, take the bread and come sit with us.”

He grew frustrated. “If anyone ever finds out you’ve been here with me, touching my things, you’ll be an outcast like I am!

I will not have it so!”

“I don’t care what they say.”

“Nor do I,” Fagan said simply, gazing now without fear at the man.

The sin eater groaned in despair, sinking down onto the earthen floor near the stone wall of the cavern. He held his head in his hands. “Ye canna stay here! Ye canna!” He raised his head, his eyes tormented. “There’s no hope for me. I thought there might be, but with that poor man laid to rest on the mountaintop, all hope is gone. I am the sin eater and will be until my days are done. There is no deliverance for me.”

“But there is,” I said, aching for him, feeling his anguish as though it were my own.

“Nothing ye can tell me will make a difference. I’ve sins past bearing upon my soul, and when my time comes, God’s going to cast me into the outer darkness where there’ll be nothing for me but torment and the gnashing of teeth.”

Fagan leaned forward, his face intense in the firelight. “Not if another sin eater takes away your sins.”

The sin eater raised his head, cocking it slightly like an animal listening intently. “Is that what’s in your heads? I’d sooner die with the sins upon me than see another man suffer the same fate.”

“When you die, they’ll choose another. Like it or not, that’s the way of our people,” Fagan said. “You know it’s so.”

“Aye, but that’s a long time off yet. I’m strong and healthy. Ye’ve nothing to worry about. And besides that, ye’ve never done anything so bad the lot would fall to you.”

“How would ye know that?” Fagan said.

“I know because I’ve watched you. The lot always falls to the one deserving of it.” He hung his head. “God pierces and divides the soul and spirit like joints and marrow. He knows a man’s thoughts and intents of his heart. There is no creature on earth that can hide from God’s sight. I know that, too, for there was great evil in my heart that drove me to commit a terrible sin. I didn’t think what I did wrong, but then the Lord brought me to face myself and I saw the darkness in me. He made known to me the motives of my heart, and they were evil.”

He raised his head slightly, but kept his eyes averted from us, staring instead into the flames. “I asked God to forgive me and poured out reasons for what I’d done. But, you see, I fooled myself. My heart and soul were naked before God Almighty, and he saw into the blackness of my soul. When the lot fell to me, I knew the Lord God had cast judgment upon me.”

I hunkered down, wishing he would look at me so that I could see into his eyes. “What did you do that was so terrible?”

“It doesn’t matter now.”

“You matter.”

“No. Our people matter. Ye’ve got to understand. I have work to do and it’s important work. Someone has to be the living sacrifice. Someone has to take their sins away. Who can stand before God on the Judgment Day with their sins still upon them?”

“No one,” Fagan said simply.

“Just so,” the man said softly. “That’s why I do what I do. I’ve sorrow aplenty, ’tis true, but no regrets. It’s nobody’s fault but my own I am the sin eater. And in a way, the Lord has blessed me in it. For each time someone dies, I know I’m part of seeing them safely on. Your granny understood, Cadi. She stood in the graveyard once knowing I was there in the woods watching and said loud enough for me to hear that there’s no greater love than for a man to lay down his life for his friends. And I do love my people. And from a distance, I’ve been a small part of their lives. I’m willing to stand forfeit for their sins. Better that one man be cast into hell so that the others will have a chance of heaven.”

“One, yes,” Fagan said, “but not you.”

“Ye dunna understand, lad. It’s been done this way in Scotland and Wales since time immemorial, and it’ll be done just the same. The lot is cast into the lap, but the whole disposing thereof is of the Lord. It was God’s will I am what I am.”

“It was the will of men, not God.”

“Ye know not of what ye speak.”

“I know the truth, and you will have it! Do ye think ye can take the place of God?” Fagan asked.

“Never was it so! Not in all my born days.”

“And yet ye’ve tried. All these years you’ve been the sin eater, thinking to take the sins of others upon yourself, and ye’ve done nothing but stand in the way of the Lord.”

I cringed, for Fagan’s words, though true, were like a hot iron on an open wound. I could see the man recoiling in pain.

“How can ye say that to me, lad? Someone’s had to be the living sacrifice. It’s ever been my desire to serve God.”

“Of myself, I’m saying nothing. I’m telling you what the man of God told us. There is only one Lamb of God, and he is Jesus Christ. We’ve no need of a scapegoat anymore. We need
him.”

“I’ve eaten the sins of my friends so that they can have salva- tion.” I heard the anger in his voice. “Have I not done as God called me to do? Was it not my lot that was chosen?”

“It was Satan who cast the lot, and ye’ve served him well.”

“I’ve never served Satan! It’s only been in my heart to serve God and make up for what I’d done!”

“Then confess and repent! Be free of it!”

“To you, a lad? Not likely!”

“Do you really believe God needs you to fulfill his purpose?”

“Fagan, dunna be so cruel,” I pleaded, seeing the hurt in the sin eater’s eyes. His heart was tender and already broken. Wasn’t there a gentler way?

“Get behind me!” Fagan said to me, his eyes blazing. “He will know the truth, and the truth will set him free!”

“What is the truth?” the sin eater said. “Tell me! I want to know the truth! Before God, I swear it! Dunna spare a word of what the man told ye!”

“So be it,” Fagan said. “Hear it and be set free of sin and death. Hear and know the word of the Lord. In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Fa-ther,) full of grace and truth.”

The firelight danced upon the walls and my skin tingled as he spoke, for the voice of the One who spoke through the man by the river now spoke through Fagan as well.

“Our Lord Jesus is full of grace and truth. Jesus of Nazareth was God’s anointed sent to take the sin of the world upon
himself
so that we might be saved.
He
performed miracles of healing.
He
cast out demons.
He
raised the dead. And
he
was put to death, nailed to a cross because
he alone
is the Lamb of God. Only he, the Holy One, can wash away the sins of the world. And Christ did that day on Calvary. He died to set men free. And God raised him up on the third day and granted that men might see him so that they would know without doubt no power could hold him in the grave. And Jesus told those who believe on him to preach to the people and testify that
he
is the one, the
only
one appointed by God as judge of the living and the dead. For it was of this Jesus Christ that all the prophets of old bore witness that through his name everyone who believes in him receives forgiveness of sins and eternal life. And even now, Jesus Christ sits at the right hand of God.”

My heart exulted and I rose, the Holy Spirit loosening my tongue as I raised my hands to heaven. “Surely our griefs he himself bore, and our sorrows he carried; yet we ourselves esteemed him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. He was pierced through for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the chastening for our well-being fell upon him, and by his scourging we are healed. All of us like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; but the Lord has caused the iniquity of us all to fall on him.”

The cave was filled with light and warmth, and Fagan stood and spoke forth the word of the Lord that had been put in his mouth by the Holy Spirit. “God made Jesus who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, that we might become the righteousness of God
in him.
There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set us free from the law of sin and of death.”

The Spirit stirred within me. “Neither death, nor life.”

“Nor angels, nor principalities.”

“Nor things present, nor things to come.”

“Nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing . . .”

“Can ever separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Trembling violently, the sin eater hunched forward and covered his head with his hands.
“I am undone!”

“You can be saved,” Fagan said. “You’ve only to accept Christ.”

I came around the fire and knelt close to him. “God loves you.”

“Get away from me!” He reared back from me. “This is the truth I’ve longed to hear? That in twenty-two years, I’ve never saved a single soul from damnation?”

“Only God can save a soul,” Fagan said.

“The man said we’ve only to believe and open our hearts to Christ to be saved,” I told him. “Why will ye not confess his name?”

“How can I? Now that I know—”

“You’ve longed for the truth, and ye have it now,” Fagan said.

“Too late! Too late!”

“All these years ye’ve lived an outcast, ye’ve cried out to God. Well, he is come. Receive him!”

“I canna! I canna!”

“Let him into your heart, mon,” Fagan cried out, “and it’ll no longer be you who lives, but Christ living in you.”

“It can never be!”

“He loved you so much he delivered himself up for you,” I pleaded. “Can ye not love him back?”

The sin eater raised his head. “I thought I was serving him. How can he undo what I’ve done? They’ve all been lost
because of
me!”

“Deliver yourself up to him and see what God will do,” Fagan said.