The Last Sin Eater (17 page)

He stretched his arms out wide. “They nailed his hands and feet to a cross and stood it up before the people where all could see his shame. And they left him there between two thieves to die a slow and agonizing death.”

“But
why?”
Fagan said, his voice choked with emotion. “He dinna do anything wrong!”

“He was despised and forsaken of men, a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief. He was pierced through for our transgressions, crushed for our iniquities. The chastening that should fall upon us fell upon him, and by his scourging we are healed. We are all of us like sheep that have gone astray. Each of us has turned his own way, but the Lord has caused the iniquity of us all to fall upon him. Jesus rendered himself the guilt offering for our sins. He poured out himself to death, numbering himself with the transgressors, bearing our sins so that we might be saved.”

“Is that the way of it then?” Fagan said grievously. “Must we suffer for the sins of others?” He put his head down and wept.

I had never seen him cry before and didn’t know what to do. The sound of his brokenness made me ache for him.

“They took him down from the cross, and a rich man laid the Lord in a tomb hewn out of a rock. A great stone was rolled over the doorway, and Roman guards stood guard round about so that the seal might not be broken and the body stolen away.”

The man of God stood, his arms held up exultantly as dawn’s first light edged over the mountains to the east. “And an angel of the Lord came! And the Roman guards fell upon the ground in a faint. The angel rolled away the stone, and Jesus arose.
He
arose!
Death could not hold him in the grave!”

Fagan fell forward on his face.

The man of God paced, the excitement spilling from him as the words of the Lord spilled forth from his lips.

“Jesus appeared first to Mary of Magdala and then to his dis- ciples and to hundreds afterward. He walked upon the earth for forty days and then ascended into heaven to take his place at the throne of God.”

Goosebumps rose all over my body. My hair stood on end. Trembling, I found myself clambering forward to my knees, murmuring praises to the Lord and weeping.

“The Lord God, Jehovah Roi, reigns forevermore!”

My heart swelled within me until I thought it would burst. “He reigns.” Morning light pushed back the darkness. “He reigns!” My mind did not fully grasp it all, but my heart responded along with the Spirit dwelling within me.

The man stood arms held high, head thrown back, his face alight, his eyes closed. Fagan drew back, sitting on his heels and gazed up at him, watchful, waiting, face pale and wet.

My trembling ceased and I sat back upon my heels, feeling content and peaceful. I never wanted to leave this place. The man of God lowered his arms to his sides and looked down at us. He smiled tenderly at Fagan. “Do you believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of the Living God?”

“Yes, sir.”

The man held out his hand to him. Clasping my hands together, I followed them to the river. I was filled with joy as I watched Fagan be baptized. There were two of us now—two who had heard the word of the Lord and believed. When Fagan came up out of the water, I knew he’d been washed clean of sins and he wouldn’t have to worry anymore about bearing those of his father.

And then I saw his eyes as he came toward me. They burned with an inner light not so different from the man who walked beside him—and sudden fear pricked my soul.

Oh, what would happen to us now with Fagan looking the way he did? He looked near aglow, on fire inside. Two of us had been buried and raised in Christ, two out of a hundred souls in our highland valley. What would Brogan Kai do when he found out what his son had done?

The three of us stood together. Fagan fairly trembled with some inner verve while I stood by looking at him and wondering how he could go home without everyone seeing the change in him.What had I done? I’d brought him down to the man of God thinking it would be our secret, something that would bind us together.

And so it would in ways I could not have guessed.

The prophet put a hand on each of us. “Go now. Rest. Speak to no one except the old woman of what’s happened here and been said. I have more to tell you before you go out into the world but not much time left.” He took his hands from us.

Go out into the world . . . not much time left?

“What do you mean?”

Fagan took my hand firmly and pulled me away. “He’s said we’re to go.”

“But, Fagan, wait! I want to know—”

Fagan didn’t give me time or breath to say more. He pulled me along the river to the brush and rocks, hurrying. “Come on!” Letting go of me, he hopped from one to another, pausing once to look back and make sure I was following. “Hurry!”

“You hadn’t ought to have pulled me away like that. What did he mean?”

“He’ll tell us when he’s ready. I’m going on ahead now,” he said when I reached the other side. “I’ve got to get back before I’m missed. Go on to Miz Elda’s and do like he said. I’ll see ye tonight.” He headed quickly up through the trees.

Not much time left . . .

I could not get those words out of my mind. Dread filled me, for in the pit of my stomach I knew exactly what the man meant.

F O U R T E E N

"I had a dream," Miz Elda said before I could tell her a word about what was said the night before. “A strange and terrible dream.” I was out of breath from running and so had no time to tell her my news before she went on ahead with her own. “That man down there was speaking, and fire was coming from his mouth. And he was setting everything ablaze, clear up to the mountaintops.”

“And destroying everything?” I said, puffing, afraid of what I’d done and what was coming.

“No, and there’s the strangeness to it. The flame grew until everything was within it, like sunlight when it’s so bright ye can’t see what’s in front of ye.”

“I’m terrible scared, Miz Elda.”

“Ye look it.”

“I should not have taken Fagan.”

“Why? What happened?”

I told her. The amazing part was I could remember everything the prophet had said, every detail, as though by his telling it the word of the Lord had been carved into my heart and head. The Cadi Forbes I’d been two nights ago was changed. I wasn’t the same. And neither was Fagan.

Nothing was going to be the same, and the fire Miz Elda had dreamed of was going to come down and burn us all.

“Try to rest now, chile. Ye’re done in.”

I didn’t think I’d be able to sleep, but as soon as I lay down upon the cot, I sank into a dreamless sleep so peaceful I might as well have been laid beside Granny. I didn’t know time passed until I awakened to Miz Elda shaking me.

“I’ve fixed some porridge for ye, Cadi. Come eat.”

It was late in the afternoon, the sun dipping. My heart thumped fast and hard as I realized how short time was. Fagan would come soon.

Not much time left . . .

Miz Elda put a bowl in front of me as I sat at her table. Picking up a jar, she poured a thick stream of honey over the chopped hazelnuts and raisins she’d sprinkled on top of the cooked oats, barley, and wheat. “I had me a visitor today.” She plunked the jar of honey down right in front of me.

Heat poured into my cheeks and then drained away just as quickly, leaving me cold. “Bletsung Macleod.”

Miz Elda eased her aching bones into the chair across from me. “She says the sin eater’s been waiting to hear from ye. He’s holding ye to the promise ye made.”

I blinked, biting my lip, and bowed my head, ashamed. “I forgot all about him.”

“Well, ye’d best remember him. He’s the one who sent ye down there in the first place. If left to yerself, Cadi Forbes, ye’d still be holed up inside yerself, living alone with yer guilt and shame. The way that man is now, poor soul.”

Remorse filled me, and sorrow, too, for what I had to tell him. “Did ye tell her I’d come?”

“I told her ye’ve been going down into the valley and hearing the word of the Lord just like ye promised ye would. Ye’ve only one day left, and then ye’ll be ready to carry themessage to him.”

“Is that what ye think the man meant when he said we had not much time left?”

“Don’t rightly know for sure what he meant, chile, but I reckon ye’ll know by tomorrow.” She gestured. “Go on and eat. Ye’ll need your strength.”

I didn’t think I could, but after one bite, my mouth fair watered with appetite. I’d never tasted anything so good. I tucked into the savory dish and scraped the bowl clean.

“Where’d ye get the milk, Miz Elda?” I said, drinking down the mug full.

“Your mama brought it by just past dawn.”

“Mama?” I said, surprised. Why would she do such a thing? “Ye should be drinking it, then, not me.” Mama was sure to be angry that I was drinking milk meant for an ailing old woman.

“I’ve never had a taste for it,” she said and sat down again. “I’ve summat I want ye to give the man when ye go down to him tonight.” She put a piece of parchment on the table and rolled it carefully. Her hands trembling as they always did, she tied a string around the parchment and pushed it across the table to me.

“What is it?”

“Well, if it’s any of yer business, it’s the deed to this place.”

“What’re ye giving him that for? Where ye going to live?”

“Right here. If that man wants a place to stay, I’ve room aplenty in the barn. Way I figure it, I’m not long for this world. He could stay here until I pass on, then take it all. Maybe build a church.” Her mouth curved in an odd smile as she looked away, thinking again, going back in time. “That’d make Laochailand Kai roll over in his grave.”

“Laochailand Kai?”

“Only God can undo what’s been done,” she said, not listening to me. “If God’ll have anything to do with those of us who let it happen.”

“What happened, Miz Elda?” I reached across the table and put my hand on hers. “Miz Elda?”

She looked at me again and sighed. “Ye just give the man God sent the parchment there, and ye tell him this is everything I own and the inheritance I’d have passed on to my children if they’d stayed to collect it.”

I was purely frustrated and brimming with questions. “Mama said ye sent your children over the mountain.”

“Aye, I did. I told ’em to go and never look back.”

“Did ye not love them?”

Her eyes grew fierce. “It’s cause I loved ’em I sent ’em away, chile.” Shaking her head, she turned her face away. Closing her eyes, she sat still for a moment. No matter how still and silent she sat, I could see she was struggling inside herself. I was surprised when she spoke. “What happened to that boy who lives on Dead Man’s Mountain could’ve happened to any one of my own three sons.” She looked at me, and I saw tears gathering in her eyes. “They were friends, ye see, my sons and . . . the one who became the sin eater.”

“How was it done, Miz Elda? How was he chosen?”

“By lot, that’s how. It was Laochailand Kai’s plea before he died.” She gave a mirthless laugh. “So it is with hard men given to cruelty. The fear of God comes upon them at the end. They know they’re going to come face-to-face with their Maker. Lao-chailand had sins aplenty upon his head. He said he needed a sin eater, and Brogan set about getting him one. Some of us argued against it, but Brogan said his father swore upon his deathbed that he wudna stay in the ground unless one came to take his sins away. The thought of Laochailand Kai walking our mountains ’til the end of time as a taint put the fear of perdition into us. No one dared gainsay Brogan after that threat. And so it was done as he demanded. Each man past thirteen placed his mark on a piece of bone, and the lots were put into a mazer. One was drawn and it was all settled. Except we never figured on it being who it was. We all thought it’d be one of Laochailand Kai’s own.”

“Why?”

“Because Brogan said God was sure to choose the one who was the worst sinner among us. We never reckoned on God choosing whom he did. I’ll never forget the look on his face.” She lowered her head. “Oh, there was a heap of crying for days afterward, and none of it was for Laochailand Kai, though he died the very night the sin eater was named. And the boy came and did like he was supposed to do. And it’s been that way ever since.” She was silent a moment, grieving, I guessed, though I didn’t know the depth of it. “That was twenty years ago, twenty long years.”

More than twice the years I’d been alive that poor man had been alone on DeadMan’s Mountain. “At least BletsungMac-leod’s been his friend.”

“And there’s the worst of it,” she murmured softly.

She would not tell me more, and we sat upon her porch watching the sun go down and the stars come out. We listened to the crickets and the old hoot owl. The night wind rustled the trees, raising gooseflesh on me. Time passes terrible slow sometimes, especially if you’ve someplace you want to go.

Where was Fagan? What was taking him so long?

I longed to go down into the valley and cross the river again to the man of God, for his words delighted me more than the savory dish Miz Elda had made for me. Everything within me blessed the Lord, who had redeemed my life. As far as the heavens were above the earth, so great was the mercy God had shown me. For as far as the east is from the west, so far had he removed my burdens. I was dust and the Lord God Almighty himself had made me his own child.

“I canna wait longer,” I said. “Fagan knows the way.”

As I hurried down the mountainside, I felt a strange foreboding. It was as though there were evil forces gathering in the darkness, watching me as I hastened to hear the word of the Lord. I paused at the edge of the forest, catching my breath. I was sure no one was following me, and I ran on, careless now in my haste. Shoving vines back, I pushed my way through the leafy curtain near the river.

Someone grabbed hold of me, clamping a hand over my mouth to cut off my scream. When I tried to bite the hand, Fagan hissed in my ear. “It’s me! Now, hush, will ye? Ye’ve made enough noise coming down here to rouse the dead. Ye gonna be quiet?” When I nodded, he released me.

“Where’ve ye been?” I said, furious with him for scaring me so. “I waited for you!”

“I’m here, ain’t I? If I could’ve come toMiz Elda’s, I would’ve. Ye ought to know me well enow by now.”

“What happened?”

“I ain’t wasting the time to tell ye. Come on. But be quiet about it!”

The man of God was waiting. He laid hands upon both of us in warm greeting. As we sat on the ground together, he spoke to us the words Jesus had said to his disciples. He told us the Lord had gone up on a mountainside near a great lake and talked to a multitude. “Blessed are the poor in spirit. . . .” It was there also that he fed five thousand people with a few loaves of bread and fishes.

We heard the story of a son who took his inheritance and left his father to live an unrighteous life. When he realized his sins and turned from them, his father was waiting to embrace him and celebrate. And I knew in my heart that the man was telling us what God was like. He told us, too, of a farmer who sowed wheat and of the enemy who sowed tares among the wheat. He spoke of a mustard seed and how even a little faith is enough, for God will make it grow. Best of all, he told us Jesus would return. Yet mingled with the joy of that thought was fear, for the sun would be darkened and the moon would not give light and the stars would fall from the heavens. Everyone would see Jesus coming in the clouds with great power and glory. Everyone. Even those who had never believed he existed at all.

“When will Jesus come back?” Fagan said. “Will it be soon?”

“Verily, I say unto you, that this generation shall not pass, till all these things be done. Heaven and earth shall pass away, but the word of the Lord shall not pass away. Yet, the hour and the day knoweth no man, no, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son. Only the Father. Take ye heed, watch and pray, for ye know not when the time is. Be ready.”

“Would that it were now,” Fagan said grimly, gazing up toward his mountainside.

The man of God bowed his head, looking weary. His hands rested, palms up on his knees as he sat Indian fashion. “It is done, Lord. May thy word be a lamp unto these small feet and a light unto these great mountains.”

Fagan and I looked at one another and then back at him. “Done? You’ve only just started teaching us. You aren’t leaving now, are you?” I was distressed at the thought of his going. There was still so much I wanted to know. “Where will we go to hear the word?”

Truth be told, I could’ve sat there forever listening, but God had other work in mind.

“God set you apart, even from your mothers’ wombs, and called you both through his grace to be his own. He has given you the Holy Spirit. God himself is your teacher, not I. My time with you is at an end.”

Tears came quick as fear, and the aloneness gripped me. “But I can’t hear God the way I hear you!”

“Listen.”

“But how?”

“Be still. Know the Lord. He is God and there is no other.”

“What of me?” Fagan said solemnly. “Nobody cares what Cadi does, but my pa would have my hide if he knew—”

“Do not walk in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stand in the way of sinners, nor sit in the seat of the scornful. Delight in the Lord your God. Be like a tree planted by the river that brings forth fruit in season. Those who despise the Word of the Lord will not stand in the day of judgment, for the breath of the Lord will blow them away like chaff.”

Fagan was shaken. “My father . . . my brothers . . .”

“Only fear the Lord and serve him in truth with all your heart, Fagan Kai. For all the laws and the prophets were summoned up in Christ when he said, ‘Love the Lord your God with all thy heart and all thy soul and all thy might. And love one another as you love yourself.’”

I clambered to my knees, beseeching him. “You can’t go. We need you!”

“I am not the Lord, child. Do not lean upon me. Lean upon the one who called you out, for they who wait upon the Lord shall gain new strength. They shall mount up on wings like eagles. They shall run and not grow weary. They shall walk and not grow faint.”

I was no eagle. I was a grounded sparrow, shuddering in fear. I looked at Fagan for help, but none was forthcoming. He had his own troubles.

He edged closer, looking disturbed. “Sir, we came. We listened. We accepted everything you’ve told us as the truth. What’s going to happen to us now?”

“Satan will come against you.”