The Kingdom Land (15 page)

“
“When I got to my place at the
park, I laid out my lunch and spread it before me. Playing pretend,
like a schoolgirl, I imagined I was having a catered lunch with
friends. I didn't notice right away, but two men sat at a picnic
table right behind me. I overheard snatches of their conversation
and I couldn't help but strain to hear what they were saying once
they had my attention. They were both about my age. One wore a tie,
and the other one dressed like he had just came off the oil fields.
He did little talking but he seemed to be listening really
carefully.

“
As soon as I focused on their words
I knew the Lord had brought me there. The one with the tie was
talking about being committed to the Lord. He talked about God's
love and the plan He had for each of us. The more he talked, the
more I turned to catch every word. I didn't care if they saw me,
and soon it was as if I was part of the group without even being
introduced.

“
The man made it so simple. He
explained God wanted to be with us. He pointed to the lunch I had
spread on the lawn.

“‘
It's like the feast that this
young lady has set before herself,' he said. ‘Christ has invited us
to join Him as you would invite a friend home for dinner. Although
He is God of the universe, He doesn't sit at some far off heaven's
table. He has joined us where we are. Here. He's God and we're just
people, but He still has loved us with all our problems and all our
faults. He has never told anyone they aren't good enough. He came
to bridge the divide between troubled men and women on earth and a
perfect God in heaven. And the only way that divide could be
bridged was for God's Son to become a man, to feel the experiences,
even the pain that man faces, and then He died on the cross. He
died taking every sin, everything man could be guilty of, and every
problem Satan could lay on men and women, and He took them all upon
himself. He sacrificed Himself in our place. Today, all we need to
do is to accept how much we need His sacrifice, His forgiveness,
and find the shelter of the cross of His forgiveness, His
love.

“‘
In fact, He became a person just
like us and felt everything we feel, so there wouldn't need to be
any explanation on our part or an separation from Him. He comes to
us where we are at, even if it is a sack lunch in a
park.

“‘
All we need to do is accept His
invitation and acknowledge we need to be with Him. She knows what
I'm talking about, don't you?' the man pointed to me. I said,
‘Yes,' so he wouldn't quit talking. No one had ever explained God
and Jesus Christ in the way he had, but I knew it was right. It
wasn't that it only
seemed
right. I
knew
it was right.

“
The man then said, ‘Sometimes
accepting that invitation is scary because it means we need to
trust someone bigger than we are. And that we know His banquet is
much better than anything we could do by ourselves. Sometimes, the
sheer possibilities of what He is capable of doing in our lives is
so intimidating we're afraid to take Him up on it.

“‘
And at times our pride gets in the
way, and we say we don't need what He provides because we can sit
at our own table and eat what we want because we don't want anyone
telling us what to do. Like we know what to do in the first place.
We're getting His love, we're gaining the freedom to try to live
the best life we can, to make mistakes, and to still be forgiven no
matter how badly we may mess up.

“
Then the man asked the working man
if he would like to talk to God with him, and simply say, ‘I need
you, Lord, ‘cause I know I can't do it by myself, and I give up my
demand to do whatever I want. Instead I'll look to You and call you
Lord, since I want you to be Lord over my life.'

“
The oil worker replied, ‘You said
to talk with God. I don't even know Him so how can I talk with
him?'

“‘
The answer is the only way to get
to know Him is to talk with Him,; the other man said. ‘A prayer is
simply talking to God, the Lord of the universe.'

“‘
It seemed strange cause the man
talking started to pray. He didn't bow his heads or clasp his
hands. He talked to God as if He was right there, and then I
realized He was, and I said the same words as he led us in prayer
without him even knowing it.

“
Even as I think of it again, I'm
amazed how God used a man to talk directly to me without him
knowing. God was answering my prayer that I had said in church
weeks before. He was showing me the way.”

Erik realized Laura wasn't talking to him as much as
she was remembering her own experience.

“
He assumed I was already a
Believer. He didn't know that he brought me to Christ right then
and there in that park. He invited me to a bible study. I couldn't
believe those first days with our Savior. God seemed to answer my
every prayer in a way that couldn't be denied. It was like God had
put me in a green house to nurture the seed He had planted to full
growth. It was a magical time. If only I could be that close to Him
again.”

A passing car's headlights made Laura's face clear
for several seconds. A stream of tears had quietly formed without
touching the tone of her voice. She had felt what Erik felt and
more.

With the passing car, Laura became conscious of the
tears and Erik. She repeatedly, rapidly blinked and reached up to
brush her cheeks. Silence filled the pickup's cab.

Erik asked, “Why can't you be close to Him now? I
don't understand. What happened?”

“
I told you, it's not important.”
Her tone took on a sharp edge.

“So is that what I should expect? I just had a man
talk about how simple it is, and you say it's not? Did God leave
you or was that time at a picnic just to give you a brief nice
feeling?”

“
For the third time…it's not
important,” she said.
Why does everything
have to be about him? I've got my own problems and he hasn't
helped.
“It wasn't God's fault, it was
mine. It wasn't just a nice feeling, it was real, but I walked
away. It's my life, it's my mistake, and I don't want to talk about
it. You got me fired last night by barging into my business, now
just drop it.”

Even in the dark Laura's voice cut like a knife. Erik
flinched as if he had entered a cold shower.

“
I have to go. I have an interview
tomorrow. It was nice meeting you.” Laura said. She started to open
the pickup door.

“
Stay a little while longer” Erik
urged. “There's a church in Fairfield. New Life Center. It's just
off Main about three blocks east of WinRight. The guy I've been
talking to about Christ has asked me to come Sunday. Can I meet you
there?”Erik didn't have the chance to think what to do. He
awkwardly moved his arm in the tight confines of the pickup to
touch her shoulder. His elbow cracked hard against the back
window.

Laura jumped at the sound and turned to see Erik
reaching for her. She slammed on the handle and kicked open the
door. The dome light came on, and Erik saw someone different.
Laura's jaw tightened and her wide eyes became narrow slits. Her
icy glare didn't fit Erik's dream images of Laura.

“
Don't touch me, don't even think
about it!” Then she was out of the truck, turned and was
gone.

Erik waited until Laura had reached
her pickup, and then he hit his head hard on the closed window, and
again, and again.
How in the world can I
be such an idiot? How could he continue to botch everything up?
When would he learn not to reach out, not to ask for help or try to
give it?

He started the pickup before he did something else
dumb. As he turned west on Highway 2 he took one last glance
towards Laura. Her Datsun hadn't moved, and her silhouette sat
motionless.

 

 

 

Chapter Twelve

 

 

L
aura
tapped her key ring on the steering wheel while watching Erik's
lights head west on Hwy 2. The taps became harder as her thoughts
began sharper. Laura wanted to be mad at someone. She wanted to be
mad at Erik
. Who does he think he is?
First, he wants to be a hero and fight for me, and then he thinks
he can tell me about Christ. He'll learn. He'll learn. It's not his
business. I don't need to explain anything to anyone.
But she knew it wasn't Erik's fault.

She tried to get mad at God as she
no longer tapped but pounded the wheel.
Why can't He just let me forget? Why do I need to be reminded
everyday? I know what I did. It's my fault. Call me a sinner,
that's obvious. I was the one who failed Him. But why can't He let
me just forget it. Why does He have to remind me? He's supposed to
forgive, not torment.

She didn't directly address God. She couldn't even
raise her eyes as she pounded her hand on the steering wheel until,
out of exhaustion, her head fell limp on the wheel.

As she sat alone the memories of the last year
flooded her thoughts, and she seemed caught in time.

The memories never left her. Most days they were a
cloud that followed her, but tonight they weren't just memories,
they were images that were as real as the “POINT” sign above her.
Her tears flowed so thick she knew she couldn't drive. Her hands
shook with the sobs that couldn't be stopped. She didn't dare leave
the lot. She collapsed to lie on the full length of the seat,
pulling her legs tight to her chest. She could only lie curled in a
fetal position and see the pictures that her mind could not
delete.

She remembered. She remembered that night that
changed her life. It all started with a guy and a simple date. She
hardly knew him. Earlier that week a church friend introduced the
two of them. His name was Marcus.

Later in private the friend told Laura that Marcus
had just got into town and had been through some hard times, none
of which were his fault. The friends suggested it would be great if
the two went on a date. It would be a fresh start for Marcus to
have a casual night out, and it would be fun for Laura to meet
someone new.

“
He's a great guy, and I know he's
close to the Lord” the friend said. Laura finally agreed. Marcus
called to take her to the movie that Friday.

The date started better than Laura could imagine.
They went to a movie she wanted to see, and afterwards got a burger
to go and went to a park to eat in the cool evening air. She should
have wondered why he went to the back, dark side of the park to
find a table. But he was a great guy so it didn't matter.

After eating the last few fries, they climbed back in
Marcus's van and Laura playfully punched him in the arm. It was
like a game a guy and a girl would play in grade school. It was all
in fun, but then Marcus grabbed her arms.

Laura still wasn't concerned. She thought it was part
of the game to stop her little jabs. But his grips became hard and
controlling. She should have fought harder when he pulled her to
the back, but she had no idea… She pushed him off her twice or was
it three times? It was no longer a game. It was rape.

That night at the Point she thought of everything she
should have done, but hadn't. She could have screamed and maybe he
would have stopped, but she didn't. She could have said she'd walk
home, but she didn't. She didn't listen to the warning signs.

So she blamed herself.
Why would anyone with any sense get into a van
and be driven to the back of a dark park.

Before that evening she had never define the word
‘rape'. Later, she was too isolated with guilt to tell anyone what
really happened. It happened and that was all that needed to be
known.

Within weeks it wasn't just a matter of guilt. It was
a matter of life. The picture in Laura's mind eye flashed in the
night sky at the same time a car passed by on Hwy 2. She saw
herself standing in her apartment's bathroom holding a blue
positive home pregnancy test while her roommates laughed in the
next room. She had been sick for several days and then she missed
her period a second time. What Laura feared the most had happened.
That test meant a child had formed and was forming more life each
day. Her stare at the positive strip was broken by her roommates
telling her to hurry. They were late for going out. She told them
to go ahead without her. She didn't realize they would never ask
her out with them or for anything else again. She made a doctor's
appointment as soon as possible and it was confirmed.

In the darkness of an empty Point
drive-in space, sweat dampened her shirt. Once again she found
herself alone with her tormented cries.
How could He let this happen? You don't get pregnant after
being with a man once.
It was not a prayer,
but a statement. After the night in the van there had been few
prayers

She also remembered going to confront Marcus. Laura
knew where Marcus and most oilmen ate dinner. She wore the ugliest
clothes she had and went to the restaurant early. She pretended she
was watching a pool game, but actually was using a big surpport
beam to hide behind. She didn't want to give Marcus a chance to
leave before she told him, and she wanted to be in full control of
what would happen.