The Institute (8 page)

Aunt Kenna
lives in a small two bedroom apartment. It was quite squishy with
the four of us living there but I enjoyed the closeness – I shared
a room with Aunt Kenna, and Dad and Shilah shared the other room. I
enjoyed living with her, but I’m glad Dad decided to move to the
country.

I’ve lost count
of the amount of shoulder bumps I have encountered since I got off
the train. I look up at the buildings to try and find a familiar
landmark, did I take a wrong turn somewhere? I tell myself if I
keep walking, I will eventually recognise something. Up ahead I see
a protest of some sort, with people marching in a circle with big
signs and I can hear them yelling something, but I’m too far away
to make any of it out. Someone approaches me from my left, swiftly
and sudden. Her eyes are as wild as her curly red hair.

“Do you believe
every human should have equal rights?!” she yells at me.

“I’m sorry,
what?” I ask.

“Everyone
deserves rights! Free the Defective!” she screams as she runs
off.

I’m stunned and
taken off guard. I stand still for a moment trying to understand
what just happened but I’m lost for an explanation. Free the
Defective? She can say that in public, just like that?

I finally get
to Aunt Kenna’s door after turning around and going back the way I
came. I almost had to go back to the train station until I saw
something familiar but I got here in the end and that’s all that
matters. I take in a deep breath. I hope she doesn’t tell Dad. I
knock, and as soon as she opens the door, all of my nervousness
dissipates as she takes me in her arms. I’m already crying and I
haven’t even started explaining myself yet.

“What’s all
this about?” she says in a soothing, yet concerned way a mother
would if her child was upset. She gestures for me to come in and we
make our way into the small living room. It doesn’t take long for
me to break down.

“Everything is
a mess. Jax is dead, Ebbodine is missing and presumed dead, Drew
wants to have sex with me and everyone stares at me when I walk
down the hall at school,” I blurt out.

“Okay.” She
pauses for a moment, I guess to take in everything I just said, I
don’t even know if any of it made sense or if it was even audible
through all of my blubbering. “That’s a lot of information to get
in twelve seconds. Are the kids staring at you at school because a
boy wants to have sex with you or are they two separate issues?”
She breaks out into a smile and I can’t help but giggle through my
tears. Already she’s making me feel better and she’s only said a
few words. “How about we start from the beginning?”

I let out a
sigh as I think back to when this all started a few weeks ago.

“I saved Drew
from a car accident, I tried to save Jax too but I couldn’t. Dad
wasn’t impressed, he was worried they would suspect me. I’m worried
they
do
suspect me. What if I’m Defective?” I finally admit
the thing that has been scaring me since that day, the thing I
haven’t brought myself to question or even ponder.

As I explain
everything to Aunt Kenna, I already feel like a weight has been
lifted. She, just like Drew, assures me that there was nothing more
I could have done to save Jax, that if I were Defective the
Institute would have already come for me, and by the sound of it, I
didn’t actually do anything a normal person couldn’t do except for
maybe get Drew out of the car. Adrenaline probably played a big
part in that.

“If you think
you’re Defective and were only strong enough to lift Drew out of
that car because of that, here,” she gestures to the coffee table
in front of us. “Lift it.” Is she joking? I look at her and I know
she is serious by her expression. “Only one way to know for
sure.”

I don’t know
how I managed to pull Drew out of that car and I’ve been too scared
to try and find out. What if I am Defective?

I stand up,
gather all my strength and lift the table, or should I say, attempt
to lift it. It doesn’t budge. I try and refocus and do it again but
it still doesn’t move. I think I needed that little push to truly
find out for myself and now I can let out a huge sigh of
relief.

“There we go.
Next problem? Oh, let’s talk about this boy. Do you love him?” she
fires at me. That’s a heavy and confusing question. How am I meant
to know what love really feels like? “Lia, if you have to think
about it, the answer is no. Even if you were to come out and
immediately answer yes to that question I would still have to
remind you that you are young, your hormones aren’t exactly stable
and you really can’t trust your heart to tell you how you feel. I’m
pretty sure throughout your whole teen years your hormones push
your heart all the way down to your lady parts. Trust your head,
Lia. Think rationally and your mind will tell you the answer,” she
says seriously.

The fact she
referred to ‘lady parts’ reminds me of a day not that long ago when
Ebbodine said she thought mine were broken. I give a little giggle
but then start bawling again, just when I thought I was all cried
out. Kenna puts an arm on my shoulder for comfort.

“Why does that
upset you honey?” she asks soothingly.

“It doesn’t.
Not what you said about Drew anyway. It reminded of my friend
Ebbodine. I know she would have said something similar if she was
here,” I sob.

She leans in
and embraces me again, “It’s understandable for you to be upset
over your friend. It’s understandable for anyone to feel that way
when they lose someone, but the fact you have been through this
before … well, let’s just say I’m proud of you for still being able
to function at all. I wish you had come sooner though Lia, you know
I’d help you any way I could. I miss my sister every day and
sometimes I just wish I got to spend more time with you. You’re
looking more and more like her every time I see you, you know.”

I give a smile
and know that I definitely made the right decision coming here. I
feel a hundred times better already but I don’t want to go home. I
want to stay here.

“Aunt Kenna, do
you think—”

“You could stay
here for a few days?”

“If that’s okay
with you? It will be good to just be away from home for a while –
even if it’s just over night.”

“Well it is
okay with me but your dad might need convincing. Does he even know
you are here?” I hang my head and shake it ever so slightly, kind
of hoping she doesn’t see. “Don’t worry, I’ll handle your father,”
she says as she gets up and reaches for her phone.

I wait
nervously. I can only hear her side of the conversation but she
doesn’t seem like she’s needing to do much convincing; I haven’t
heard her rationalise my visit yet. It doesn’t take long for Aunt
Kenna to get Dad to agree to let me spend the night. It seems a
little too easy, like maybe he didn’t want to have a certain
conversation over the phone and I will cop it when I get home, but
I get to stay the night and that makes me happy. I will let future
me deal with Dad. I’m not going to worry about that now.

Aunt Kenna and
I stay up late talking and eating junk food. It feels so good
getting everything out and for the most part I don’t even need her
to give me advice, I feel better just getting out what is in my
head. I finally feel at ease and ready for sleep when she lays her
last piece of wisdom on me.

“You have to go
through the hard times now so you know how to handle them in the
future. Life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. If it was, you
would have a breakdown every time you broke a nail. You’re better
than that and I can see you are growing into a woman that your
mother would be proud of. This is how strong people are made
Allira.”

***

Being with Aunt
Kenna has made me feel more refreshed and more relaxed than I have
felt in the last few weeks. However, the whole train ride home is
filled with nerves of what Dad will say when I get in the door. I
prepare myself to be yelled at but Dad doesn’t grill me or lecture
me and even allows me to stay home for the rest of the week. I
think he can see that I’m not handling things all that well and
knows I need to have a break, or maybe he thinks I’m going to crack
and tell people about Shilah. A few days to myself is just what I
need.

Chapter
Six

My plan to
spend the last few days alone was disrupted when Dad asked me to
work on the farm. I’m actually beginning to think that’s the real
reason he let me have the rest of the week off – he needed help.
Dad is in the centre of town today, working our stall at the
weekend markets so I can finally have some time to myself. That’s
what I thought anyway until I hear a knock at the door.

“Allira, your
boyfriend’s here,” I hear Shilah shout out. I want to punch him for
the boyfriend remark, Drew and I haven’t even had that
conversation, now he probably thinks I’ve been going around telling
everyone he’s my boyfriend. I go out and meet him at the door and
purposefully stomp on Shilah’s foot as I walk past him. As juvenile
as it is, it does make me feel better.

“Hey, come in,”
I say, leading Drew to my bedroom so we don’t have to deal with
more of Shilah’s teasing. There is the slight chance he will hold
this over me, having a boy in my room. I don’t think he would tell
Dad though – at least he better not.

I’ve only just
closed the door when Drew grabs me around the waist and is kissing
me. It feels amazing, his hand in my hair, the other around my back
pulling me closer to him.

“I’ve missed
you, are you feeling better? I wanted to come over sooner but I
wasn’t sure if you wanted to see me,” he says as he pulls his face
away from mine but keeps his hands where they are so I cannot
escape him … not that I want to anyway.

“I have wanted
to see you,” I say shyly. I feel incredibly guilty that he thinks I
needed time away from him, he’s one of the only good things in my
life right now and I don’t want to do anything to ruin that. I want
to tell him exactly that, but my heart is racing a million miles a
minute. It’s hard for me to talk about my feelings aloud, I think I
must have been a guy in a past life. “I just needed some time
alone. Ebbodine is my best friend and going from seeing her
basically every day and then not at all, it’s been a shock to my
system, but I am feeling a lot better now. I had a good talk with
my aunt and ended up staying overnight and have just been laying
low since. I haven’t been up for school though, the stares were
really getting to me.”

“I thought
maybe I had done something wrong.”

“You didn’t, I
promise.” I kiss him so I don’t have to talk about how much he
already means to me, I can show him instead. We make our way over
to my bed and lay down, our bodies intertwined as we kiss. Drew
keeps his hands in appropriate places this time and I immerse
myself in his embrace. This is more my pace.

“It’s a shame
you have to come to school on Monday, if this is how I will be
greeted after not seeing you for a few days,” he says.

“I was actually
hoping to help Dad a few more days, a week if he’ll let me,” I say
hopefully.

“Are you
forgetting what Monday is? We have to go to the Institute.”

My stomach
churns at Drew’s words. I can’t believe I forgot what date it is
and it’s that time of year again.

I sit up,
suddenly uneasy and anxious. I look at the clock and even though
Dad won’t be back for at least another hour, I use it as an
excuse.

“Oh crap! Dad
is going to be back any minute. I don’t think he will be very happy
if he found out you were here,” I say really unconvincingly. I grab
Drew’s hand and lead him back out to the front door.

“Can I see you
tomorrow?” he asks.

“I think Dad
wants help with the farm tomorrow, he’ll be at the markets so I
will have to do all of the farm work.”
It’s not a complete
lie
, I think to myself.

I may be being
abrupt but I always dread this time of year, and I guess I have
just been too distracted lately to realise. Now that I have been
made aware of it, I just want to be left alone.

Drew gives me a
brief kiss before leaving. I decide to get started on dinner early
so I can leave Dad’s and Shilah’s in the oven and take mine to my
room where I can be by myself.

I must have
fallen asleep because I am startled by yelling, coming from the
kitchen.

“Dad, that is
so unfair! She has much more freedom than I do, there is such a
double standard!” I hear Shilah exclaim.

“Now Shilah,
you know that’s not entirely true,” Dad says, still calm and
rational.

“It is true!
All I want to do is go out with the one and only friend I’m allowed
to have. She goes out all the time, she even gets to have people
over here, like today when Drew was here.”

Did he just say
what I think he said? Did he just sell me out to Dad?! I can’t hear
Dad’s reply but I hear someone coming down the hallway. I have no
idea what I’m in for.

Shilah opens my
door, I sit up in bed and just stare at him.

“I’m so sorry,”
he whispers. “I didn’t mean for it to come out, I promise.” Before
I get a chance to respond, Dad comes up behind Shilah, pushes past
him and grabs my desk chair. He moves it to beside my bed and
sits.

“Give us a
minute will you Shilah?” he says, not taking his eyes off me.
Shilah leaves and I swallow, hard. “What’s this about a boy being
over here? It was that Stanley boy wasn’t it?” I stare at him
blankly, I don’t know how to answer. He sighs, “Do you really think
bringing someone here, or even getting involved with someone at
your age is really the smartest idea Allira?”

I hang my head,
“No, probably not.”

“I don’t know
what has got into you lately and it better not have been that boy.”
I shudder at his notion. “You never used to be this reckless.”