The Institute (11 page)

We continue
packing when I realise something, “How come you didn’t see it? That
we were going to have the blood tests today?” I ask.

“I did, but by
that time we were already on the buses. It drives me crazy
sometimes that I have no control over my ability. Maybe I should go
to the Institute. They’re always telling us that they can teach
that sort of thing, to get better control of it, I mean.”

“Shilah, I get
the feeling that when they say that, they mean they will teach you
how to not use it at all.” He nods his head and continues packing
his clothes into a bag. “I think you have made the right choice,” I
say. He nods again but he has gone quiet. “I think I’ll leave you
to the rest, I’m going to go to bed.” I can sense he wants some
time alone.

I wake after I
don’t know how long a sleep, it can’t have been very long. The sun
is rising and I can see the pinkish red sky outside my window
gradually getting lighter and lighter with every minute that
passes. I probably had two hours sleep at most. I don’t want to
face today but I can’t seem to forget about it long enough to drift
off properly. So I decide to get up and make breakfast.

Drew is still
asleep on the couch when I walk into the living room. How is he
finding it so easy to sleep? I feel drained. Dad is already in the
kitchen, we are completely silent as we cook eggs on the hot plate.
I don’t know what to say to him. Are we sure going with Drew is the
best thing for Shilah? Should I really be staying or should I run
too? I know how Dad feels on the subject and so talking to him
about my worries will be pointless. I wish I could talk to Aunt
Kenna but the less people who know about this the better and I
don’t want to put her at risk.

“We have a lot
to get done today,” the voice is coming from behind me and I know
right away that it is Drew. I don’t turn around to look at him, my
feelings for him right now are confusing and inconsistent. One
minute I see him as the boy sitting with me on the porch step
consoling me after a tragic accident that changed both of our lives
forever. He’s the boy that made me nervous in the good kind of way,
who gave me butterflies just by looking at me but then I think
about the situation we are in, how we got here and all of the lies
between us. Maybe it was so easy to be with Drew because neither of
us allowed ourselves to truly be with each other, we were both
comfortable playing happy. I thought what we had could have been
love even though neither of us had said it to the other. We spent
so much time together over the last three weeks but we never told
each other our secrets. Could that really be love? I’m not exactly
the expert on love and I haven’t grown up with the best examples. I
don’t remember seeing Mum and Dad as a couple, I know they were at
one point but she died before I had many memories imprinted in my
mind I suppose. My aunt never married so I have never been around
coupled adults. How can I be in a relationship when I don’t even
know what a proper relationship is?

“Allira, I
don’t want to leave you here if you don’t think you can handle what
is coming,” Drew says.

“What do you
mean?” I ask.

“They are going
to come and ask you a lot of questions as to where your brother is.
You and your father need to be prepared for when they do. If they
find out you know your brother is Defective and that he has run
off, your dad, and possibly you, could be thrown in jail … or
worse,” he says.

I hadn’t even
thought of that part, I’m going to have to lie and I’m going to
have to be convincing. I am not good at lying, I am good at
changing the subject, at removing myself from awkward
conversations, at keeping secrets. If I try any of my eluding
tactics on the authorities they surely will know I am hiding
something. I won’t be able to stall them forever.

“Don’t worry
Allira, by the end of today you will be an excellent liar,” says
Drew.

I glare at him.
Is he sure he can’t hear everything I’m thinking? Two days ago I
was impressed with how perceptive he was to my feelings, now I just
want him to stay out of my head. I half wish he never told me; this
is going to get annoying real quick. It took me a while to get used
to Shilah knowing what was going to happen before it happened but
that never really affected me. I hate that I now have to censor my
thoughts, it’s hard enough censoring what I say aloud.

“Okay, so first
thing you are going to have to learn to do is how to show no
emotion.” Drew takes a seat at the dining table as he starts to
teach us how to be good liars. He should know, he has done plenty
of it.

“Allira, you
show too much emotion in your face. Even if I wasn’t an Empath I
would be able to tell that you are stressed.”

He gets up from
his chair, walks over to me and puts his hands on my shoulders.
“You need to close your eyes, take a deep breath and clear your
mind. Don’t think about anything.”

I close my eyes
and take a deep breath, and then another one but it’s not working.
I can’t shut my brain off, there’s just too much going on.

“Okay how about
you try thinking about one thing and
only
that thing.”

I think back to
the first few visits to the Institute, being dragged around from
room to room, listening to the staff talk about how the Institute
is the best facility, the best place for the Defective, blah, blah,
blah. I would recite my favourite book in my head to keep me
entertained.

I’m still
trying to focus on remembering the book, when Shilah joins us.
“Umm, why exactly are you teaching my sister to be just like you?”
he asks, clearly still angry that he is leaving.

“To cover your
arse, Kiddo,” Drew answers him.

“And yours
Drew,” I intervene before Shilah gets mad at the condescending
‘kiddo’ comment.

“If we are
going to live together, you really have to cut out that ‘kiddo’ and
‘sport’ stuff with me,” Shilah snaps. I wasn’t quick enough
obviously.

“Easy Tiger!”
Drew says with a grin. “Okay I’m done, I promise.”

I wonder how
long Drew will be able to hold that promise for.

Dad walks over
with the fry pan and dishes out the eggs onto plates. “I thought
you were meant to be showing us how to avoid getting arrested, not
making jokes.” It is the first time I’ve heard him speak all
morning. You can tell he is not happy about leaving all of our
fates in the hands of Drew. I think he feels backed into a corner
with no other option of getting out. There is another option
though, but that involves turning his own son over to the
Institute, where we will never see him again. That, to me, is not
an option.

Drew fires
questions at me and Dad all day and we practice answering them over
and over again until we get the answer perfectly memorised, without
sounding fake. I feel like I am ready for whatever is coming. When
they come, I will know exactly what to say.

When they ask
where Shilah is, we will tell them that he is at a friend’s house.
I need to play dumb and innocent. Pretend I don’t know why they are
looking for Shilah. If I let on that I know he is Defective, they
can arrest us for not turning him over to the Institute.

We have debated
about asking about the blood test. If I bring it up will they
suspect me? If I don’t will they think I should be more curious
than I am? Shilah has had his ability for so long, we are not sure
of how ‘normal’ families think when it comes to finding out these
things. Drew ultimately decides to go with a vague approach,
complete and utter denial is how I need to play it.

As long as both
of us can stay focused and keep calm, there should be no reason for
them to suspect us, only Shilah. Dad will call the authorities
later that night stating Shilah has not come home and we don’t know
where he is. It’s not much of a plan but it is all we have got.

***

Shilah and Drew
are ready to leave. It is harder than I thought it was going to be;
I knew it was going to be difficult, but I didn’t think it would
feel like my heart was tearing into a million different pieces.
Tears are already falling on my face and they aren’t even out of
the door yet. My body is urging me to run with them, to be free, to
forget my life here and start new like we have so many other times,
to live in the woods with Drew and his family, to protect Shilah
and live a simple and happy life … but this time it’s different.
How happy could I be, constantly looking over my shoulder? It’s not
a life I wish for anyone, not for myself and especially not for
Drew or Shilah, but I have another option, and they don’t. It’s
this or the Institute. And this way, I may get to see them. I don’t
know when but maybe in a few months when things will have hopefully
quietened down.

Drew grabs my
hand and walks me outside and we sit down on the swing seat on the
front porch. I feel sick in my stomach and my chest is heavy from
trying to hold back the tears. I don’t want to say goodbye. Drew
puts his arm around me and I lean back and put my head into his
shoulder. We are slowly rocking back and forth, completely silent,
I can’t bring my eyes up to look at him.

“I need to ask
you something,” Drew finally cuts the silence. “I’m taking Shilah
with me in the hopes it will mean I get to see you again, but there
is one thing I need to know.”

“What’s that?”
I ask nervously.

“What exactly
can Shilah do? I’m asking you and not him because I know how he
feels about me. I’m afraid he won’t tell me the whole truth. Could
it be helpful in our escape?” he asks.

“He doesn’t
exactly have control over it even though he’s had it since he was
young.” It feels weird talking about it, I promised Shilah I would
never do this but I need to tell Drew what his ability is. It will
probably be beneficial to helping them get away. “Basically he can
see what is going to happen to him before it happens.”

“How far into
the future can he see?” Drew asks casually.

I have to keep
remembering that talking about this kind of stuff won’t shock Drew,
he too is one of them. The lack of surprise is weird to me, I
always expected if anyone found out about Shilah they would freak
out or something.

“It really
varies from what I can tell,” I answer. “He knew that we were going
to have those blood tests but not until we were on the bus on the
way there, so that’s around two hours but other times it’s only
been up to twenty minutes so it differs. Also, he can only see how
he is affected by the future, he can’t see the future of other
people.”

Drew doesn’t
respond and silence fills the air between us until he finally says,
“Come with me Allira, please.” He kisses me and it makes me want to
run inside right now and pack. I pull away though because it’s
breaking my heart that I can’t go with him.

“If you want to
have any chance of getting to the cabin before they find you, you
need me to stay here. I really don’t want to be apart but I
promised Shilah a long time ago I would do anything to protect him
and while his ability will help somewhat, it is really unreliable.
Most of the things he sees come true but whatever he does in
response to what he sees, changes it, so really anything could
possibly change it. He’s not going to be awake twenty-four hours a
day just so he can be on watch is he?” The more I rationalise it,
the more I am convinced I am doing the right thing. Drew is silent.
I think he knows he’s not going to win.

“Can you
promise me something?” There’s a kind of tone to his voice that
tells me what he is about to ask is going to be difficult for him
to get out.

I swallow hard,
“Okay?”

“Remember this
moment. Remember how you feel about me right now. I know it’s the
only thing that will be getting me through until I can see you
again.”

“That will be
easy, I’ve never felt this way about anyone.”

We kiss, only
it’s not like any other kiss we have shared; it feels final. I
can’t hold back my tears anymore. I am really starting to regret
not saying yes to him that night at the lake, now we may never get
the chance to be together in that way.

“We can go for
a quickie if you want?” He laughs and it is actually quite funny, I
should be laughing too, but it only makes me cry more. “Sorry, bad
joke,” he says.

“No, it was
really funny.” I’d probably be more convincing if I wasn’t
blubbering between words. He embraces me and I want this moment to
last forever, but we both know that it can’t.

Saying goodbye
is awkward and upsetting. There are tears everywhere, I swear I
even see Dad shed a tear and he’s the manliest man I know. Dad and
I watch as Drew drives away with Shilah in the passenger seat.

***

Our house feels
empty and claustrophobic at the same time. The tears still have not
left me. I haven’t bothered going to school. Drew and Shilah have
been gone for forty-eight hours already and I have spent every one
of them in my room crying, even yesterday on my birthday. Dad
attempted to distract me by buying a birthday cake – something we
never have in this house because it’s a ‘waste of money’. Looking
at the beautiful birthday cake with the strategically placed
candles just made me think of everything I should be celebrating
and the people I should be celebrating with.

Any day now the
authorities will be here looking for Shilah. I need to get my
emotions under control before they do. If they suspect we know
anything we will be arrested on sight. I am constantly wondering
how they are going. Did they make it to the cabin in the woods? I
was half wishing I developed symptoms or something to raise the
alarm bells that would send me fleeing into the woods after them
but Dad is right, if we are going to pull this off we need it to
look as least suspicious as possible; I keep reminding myself of
this any time I want to break down.