The Innocent Liar (15 page)

Chapter Twenty-Eight

“Y
ou look awful, Eli.”

“Thanks, Mom.” His tone was wry and sarcastic. He knew he looked like hell. He felt like hell, and it didn’t seem to matter how many miles he put between himself and Fiona, it still hurt. He was livid, but he was only livid because he was in pain. What was it about the fact she was married that so enraged him? He wasn’t even sure he shouldn’t have seen it coming. LK. Lars K. She must be a K then too. She was his
something
K. Apparently, she wasn’t his at all but Lars’s. She belonged to another man, and he didn’t even know it. Ding, ding, ding. They had a winner. She’d lied—not a little lie but a big one. It was the kind of lie that made it impossible for him to pretend they were close the way he wanted them to be. What the fuck did he expect?

There was plenty he’d not told her about himself, and he’d like to think he was willing and able to, but now…now it was just gone. She was not someone he was close to at all. They were the furthest thing from close.

“She lied, Mom.”

“Isn’t she supposed to?”

“Sure. No. I don’t know. She didn’t
need
to lie about this, and being married isn’t just some little thing, not when you have a relationship with someone else.” He was shaking his head as his mom sat watching him. Donna had kind eyes. The type of eyes that said she understood every awful feeling he had. She likely did. She’d suffered her own hell in this world.

Tom was standing in the doorway, precariously carrying three cups of coffee. It was Monday morning, and Eli had shown up late the night before. He was running away from the telephone of all things. She kept calling, and he didn’t trust himself. He’d either answer and use his venomous personality on her, or he’d forgive her and spend who knew how long distrusting her until he couldn’t stand it anymore. Either way ended up here. He’d lost her. Scratch that, he’d pushed her away to salvage what was left of his sanity.

“It’s always been such a hard thing for you to trust people.” His mother was speaking as his father handed out coffee and then sat beside her. “It’s my fault.”

“Oh,
come on
, Mother. Don’t do that. Nothing worse than feeling my own guilt, than watching you feel yours. You did the best you could under the circumstances.”

“Fine. All I’m saying is that it’s not surprising that her secrecy is so hard on you. You maintain a very tight hold on your life. It’s how you’ve always coped. You control, you own, you make sure no one has the power to hurt you. She does have that power, or she did, and you decided you weren’t ready for her to. This isn’t about her being married. So what!” She cocked her head to the side as she caught the look of incredulity on his face. “Stop. That woman has left her husband. You may not know her past or what has happened, but you can be assured there is no remaining relationship between them. Do you question that?”

He didn’t really think he did question that, though he still felt oddly jealous of the fucking L. He shook his head.

“Her only betrayal is she didn’t tell you that.”

“Well, she couldn’t.” His father was weighing in.

“Bullshit.” Eli was not making their argument easy.

“Maybe she thought she couldn’t. She was told to say nothing that was the least bit identifying. You know Sam. He’s good at what he does. He’s good because he’s careful—more than careful.”

“Aren’t you the one who told me to stay away from her?”

His mother looked at Tom in surprise. “I was wrong to say that.” Tom looked sheepishly at his wife. “I’d found out a few things about her past, and I was worried. I know you, and there was just no way I could conceive that this level of secrecy was something you could tolerate.”

“Well, you’re right about that.”

“No, I wasn’t!”

“Yes—”

“No. Listen to your father.” She was imploring him, and he sighed as he relented to give her the floor. “You know, we
never
give you any damn credit, and we’ve taught you to do the same.” His mother was pleading with her eyes as her hands twisted in her lap. “We wanted to protect you. You’d endured enough, so we let you build your walls, and shut people out, and fight for control over life when…when there was no control to be had. You never just let go.
Never
. You never let life sweep you away the way it’s supposed to. It’s supposed to. You’re supposed to fall in love when it makes no sense whatsoever to do so. You’re supposed to get hurt sometimes. She’s supposed to break your heart a time or two, so you know how much it means to keep her.” His mother had tears in her eyes, and as he watched, she let out a huff of breath, lifting a shaky hand to the side of her face as though she could cope with what she was saying if she could simply hold herself in place. “You will never find happiness this way, Eli, not ever. I’m sorry I couldn’t teach you that lesson. I’m sorry we realized too late the effects of—”

He stood then, cutting her off. “It doesn’t matter.”

His mother stood too. “How can you say that?”

He just stared at her for a moment as the cruel sarcasm he was so well known for crept into his vocal chords. “You know how, Mother. That damn pesky habit I have of being an utter and true asshole.”

“Oh, Eli…” Her voice was sad, but Eli was slipping into his rage. Anger gave him a sense of control and power that had once been missing from his life. People always assumed when a person was broken they didn’t realize they were broken. It wasn’t at all true. He knew it well. He saw it in himself, yet he would do nothing to stop it because he didn’t know how to function without his defects. They kept him sane and grounded. That was just a fact of life for him.

“I’m going for a jog. I hope you don’t mind if I stay for a few days. I have to be back by Wednesday afternoon, but I don’t want to be there right now.” His mother nodded, but her eyes were staring at his chest. It was disappointment. “I’m sorry, Mom. I know you wish I was something better. I know you think it’s your fault that I’m not, but you’re wrong.” He walked away then.

He dressed quickly. The day was fair—mid-forties—and he pushed through mile after mile as he let the burn in his muscles push the pain in his chest away. He wasn’t just proverbially running away; he was actually running his ass away from all the things he didn’t want to think about. Of course, it didn’t work. Did it ever? He thought he was crazy for letting himself slip back into this habit of his. The habit had directed his life since he was a child trying to deal with the fact that he was responsible for something no ten-year-old could possibly cope with. He’d learned it was easier not to feel, to shut it out, to hurt before he could be hurt, and to walk away before he couldn’t walk anymore.

Fiona had started unraveling his coping mechanism, and he was paying for it now. A month ago, he’d have told her to fuck off and been done with it. Now, he was quite certain he was in love with a woman he didn’t trust,
couldn’t
trust, and who he wanted to trust so much it physically hurt. When she tried to call that night, he turned his cell phone off, and it remained off until he was driving out of his parent’s driveway two mornings later.

He’d done nothing but sulk, think about her, bounce from one emotional extreme to the other, and then when he thought he was going to explode, he’d start the whole cycle all over again. This was why he preferred to shut it all off. Feeling nothing felt a whole lot better than this. Fucking without strings was far easier than making love to a woman who seemed to have his soul tied up into knots with
her
strings. He didn’t want to feel guilty, and at the same time, he couldn’t stomach what it would mean if he didn’t.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

“H
i, Mike.” Fiona bit her lip nervously. “Thanks for picking me up. I appreciate it.”

“Of course. Kinda surprised Eli didn’t offer to pick you up himself. You two are getting a bit close.”

She tried to smile, but it was pointless. Instead, she looked away as Mike studied her. It wasn’t any of his business that Eli had dumped her ass for being a lying, cheating whore, and she wasn’t going to be offering that information on her own.

“Nice to see Eli dating.”

“We’re not dating.” She looked away again as they walked out the shop door. She had what she considered an expensive bottle of Shiraz tucked under her arm. It was her mea culpa, and at twenty-five dollars from the wine store, it was the most she could afford to acknowledge her guilt. As she climbed into Mike’s passenger seat, she hugged both her purse and the bottle of wine to her chest. She was terribly nervous.

“Why aren’t spouses invited to the Christmas dinner?”

“Well. It’s pretty informal, and it’s really an excuse to get together so he can hand out bonuses before Christmas. He’s very generous with his bonuses this time of year.”

She sat silently beside Mike for a moment until he interrupted her trembling nervousness.

“You okay, Fiona? Seem on edge. Anything bothering you?”

“No, I’m fine. Just cold, that’s all.” She was practically perspiring in her gray sweater dress, black tights, and knee-high high heeled boots, but it was all nerves. She couldn’t seem to still the shake in her hand, and as she stared out the window at the darkening night and the deep snow, she tried to focus on breathing.

She hadn’t been able to get Eli to answer a single one of her phone calls. She’d tried his home, she’d tried his cell, and eventually, the cell was turned off and went straight to voice mail. She was holding out little hope, but she guessed at least with a crowd, he couldn’t yell at her or ignore her. She was hoping at any rate.

When they pulled up, she climbed out, letting the cold winter air drift up under her coat, cooling her flushed skin. She was instantly chilled, thanks to the unseasonable sweat that was reminding her just how horrified she was to face him again. She wanted to be angry with him for going through her wallet. At least if she could muster anger it would drive away the nerves, but she couldn’t be. He might have been wrong to look, but in the end, it certainly didn’t trump her lie. She’d lied to him, and she hadn’t needed to in any way. She didn’t know his life, but if she’d learned one thing about the man it was that he didn’t tolerate dishonesty very well at all. And she’d brought it straight to his doorstep and thrown it in his face. She couldn’t imagine what it must have felt like for him to find her wedding ring.

As Mike knocked on the door, her lips started to tremble in addition to her hands. Her throat was dry, and she was holding her breath as her teeth threatened to start chattering too.

“Hey, Mike. Merry Christma—” Eli’s voice stopped in his throat as she stepped up beside Mike. His hand was clasping Mike’s, but his attention was glued to her. “Merry Christmas.” He finished in a voice much quieter as he forced his eyes back to Mike. The Merry Christmas certainly wasn’t for her, and as he clapped a hand on Mike’s shoulder, he smiled. “Go on in. Make yourself at home. I’ll be right there.” Again, he wasn’t speaking to her.

Mike’s attention bounced between them as he stood rooted to his spot for a moment, but eventually, he walked past Eli and into his foyer. Eli reached back and pulled the door closed, shutting them outside.

She held the bottle up, hoping he’d take it from her. It was becoming enormously heavy in her shaking jelly arms. But as his eyes shifted down to the bottle, his arms remained crossed on his chest. He looked slowly back up to her, not a trace of civility in his expression or manner. “And here I assumed you would understand you had been disinvited when I broke it off with you. You’re really not welcome here.” He turned reaching for the door handle.

“Please…I don’t even have any way to get home.” Her eyes were watering, and she was sure if her tears fell they would freeze on her cheeks.

“Why don’t you call your good friend Jake for a ride? He seems to know where he’s not welcome. Odd you didn’t figure it out.” He was exceptionally good at being cruel—even more so than the first time she’d met him. His face was controlled and cold.

“Eli…”

His eyes narrowed in warning, and she clamped her mouth shut quickly.

He studied her for a moment, eventually shaking his head as he exhaled a deep exasperated breath. “You hitch a ride with the first one out of here. And you take that cheap drugstore bottle of wine with you, or I’ll throw it away.” He turned back to the house, leaving the door ajar as he passed through. She followed, brushing a tear away quickly before anyone noticed. Tears or not, Mike’s attention was instantly on her, and after he’d studied her for a moment, he turned his attention to Eli who was now leaning against the kitchen counter, staring at the floor in front of him.

When the oven dinged, she jumped, and his eyes flashed to her. She was still standing stupidly in his open dining room, and he was still ignoring her from the kitchen. He cleared his throat as he shook off his anger toward her. “Change of plans on the catering. My mother sent me home with a homemade lasagna for the occasion, and since she’s a far better cook than even Stefano’s, you shouldn’t go away hungry.”

Eli busied himself taking the lasagna out of the oven, and Mike joined her by the wall, leaning toward her. “I take it he wasn’t expecting to see you this evening.”

“I’m sorry. I should have—”

“Nonsense. Can’t imagine there’s any good reason that man is upset with you. Give him time. He can be a hard nut to crack.”

He nudged her in the arm, but as much as she wanted to be encouraged, she just wasn’t feeling his optimism. Mike didn’t understand the situation, so he couldn’t possibly appreciate the reason Eli was upset with her. Hell, to say upset made it sound as though they’d had an argument. They hadn’t argued at all. He’d dumped her ass after one too many lies. She should have seen it coming from a mile away, but naturally she didn’t. She never did.

He carried the lasagna in with a hot pad in each hand, and glanced at her quickly as he passed. She didn’t bother trying to sit beside him. He took the seat at the head of the table, and she let Mike and Aaron take the chairs on either side. Aaron’s wife sat beside him, and before Fiona could grab the seat next to Mike, Chris snatched up the place, leaving her with only the chair at the opposite head of the table.

She stared at the chair for a moment before Eli cleared his throat in annoyance. “Do you mind? We are waiting on you.” His clipped and rude tone wasn’t missed around the table, but fortunately, Aaron and Cinda were deep in conversation, and Chris was busy leering at her as though he was going to make a meal of her. The only one who truly seemed concerned was Mike, who was beyond being shocked that Eli was upset with her at this point.

Eli made small talk with Aaron, Cinda, and Mike, while Chris did his best to flirt with Fiona. It was disastrous really, and she did little more than pick at the lasagna. It was delicious, but she could barely manage to get herself to fully breathe let alone chew or swallow. By the time dinner was winding down, she’d spent the past forty minutes wishing she was anywhere but his dining room, and she’d fought off more advances from Chris in that time than she imagined any man in the world was capable of. Eli’s glances toward her were frequent, and the misery was clear.

He eventually stood, grabbing a small stack of envelopes from the bar separating the open dining room from the kitchen. He passed the envelopes out to everyone at the table except for her, and then he took the seat at the head of the table again, decorking a bottle of wine and passing it around. She sat there, feeling pathetic, and every set of eyes in the room peered at her nervously. Some may have missed the hatred seething from Eli straight to her, but they’d not missed the fact he’d left her empty-handed. She knew full well he gave out generous Christmas bonuses to his employees, and while she didn’t give a shit about not getting extra money, she sure as hell gave a shit about being so cruelly singled out. Not that it was his fault. He really wasn’t expecting her to show up after all.

“Yo, boss. Think you forgot the fairest of us all over here.” Chris ran his finger down her forearm, and she wriggled away from the touch. Leave it to Chris to defend her and still make her skin crawl at the same time. He likely thought he was doing her a favor, but then, he thought he was a favor to womankind, so his perspective was obviously somewhat skewed.

Fiona shook her head, trying to dismiss the comment when it was obvious no one saw it as a dismissible oversight.

Eli glanced to her for the briefest of seconds before looking away casually. “I didn’t forget her. She’s considered temporary, and I don’t give bonuses to temps.” And as he lifted his eyes to hers once more, he continued. “And I don’t expect her to be around much longer.”

Mike’s attention snapped to her as concern was replaced by surprise. “What? I don’t think any of us were under the impression Fiona would be leaving us soon.” Mike was eyeing Eli suspiciously, and Eli was staring at the tabletop, refusing to answer.

When he scooted his chair back, standing abruptly, he turned to Mike. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.” He walked from the room toward his bedroom, and she mustered the very last of her courage. She was going to follow him. He would likely yell at her and make her feel like shit; tears were a very good possibility as well. But she was going to force him to deal with her. Mike’s focus followed her as she stood and then walked down the hallway after Eli. Her hands were trembling, and her knees were wobbling as she walked. This was horrifying. She couldn’t stop thinking about how kind and good he was capable of being and just how utterly cruel he could be too.

His bedroom door was slightly ajar, and he was sitting on the chaise lounge facing the exterior window. The moon was full and the wide expansive plain outside his house was a bright shimmering surface of light as the moon reflected off the white snow. His elbows were planted on his knees, and his head was in his hands. He seemed as miserable as she was, and as she slipped silently past his door and crossed the room, she almost felt sorry for the man who was treating her as though he hated her.

“Eli.”

He looked up but refused to turn toward her. “What do you want?”

She sat on the chaise, facing the side of his body. She took a deep breath as he stared out the window, and she let it out slowly through her mouth. “I’m sorry I lied.” He harrumphed in annoyance, and she did her best to ignore it. “My husband is a monster, and I do not belong to him anymore or ever again.” Her eyes were watering, but her voice was strong. “It was still wrong to lie about it, especially given our relationship.”

“Well, you don’t need to worry about that anymore.” His voice was harsh, and he continued to stare out the window.

She had little else to say, little else she could say, but there was one thing—one thing she’d not said that she was allowed to say and, frankly, that she needed to say. “I love you.” But her voice broke on a sob as she uttered the words. And there were her tears.

His hands raised again, and he dropped his head to them as though he was in agony. She watched for a brief moment as he shook his head, bracing his elbows on his knees once more. She didn’t wait for a response. She didn’t really want to give him a chance to hurt her some more. So she stood and walked from the room, wiping more tears from her eyes.

When she made it back to the dining room, Chris was grabbing his coat, Aaron and Cinda were sitting at the table talking, and Mike was missing. “Where’d Mike go?”

“He’s in the living room on the phone.” Aaron glanced up but then returned to Cinda.

“Chris, can I get a ride back to the shop if you’re headed to town?”

“Course you can. Maybe a nightcap too?”

“I don’t think so. I’m tired. I’d just really like to get home.”

He clicked his tongue at her as he winked. It was as if his reaction was saying he knew what she really wanted, and it was him. She wondered if he could really be that stupid, but at the moment, she didn’t care. She was likely the stupidest of them all. She followed Chris out to his shitty old Bronco that had more rust on it than it did metal, and she shivered at the mere prospect of spending ten minutes alone with the man. She just needed to be away now, so she climbed into the passenger seat as he reached across her lap, snatching the seatbelt from her hands as though she couldn’t possibly manage on her own. She held her hands up in an effort to ward off any possible advances, and once she was securely belted in, she hugged her arms around herself and stared out the window. Let the countdown begin.