The Humans (14 page)

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Authors: Stephen Karam

BOOK: The Humans
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AIMEE

I think
you
should go next.

BRIGID

Okay . . . I'll state the obvious, there will never be a year I'm not thankful that the observation deck didn't open until 9:30 . . . so . . . and I'm grateful Momo's with us . . . oh—

     
(To Erik)

—a wise old, haggard drunk man once told me that pursuing your passion is a gift—so I'm grateful for that reminder . . . even if I end up pursuing it while managing an H&M, / I'm lucky . . . no I'm actually being serious about that, I am . . .

AIMEE

DEIRDRE

Ohhh so soon, so soon . . .

See what you've done?

BRIGID

     
(She's about to smash, then—)

And while [you're all here]—if anything were to ever happen to me, like an accident or whatever—and it won't, but: I'd want to be cremated—I know it's weird to talk about but you guys'd do open-casket so I've been trying to find a way to bring it up that isn't morbid or weird.

AIMEE

Well you didn't find it, Bridge.

Erik and Aimee are now laughing. Eventually Richard joins them.

DEIRDRE

BRIGID

Are you serious? You're crazy.

Oh come on—I
am
seri—

 

. . .
You're
crazy . . . / no one

 

in this family can handle

 

honesty . . .

ERIK

You are a piece of work . . . God bless you, you are . . .

AIMEE

No you're right, Bridge, dinner is the perfect place to discuss what we should do with your dead body . . . / thank you . . .

BRIGID

I hate you all.

AIMEE

. . . pass me that pig.

     
(Beat)

All right. So. In a year where—I lost my job, my girlfriend, and I'm bleeding internally . . . really a banner year . . . I'm thankful for what's
right
, okay? I
love
that in times like this I have a home base, a family I can always come home to. Thanks for giving us that.

BRIGID

You always have to win.

RICHARD

Yeah, she really
cremated
you.

Richard's joke is so lame it makes everyone laugh.

BRIGID

Wow just when you can't get / less funny . . .

DEIRDRE

     
(Laughing)

She cremated you! She really cremated you . . . oh man . . .

They recover.

ERIK

How about for Momo—should we read Momo's e-mail?

BRIGID

AIMEE

Dad, no, it makes us cry—

Oh God, get out the kleenex . . .

ERIK

This might be our last Thanksgiving together, can we please give her a voice . . . ?

BRIGID

AIMEE

Of course, just . . .

Yeah, has he heard this?

RICHARD

I heard about it, but not the actual . . .

ERIK

She wrote this before she got really sick, Rich . . . an e-mail to these girls, what four years ago?

Erik finds the message on his phone.

DEIRDRE

Here, give it to me, you're gonna end up asking me to finish . . .

Erik hands her his phone.

DEIRDRE

“Dear Aimee and Brigid, I was clumsy around you both today and felt confused. I couldn't remember your names and felt bad about that. It's strange, slowly becoming someone I don't know. But while I
am
still here, I want to say: don't worry about me once I drift off for good. I'm not scared. If anything, I wish I could've known that most of the stuff I
did
spend my life worrying about wasn't so bad. Maybe it's because this disease has me forgetting the worst stuff, but right now I'm feeling nothing about this life was worth getting so worked up about. Not even dancing at weddings.”

     
(The Blakes smile. They have inside understanding of this remark)

“Dancing at weddings always scared the crap out of me, but now it doesn't seem like such a big deal. This is taking me forever to type. Consider this my fond farewell.
Erin go bragh
. Dance more than I did. Drink less than I did. Go to church. Be good to everyone you love. I love you more than you'll ever know.”

They recover, some quiet tears of appreciation. They pass around the smashed pieces of peppermint; they each take a bite, one at a time. Then Erik goes to the kitchen for a beer.

RICHARD

I'm buying a pig for my family.

Richard starts to clear plates, goes to the kitchen.

BRIGID

     
(To Erik)

He wants you to like him.

DEIRDRE

AIMEE

We love him . . .

We do . . .

ERIK

Yeah, just look out for each other, okay?, that's what counts . . .

DEIRDRE

Amen . . . in sickness and health / . . . for richer for poorer . . .

AIMEE

Tell that to Carol . . .

     
(To Erik)

Hey if you're having another beer, fine, but I'm calling a car for you guys . . .

BRIGID

DEIRDRE

Thanks for drinking responsibly, Dad.

Erik . . .

ERIK

I'm forgetting I'm not home, I'm sorry . . . I'm sorry . . .

AIMEE

I don't mind using my work account now that I'm on my way out—

ERIK

DEIRDRE

No way, that's gonna cost a fortune . . .

No way, no, I'll drive, I've been drinking water . . .

AIMEE

BRIGID

I'm calling a car, end of discussion.

Mom for like the last ten minutes . . .

DEIRDRE

Aimee, they'll keep a closer eye on your expenses now—

ERIK

Yeah no way, what'd we do about our car?

Aimee is already on her way upstairs.

AIMEE

This is on me, / it's not up for discussion.

BRIGID

Dad, Rich can drive it in tomorrow or—you should bus it into the city and help us paint this weekend, okay? We'll put you to work, just / take the car . . .

ERIK

Yeah, just, I'm not used to driving on Thanksgiving, Rich—

RICHARD

No worries—Bridge, should we re-park the car? I think it's street cleaning in the morning but . . . we'll figure it out . . .

Brigid mouths “Thank you, I love you” into Richard's ear. They kiss. Their affection for each other triggers something in Erik—embarrassment that Richard needed to take care of him? Nostalgia for his own early romance with Deirdre?

The stage picture should subtly highlight Brigid and Richard's flawed-but-alive connection and a gulf between Erik and Deirdre. Erik decides to go upstairs.

Aimee has dialed her cell . . .

AIMEE

Hi I need a car . . . yeah, just charge it to my account . . . right, it's going to a town in PA . . . zip is 18433 . . . Scott Town-ship . . . no case number, take it out of my personal . . . yeah, exactly . . . uh, three—but one of them is in a wheelchair—

     
(To Erik, who has arrived upstairs)

Do you guys need a van for Momo . . . ?—

ERIK

DOWNSTAIRS
:

Here, give it here . . . [mouths

 

“go downstairs” to Aimee]

Richard and Brigid continue

     
(On the phone)

bussing dishes; they set out a

. . . hi, yeah three but . . . we

dessert tray and some ice cream

don't need a van it'll fit in the

and spoons.

trunk, it folds . . . uh-huh . . .

 

a lot cheaper or—? . . . then

Deirdre—unseen by anyone—

a van's good then that's fine

is silently overcome with emotion,

. . . uh-huh . . . yeah, uh-

covers her face to stifle sobs.

huh . . .

 

     
(Wandering farther back)

 

. . . can I use a credit card

 

for . . . yeah, but I'm gonna

 

be paying her back so how

 

much is—[wow, that's a lot]

 

. . . yeah . . .

 

Erik wanders away from Aimee to finish the call with some privacy. He finishes the call—including giving the car company his cell phone number—with his back to us, he's half-audible, not decipherable. Aimee rolls her eyes at Erik ordering the van, she finds it amusing, she goes downstairs. Deirdre quickly recovers from her crying spell once she hears Aimee coming downstairs.

RICHARD

Dessert is on the way . . .

AIMEE

DEIRDRE

Thank you . . . so is a car . . .

Oh man, I can't believe there's more food . . .

Aimee helps bus some more dirty dishes to the kitchen.

AIMEE

     
(Sensing Deirdre's a bit distressed)

Mom, don't worry about it, it saves me a cab ride—I can hitch a ride with you guys to Penn Station . . .

ERIK

     
(Descending the stairs)

Okay, they'll come at six . . . but we can change the time if you want . . .

DEIRDRE

AIMEE

Sounds good . . .

Okay, I can make a 7:05 train.

DEIRDRE

Thanks, Aimee, I'm embarrassed we had to do this—

AIMEE

Hey, first time for everything, right?

Erik hands Aimee her phone. Aimee returns to the kitchen to help.

DEIRDRE

     
(To Erik)

Are you too drunk to thank your daughter?

BRIGID

This is all from a local bakery . . .

DEIRDRE

     
(More pointed)

Hey, are you too drunk to thank your daughter?

This pisses Erik off, but he ignores Deirdre. Richard joins the table.

RICHARD

So what we've got is—this is rugelach, vanilla cupcakes, a chocolate croissant . . .

DEIRDRE

Wow . . . well today I officially fell off the Weight Watchers wagon, so . . . man, these all look good . . . hmm . . . I'll have, uh . . .

ERIK

Give her the one with all the frosting, that's the one she wants.

Beat. That
was
the one Deirdre wanted, but now she's too stung.

DEIRDRE

I'll have, the, uh . . . I'll, uh . . . / I'm gonna . . .

RICHARD

Which one can I get you?

DEIRDRE

Just gonna / . . . [sit here for a minute] . . .

MOMO

     
(Waking, barely audible, mumbled)

. . . nairywheres do we blag werstrus, doll sezzer / big sussten back . . . sezz it whairidoll . . . er hairin sildern fernal garn ackening ery or loddinsezz . . .

DEIRDRE

. . . I'm gonna take her to the bathroom, yeah Erik? . . . / okay? . . .

BRIGID

ERIK

I can help you—

Yeah . . .

DEIRDRE

No I'm good.

ERIK

     
(To Richard)

Would you help her get Momo settled upstairs, / I don't want her lifting her by herself . . .

RICHARD

Sure . . .

BRIGID

Dad, I said
I'd
help . . .

ERIK

No, stay here, will you? / Stay here . . .

Deirdre assists Momo into her wheelchair as Aimee returns to the table.

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