The Honourable Maverick / The Unsung Hero (18 page)

They were damn close to trembling now, as he ripped open that envelope.

‘D
O YOU
want the good news or the bad news first?’

Josh rolled his eyes and sighed theatrically. ‘Gimme the bad news, then.’

‘You’re in for new treatment stuff next week.’ ‘More chemo?’

‘Yeah.’ Sarah was trying hard to sound upbeat but it wasn’t easy and she had to blink rapidly a few times. Josh was watching her.

‘That’s OK, I s’pose. Like last time?’ ‘Not exactly. They’re going to bring the big guns out this time and try and shoot all the cancer cells. You’ll get some radiation treatment as well as the drugs.’

Josh’s eyes widened. ‘I’m gonna be radiated? Will I go green or start glowing?’

Sarah grinned. ‘No. And don’t go expecting to get some superpowers or anything, either. It’s more like having a whole bunch of X-rays all at once.’

Josh was a smart kid. He understood far more than most people gave him credit for and Sarah had always been honest with him. Not that she gave him every detail, of course, but if he asked a question, she told him the truth. Josh seemed to know how much
information he could handle and, like many children who faced life-threatening disease, he had a wisdom way beyond his years.

He put Sarah to shame, sometimes, with his acceptance of how things were. He understood death better than any child should. He wasn’t afraid of it but he loved life and instinctively made the most of every moment. Right now, however, he was having a flash of being just an ordinary little boy and his bottom lip jutted out.

‘Will it hurt?’ he asked in a small voice.

‘No.’ Sarah badly wanted to gather him into her arms but she knew better. Josh was getting well past wanting hugs or slobbery kisses. She often caught hints of the man he could become, in fact. Like now, as he squared bony shoulders and lifted his chin.

‘That’s OK, then.’ The glance he gave his aunt was steady. ‘Is that it?’

‘Not quite. You’re going to have a Hickman catheter put in again.’

He’d had one before, in his first run of chemotherapy. The indwelling catheter would be inserted into a central venous line and stitched in place. It meant that all the drugs and blood products could be administered and samples taken without the pain or risk of infection that came from multiple puncture sites.

‘But I’ll be asleep when they do that, right?’

‘Oh, yes. Of course.’

‘Am I going to get real sick again?’

It was hard to maintain the direct eye contact. ‘You might. They’ll give you stuff to stop you throwing up.’

‘Is this going to be the last time I have to do it?’

‘We’re all hoping so, hon.’

‘When is it going to start?’

‘Well, that’s the good news. Not for a few days and you’re allowed to come home until then. You get to choose whatever you want to do and we can go to the shops and get a supply of DVDs and books and anything else you want to bring into hospital with you.’

‘They’ve got tons of stuff here already. Will I be in this room again or can I go in with the other chemo kids? Oscar’s got ALL like me and he said there’s an empty bed in his room.’

Sarah took a deep breath. The ‘good’ news had come and gone in a heartbeat. ‘You won’t be in this ward, Josh. You’re going to a special unit. You’ll have your own room and everything you need but it’s…’ Oh, God. How could she sound upbeat in telling him that he would be kept in strict isolation? For weeks? ‘It’s bug-free. To protect you from getting any kind of infection.’

‘But I’m better. I haven’t got a temperature or anything now.’

‘This treatment is different. You know how the bad leukaemia cells happen in your bone marrow?’

‘Yeah. That’s why they stick holes in my back. To get the marrow and look at the cells under the microscope and count them.’

‘This new treatment is designed to get rid of all the bad cells but it kills off the good ones as well. Doctor Mike will be able to draw you some nice pictures of what happens but it means that, for a while, you won’t have any bone marrow that does its job of making new blood or protecting you from bugs.’

‘And then what happens?’

‘They give you some new bone marrow. When it’s had enough time to get right into your bones and settle down, it’ll start making new blood. Nice, healthy blood.’

Josh took that in, frowning with concentration.

‘So I’ll be fixed?’

‘That’s the plan.’ Sarah’s smile broke through as she took out that shiny, new hope to show Josh. ‘This is it,’ she told him solemnly. ‘The chance we’ve been waiting for.’

‘So you’ve found my dad, then?’

Sarah’s breath caught. She’d never told Josh that she was trying to trace his biological father. He’d never asked. As far as she’d known, he thought that the trip to the States had been so that he could go to Disneyland and the visits to a hospital and the doctor who used to live in New Zealand had been simply to look after him while they were away.

Had he overheard something?

Oh…Lord…Had he done more than play games on her laptop? Read her emails, maybe?

‘Who is he?’

Still, words failed Sarah. Rick had made his wishes very clear on this subject. It wasn’t that she didn’t have the courage to defy him, more that she hadn’t been able to come up with any plan that didn’t involve Josh facing rejection, and she couldn’t bring herself to inflict emotional pain on top of the physical ordeal he was facing.

‘It’s OK,’ Josh told her kindly. ‘I already know.’

‘What?’

‘It’s Max’s friend. The man at the wedding. Rick.’

Sarah’s jaw dropped. ‘How do you know that?’

‘I heard you talking to Ellie. Promising that you wouldn’t say anything until after the wedding. And…you kept looking at him kind of funny. Kept watching him.’

‘Did I?’ Sarah felt helpless. How on earth was she going to explain
this
to Rick? She could hardly expect him to believe that Josh had figured it out for himself without her saying anything. He’d be furious.

‘How come he didn’t know?’ Josh asked.

‘That he was your dad?’

Josh nodded.

‘It happens.’ This was more information than a nine-year-old should have to deal with. But Josh wasn’t any-nine-year old, was he? ‘A girl can get pregnant and have a baby but if she doesn’t tell the father and they’re not together any more, there’s no way for him to know.’

‘But he knows now?’

It was Sarah’s turn to nod.

‘Why hasn’t he come to visit me, then?’

Good
question. As good as the very similar one she’d asked Mike Randall herself, not very long ago, when the oncology consultant had been the one to tell her the amazing news of what a close genetic match Rick had turned out to be for Josh. But Mike hadn’t been able to give her an answer and she had to be very careful with what she said to Josh.

‘You know what?’ she asked finally.

‘What?’

‘I think he’s scared of you.’

Josh looked puzzled then shook his head. ‘I’m just
a kid. He’s a grown-up and he rides a motorbike. Why would he be scared of
me?’

‘Being a parent
can
be scary,’ Sarah tried to explain. ‘Especially if it just happens. One minute you’re not and then—
bang
—you’ve got someone else to be responsible for and take care of and…and love. It can change your whole life.’

‘I s’pose.’ Josh was watching her carefully. ‘Were
you
scared of me?’

Sarah smiled. ‘You bet I was. But I still wanted you and you know I love you to little pieces, don’t you?’ She had to hug him now. And give him a big kiss on the top of his head.

Josh made a disgusted noise. ‘He’ll have to come and see me,’ he said decisively when he had wriggled free.

‘How’s that?’

‘When he gives me his bone marrow.’

Sarah was silent again. It was quite possible that the only part of Rick Josh would get to meet would be the bone marrow donated arriving for infusion. The frustration was familiar now, the anger still simmering quietly on Josh’s behalf. The desire to protect this lad from rejection was redundant. The fact that he knew the identity of his father and was waiting for a visit that might never happen meant that the rejection was already real.

‘You can tell him it’s not so scary,’ Josh said.

‘Oh, Josh…’ Sarah gave a huff of laughter. If only it was that easy. ‘I will,’ she promised, ‘but don’t get your hopes up too much. Rick might be more scared than I was and…it just happened for me, didn’t it? You turned
up on my doorstep, pretty much. And…’ she smiled at this little boy with all the love in her heart ‘…it was the best present I ever, ever got.’

Josh’s nod was thoughtful. ‘Maybe you should give me to my dad, then,’ he said calmly.

‘What?’
For the second time in the space of only minutes, Sarah was utterly shocked.

‘Not for ever.’ Josh was frowning again, thinking things through. ‘If
he
found me on his doorstep, he might stop being scared.’ Big, brown eyes were alight with sparks of both determination and what looked worryingly like hope.
‘He
might think I was a good present, too.’

Sarah had to close her eyes. Out of the mouths of babes. The countless scenarios she had played with in the last few days paled in comparison to the bold genius Josh had just come up with. But she had to shake her head.

‘He um…might not be too happy about that, hon.’

Except that she could hear Ellie’s voice now. The conversation they’d had just before she’d taken off for her honeymoon. When she’d given her Rick’s address in case she needed help while they were away.

He’ll help if he possibly can, she had said with complete conviction. He’s a great guy. They all are. I’d trust any one of those three guys with my life. With Mattie’s life.

That’s what Sarah would be trusting him with, wasn’t it? Because Josh
was
her life these days.

‘It’d be OK,’ Josh was saying. ‘He’d see I’m not so scary. And, besides, I’d kind of like a ride on his bike. He said I could have one.’

Sarah’s eyes flew open. ‘No way!’

Josh looked mutinous. ‘You said I could do anything I wanted to do before I have to come back into hospital and I want to ride a bike.’

‘Why? They’re horrible, dangerous things.’

‘Mum said my dad rode a bike. She said he had a leather jacket and he was the nicest, handsomest man in the world.’

Good grief…Had Lucy known the real identify of Josh’s father all along? Or had she seen something in Josh as he’d grown older that had reminded her of the man who’d been her secret? Or…maybe…she’d just wanted to give him a hero image to feel proud of. Sarah could understand why. She could only hold her breath and hope like hell that Rick would live up to his status.

‘I might die,’ Josh said matter-of-factly. ‘What if that happens and I never got to find out what it’s like?’

Sarah groaned inwardly. Talk about emotional blackmail.

But Josh was grinning now. He had her over a barrel and they both knew it.

He’d been thinking about Simon when the doorbell rang.

His young patient in Intensive Care was starting to breathe on his own and it looked like he’d be able to come off the ventilator very soon. Survival was seeming more likely but at what cost? How brain damaged might he be? His parents had adapted to their new environment remarkably quickly and they’d actually been overjoyed at the news of progress today but how
happy would they be further down the track if their son couldn’t talk or walk? Or maybe not even recognise them?

To see the bright, inquisitive eyes of an intelligent child looking up at him when he opened the door was light years away from where his thoughts had been. It was so unexpected that Rick was totally floored. His brain was having difficulty joining the dots.

‘Josh? What on earth are you doing here?’

‘Sarah dropped me.’

‘Huh?’ Rick looked over the boy’s head. A small, red car was at the end of his driveway. It was a tricky manoeuvre at this time of day to back out onto what was essentially a main road. It could well take a minute or two.

‘I’ve come to visit,’ Josh said.

Rick dropped his gaze. Josh had a look on his face that could only be deemed supremely confident. Triumphant, almost. It was a look that said,
You can’t send me away cos I’m your son.
He also had what looked suspiciously like an overnight bag at his feet.

‘Hang tight for a tick, buddy.’ Rick pulled his lips into the best semblance of a smile he could manage. ‘I’ll be right back.’

He’d never walked down that driveway with such powerful strides. Driven by outrage. What the
hell
did Sarah think she was playing at here?

He almost missed his opportunity. She didn’t see him approaching because she was looking over her shoulder and she’d found a gap in the traffic and started to back out. As she turned the wheel to change direction, Rick stepped out in front of her car. It was a pretty
stupid thing to do but Rick was past thinking clearly. Did he really think he could stop the vehicle from running him over by thumping his fist on the bonnet like that?

Whatever. It worked. Sarah jammed on the brakes and the car stalled with a lurch. Rick took another two strides that brought him to the driver’s window, which had been rolled down to aid visibility. Sarah was staring straight ahead, still gripping the steering-wheel.

‘ What’s going on here?’ He kept his tone quiet. Deliberately dangerous.

Sarah flinched but didn’t meet his unfriendly stare. ‘Josh wanted to visit you.’ Her voice was high and tight. ‘He seems to think that you offered him a ride on your bike and he wants to take you up on it.’

This didn’t make sense. When he’d suggested that at the wedding, Sarah had acted as if he was planning to murder her nephew. Not that he was going to be distracted by trying to find out why she’d changed her mind. There were more pressing issues to get sorted.

‘So you just left him on my doorstep? What kind of guardian
are
you? What if you’d got the address wrong? If I hadn’t been home?’

The flinch had become semi-permanent. Sarah radiated tension.

‘I got Mike to check your roster. I already knew your address. And…and I waited until I saw you open the door.’