The Honourable Maverick / The Unsung Hero (25 page)

The words had haunted Rick all day.

What if there came a time when Rick knew he’d never see that smart, funny, brave kid who happened to be
his
son again? If he found himself having an
agonised conversation with Max or Jet and saying
he
should have made the most of every moment?

But how could he when he was so aware of Sarah every time he even walked into the bone-marrow unit? Knowing that she would be there in the room? That he would have to keep his guard up and make sure he didn’t give out any signals about the effect she had on him? Knowing that if he did, she’d just brush him off as unimportant. No big deal. He wasn’t worth a position of anything more than Josh’s father because he’d treated her sister so badly he’d made sure that she would never realise her dream of a complete family.

Well, that was fine. He didn’t want it to be a big deal. Having a sick kid was enough of a complication in his life. He just didn’t want the aggravation of having to be so close to the untouchable Sarah adding its own tension.

‘Here you go, mate. Lamb burger and kumera wedges. Extra mint yoghurt on the side.’

‘Cheers.’ Rick managed a smile. ‘Now I’ll just have to get past the potential ambush at the door.’

The man serving him looked over his shoulder and groaned. ‘That mutt back again? I’ll have to ring the council in the morning. I called them last week and they’re obviously not doing their job properly. Typical! Why do we bother paying our rates, huh?’

No doubt he’d give the council an earful tomorrow. They’d make an extra effort to find the dog and lock him into a cage. They’d wait the required length of time for someone to claim it, was it ten days? And then, if nobody came, they’d dispose of it. End of story.

An old bell clanged as Rick pushed open the door
and stepped into the street. He couldn’t help glancing down at the dog.

At least Josh would never know what its fate had been.

The dog grinned up at him, flattening its ears and waving its tail.

‘Oh, for God’s sake.’ Rick opened the bag he was holding and fished a piece of the lamb steak out of the burger. He threw it and the dog caught the food with a flash of white teeth. It practically inhaled it.

Rick walked on. It wasn’t far to the warehouse and he’d felt the need to stretch his legs so he hadn’t bothered to bring a vehicle. Half a block later, he realised he wasn’t alone.

‘Go home,’ he told the dog sternly. ‘You must have one.’

It had been stupid to give it any food. The dog clearly thought he could solve all its problems now. It was staying a respectful distance behind him but it was still there as he turned up his driveway.

‘Look, I’ll give you some more food,’ he said. ‘And then you can go home. OK?’

He wasn’t going to sacrifice the rest of his dinner but he emptied half the bag of kumera wedges onto the side of the driveway and then resolutely went inside and closed his door. The dog would be gone by morning. At least it wouldn’t still be miserably hungry when the dog catcher found it and it wasn’t as if he could do any more to help the mutt.

So why did he feel that, despite doing his best, he was still somehow failing everyone?

The dog.

Simon.

Sarah.

Josh.

Himself.?

Life never used to be this complicated. If this was what finally growing up was all about, maybe he’d had the right idea in postponing it for so long.

She was waiting for him this time.

This was the fourth time Sarah had slipped out of Josh’s room to hover in the unit’s reception area. The desk was only staffed during working hours so it had been deserted for quite some time now. The nursing staff were either busy with patients or in the central office further down the corridor. If any of them knew where she was, they would assume she needed a bit of peace and quiet and room to stretch her legs just a little after the strain of a long and difficult day.

Josh had developed pain that needed more medication but that had made him vomit and he’d needed yet more drugs to control the nausea. There’d been a blood transfusion this afternoon and along with new pain and the monitoring and extra tests, Josh hadn’t had a chance to rest properly. He’d been awake and fretful and asking, at regular intervals, when his dad was going to come and visit.

And now it was 7:00 p.m. and Rick still hadn’t showed his face. If he didn’t appear in the next few minutes, Sarah was going to call him at home and give him a piece of her mind about letting a sick little boy down. She was furious. Pacing back and forth across the reception area wasn’t helping at all. Seeing Rick
finally come through the double doors that led to the main hospital didn’t help either. If anything, it bent and broke the last of her self-control.

‘Where have you
been
all day, Rick? Josh has been asking and asking for you.’

‘I’m here now.’ He sounded weary. As though he was only here because it was something he was required to do. An extra duty to tick off for the working day.

‘He’s asleep,’ Sarah informed him icily. ‘Probably for the night.’

‘Oh…’ Rick’s gaze slid away. ‘I’ll come back in the morning, then.’

‘Sure…’ Sarah watched him turn away. She harnessed her anger and let it escape in a sarcastic tone. ‘If it’s convenient, of course.’

He turned back. He pushed stiff fingers through his hair. ‘I’ve had a busy day,’ he said quietly. ‘I’ve got a thirteen-year-old boy in Intensive Care who’s in trouble. He started having seizures and—’

‘You’ve got a nine-year-old
son
who’s in trouble,’ Sarah snapped. ‘And you haven’t been anywhere near him.’

Rick sighed. ‘I’m here now.’

‘Too little,’ Sarah snarled. ‘And too late. He’s had a horrible day and the one thing that could have made it better might have been having a visit from his dad, and it didn’t happen. What’s going on here, Rick? You’ve been avoiding him for days. Has the novelty worn off or something?’

Rick gave an incredulous huff. ‘I’ve been in to see him every single day.’

‘Only once. You used to come two or three times,
remember? Set a precedent with kids and they have this funny trust that it’s going to carry on. They’re a bit like dogs that way.’

He seemed to wince at the comparison. He opened his mouth to say something but Sarah didn’t give him the chance.

‘You said you’d give being a dad your best shot.’ Sarah tried to sound accusing but the telltale wobble in her voice was a sure sign tears weren’t far away. She needed to wrap this up fast. ‘If this is your best shot, it’s not good enough. It would have been better not to get involved with Josh at all than to let him think you cared and then—’ she had to swallow to get rid of the sudden lump in her throat ‘—avoid him like this. It’s not fair, Rick.’ Her voice had lost all its power now. It was hardly more than a whisper. ‘It’s not even nice.’

‘I’m not avoiding Josh.’

‘You
are.’
For once, Sarah managed to catch and hold Rick’s gaze. ‘You might not think so but that’s what it’s like on this side of the equation. You hardly come and when you do you don’t stay very long. You’re avoiding him.’

‘I’m not.’

It felt like Rick’s gaze was holding hers now, instead of the other way round. His features softened. His eyes were dark and intense but one corner of his mouth lifted in a wry, lopsided smile.

‘I’m not avoiding Josh,’ Rick said. ‘I’m avoiding
you.’

‘Why? What have I done?’

‘It’s more what I’ve done. Or maybe what I want to do.’

Sarah swallowed hard. Here it was, out in the open. They had the chance to talk about this and get it sorted. For Josh’s sake. She took a quick breath as she screwed up her courage.

‘Tell me,’ she whispered.

But Rick jerked his head in a sharp, negative gesture and made a rough sound that could have been a strangled groan. He was about to turn away but Sarah grabbed his arm and tugged so that he had to face her again and somehow it had brought them even closer together.

‘Rick…please.
We have to talk about this. I need to understand.’

The movement of his throat suggested he was finding it difficult to swallow. When he spoke, she hardly recognised the deep drawl.

‘This
is what I’m talking about.’

She knew what was coming the moment Rick began to pull her into his arms. She also knew that this was going be nothing like the brief, almost impersonal kisses they’d already given each other. He was moving in for the real thing.

She could have pulled free. She knew quite well that if she’d made any protest, Rick would have let her go instantly, but if he did, he’d probably walk out and they would never have the chance to talk. She’d be left still angry and confused and miserable and would have to stay that way…maybe for ever.

She might spend the rest of her life wondering what it would have been like to be properly kissed by Rick Wilson.

And…she deserved just a moment for herself, didn’t
she? Time out from being mother to a suffering child. A respite from remembering all the misery of today’s procedures and problems and imagining what was still to come. A bit of nostalgia, even, for a time when she had had no one to be responsible for other than herself and men had made her feel desirable.

Was it so wrong to want to feel wanted?

Even if it was, she was powerless to resist the pull. The pull into Rick’s arms and into the delicious heat of desire. Tiny flames that ignited at the mere touch of his hands and exploded into a blinding white heat as his mouth shaped itself to cover hers.

No chance of pulling free now. The possibility didn’t even occur to Sarah as she closed her eyes and lifted her arms to wrap them around Rick’s neck.

No. There was no way out of this.

She was completely lost.

T
HIS
was the most astonishing kiss of his life.

The feel of Sarah’s mouth under his. So soft, so sweet, so…responsive. The way her whole body seemed to soften in his arms so that merely the desire to mould her closer to his own body seemed to be enough to make it happen.

He’d known it would be this perfect that first moment he’d set eyes on her. What he hadn’t realised was that it would feel
so…right.

He could let his hands roam and shape her breasts. Or cup her bottom and pull her against the urgent need pulsing in his core. He could peel away her clothing and then his own and he
knew
there would be none of that first-time awkwardness. They would just morph from a first kiss into being lovers and it would be like they’d always been together, only better. Much better, because it would still have all the excitement of being totally new.

Of course, he couldn’t do any of that. Not here. He might be so involved in this kiss that he wouldn’t care if half of Queen Mary’s medical staff had gathered to watch in this reception area but he wasn’t insane. Some
things…OK, a great many things that he intended to do to Sarah Prescott needed complete privacy.

For a moment he let himself revel in the anticipation of those things but when it threatened to become too powerful to resist, he eased himself away from her. Reluctantly. Just his lips to start with.

‘Come with me,’ he murmured. ‘I know a much better place for this.’

He felt the way her body tensed. It was slow process, like the development of one of those Polaroid pictures he took for Josh. Was she having that much trouble focusing because of that kiss? He liked that idea. Enough to make him close that tiny distance between them. He wanted to scramble her brain all over again and make her aware of only him and what he could do to her senses.

But Sarah resisted this time. Her hands slid over his shoulders to rest on his chest. She even pushed at him faintly. And she shook her head. She seemed ready to say something but no words emerged from her parted lips. Rick could sense a growing distress. Capturing her hand, he led her to one of the armchairs. He needed to reassure her somehow. Good grief, this wasn’t
that
big a deal. He was talking about sex here. Potentially mindblowingly good sex. But it wasn’t as if he was planning to disrupt her entire life. Or his, of course.

Sarah’s legs buckled without hesitation and she sat down. He perched on the edge of the adjacent chair, still keeping her hand firmly clasped in his.

He raised an eyebrow as he smiled gently. ‘Problem?’

Sarah shook her head but then she nodded. ‘I can’t.
we
can’t.’

‘Why not?’ It seemed such a no-brainer to him now that he knew she was as interested as he was. They’d be seeing quite a lot of each other from now on so why not make it a whole heap more enjoyable?

The tiny huff of breath from Sarah told him that the answer should be obvious.

‘Because of Josh.’

Rick considered that. He might have expected her to say
because of Lucy.
Or because she knew he was a rat or because she wasn’t really interested. No, he knew that one wasn’t true. He had to hide the way his lips wanted to curl again. Nobody could kiss like that if they weren’t interested. Very, very interested.

‘This is about us, Sarah,’ he said slowly. ‘It has nothing to do with Josh.’

‘How can you say that? You’re his father.’

‘True.’ Amazing how he didn’t have the slightest hesitation in agreeing to that statement now. He couldn’t imagine denying it, in fact.

‘You’re going to be part of his life, for a long time. I hope,’ she added after the tiniest hesitation.

This wasn’t the time to be talking about prognoses. ‘I will,’ Rick said confidently.

A faint warning bell was sounding somewhere in the back of his mind. Heralding concern about that ‘part of his life’. That more could well be expected of him than he felt willing or capable of giving.

‘And I’m a part of his life, too. It’s all connected.’

The bell got louder. Connections. Expectations. Rick could almost feel a mental door closing, shutting
off the sound. Listening instead to the husky note in Sarah’s voice that advertised her arousal. This was about now. About
them.
The strength of his desire for what the next hour or two could hold was more than enough to make any further thought into the future irrelevant.

He nodded, more an acceptance of the direction of his own thoughts than anything Sarah had just said. He had loosened his hold on her hand now and was stroking her palm with his thumb. Feeling the shape of all the tiny bones in there. When he moved his fingers as well, he could feel the way her fingers and knuckles moved. Whether she was aware of it or not, her hand was responding to his touch. A discreet, intimate little dance.

‘And that’s a bad thing?’ he queried softly.

He heard another small huff. Or maybe it was a sigh at his lack of comprehension.

‘My relationship with Josh is one thing,’ he said. ‘My relationship with you is something else. We could be—’

‘Friends,’ Sarah interrupted. That huskiness in her voice had increased. She sounded almost hoarse now. ‘Friends would be good.’

‘Absolutely.’ Rick closed his hand around hers to increase the pressure of his touch. ‘Good friends.’ He waited until she looked up.
‘Very
good friends.’

He smiled at her with the most winning expression he could muster. It wasn’t a hard call. He had a lot to lose.

Sarah’s hair rippled with the subtle shake she gave her head. It was enough to catch the light over the
reception desk and send a shower of golden sparks over her head. ‘And if it didn’t work? If we stopped being such good
friends?’
There was another play of light through her hair. ‘It would be Josh who’d catch the fallout, Rick. I can’t let that happen. You’re important to him. I don’t think you have any idea how important you’ve already become to Josh.’

Rick stifled the urge to catch a handful of her hair and move it so he could see more of those glints. She was worried that whatever was happening between them was going to fizzle out in no time flat. Maybe she thought all he wanted was a one-night stand like he’d had with her sister.

It wasn’t true. This was a very different proposition.
He
was a very different person. He didn’t want a one-night stand. Good grief, no. He wanted…he wanted.

The answer wasn’t there but it didn’t matter because Rick at least knew what he didn’t want and that was to lose the opportunity to get to know Sarah a lot better. To just
be
with her. The future would take care of itself. It always had, hadn’t it?

‘Josh is important to me, too,’ he said sincerely. ‘So are you, Sarah. I’m attracted to you.’ He grinned. ‘Just in case that wasn’t already clear.’

Sarah ducked her head with an endearingly shy movement. ‘It was,’ she murmured.

Rick grinned. ‘Well, you did say you needed to understand what was bothering me.’

He let his breath out in a sigh. ‘I want to be with you,’ he continued in a much more serious tone. ‘So much that it
has
been interfering with how often I’ve been coming to see Josh. I’m sorry about that. I was
trying to avoid torturing myself and it was selfish and. immature.’ He tried to smile again but it was a crooked effort. ‘I am trying to grow up. Honest.’

The huff was laughter this time but he could also see a shine in Sarah’s eyes that had nothing to do the light over the reception desk so it had to be from tears.

‘I’m sorry I ever said that you needed to grow up, Rick. You’re perfect just the way you are.’

The words gave him a very odd sensation inside. As though something was melting. No…more like expanding. A bubble of something shiny that would pop and send a glow right through him. She thought he was perfect? Oh…man.

He had to concentrate on finding the right words. ‘Josh is my son,’ he managed. ‘And I’ll start being better at letting him know how important that is. Nothing’s going to change that, including whatever might happen between us…if we let it.’

‘But…’ He watched the way Sarah caught her bottom lip between her teeth and felt a stab of renewed desire deep in his belly. ‘What if it’s just…physical?’

Rick raised an eyebrow. ‘Are you going to avoid any kind of relationship because you’ve become Josh’s mum?’

‘I…um…haven’t given it any thought. It’s.’ Sarah sighed heavily, clearly releasing something she hadn’t intended to admit. ‘OK, I haven’t met anyone who’s made me think about it. The fact that you’re Josh’s dad makes it…complicated.’

‘But mightn’t it be even more complicated with someone who wasn’t Josh’s dad? Given what happened in your last relationship?’

That seemed to score a point, judging by the way Sarah frowned at the reminder.

‘I don’t—’

‘Sarah…’ Rick put both his hands over hers. ‘If you think about worst-case scenarios you’d never do anything in life. And if you live in the past or in the future, you risk missing what’s happening in the present and that’s…well, that’s your life.’

She didn’t say anything but her gaze was locked on his. She was certainly listening.

‘We’re in the present. The person I used to be—that Lucy met—is long gone. This is now. My attraction to you is now and it’s real. We’re both grown-ups.’ He paused just long enough for a quick smile. ‘I’m getting there, anyway. None of us know what the future holds. If this thing—whatever it is—between us doesn’t go anywhere, we can handle it. Look at all the divorced people out there who manage to co-parent their kids just fine.’

‘That’s true…I guess.’

‘And it’s not as if we’re planning something heavy like marriage.’ Rick did his best to make that sound like the only really big deal there could be. ‘Think of it as stress relief if you like. You deserve it.’

Once more, he lowered his tone and slowed his speech so that when the words came out they sounded more solemn than anything he’d ever heard himself utter.

‘I promise I won’t let it hurt Josh.’

A silence fell. They were still connected by their eye contact and the way their hands were tangled together. He could
feel
her. Body and soul.

‘Let’s just think about the present,’ he said softly. ‘You and me. What we want. I know what
I
want.’ He paused again, holding her gaze and her hands. Trying to draw her closer to him by sheer willpower. ‘What do
you
want?’

‘You.’
The word was a whisper.

Rick leaned close enough to brush her lips with his. ‘Come with me, then.’

‘I can’t go home with you, Rick. It’s too far. Today’s been—’

‘I’m not taking you that far. There’s an on-call room that’s got my name on it for the night. It’s private. It’s got a bed.’

She caught her breath in a tiny gasp. He watched the way her pupils dilated, making her eyes dark with desire.

‘You might get called.’

‘I’m not actually on call. I just didn’t want to be too far away in case something goes wrong for Simon again.’

‘Simon?’

‘The boy in ICU. The one I’ve been struggling to get stable again today. He’s looking good at the moment. Better than he has been, in fact. It’s highly unlikely that I’ll get called.’

He stood up, still holding her hand, but he didn’t pull her to her feet. This had to be her choice.

He saw the way she took a deep breath as she made that choice. Time stopped for a moment, kind of like the way it had when he’d first seen her. This decision was as important as her arrival in his life. Right now, it felt as if his life depended on it.

Sarah got to her feet. He felt her hold on his hand tighten. Her answer was in the slightly tremulous smile she gave him. Rick didn’t feel the need to say anything more either.

Hand in hand, they went through the double doors into the main block.

Sarah was grateful for the strength she could feel in Rick’s hand and the way he was gently guiding her.

Her brain felt as confused as it had been for some time now but it was as though a coin had been flipped. Instead of that endless circuit of denial and frustration and worry and guilt, this was a jumble of the promise of ultimate pleasure laced with good reasons for permission to experience it.

She knew there were plenty of flaws in Rick’s point of view. Like the way some children could be used as pawns in the games played by parents whose divorce was less than amicable. And that while it was true her last boyfriend had dumped her because of Josh, he’d been presented with the unexpected addition of a child in the equation well after the relationship had started. It would be different if she met someone now.

Counter-arguments that could have undermined Rick’s persuasive efforts were locked away, however, and if Sarah tried to access that part of her brain, she became aware of a flood of irresistible sensation instead. The way Rick looked at her in the lift. The way he locked the door of the tiny room upstairs and pinned her against it to kiss her. Not on her lips but on the side of her neck, exactly where she could feel her pulse stumbling with unbearable anticipation. The feel of his
lips and the touch of his tongue went straight into her bloodstream and coursed through her body, igniting fierce desire in her belly and making her legs weak.

He undressed her with the kind of expertise that should have reminded her of his past and rung alarm bells, but they’d been silenced along with the counter arguments. Worry about Josh needing her was tucked away as well. She had her mobile phone. The nurses could contact her if she was needed.

Sarah gave herself up to what she wanted most and she wanted to believe everything Rick had said. And it was easy because she recognised the truth of it. Angsting over the past—including Rick’s playboy antics and her sister’s part in them—or worrying about the future that encompassed how she could deal with the fallout this might produce could totally override what was happening right now and
this
was the moment she was living.

As herself. Not as an aunt or mother or sister. Or a guardian or nurse.

This was about what was at the centre of her being. What she loved and wanted. And it tapped into long-neglected hopes and dreams. It was.