The Holly Project (12 page)

“How often do you see your sister?”

“Not that often. Aspen lives in Melbourne. Mum flies down regularly to see her and I catch up with her when I can. I think you’d really like her, actually.”

“Aspen is an unusual name.”

“It’s where my parents met, and most likely where she was conceived, although I’d rather not give that any thought.” He scrunched up his face in disgust.

“My mum loved to ski. She would have loved to go to Aspen.”

I had so many more questions I wanted to ask about his family, but I was distracted by my growing desire to kiss him again. Ryan looked absent somehow, but I had no idea what he was thinking. Staring at his perfect face, I knew I didn’t want anything to ruin this perfect moment.

“Let’s go back to bed,” I said, snapping him out of his thoughts.

We discarded our clothes on the way back to the bedroom.

“Are you taking birth control?” Ryan asked, as we climbed into bed.

“I am,” I replied. “But I’ve never had sex without a condom.”

“I don’t want to use them with you anymore.”

I looked at him questioningly.

“I want to feel you with no barriers. If we both prove we’re clean, would you consider ditching the condoms?”

“Okay,” I whispered.

“I won’t be having sex with anyone else while our arrangement is in place. And you sure as hell won’t be having sex with anyone but me, so–”

I cut him off. “I said okay, Ryan.”

“You did? Oh. Okay then.”

I was surprised by how easily I had consented to his request. I wanted to feel him without any barriers too. It was something I’d never experienced before.

He looked at my lips hungrily.

I smiled my consent. Ryan wasted no time grabbing my waist and pulling me against him. Our lips collided and the ensuing inferno raged once again. Our bodies melded into each other as if they were made to be connected. I was shocked by how quickly I was ready to be taken by him again. The way I felt when we were together was becoming a dangerous addiction.

Despite being content in his arms, I forced myself to get up and gather my clothes from around the room. My heart wanted to stay, but my head was telling me I was getting attached, and that wasn’t good. For this to really work, we needed to keep some boundaries in place.

When I was fully dressed, I turned to Ryan who was watching me with an unreadable expression.

“Well, um… Thanks?” I said, laughing

“You are more than welcome,” he replied, grinning. “You can stay if you want.”

“I think it’s best if I go home.” I knelt on the bed and kissed him.

He grabbed the front of my t-shirt and deepened the kiss.

“Okay. Okay. I have to go.” I pulled away and stood up.

When I reached the door, I glanced back. He was staring at me with that same unreadable expression. Neither of us smiled. We just stared for a few seconds.
What are we doing?

The week passed in a blur of meetings, site visits and more meetings. I was back at the Slater Jenkins offices, so maintaining a professional relationship with Ryan had been no problem. I had only seen him once, and that was at the site with six other people – including Slater. Part of me had hoped for a stolen glance or a warm smile. I got neither. Our arrangement was working.

As I headed home from work on Friday afternoon, my phone alerted me to a text message.

My place or yours?

Once again, we were insatiable the second we were alone in his suite. The more we were together, the more comfortable we became with each other’s bodies. Lying naked together, I ran my fingers down his toned abs. A small raised scar on his lower torso made me sit up for closer inspection.

“What happened there?”

“Oh, that,” he replied, sitting up. “Just an old sporting injury.” He appeared distracted again. “Are you hungry?”

“Famished. What are you cooking me?”

“Very funny. Let’s grab a bite downstairs at one of the wharf restaurants.”

We decided on an Asian fusion restaurant and were treated to one of their best tables. I guessed Ryan was a good customer.

“So how was your week, Ms Ashton?” he asked as our dumplings arrived.

“Busy. Lots of meetings and site visits. Yours?”

“You know, I really wanted to come over and kiss you when we were on site together. It nearly killed me to keep my distance.”

“Well, that wouldn’t have been very discreet.” I was happy our arrangement was working so well, but was strangely relieved to hear him say he’d wanted to kiss me. I’d sure as hell wanted to kiss him.

“I’d like you to stay tonight,” he said, flooring me with his intense gaze.

“You would?”

“I’ve had a really busy week and I’d like nothing more than to bury myself deep inside you over and over. I’m not ready to let you go just yet.”

His words were both hot and cutting at the same time. He wanted me, but only as a distraction. I had wanted the casual thing too, but I was starting to feel used.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” I pushed the remaining dumpling around with my chopsticks.

“Look, Holly. We’re keeping our distance during the week. Can’t we enjoy each other on the weekends?”

“I guess so.”

“Well, that was unconvincing. What’s wrong?”

“I know what’s going on here, Ryan. I’m not stupid.”

“What is it you know, Holly?”

“I know you like me. And I know I like you.” I put my chopsticks down and pushed my shoulders back. “I know we are definitely compatible in the bedroom.”

Ryan smiled but didn’t interrupt.

“I know I’ve never felt like this about anyone before and it scares me. It scares me half to death. When I’m with you, I feel alive and beautiful. But none of these things matter because neither of us wants a serious relationship. I’m fairly certain I’m just a useful distraction to you.”

“So you think you know a lot then, smarty pants.”

I couldn’t help smiling at the reference to our first meeting.

“You remember that conversation, don’t you?” he asked.

I nodded.

“Look at me, Holly.”

I tentatively raised my eyes to his, worried about what was coming.

“I remember it too,” he continued. “I told you there was a sadness in your eyes I didn’t understand.”

“I remember that. It freaked me out a little.”

“Well something has changed since then. There is still sadness, which I hope you can explain to me properly, but you’re happy when you’re with me. We were meant to meet, Holly.”

I could feel tears welling in my eyes.

“I’ve had girlfriends but it’s never felt right. My last girlfriend in London wanted to make things more serious, so I broke up with her.” He reached across the table and grabbed hold of my hand. “And now I know why it never felt right. She wasn’t you.”

I was rendered speechless.

“You are drop dead freaking gorgeous for a start.” His thumbs caressed the top of my hands. “I pretty much want to have sex with you constantly. But on top of that, you are intelligent and ambitious. You also have the smartest mouth, a beautiful creative mind and you make me laugh. The fact that neither of us is desperate to make this more complicated than necessary makes it all the more perfect.”

He seemed to know exactly what I needed to hear. We were having a good time. We liked each other, but without either of us asking too much. Neither of us wanted a commitment or a future. Perhaps it was the perfect arrangement.

I stayed the night. I stayed for breakfast. I stayed for lunch.

It was Saturday night and I was dressed, ready to go out for dinner. I’d left Ryan straight after lunch and headed home. I’d agreed to go out to dinner with Jason to see if we could sort out our damaged friendship.

“Wine o’clock?’ Zara asked, interrupting my thoughts.

“Oh, she lives and breathes.”

“Very funny. Jake’s taking a shower.” She walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of red wine from the rack above the fridge.

“Jason will be here any minute,” I called out to her. “I could do with a glass of wine, thanks.”
Or maybe a bottle.

She returned to the lounge room holding two glasses in one hand and the bottle in the other.

Sitting down on the couch next to me, she handed me a glass. “Talk to me, Holly. What’s been going on with you this week? I’ve barely seen you.”

“Yes, that’s because you’ve been having crazy, wild sex with Jake. Are you guys officially together now or what?”

“Who knows,” she grinned. “We’re having fun and we’re very compatible, if you know what I mean.”

“Ugh. No visuals, thanks.”

“So you’re giving Jason the chance to redeem himself? How was it working together all week?”

“I’m the ice queen, apparently. We’re going out for dinner tonight to try and talk it out. I’m really pissed at him though, Zara. Sleeping with Audrey then going postal about me hanging out with Ryan was completely out of order.” I took a sip of wine. “Audrey has forgiven him, but she’s the forgiving kind.”

“I imagine Corey might have something to do with her forgiving nature?”

“Yep. He’s actually a really nice guy from what I can tell.”

“So, what made you agree to go out with Jason tonight then?”

“Well, I wasn’t going to stay pissed at him forever, especially when he was so quick to apologise to Audrey.” His grovelling had been fairly epic. By the end of the week my frosty demeanour had thawed a little and Jason saw his chance. “It was actually kind of funny. He looked terrified and approached me with caution. I am a bitch.”

“You’re not a bitch, Hol.”

“It helped that work is going really well. The consultant hired to push my design through council is confident of an approval soon.”

“That’s awesome, Holly. Your mum would be so proud. And you’re not a bitch; you care about your friends is all.”

“Thanks, Zar.”

“Soooo… what’s the deal with Ryan. Are you guys dating?”

“No. We’re just ‘having sex,” I replied, using air quotes.

“Wow. Okay. Is he okay with that?”

“It was his idea.”

“What was whose idea?” Jake asked, appearing from behind the couch, freshly showered.

“Girls’ business, sorry.” She looked at me and winked.

Jake pulled her up, sat down next to me then pulled her back down on his lap.

The intercom buzzed.
Excellent timing, Jason.

“Doesn’t he have a key?” Zara asked. “He never buzzes from downstairs.”

“I don’t think he’s taking any liberties around me for the time being.” I stood up and grabbed my handbag. I needed to sort this out. “See you later, lovebirds.”

I waved to Zara and Jake as I opened the front door, but they were already completely engrossed in each other.
Ugh.

When the lift opened, I immediately saw Jason standing in the lobby by the large indoor plant. He appeared awkward and unsure, shifting on his feet. We’d always had such an easy, comfortable friendship. This situation was neither easy nor comfortable, but it was necessary if our friendship had a future.

“Hi,” I said, when I reached him.

Without saying anything, he pulled me in for a hug. When I hugged him back, I could feel his whole body relax.

“God, I’ve missed you, Holly. I’m so sorry about last weekend. Can you forgive me?”

I pulled out of the hug and looked at him. I could see the desperation and sincerity in his eyes. “We need to talk, Jase.”

“I know. Let’s go.”

We walked down to Circular Quay and then to the Rocks. There was a little Italian restaurant there that you could easily miss if you didn’t know about it. They made the best gnocchi in the world as far as I was concerned. It was a favourite of ours, and we found ourselves heading there without discussing it.

Giovanni, the owner, greeted us like old friends.

“
Buonasera
. Good evening
Holly e Jason. Benvenuto
. Welcome.”

“
Grazie, Giovanni. Per due?
” Jason asked, in perfect Italian.

“
Naturalmente. Sempre
. Always.”

“
Grazie
.” I attempted to use the correct inflection.

He led us through the restaurant and showed us to our table. Once we’d ordered our meals and some Chianti, I knew it was time to get some things off my chest.

“What were you thinking, Jason? Why would you sleep with Audrey if you don’t feel that way about her?”

He looked at the red and white tablecloth and didn’t reply immediately. I waited for him to speak.

When he finally looked at me, I could see the pain this conversation was inflicting on him.

“I don’t know. I wish I could take it back, but I can’t.”

“Can you tell me what happened? All I know is that you slept with Audrey, found out I was staying overnight with Ryan then you went a bit crazy.”

“We were at Jake’s party. Audrey was in a great mood. We were all drinking. She took a call from you and told me you weren’t going to make it to the party but didn’t tell me why. We kept drinking, which led to dancing, leading to more drinking.”

“So you’re telling me you were too drunk to know what you were doing?” My anger was rising again and I was grateful when Giovanni arrived with the Chianti.

“No. That’s not what I’m saying. We were fairly drunk but I remember everything. Audrey is hot. She’s an amazing dancer and I’m definitely attracted to her. We ended up kissing and before we knew it, we were having sex in one of Jake’s spare rooms.”

“So when did it all go wrong?”

Jason went back to studying the tablecloth.

He started speaking without looking at me. “Afterwards, it occurred to me to ask where you were.” He looked up and met my eyes. “I lost my mind, Holly. I couldn’t stop thinking about you giving Ryan what I’ve always wanted from you.”

I raised my eyebrows. “A one-night stand?”

“No. That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean, Jason? I’d really like to know.”

“I knew if you slept with Ryan Davenport, you’d be risking your career. If you were willing to risk your career, that had to mean he’d cracked the Holly Ashton wall of defence. So what’s to stop him getting a hold of your heart?”