The Guide to Getting It On (58 page)

Double Penetration

“I have had anal sex intermittently. It’s OK. I was double penetrated twice and
THAT
was the most incredible thing, but it was a dangerous science to get the positioning just right.”
female age 28

The Guide
has a separate Chapter 46:
Double Penetration
. Please give it a look if you are planning to party with two penises.

Anal Fisting

Yes, there is such a thing. It can be very dangerous if done by the inexperienced. The best book on the subject is said to be Bert Herrman’s
Trust: The Hand Book—A Guide to the Sensual and Spiritual Art of Handballing,
Alamo Square Press (1991). The subject is also covered well in Tristan Taormino’s Ulti
mate Guide to Anal Sex, 2nd edition,
Cleis Press (2006). It never hurts to check with a physician first, perhaps one who is recommended by your local gay and lesbian health center. Even if you are not gay, they are more likely to know about the practice and will send you to a more fisting-friendly practitioner. There are also organized groups of fisters in large cities who sometimes offer talks and demonstrations.

Lost Condom in the Dungeon of Doom?

According to the excellent book
Sex Disasters,
a condom lost up your rectum can go farther up than your partner can reach with his or her fingers. Not to worry, it will most likely come out the next time you have a BM. However, if you are worried you will die from the condom up your crapper, call your healthcare provider or visit an ER. As for a sex toy lost up your bum, this is a different story. Do not try to reach up and grab it, as you are likely to shove it farther up. If you can’t squat and push it out, seek medical attention. Depending on the object, this can be a very serious situation.

Precautions for Anal Sex—A Recap

• Straight or gay, married or in transition—if you are doing anal intercourse, use a condom and LOTS of condom-friendly lube.
  
• Make sure that anything about to go up your rectum is both clean and well-lubricated. You may need to re-apply the lube often. That’s because the rectum was designed to absorb fluids back into the body.
  
• You will need to discuss which positions and angles feel best. Positions are similar to those used with vaginal intercourse.
  
• Remove anything you have placed in the rectum very slowly. This includes a penis.
  
• Don’t stick a finger, penis or other object directly into a vagina when it’s just been up an anus. Wash it first with soap and water. Make sure that your nails are well-trimmed.
  
• People who have anal intercourse should occasionally get a rectal swab done to check for VD, yet few individuals own up to doing anal sex, so they don’t tell their doctors. It might be easier if doctors simply asked, “Have you ever tried anal sex?” but it seems unlikely that the answers given would become a barometer of truth.
  
• Never, ever have anal sex unless your rectum is in 100% good health. Do not do anal sex if it is painful. Unless you are sure of what you are doing, check with a physician or qualified expert first.
  
• Do not hold your breath. Breathing deeply will help you relax.
  
• Once your get your finger, penis, dildo or whatever inside your partner’s rear end, don’t start thrusting with it. Leave it in place and gently start making circular motions. If and when your partner wants you to start thrusting, pull out slowly and as far as possible, and add more lube. Then you can start thrusting slowly.
  
• Using a latex glove helps fingers slide in more smoothly, using a condom helps a penis slide in more smoothly. They also protect both partners from getting and giving sexually transmitted infections.
  
• Don’t have anal sex when you are drugged or drunk. Your rear end is more easily damaged by sloppy sex than other body parts. Anal sex requires that the driver as well as the passenger be alert and sober. Likewise, don’t use a lube like
  Anal Ease
  that numbs your butt.
  

The author of this book went to a university with a top reputation in the sciences. Many of his classmates became medical doctors. A number of them did not seem like they would be comfortable dealing with questions about sex, anal or otherwise. Or, it is possible that you won’t be comfortable asking a physician who you know if you have questions about sex. An alternative is to call your local free clinic or a national sex hot line. And as mentioned earlier, while you may not be homosexual, a friendly place to call with questions about anal sex might be the nearest gay and lesbian health center.

Anal Recreation Resources:
You won’t find a better 25-minute video on anal sex than the
Guide To Anal Play for Women
by The Pleasure Mechanics. This video is HIGHLY recommended for any couple who is interested in anal stimulation. Their
Guide to Prostate Massage
is equally as good. Find out more on their website at
www.PleasureMechanics.com
.

Jack Morin’s
Anal Pleasure and Health, A Guide for Men, Women and Couples
, 4th revised edition, Down There Press, (2010). Now in its 4th edition, many people feel strongly that this is THE book on anal sex. While it is not shy with its “love your anus” mantra, anyone who is having anal problems of any kind will find
Anal Pleasure and Health
to be helpful. Jack Morin really does get you thinking about your anus in a different way, and if you have any kind of stress-related anal problem (especially hemorrhoids), this book will be more than worthwhile.

Tickle My Tush: Mild-to-Wild Analplay Adventures for Everybooty,
Tickle Kitty Press, (2012). Sadie Allison is one of the best “how-to sex” writers today. Her books manage to achieve that rare combination of being fun, helpful and reader friendly.

Tristan Taormino’s Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women, 2nd edition,
Cleis Press, (2006). This book is just as informative for men as for women. Tristan Taormino’s infectious zeal and zest for life and sex provide a welcome backdrop to all things anal. An excellent resource, well-organized and easy to read.

CHAPTER

25

Playing with Yourself

B
efore the 1960s, people who wrote books on sex stated with an almost religious fervor that playing with yourself (masturbation) was a very bad thing to do. Today, people who write books on sex speak with the same kind of religious fervor, only now they say that playing with yourself is a very good thing to do.

It doesn’t seem as though anything has changed. That’s because none of the experts are asking you what you want to do. When it comes to the question of whether you should or shouldn’t be masturbating, this book doesn’t have any answers. It’s your hand and your pants; if you want to stick one into the other, that’s totally up to you.

What we can tell you is that as teenagers we felt certain that masturbation was an adolescent thing, something people get over when they become adults. That never happened.

There are times when people do it a lot, and times when they hardly do it at all; times when it feels great, and times when it’s a letdown. But during those times when the world doesn’t seem like such a nice place, masturbation can usually be counted on to help take some of the edge off. It also helps ease the transition between wakefulness and sleep. And contrary to what you might think, it will sometimes play an important role in relationships even when the sex between you and your partner is totally satisfying.

Some people find that their bodies simply work better if they have an orgasm every day or two, with masturbation being a natural way to help this happen. Sometimes, you might find that you get into a certain state of mind where you need to masturbate just to relax enough so you can get the rest of your work done.

Whatever the motivation, if you are going to get yourself off by hand, why not try to get the most out of it? That is the focus of this chapter.

Vital Statistics on the Fap Attack

The following was told to Harry Maurer by a young woman for his book
Sex: An Oral History,
Viking Press:

“My mother has a vibrator that my father gave her one year. When I used to come home from college, I knew where she kept the vibrator, and I knew they never used it, so I would put it into my room and use it for the vacation. One summer I came home and it wasn’t there. I was going crazy, I’m really a vibrator addict. Finally I was just so horny I said, ‘OK, Mom, sit down. Where’s the vibrator?’ She’s like, ‘What!’ I said ‘Look, here’s the deal. I’ve been stealing your vibrator for three years, and I need it now.’ She was blown away, but she goes into her room, comes back with the vibrator, and says, ‘By the way, have you ever used the jet in the hot tub?’ ”

According to just about everyone who has ever researched the subject, somewhere between 80% and 95% of men eventually masturbate. Depending on whose statistics you look at, between 50% and 85% of women do it.

Contrary to what you might think, people don’t masturbate any less as they get older. In fact, many people who are married or deeply involved in a sexual relationship still get themselves off by hand. Masturbation doesn’t decrease a person’s desire for shared sex. For some people, it increases it. And some people report that they masturbate more when they are in a relationship rather than less.

How often do people masturbate? It varies from a couple of times a day to sometimes never. As for the number of orgasms per effort, researcher Thore Langfeldt interviewed children in Norway from kindergarten through high school. Langfeldt found that the younger boys and girls could give themselves multiple orgasms when they masturbated. But as they got older, the boys started reporting fewer orgasms per attempt, while the girls reported more. This is a trend that continued with increased age and experience.

Also, while intercourse remains the most popular sex act for couples, far more men than women have orgasms during intercourse. A woman is much more likely to have an orgasm when she masturbates than when a penis is in the picture.

What the Sandman Knows about Masturbation

“In my younger years, it usually took an hour or so before I had an orgasm. Now, if I’m especially hot, five minutes with a vibrator can do it, or about fifteen to twenty minutes by hand. Sometimes I like to keep things slow; I prolong it by starting and stopping. Other times, I just want to get off as fast as I can. Sometimes I masturbate, but not to orgasm. It feels good and relaxes me without wanting to come.”
female age 47

According to the Sandman, the most common time when people masturbate is at night before they go to sleep or before taking a nap. People get themselves off at other times, too. For instance, it sometimes feels good to masturbate after a workout, since workouts can be sexually arousing. Plenty of people masturbate during a study break or when they have to spend long hours doing a paper or a project. It helps them refocus and return to the work at hand. Some people masturbate before a date so they will be more intellectually present. Women sometimes masturbate during their periods to help relieve cramping, or before intercourse to help it feel better, or after. Some people wake up feeling horny. They might masturbate early in the morning, when the cock crows, before having their Wheaties®.