The Guide to Getting It On (45 page)

Humor:
Next to bathing, humor is the most important sex aid there is. Try not to forget this.

Oral Sex during Her Period

Some couples are fine with oral sex while the woman is having her period; others wait a few days until the flow has stopped. Here are some solutions if you want the action but not the extra nutrition:

Instead, The Keeper, Diva Cup:
These are tampon alternatives that collect menstrual flow inside the vagina. They work well for oral sex during your period. Pop one in before oral sex and it will catch most if not all of the flow. These are not for birth control.

Tampons:
A woman who is having her period can insert a tampon before a man goes down on her. The tampon will usually catch most of the flow.

Diaphragm:
Some women get a diaphragm for the sole purpose of having sex during their periods. The diaphragm becomes a barrier that traps the menstrual flow. Some couples use the diaphragm for oral sex but not for intercourse, since period flow can help make intercourse feel extra fine.

Plastic Wrap:
A simple way of dodging menstrual flow is by putting plastic wrap over the woman’s vulva before going down on her.

STI NOTE:
Little if anything is known about the risks of HIV transmission when doing oral sex on a woman who is having her period, but it is a way to give and get hepatitis. A conservative approach is in order if the woman has any sexually transmitted infections. Never do unprotected oral sex on a partner if you have a canker sore or active oral herpes in your mouth, or if your partner has a herpes outbreak on his or her genitals.

Sixty-Nine

69 is when a man does oral sex on a woman at the same time that she does oral sex on him. There are plenty of couples who enjoy oral sex but don’t necessarily like doing 69. That’s because when a person is on the receiving end of oral sex, he or she might want to kick back and not have to worry about getting the other person off. On the other hand, some couples enjoy 69 as their favorite way of having sex. 69 might also be good for people who can’t tolerate receiving pleasure without giving it at the same time, or vice versa.

69 should be avoided if either partner involuntarily clenches his or her jaw when having an orgasm.

Readers’ Comments

“Get a good rhythm going. Don’t suck or lick too hard on the head of the clit. Also, either be smooth-shaved or have a beard, but no in-between. Beard burn really kills down there!”
female age 45

“Stubble on the face is not welcome in tender areas down below.”
female age 48

“Please quit when I say so; it gets really tender and ticklish after I come.”
female age 43

“Lick around the area of the clitoris, not directly on it, until I am more aroused and then only part of the time.”
female age 35

“Start out slowly, working around the outer area with your tongue. Don’t just push in. Do a lot of gentle rubbing and caressing on the insides of the leg. Gradually probe the vulva with your tongue. Develop a rhythm and keep going until I come.”
female age 32

“If my partner’s tongue gets tired, he uses his finger and sometimes it feels the same.”
female age 25

“I like a man to first shave me smooth, then gently kiss and finger me.”
female age 34

“It’s great when he puts a finger into my rear while giving me oral sex. It makes for quite the explosion!”
female age 38

CHAPTER

21

Oral Sex: Popsicles & Penises

S
ome women enjoy giving oral sex to a man. It provides them with feelings of intimacy and closeness that can be both soothing and erotic. It also provides a feeling of power and control. Other women don’t find anything special about doing oral sex, but will go down on a guy if he enjoys it. And some women would rather suck on a rusty old pipe than let their lips stray south of a man’s beltline.

Whatever your preference, this chapter offers tips and techniques about giving oral sex to the male of the species. It starts with a candid discussion about male ejaculate and then offers techniques for giving splendid blowjobs. It also includes suggestions for the man who is receiving oral sex— things he can do to help make it a neat experience for both partners.

When Gay Guys Blow

Straight women often get the feeling that they need to swallow a guy’s ejaculate in order to give a truly fine blowjob. If this were true, you’d think it would apply just as much in the gay community, where the giver of the blowjob knows exactly what it feels like to receive a blowjob. But that’s not true. Gay guys don’t always swallow when giving blowjobs. As one gay male reader says, “No way am I going to do all that work getting a partner to come and not watch him ejaculate. Besides, I don’t exactly love the taste.”

Of course, you might love swallowing your man’s gonad glue. But do it only because you want to and not because there’s some
Emily Post of Blowjobs
who says it has to be.

To Swallow or Not to Swallow — That Is the Question

Considering what happens if you suck on a penis for long enough, a woman who gives oral sex eventually has to decide if she wants to swallow ejaculate. While some women don’t mind swallowing, others find it weird. For some women the salient factors are how they feel about the guy and how they feel within the relationship. For others, it’s the taste and texture.

Different guys come in different flavors. As a female reader states: “My current lover tastes great, I like swallowing his ejaculate. But when my former boyfriend came, it felt like battery acid in the back of my mouth.” Another reader comments that she has no problem with the taste or texture of male ejaculate, but that it sometimes upsets her stomach. A British sex expert with a Margaret Thatcher-like voice says that male ejaculate is an acquired taste, like swallowing raw oysters. She says it’s nothing to get worked up over. We’re not so sure, given how nobody around here likes swallowing raw oysters. As for the smell of male ejaculate, it’s like a weak solution of Clorox—original scent rather than Lemon Fresh or Spring Rain. It also smells like alfalfa sprouts. For more on taste, texture, smell and volume, see Chapter 6:
Semen Confidential.

Who knows what to advise about swallowing male ejaculate, except that a man shouldn’t push the issue unless he is willing to swallow a mouthful of his own, although the actual amount is closer to a teaspoonful. Suggestions for how to give a really good blowjob without swallowing are listed later in this chapter.

To Swallow or Not to Swallow: Hormonal Considerations

Women sometimes wonder if they are going to get a dose of male hormones when they swallow male ejaculate. While the testicles produce the lion’s share of male hormone, most are dumped directly into the bloodstream. Those in his cum are already being absorbed into your body when you have intercourse. If you haven’t sprouted a beard or grown a big Adam’s apple from intercourse, you won’t from swallowing your partner’s cum. And the only way you will gain weight from male ejaculate is if it makes you pregnant.

Regarding the issue of health, ejaculate from a healthy guy has fewer germs than saliva. It seldom causes an allergic reaction. The main health concern about male sex fluids is whether the man has a sexually transmitted infection. For more on STIs, see Chapter 53:
Gnarly Sex Germs.

Have an Understanding

The important thing to remember about giving a blowjob is that no matter what you are doing down there, it is going to feel pretty wonderful to him. So lighten up, loosen up, stare that one-eyed squid in the scrotum and say, “Listen here, you floppy strange thing, you might be able to spit, but this lady’s the one with the teeth!” Blowing a boy is about being in charge. Enjoy it and have fun calling the shots.

Quick & Easy

Going down on a man isn’t as much a mystery as going down on a woman, given how the penis is pretty much in your face from start to finish. The childhood experience of sucking on popsicles will give you an idea of how to begin. However, popsicle-sucking does not make for an excellent blowjob unless your man keeps his penis in the freezer.

There are many different kinds of blowjobs. Some women like to include lots of kissing and licking; others mainly suck on the thing. Using your hands while giving oral sex adds an extra dimension. It never hurts to ask your partner what he likes.

Gag Prevention

Some women complain that they gag when giving blowjobs. When asked if they ever bothered to tell their partners about this, the gagging girls usually reply no. What follows are four suggestions to help keep yourself from being gagged while giving a blowjob, but the most important and intelligent suggestion is clearly the first:

Tell Him!
If he thrusts and it gags you, let him know. Tell him that the two of you need to work on it, because you enjoy giving him blowjobs except for that part. Be specific! If a little thrusting is OK, help him recognize the difference between good and painful thrusting.

Fist on Shaft:
Make a fist around the shaft of your lover’s penis, with your little finger resting on his pubic bone. This will give you four knuckles’ worth of washer or buffer. If your man has an average-sized penis, there should be less than three remaining inches to go into your mouth. If your man is luckier than most, use two hands instead of one, as you would if swinging a baseball bat. As an added benefit, keeping your fingers around the shaft can be nice for him if you use them to pump the foreskin or pull it taut. More on the pleasure aspects later.

On His Back:
Some guys thrust involuntarily when they come. To deal with this, keep your bronco on his back and position your body between his legs. When he is close to coming, keep both of your hands around the base of his penis and your forearms flat against his pelvis. The weight of your body distributed against his pelvic region will help discourage any unwanted thrusting, and if he does thrust, it will pull you up with him.

Get Him By the Balls:
Clamp your thumb and forefinger together around the upper part of the man’s scrotum where it attaches to his groin. This will place the testicles in the palm of your hand. Some men find this pleasurable, especially if the woman gently pulls downward. If he thrusts more than you want, increase the downward pull, as though you were pulling back on a horse’s reins.