The Guide to Getting It On (44 page)

While it is important to discuss this with your partner, a response that some women appreciate is as follows: Wrap your arms around her thighs from behind, as in the illustration above. Put your hands firmly on her hip bones. The female hip bones provide a perfect handle and were probably put there for this very purpose. Flex your arms so that she has to lift the weight of your upper body in order to buck. This shouldn’t hurt her at all and will keep her pelvis still enough so you can give her more of what’s causing her to buck in the first place.

However, don’t let yourself think that orgasmic histrionics mean a woman is receiving more pleasure than one who is mostly still during orgasm. The thighs and abdomen of the later might twitch or her muscles might tighten, but that’s about it. Yet she may be having a more intense experience than a woman who is expending energy doing a porn-star imitation.

Ass Play during Oral

When a woman is about to have an orgasm during oral sex, a finger tip gently inserted into her anus can launch a cascade of pleasure, or it could be the worst thing you can possibly do.

If you decide to try this, there is no need to stick your finger in very far. Just putting pressure on the rim around a lover’s anus might light up thousands of nerve endings. A variation is to insert a well-lubricated butt plug or vibrator in your partner’s rear while doing oral sex. Or your partner might want you to firmly squeeze her butt cheeks, but stay away from her anus.

You can always go for a triple play: lips on her clitoris, one finger in her vagina and one up her rear, although most women will find this to be over stimulating and not in a good way.

If She Has Vulva Jewelry or You Have a Tongue Piercing

Genital piercings can be an important player in oral sex if you learn how to use them correctly. Experiment with sucking her clit into your mouth and flicking the jewelry with your tongue. Her response may depend on how close to a specific nerve bundle the piercing lies. With the proper feedback, you’ll soon learn exactly how to use a woman’s genital jewelry to provide her with exceptional oral sex. But do be careful about the jewelry coming apart. Imagine having to explain to the people at the emergency room why you are there. (For tips on giving oral sex when you have a tongue piercing, please see the Chapter 44:
Piercings and Tattoos
.

Mixing Up Oral and Intercourse

Some couples enjoy it when a guy goes down on a woman for several minutes, then they have intercourse for a few more minutes, then he goes back down on her, then they have more intercourse. In other words, don’t assume there’s a rule book here that anyone needs to follow. Figure out what works best for the two of you and enjoy it.

It Ain’t Over until It’s Over, or She Pulls Your Head Away

Just because you think your lover has had an orgasm is no reason to come up for air. Keep doing exactly what you’re doing until she relieves you from duty with the oral-sex sentries: her hands. Do not leave your post until instructed by lefty and righty.

However, the slightest movement can feel abrasive right after a woman has had an orgasm. So be respectful if she wants you to call it quits.

When you are with a partner long enough, you will learn the best post-orgasm protocol. She may want you to lay off for a minute or two, then gently rev it up for another round. Or she may want you to surface and put your penis where your mouth has just been. It can also depend on the day and her mood at the time.

Fun at The Y—Oral Odds’n’Ends

• Find out if your sweetheart likes you to play with her breasts or other body parts while you are going down on her. One reader loves her partner to squeeze her toes when she is receiving oral sex—it can be the difference between coming or not for her.
  
• Here’s a game suggested in
  Ultimate Kiss
  by Jacqueline and Steven Franklin. Bring your lover to the edge of orgasm with oral sex and then pull your mouth away for a count of fifty. Then bring her to the edge again and pull your mouth away for twenty-five seconds. Then bring her to the edge and pull your mouth away for ten seconds. Do this once more, pausing for just a few seconds. Be sure to explain this game beforehand so she doesn’t become annoyed when you stop for the first fifty-second pause. One female reader says this game can work equally well when you are finger fucking.
  
• It can be fun to give a woman oral sex when she is still wearing her panties or a bikini bottom. Start with your lips on her inner thighs, work them up to her crotch, and then sneak your tongue under the material. Eventually push the material to one side with your tongue, teeth or fingers. Some women might like it if you blow warm moist air through the front panel of their underwear. But never blow air directly into a woman’s vagina.
  
• Consider pulling your lover’s panties off with your teeth. But be careful not to leave any holes or rip the material, given how lingerie can cost an arm and a leg; it’s best that she not remember you as the one who destroyed her favorite undies. Then again, the memory might bring a smile.
  
• It is difficult to do oral sex when a woman is standing. The access is too limited. Think nothing of crawling under her dress while she is standing to plant tender kisses in places where other guys only dream of touching, but she’ll need to sit or lie down to enjoy your oral finest.
  
• After she is highly aroused, place the tip of your tongue on the side or bottom of her clitoris. Then push the tip of a small vibrator on the other side of your tongue.
  
• Separate the outer lips with your fingers and lay your tongue flat against her vaginal opening at the lowest part of her vulva. Take a slow, long, wet lick that lasts for about thirty seconds. This way, her clit gets a slow protracted licking as your tongue creeps up her vulva.
  
• Some women like enough pillows under their rear end that their entire body is on an incline with their crotch angled up in the air. This provides great access, a wonderful view, and your neck doesn’t cramp as much.
  
• A more subtle way of making your tongue vibrate is to hum while placing it on your partner’s clitoris. A well-hummed aria can push some women into orbit. Others will start laughing hysterically.
  
• On a hot muggy day, ice cubes can always spice up any kind of sex play. Some women enjoy an occasional ice cube in the vagina. If you try this, use small cubes that won’t cause frost burn. During the cold of winter, sipping a warm drink before kissing a woman’s vulva can leave her with warm and sensual feelings.
  
• There are special swings that are great for doing oral sex. They can be hung from a door jamb or ceiling rafter. The swing spreads the woman’s legs and places her at the perfect height for a man to give her oral sex while he is sitting upright. An added benefit is his neck stays straight and won’t start hurting. Beware: many swings are poorly made and uncomfortable. You’ll need to shell out a lot for a good one.
  
• For special celebrations, some couples report pouring champagne into a woman’s vagina when her legs are elevated. (Vamosa?) Her partner then licks out the champagne, although this is not recommended for men in twelve-step programs or for women whose vaginal tissue might become irritated. (The sugar in the champagne can cause a yeast infection, and who knows what harm the alcohol will do.) An extremely dry champagne with low residual sugar might be preferable, and even then, her gynecologist might cringe at the thought. Avoid putting cold duck in a woman’s crotch, although a goose on her rear is usually welcome.
  
• Some women have a problem with being kissed on the face after being kissed on the crotch. If that’s the case in your household, consider keeping a wet washcloth handy. Run it across your face before kissing above after kissing below.
  

Safety Note:
It can be very sexy to blow warm moist air over your lover’s vulva, but very dangerous to blow air into her vagina. Never lock your lips on your partner’s vulva and blow air into it, unless your partner is made of plastic and is inflated that way.

Female Fluid Flow

Some women who are highly aroused expel fluid from their vulva around the same time that they have an orgasm. One female reader who gushes says that her male partner finds it exciting. Guys who are fluid-shy should discuss it with their partners and explore ways of ducking when the tsunami begins.

If your partner gushes and you have a problem with it, take solace in knowing that you’ve done something incredibly right to get her there.

Damn Those Dental Dams

Several years ago, some bozo decided that the way to safely go down on a woman was to spread a latex dental dam over her crotch. Why not just use neoprene or Naugahyde?

First of all, you have no clue what you’re licking. And then there’s the texture problem. Try whipping your tongue back and forth over latex. No matter how much slobber you throw on it, your tongue drags and your RPM rating tanks. Some people find that a more satisfactory barrier is Saran Wrap. You can see through it, it doesn’t slow your tongue action, and you can always re-use it afterward to cover the tuna casserole or Apple Brown Betty.

Maintaining a Hard-On While Giving Oral Sex

If a guy is giving his lover oral sex, it might be nice if he kept doing it long enough to get her off. But once he feels his hard-on starting to go, a man will sometimes surface from between a woman’s legs and try to have intercourse before it’s “too late.” Otherwise he feels unmanly about his penis going soft.

So why does a man sometimes lose his erection while going down on a woman? Doing oral sex requires the kind of concentration that isn’t always conducive to maintaining an erection. Also, for some men, it might bring up primal feelings that aren’t fully in sync with getting a hard-on. These can be pleasant and even deeply moving feelings, but they might not be the stuff that erections are made of. For other guys, it’s instant wood when tongue meets thigh.

There is also the matter of mouth fatigue. It’s not easy to keep a hard-on when your tongue and jaw start cramping. On the other hand, it’s fun to lick a lover into total bliss even if you can’t talk too well afterward.

Whatever the cause, it’s not unusual for a man to lose his erection when he is going down on a woman, but not because he is unhappy or a wimp. Women might consider what a drag it would be if they had to stay hard while doing oral sex. Nobody ever gets on their case for losing an erection.

Things a Woman Can Do to Help a Partner Who Is Going Down on Her

Here are suggestions for women who like to receive oral sex:

Tugging on Your Bush:
If you have pubic hair, take a moment to tug on your bush before your man goes down. You’ll pull out the loose hairs that would otherwise end up sticking to the back of his throat.

Trimming Your Triangle:
A woman who shaves or waxes shouldn’t hesitate to put her lover in charge of muff maintenance and coiffure. Many men find this a joyful duty.

Labia Laundering:
Separating the labia and washing between them once a day will help to keep your genitals clean and tasty. Douching isn’t necessary nor advisable, and avoid soap that is scented or is too alkaline.

Not Helpful:
A guy might be having a wonderful time kissing and caressing his partner’s genitals when she suddenly pulls him up because she’s decided that he surely can’t be enjoying something “as gross as that.” If a woman fears that her genitals don’t taste good, she should ask her partner. And if she feels there is something bad about her genitals, she should tell her partner lest he feel hurt by her rejecting behavior. Perhaps his reassurance will be helpful. On the other hand, if it’s something that genuinely makes her feel uncomfortable, then he shouldn’t keep trying to do it.

lnformation:
As long as it’s done with sensitivity, most men will appreciate any input or suggestions that a woman has about giving her oral pleasure. But if your man’s ego is so fragile that he can’t handle your input, perhaps he would do better with a mindless partner who has no input to give. If you aren’t equal partners in sex, you aren’t equal partners, period. Is that what you want?

Playing with Yourself:
Don’t hesitate to reach down and masturbate while your partner is doing oral sex. While this can be fun, it may require some interesting tongue-finger logistics. Be sure to let him know that you want him to keep licking.