The Guarded Heart (2 page)

“Do you mean GMOs and Monsanto?” He asked and Jared shrugged.

“You might last longer in a conversation with him than I can,” he said. “All I know is that I love bacon and cheeseburgers and the only vegetable that passes these lips is a french fry,” Jared insisted and Clint almost wept in relief when Jared dug his keys out of his pocket and pointed them at a Camry. “This is it,” he said and they propped Ryder against the side.

“If he’s so boring and you have nothing in common, why are you friends?” Clint asked as Jared opened the door and reclined the seat. Jared smiled softly as he put his hands on his hips and stared at an unconscious Ryder.

“He’s one of the best people I’ve ever met. Ryder doesn’t judge people and he’ll always look for the good in someone even if they’re a total cunt,” Jared explained as he reached for Ryder. Clint grabbed his shoulders and helped guide him toward the seat. “He doesn’t like to go to bars and clubs but he volunteers at soup kitchens and community gardens so fat inner city kids can behold the magic of vegetables or some bullshit like that. He’s the kind of guy that makes you feel like a better person because you know him. And he’s always there if you want to bitch about your manager or need someone to drive you to the emergency room after some hicks beat the shit out of you,” he said as Clint leaned into the car and buckled Ryder’s seat belt. He smelled soft and clean despite the horror that occurred in the bathroom and Clint took one last long whiff before stepping back.

“Well, I hope he isn’t too sick tomorrow and doesn’t remember what happened,” Clint said as he pulled his sleeves straight and Jared laughed.

“I’ll be sure to tell him everything in great detail,” Jared said as he reached for Clint’s hand. “Thanks for your help,” he said before releasing Clint’s hand and jogging around the car. He offered a jaunty salute then pulled the door open and dropped into the driver’s seat.

Clint waved as the car reversed out and drove off. He waited until it went around the corner before he turned back to the club. A flutter of regret passed through him as he wondered what it would be like to be friends with someone like Ryder. God knows he wouldn’t want to date someone like him. But it might have been nice to know someone who didn’t want to be friends because of who Clint knew or what he could do for them. He shook his head as he approached the steps of the club and a bouncer held the door open for him. Ryder lived in a very different world and there was almost no chance they’d see each other again.

Chapter 3

August 2015

Fuck coffee.
No, coffee is good and pure and I love coffee,
Ryder nodded as he unlocked the door to his apartment.
Coffee didn’t do this to you. You did this to you,
he scolded as he pushed the door shut and banged his head against the panels. His stomach felt like it was full of lead and his body was shaking. So much about his life felt like it was back on track, like he was exactly where he was supposed to be. Shannon begged him to come back. The principal at the Rockworth Magnet school begged him to come back. He even got his old apartment back. It was all so comfortable and easy and Ryder was enjoying his old haunts as he settled into his old routine. He was doing a great job keeping Clint out of his head. So good he didn’t think about him being at Parker’s when he stopped in at the coffee shop next door after visiting his favorite record store.
Quel désastre!
He thought as he turned and went to the couch. He flopped onto the seat and folded his arms behind his head as he fell back.

Clint would hate all the free or nearly free furniture Ryder scrounged from craigslist and thrift shops. He’d probably roll his eyes if he knew Ryder moved back to the same apartment building and Miss Kitty was still patrolling the halls with her army of offspring. They were still very different people and Ryder was still in love with Clint.

Ryder gave up trying to understand why he and Clint worked. Despite jumping back into dating as soon as he settled into a suburb on the other side of Atlanta, Ryder learned that moving on was impossible. No one felt like Clint, they were all wrong. Even when he had so much in common with them, they were wrong. No one laughed right or smelled right or tasted right. He always found himself wishing they were a little taller or their eyes a little paler whenever he leaned in close. Eventually, Ryder gave up and focused on thinking about Clint a little less each day until he could go for weeks without seeing something that reminded him of the way he dressed or curling up on the couch with him and Barkley.

Barkley hurt almost as much as letting go of Clint. If it was possible to have a dog soulmate, Barkley was Ryder’s. Unfortunately, Barkley was convinced Clint was his soulmate. Once again, Ryder found himself in love with someone he could never really have.

Why did there have to be so much heat and that overwhelming longing to touch Clint? Seeing him in front of Parker’s, looking like just about any of the Saturday mornings they spent there was like ripping open the stitches on a fresh wound. Nothing had truly healed and Ryder was still as vulnerable as the day he left.

Leaving again wasn’t an option. Aside from Clint, Ryder’s life was coming together. He loved the school and was glad to be returning. He’d missed Shannon and the kids and looked forward to falling back into their hectic routine. All he had to do was avoid crossing paths with Clint.

Chapter 4

December 2012

“Hands in your pockets, guys,” Ryder reminded the twins as he swung Violet up and onto his shoulders. She squealed and Ryder felt what he suspected was drool fall on his hair as Jacob and Oliver pouted up at him. He did his best to look stern. “Grabby hands in pockets,” he repeated as he waved for them to keep moving. “Your mom’s going to have a fit if you knock anything else off the shelves,” he warned as he gently nudged them with his knee to keep them moving. Shannon was probably ready to checkout and looking for them. He spotted her by the hygiene aisle and nodded as she waved. “This way, hooligans!” He said loudly and followed as the boys ran ahead.

The side of Ryder’s face felt warm and he looked toward the wine and a pair of eyes narrowed as they met Ryder’s. There was something familiar but Ryder couldn’t place him. He was gorgeous but way more maintenance than the kind of guys Ryder gravitated toward. He was tall and extremely fit beneath his tailored and obviously expensive clothes. His hair was recently cut and he was immaculately shaved and probably got manicures. Ryder’s head tilted as he tried to remember where he knew those pale blue eyes from. Wide, thin lips pulled tight and somehow, Ryder knew they would be warm and taste crisp with a hint of citrus.

The sound of tribal tech music and the chaos of a crowded club flooded Ryder’s brain and he could see the guy in the wine aisle filling the cramped, narrow space in a bathroom stall before Ryder attacked his lips. All the air left Ryder’s lungs and heat swept up his neck as he blinked in stunned shock and a little humiliation.

“Shannon, take Violet,” Ryder whispered loudly as he carefully set the baby in her arms.

“Is something wrong?” She asked as she frowned up at Ryder and he shook his head.

“No. I just saw a friend and I want to run over and say hello,” he murmured as he looked back at the wine aisle. He was still there and was watching Ryder and looked amused.

“I’ll go ahead and get in line,” Shannon said and Ryder nodded before he rushed toward him. The guy crossed his arms over his chest and raised a brow as Ryder approached and he felt heat flood his face.

“Hey,” Ryder said as he offered his hand. “I don’t remember your name but I’m Ryder,” he said and his hand tingled and he felt a little breathless as their hands closed around each other. He swallowed past the tightening of his throat and licked his lips. “I owe you a tremendous apology,” he said hoarsely and a knowing grin tilted the other man’s lips.

“Not at all, almost getting thrown up on was the highlight of my evening,” he teased. “I’m Clint,” he offered and Ryder nodded and watched as Clint’s eyes flicked to Shannon and the kids. “Does your wife know you like to make out with men?” He asked and Ryder’s eyes flared before he shook his head quickly.

“She’s not my wife!” He promised as he gestured toward the registers. “She’s my best friend and I just came along to help with the kids,” Ryder said and Clint looked slightly relieved. “Her husband’s a doctor and I help out now and then so she doesn’t lose her mind. The twins can be a serious handful,” he explained and Clint nodded.

“That’s good. I didn’t think you were the type,” he said and Ryder’s cheeks puffed out as he exhaled and pushed a hand through his hair.

“I’m not. And I’m not the type that gets wasted at clubs and mauls guys in bathrooms,” he said and cringed. “I’m really sorry,” Ryder said sincerely and Clint waved dismissively.

“Don’t worry about it, I was flattered that you found me so irresistible.” He winked and Ryder shook his head.

“I think Jared got to me and I thought I’d show him, or something,” he said and Clint grinned.

“He did mention that. And something about you being upset about eating eggs and your friends getting married,” he said and Ryder squeezed his eyes shut.

“I regret just about everything after the reception started,” he admitted and Clint laughed.

“It’s fine. Jared did a good job explaining how out of character the whole episode was and I walked away without any vomit on my clothes and a good story,” he said and Ryder sighed in relief.

“You can have it,” he insisted as he offered his hand again. “As long as we’re cool. It was nice to meet you again,” Ryder said and Clint’s eyes focused on Ryder’s as he took his hand.

“You should call me,” he said and Ryder’s head pulled back.

“What?” He knew he was looking at Clint as if his brain was dripping out of his ears but he couldn’t help it. Clint shrugged as he pulled his wallet out of his coat. A Louis Vuitton wallet and Ryder almost laughed as Clint’s very clean and definitely manicured fingers fished out a card and presented it. Ryder instinctively balled his fists in an effort to hide the inevitable paint and crayon stains under his fingernails and callouses until Clint raised a brow and looked at him pointedly.

“What’s wrong?” He asked and Ryder shook his head as he took the card and slid it into his back pocket.

“I never expected to run into you again but I was pretty sure the last thing you’d want was to hang out if we ever did cross paths,” he said and Clint nodded.

“It was a disaster but it seems like fate wanted me to give you a second chance. Why else would you turn up in my Trader Joe’s?” He asked and Ryder’s eyes went wide and he pointed vaguely in the direction of Shannon’s house.

“Shannon lives like three blocks that way, I’m here with her at least once a week,” he said and Clint looked surprised.

“Really? I live a few miles away and I stop in for something almost every day,” he murmured as he stared at Ryder. “I assumed you lived in Atlanta,” Clint said and Ryder shook his head.

“I was there for the wedding. I live about five minutes from here,” he said and Clint threw his hands up.

“So, we both had to visit the same club, forty-five minutes away to notice each other.” He shook his head then gave Ryder’s arm a quick squeeze. “Let’s go for drinks…or coffee sometime,” he said and winked and Ryder rolled his eyes.

“I’ll think about it,” he said then turned to see where Shannon was. She was already unloading the cart and he winced as he turned back to Clint. “I better get going, it was nice to see you again,” he said as he walked backwards and Clint offered a cocky grin.

“I’ll talk to you soon,” he said as he waved and Ryder gave him a dubious look before turning and jogging back to Shannon and the kids.

Ryder wouldn’t give Clint more than five minutes before he was bored and looking for an excuse to leave if they met for drinks or coffee.
Why are you getting excited and turned on just thinking about seeing him again?
Ryder wondered as he reached into the cart for the milk and juice bottles. He was definitely going to see Clint again.

Chapter 5

Ryder

Hey. Still want to get together?

Clint

Of course. I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.

Ryder

Fine. What did you have in mind?

Clint

Meet me at Parker’s on 4th Street for brunch tomorrow.

Ryder

What time?

Clint

How about 11:00?

Ryder

Sounds good. See you then.

Clint

Can’t wait.

Chapter 6

For fuck’s sake,
Clint thought as he watched Ryder cross the room.
He would be a total fucking hipster,
he complained as he smiled and stood. He thought the tight, faded t-shirt and jeans Ryder wore at Trader Joe’s was something he threw on so the kids wouldn’t ruin his real clothes. Faded red hoodie, white t-shirt, scarf, tight jeans and dirty sneakers. Clint was wearing cufflinks and Ryder’s hair didn’t look like he brushed it after he got out of the shower. It was still damp around his ears and the long waves bounced as he moved.

“This is nice,” Ryder said cheerfully as he sat and Clint nodded as he took his seat.

“I come here every Saturday,” he said and Ryder rubbed his hands on his thighs nervously as he smiled at Clint.

“I usually go for a run and grab a fruit salad and almond milk on the way home,” he said and Clint frowned.

“I hope they have something you can eat here,” he said as he looked for the waitress. “I’ve never given it any thought, I don’t know if they have anything for vegans,” Clint admitted and Ryder shrugged.

“It’s not that big of a deal!” He insisted. “If there’s breakfast there’s always fruit or granola. Most places can scare up some toast and an avocado,” Ryder said and Clint relaxed. He liked that Ryder wasn’t high maintenance.

“Good morning!” The server said cheerfully as she handed Ryder a menu. “Would you gentleman like some coffee or a cocktail?” She asked and Ryder’s brows pulled together and Clint grinned as he leaned forward.

“Brunch is specifically designed so people can have cocktails with breakfast,” he explained and Ryder’s lips twisted as he turned the menu. He frowned as he read through the long list of drinks. “The prickly pear mimosa is really nice,” Clint offered and Ryder nodded and smiled shyly up at the server.

“I’ll have one of those and the roasted farm stand vegetables and granola, please,” he said and Clint thought he was adorable. Almost too adorable to picture having sex. Clint recalled Ryder’s clumsy attempt to unzip his pants in the bathroom and almost laughed out loud.

“I’ll have the egg white frittata and can we go ahead and do a carafe of the pear mimosas, please?” Clint asked and the waitress beamed.

“Sounds good! I’ll have that right out!” She said and Clint smiled back at Ryder as she left. He shook his head as he sat back.

“I’m not sure if one drink is a good idea but a carafe has danger written all over it,” he warned and Clint shrugged.

“I usually drink two or three and I didn’t drive,” he said and Ryder cringed.

“I did, I parked on the other side of the coffee shop,” he said and Clint snorted.

“I wouldn’t drive if I wasn’t drinking. I never bring my car down here. The parking spots are too narrow and I don’t want some college kid with a beat up Honda dinging the sides with his door,” Clint said and Ryder grinned wickedly as he leaned forward.

“I drive a beat up Honda,” he said and Clint snorted.

“I’m not even a little surprised,” he said and Ryder held his hands up.

“I’m not going to spend hundreds of dollars a month on something that loses value every time you drive it,” he stated and Clint nodded in agreement.

“I have an Audi and a BMW,” he offered and Ryder laughed.

“Yeah? One for highway miles and the other for washing and polishing on the weekends?” He asked and Clint shrugged.

“Something like that,” he murmured and was relieved when their server set their glasses on the table and filled them. Ryder smiled up at her before reaching for his glass. He took a careful sip then nodded in approval before taking a longer drink.

“What are we doing here?” He asked and Clint tilted his head and waited for Ryder to explain. Ryder set his drink down and waved between them. “You seem like a really nice guy but I get the feeling we don’t have very much in common and I doubt I’m your type,” Ryder said and Clint nodded.

“Not at all,” he agreed after he took a sip. “But you seemed like a really nice guy and I thought it might be fun to hang out. We don’t have a lot in common but I like having a lot of variety in the people I surround myself with. I figured that if nothing happened between us, you might be cool to be friends with,” Clint said and Ryder’s smile was brilliant.

“Fair enough!” He declared before taking a drink. “So, what’s your type?” Ryder asked and Clint sat back. He let his eyes sweep over Ryder’s face lazily as he considered. Clint had a feeling that beneath the layers of not giving a fuck, Ryder was seriously hot. He was tall and lean but athletic. He said he was a runner and Clint imagined he was into yoga or tai chi or some other new age exercise that didn’t require sweating or pain. But he was gorgeous and Clint was dying to drag him to a stylist for a decent haircut and a good shave.
Or maybe just trim the beard,
Clint decided. It definitely worked on Ryder.

“I have a thing for Mexican or Brazilian men but I’d like to think I’m openminded,” he said and Ryder nodded.

“Nice,” he said as he raised his glass in salute. “I dated a guy from San Jose once,” Ryder said and Clint smiled.

“My
ex
is from Playa Del Carmen,” he said and Ryder raised a brow.

“Why did you say it like that?” He asked and Clint shrugged and rested his elbows on the table.

“I don’t date a lot. It doesn’t work for more than a few months,” he said and Ryder gestured for him to continue. “I usually spend three nights a week out at clubs. During the week, I’m in and out of clubs checking on sound systems and lighting and watching my clients do sound checks. I drive up to Atlanta a few times a month to visit new venues or check in on ones we book a lot to maintain a good rapport with owners and managers,” Clint said and Ryder nodded in understanding. “Guys tend to get jealous of who I’m hanging out with and want more time than I can give them.” He winced as he reached for his glass. “So, I don’t really get invested,” Clint admitted and Ryder wrinkled his nose.

“Good thing you’re not my type,” he teased and Clint chuckled.

“I was told you like your men more intellectual,” he said and Ryder rolled his eyes.

“I wouldn’t be here if you weren’t intelligent. Jared’s a dick head,” he said as he waved the thought away. “I tend to go for geeks and gamers. I like it if they’re into volunteering but it’s not a deal breaker if they aren’t,” Ryder said and nodded when Clint offered to refill his glass. “Skaters are really hot,” he added and Clint’s head pulled back and he shook his head.

“Oh, God. No,” he said and Ryder shrugged as he drank. “What are you doing here, then?” Clint returned and Ryder’s eyes narrowed as he stared at Clint.

“I don’t remember very much about meeting you. And it might have been the alcohol playing tricks with my memory or maybe I’m remembering it very differently than the way it happened but we kissed and I think it was really good,” he said and heat spread under Clint’s skin and he nodded faintly as he lifted his glass to his lips. Ryder grinned suggestively as he tilted his head. “Maybe my game was on point that night or maybe it was just a fluke,” he said and Clint laughed.

“You had absolutely no game,” he said and Ryder pretended to pout then raised a shoulder.

“You don’t know. That might work for some people,” he teased. “But I thought that if it was that good when I could barely hold my head up, it might be worth exploring. And if I got here and we weren’t into it, at least I made a friend, right?” He asked and Clint raised his glass and nodded.

Their breakfasts arrived and Clint was surprised at how easily the conversation flowed and how much he
liked
Ryder. He was so damn nice to everyone and wanted people to be happy. He chatted up an older couple at the next table and folded his napkin into a flower for a little girl a few seats away.

Their server was obviously in love and found every excuse she could to touch Ryder. Clint almost had a stroke, he rolled his eyes so hard when she set a donut on the table in front of Ryder and said she always treated her favorite customers. Clint couldn’t count how many times she waited on him and he never got a donut.

“Did you see how much these cost?” Ryder whispered loudly as he slid the donut to the middle of the table and gestured for Clint to have a bite. “They’re like $6!” He exclaimed quietly and Clint raised a brow as he cut off a bite.

“Is that a lot for a donut?” He asked and Ryder pulled a face.

“
Is that a lot for a donut?”
He mimicked. “You can get them for less than a dollar at Krispy Kreme,” he said and Clint’s lips twisted as he looked at the donut.

“I think this is like a croissant that’s shaped like a donut and glazed with some special maple syrup,” he pointed out and Ryder waved.

“It’s heavenly but I don’t know that I’d pay that much for it,” he said under his breath and Clint shook his head.

“You get what you pay for,” he said and Ryder snorted.

“I definitely don’t believe that,” he stated as he set his fork down and licked his thumb. “Look at my clothes,” Ryder said as he sat back and ducked his head. “Everything I’m wearing is secondhand. I might have paid $30 for all of it,” he declared triumphantly but Clint wasn’t so sure he was making a very good case but he gestured for him to continue. “Shannon gave me this expensive blazer her husband wouldn’t wear. It was insanely tailored and cashmere but the first time I washed it, it shrunk so much her boys wouldn’t fit into it,” he said and Clint groaned as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Dry clean only,” he complained and Ryder ignored the comment.

“I’ve washed this hoodie about a hundred times and it’s way more useful than a cashmere blazer. I’d rather have forty of these than spend that kind of money on a jacket,” he said and Clint covered his mouth to hide his smile. Ryder definitely wasn’t shallow.

And he had a really nice ass. Clint did his best to avoid staring as they left the restaurant.

“I’m not ready to get in my car,” Ryder laughed as he squinted at the bright afternoon around him and Clint frowned as he gripped his shoulder.

“Are you ok?” He asked and Ryder nodded.

“I’m fine. I just have a bit of a buzz. I think I’m going to walk it off, want to come with me?” He asked and Clint waved ahead of them.

“Lead the way,” he said and Ryder grinned as he pushed his hands in his pockets.

“There’s a really cool record shop a few blocks away from here,” he said and Clint nodded.

“I stop in now and then, I’m always looking for something different to sample,” he said and Ryder looked impressed.

“That’s awesome,” he said as he stepped aside to let a couple pass. When he stepped closer, his head was tilted as he studied Clint.

“What?” Clint asked and Ryder’s lips curved before his head jerked toward the front of an antique shop. “You want to go in there?” He asked and Ryder shook his head then pointed at the doors. They were opened wide and a long, narrow red, white and blue flag hung vertically from the side of the building.

“Here,” Ryder declared before he ducked behind the flag and Clint frowned as he looked around. No one was paying attention and he quickly followed. Ryder was leaning against the brick wall and red and blue light slanted across his face as the sun bled through the flag. They were completely shielded from the street and Clint felt like they were miles away from humanity as he stepped closer. “What are you doing?” He asked softly as he braced his hand on the wall next to Ryder’s shoulder.

“Seeing if it was my game or a fluke,” Ryder murmured as his hand slid around Clint’s neck. Clint hummed in agreement as he lowered his head and Ryder’s hand fisted in his shirt as their lips brushed. It was like kissing a flame. Heat fanned across Clint’s face and seeped into his skin. He gasped into Ryder’s mouth and their tongues fluttered against each other tentatively. A golden current of warm need rolled through Clint and he heard Ryder moan as their tongues swirled and flicked urgently. Clint angled his head and felt dizzy as his hand slid around Ryder’s waist. He pulled him against his chest and the smell of soap and clean clothes wreathed around Clint and he wanted to wrap himself in Ryder. He pulled his head back and they were both breathless and stunned. Ryder licked his lips and his cheeks puffed out as he blinked at Clint. “Wow,” he huffed and Clint nodded jerkily. “Definitely my game,” Ryder panted and Clint rolled his eyes.

“Shut up,” he muttered as he pushed his hand into Ryder’s hair. He pinned him to the wall as he claimed his lips and Ryder growled softly as he gripped and pulled at Clint’s body, trying to get closer. Clint rolled his hips and silently cursed. They were both really hard and really ready. He didn’t know what to do. If this was a guy he’d flirted with at a club, he would have pulled him into an office or storage room. Or, he would have planned it better and they would have met at a bar close to a decent hotel because Clint had a feeling this was one of those times he’d need a bed and a lot more time. But he knew that Ryder wasn’t that sort of guy. You didn’t bend super sweet elementary school teachers over a sticky desk or push them onto their knees between cases of beer. You strolled with them on sunny Saturday afternoons and made out on quilts under apple trees or next to a river or some other stupid cliche.

“We should fuck,” Ryder murmured.
Or not…
Clint thought as Ryder’s lips slid along Clint’s cheek. “Like, really soon,” he added before he pulled Clint’s earlobe between his lips and sucked. Apparently, his ear was connected to his cock and it throbbed painfully in response. Clint bit his lip to keep from moaning too loud and struggled to think and his eyes rolled as Ryder’s teeth grazed his neck. His game was definitely improving.

“I don’t live very far from here,” Clint whispered and immediately regretted it. He rarely invited anyone to his home. He never brought one night stands over. Ryder’s hand slid down the front of Clint’s jeans and cupped his hard-on. “We could go there now,” Clint said quickly and Ryder nodded as he sucked on the corner of Clint’s neck. Holy Fuck. Who knew school teachers could be so aggressive?

“Let’s go,” Ryder ordered as he pushed against Clint’s chest and he stumbled back.