The Girl by the Thames (10 page)

Tanya started crying again. The tears came thick and fast this time. She wanted to go with him, to jump in that river and dive under the surface and swim alongside him, like she’d seen in her book. There were pictures of people diving next to humpbacks. The whales didn’t mind and even let the divers stroke them and take rides on their fins. Tanya’s sobs were too loud for someone not to notice.

“Are you okay, love?” asked one of the volunteers as he came up the ramp.

“I’m fine.” Tanya’s words were mixed with snot and tears.

The man put his hand on her shoulder to comfort her. “You know it’s not uncommon for people who have encounters with whales to feel emotional.”

“Leave me alone.” Tanya wasn’t in the mood to be counselled or comforted. It felt like she was talking to a social worker or something. She didn’t want anyone telling her how she was feeling – she already knew that. Why did people always state the obvious?

“Alright, I’m just trying to help,” said the man as he walked away from her.

“Yeah, well, you’re not,” Tanya shouted after him. She felt weak and pathetic for letting this get to her. She didn’t want to be some loser who cried at whales.

Chapter 11

Lena was led to the gang’s HQ. The first perk of being a Niner. It was off the estate, down a cul-de-sac of squat council houses. At the end, tucked away to the left were a row of tatty lock-ups with dented metal up-and-over doors. Lena noticed the last one had the Niners tag scrawled on it. Beneath it were the words: ‘fuck off’.

Duff pulled a mass of keys from his pocket and unlocked the huge padlock that secured the metal door to the ground. Then he lifted it from the bottom. With a rusty screech the door rose up in the air.

“Everyone in, boys and girls,” Duff said.

They followed his instructions and filed into the dark cubicle. When they were all in, Duff pulled the door back down and flicked a switch. A wonky strip light fizzed into life. It threw harsh shadows onto stacks of odd shaped boxes that were piled up like ziggurats. They were full of booze and fags. Graffiti clung to the walls, centred around one thing. The number nine.

Lena sat on her hands on one of the boxes as she watched each gang member do their meet and greet routine. Complex slaps, grabs and signs made up their tribal handshake. It was baffling to watch. Lena would have to learn it too.

Gem wasn’t there and Lena wondered if he might have been thrown out after getting a kicking from a girl, while her standing in the gang would have gone up a few notches. Not quite in the elite but she definitely wouldn’t be treated like the newbie. Would this new-found status be short-lived when she told them that Tanya wasn’t joining the gang? Tiny sparks of anxiety danced along her spine. She tried to smile but it came out all crooked. There was no way she was going to tell them Tanya had snubbed them for a whale. Lena would be laughed out of the gang and probably be given a good kicking along the way. No, she’d worked too hard for this. Lena decided to keep her mouth shut.

“Lena, Lena,” Duff said, lightly punching her on the arm. “Lena the hyena.”

“All right, Duff,” Lena replied, trying to sound like she wasn’t sucking up to him.

“You know, you inspired me the other night.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, you went in to rob a collection tin and came out with something a million times better. You think big.”

Duff was making it sound like she’d planned the whole thing, when in reality she’d panicked. It could have so easily turned into a disaster. Lena did another crooked smile.

“Then, you fight Gem,” Duff continued, “just so you can get your friend in the gang. You are Lena the hyena. But where is
this
Tanya?”

“She’s, er,” Lena stumbled over her words. “I haven’t told her yet.”

“Why not?” Duff’s tone suddenly became serious.

“I still wanted to make sure it was okay,” Lena said, looking everywhere except at Duff. “You know. I thought there might have been some bad feeling after what happened to Gem and all that.”

“You listen, Lena. If I say it’s okay, it’s okay. What I say goes. Don’t worry about Gem. Gem had it coming. He needed a bit of reality and you gave it to him. Okay?”

“Is he still in the gang?”

“Oh yeah, but he’s everyone’s bitch now.”

Just then, the metal door swung up a few feet and Gem ducked underneath it. Everyone swivelled round and laughed at him.

“Hey, bitch,” Duff shouted. Gem pulled a beer from one of the stacks and moved into the corner. “Are you sure you wouldn’t prefer a white wine?”

Gem said nothing and looked at the floor while he was serenaded by more laughter and insults.

“Okay, that’s enough,” said Vicks. “We’ve got something big to talk about.” The gang went quiet at her command. They knew when she was being serious. Duff walked into the middle of the space and addressed them like an evangelist.

“I’ve been thinking. After what Lena pulled the other night, we’ve been acting like a bunch of cheap shoplifters. Lifting a bit of booze here and some fags there. That ain’t being gangsters. It’s small-time stuff. I want us to think bigger, and start making some serious coin. Hell, we still walk around this dump. We should be in motors with big rims and flashy phones.”

“What? We’re not gonna start dealing are we?” asked Seb.

“Nope, but we’re going to make a ton of money.”

“How?” Gem shouted, suddenly finding his voice again.

“We are going to nick a load of stuff and a load of money,” Duff said.

“What? Like a bank job? We don’t know anything about that,” Mack said, stepping forward to hear more.

“And it’s too risky,” Si added. “They always get caught and you never get much, unless you can get to the vault.”

“How do you know?” asked Liz.

“’Cos that’s what happens in films.”

Everyone told Si to shut up, and he got bombarded with humiliating jeers. Lena looked over at Gem. He was smiling, probably because he wasn’t the centre of everyone else’s abuse. His smiled dropped as soon as he saw Lena looking at him.

“Everyone, shut up,” Duff shouted. “This is serious. I swear I’ll kill the next person who mucks about.” There was instant silence. “We have everything we need. We just do what Lena, Seb and Mack did the other night but we’re going to do it bigger. We rob as many shops as we can along the high street by causing a distraction.”

“What sort of distraction?” asked Mack.

“A big distraction. Real big – a riot.”

There was silence. Everyone was scared to say anything in case they made Duff angry.

“Well, somebody say something,” said Vicks.

Lena felt she should be the one to break the silence, seeing as she had inspired Duff’s idea.

“How are we going to start it?” she asked.

“Good question. We are not going to start anything. Someone else is going to do it for us, then we swoop in when all the chaos is happening. Do some big-time robbing and looting, then swoop out again. Want to know how?”

Everyone nodded.

Duff reached into his back pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. He held it up for everyone to see. It was a flyer that looked like it had been created on a home computer by someone with minimal design skills. Nothing lined up and pieces of clip art had been scattered randomly around the edges. There were union jacks, bulldogs, pints of beer and a World War 2 Spitfire. The gang crowded round to read what was printed on the leaflet.

Want a better Britain?

Want to do something about it?

Then we want you?

The BFB meets every Wednesday 7pm at the Newington Arms back room

Bring yourself and bring your pride for your country.

“I don’t get it,” said Si, squinting at the words.

Duff shook his head, “BFB stands for Britain for the British,” he said. “They’re a bunch of racist, Nazi motherfuckers.”

“Bastards,” Mack shouted. “Let’s go do ‘em right now.”

“No, no, no. You know what’s better than that? Let’s use these pricks. These inbred fucks are going to be the spark that starts our riot. See, people don’t know this is going on, I saw this leaflet fall out of someone’s pocket. I’ve never heard of them before, I think they’re selective about who they tell. What we’re going to do is spread the word. You tell everyone about these fuckers. Okay. All around the estates, you even get word to other gangs. I don’t care whether they’re Asian, Korean, Polish or fucking Klingons. They’ll want to stamp out these cocksuckers. That’s our distraction.

“Me and Vicks have watched these pricks in the pub. They meet in a back room and they come out at closing time. So you tell everyone to be at the Newington Arms at eleven tomorrow night. We won’t need to do anything, it should kick off all by itself. We’ll hang back until it’s in full swing. Then we go in and rob any stores that are still open and loot the ones that ain’t.”

“What about the old bill?” asked Si.

“You’re kidding me,” Duff said with a sigh. “What do you think they’re gonna be doing while we’re robbing?”

“Trying to stop the riot,” Si replied.

“Exactly.”

“Oh, that’s genius, Duff,” said Mack.

Lena’s crooked nervous smile was back on her face again, as she watched the gang get all excited, like children at a birthday party. She wasn’t ready for this. She liked fighting and drinking and being in a gang, but in the short time she’d been a member, the whole idea of the gang had shifted into something more serious. Riots, racists and looting? She wanted to hang out, be respected and have a laugh, to swagger around the neighbourhood like royalty, not end up on Crimewatch. She thought the initiation would be the end of it; instead it was just the start, and she had been the catalyst. Now the gang were moving into new territory – a criminal organisation, all be it a fledgling one.

She watched as they crowded around Duff and Vicks, slapping them on the back and quizzing them about the riot. This was just the beginning, that was for sure. If they pulled this off they’d get a taste for it and want more, she could see it in their eyes. They would get drunk off the power and the thrill. She didn’t want
that
kind of thrill. She was a small-time girl from an estate with simple needs. This was too grown-up, like having a job. It meant responsibility and commitment. She wasn’t good at taking direction and following instructions, she knew that from the initiation – she had got lucky. Now the whole thing was about to get more complex. Her mind just wasn’t built for stuff like this.

Gem looked at her from across the other side of the lock up. Apart from Lena, he was the only one not chattering excitedly about the prospect of starting a riot. Did he know what she was thinking? Could he see she was not up for it? The thought irritated her like itchy trousers.

“What the fuck are you looking at?” Lena blurted out at him. The lock up wasn’t big so everyone heard.

“Easy, guys. Come on be nice,” said Duff. “We’ve got a big night tomorrow and I want everyone on their game. Okay.”

“Fine by me,” said Gem.

“Lena, you cool?” Duff asked.

“I need a drink,” Lena said.

“Good idea. Everyone grab a drink, but no getting smashed tonight ‘cos we need clear heads for tomorrow. Right, take a seat everyone, because we’re going to suss it all out.”

Lena pulled a can of warm beer out of a box and tried to fade into the brickwork. Impossible in the crowded space. Duff started talking about what everyone was going to do and how they were going to do it. Lena could hear him, but her mind started closing down, just like the door of the lock up. After a few seconds it was shut tight and none of the information went in.

Chapter 12

Tanya somehow managed to put one foot in front of the other and traipse back home. A cloak of misery and tiredness wrapped itself around her as she moved through the streets, her mind closed off to the cars and people she passed. Before the whale, Tanya’s emotions were pretty simple to categorise and deal with. There was bored Tanya, angry Tanya and reckless Tanya. But now there was a melancholy Tanya. It was as if she’d just lost a friend. She tried to tell herself that she hadn’t lost anything, she’d just helped save a whale, but she couldn’t come to terms with the fact it was out of her life for good.

The feeling frightened her because she didn’t know how to turn off. It was holding her hostage. A vast whale-shaped hole formed inside her, and there was nothing to fill it. The hollow ache made her empty like a zombie. As she staggered past a shop window and caught a reflection of herself. She even looked like a zombie.

Tanya eventually made it home. The door was already open and as she shuffled over the threshold she saw her dad waiting for her in the hallway. He stood looking at her as she closed the door. Her dad never looked at her; she wondered what was coming next. Probably a lecture of some sort, or some new stupid rule he’d made up that he’d probably forget the next day.

“What?” said Tanya.

He didn’t say anything but moved towards her slowly until they stood face to face. A second later, a punch landed on the side of Tanya’s head followed by another on her nose. Tanya’s hands covered her face to shield her from another blow. Instead he worked on her body, hitting her several times in the stomach. The strength in Tanya’s tired legs fled and she collapsed on the floor.

“Do you think I’m stupid?” he said, breathing hard, fists still held tightly by his side.

“Well? Answer me.”

“No.” Tanya’s voice was tiny and fragile.

“I know you steal from me. Do you think I enjoy hitting you? What else am I supposed to do? You’re supposed to respect me. Instead you nick money and booze from me. Well, I’ve had enough. Tomorrow, you’re out of here. Understand. Grab your things and go and live somewhere else cos I’ve had enough of you.”

He marched into the lounge and slammed the door. Then he turned the TV up too loud and the distinctive sounds of a World War 2 documentary invaded the hallway. A dull voiceover was explaining something about the allies retreating and there was the whine of dive bombers, punctuated by things being blown up.

Tanya lay on the threadbare carpet not moving. Her arms were wrapped around her, trying to contain the pain.

She didn’t cry.

It was funny how a whale could make her produce tears, but her eyes remained dry after a good kicking from her dad. Life was really fucked up.

Eventually she pulled herself into her room, dragging herself along the carpet. Getting into bed was too much so she reached up and pulled the duvet off and cocooned it around herself.

She had two types of pain, one from hauling the whale off the bank, and the other from the beating she’d just received. All that melancholy running around her head had been replaced by something much easier to deal with. She was used to physical pain and just blocked it out like she usually did. A familiar throbbing numbness took over. She wished she had that strange sad empty feeling back, but her father had knocked it out of her. 

Tanya woke up with dried blood all over her duvet. At least her nose had stopped bleeding. Before she attempted to move she knew it was going to hurt. Her face pulsated with the bruises her dad had given her, but her stomach didn’t feel too bad. The muscles in her arms and legs were thick and tight. As she got up she was reminded of another injury she’d completely forgotten about. Just to complete her collection of wounds, several blisters had painfully erupted on her feet overnight.

She still wore last night’s clothes which were peppered with mud from the river. They smelt terrible, like a blocked toilet in a hot summer. At least she could walk, sort of. It was more of a shuffle, but it did get her to the bathroom.

The shower hose was still attached and Tanya rolled herself into the bath. The water was arctic cold but Tanya didn’t care. Hot water would have probably stung more and the shower actually helped a little, anaesthetising her wounds. She rubbed soap over herself, squinting with pain every time it came close to a bruised area.

After drying, Tanya wanted to do one thing – get out of the house.

Her dad stopped her in the hallway.

“Tan, I’m sorry about last night, but you did deserve it.”

His breath was a cloud of alcohol. So he’d managed to get drink from somewhere. Tanya couldn’t look at him and silently walked past, shutting her bedroom door behind her.

“Remember, you owe me a tenner and half a bottle of whiskey,” he shouted through the door. At least there was no mention of being kicked out of the flat.

She pulled on some loose fitting jogging bottoms with a drawstring, a baggy sweat shirt and some old school shoes. They were the only clean shoes she had. Tugging them on hurt like a bitch. She didn’t bother lacing them up. Make-up did a good job of hiding the colour of her bruises, but the lumps on her face were to large mask.

Tanya made it to the front door without another confrontation with her dad.

Outside, the air was mild with a fragrant edge. The sun poked through the clouds, threatening to uplift her spirits but Tanya was in no mood to feel happy.

Every step hurt and reminded her of last night’s beating. Or was it from where she’d dragged the whale into the water? The two aches had merged and she couldn’t tell which was which, apart from her feet from those bastard-tight wellies.

Thinking of the whale was like a tonic for her soul. The thought of seeing it glide along the river washed away all the crap and made her forget about her shit state of affairs. She played the video of it over and over in her head. But the joy was soon swept away by a sense of loss, more powerful than a tsunami. The whale was out of her life for good. How could you feel both happy and sad at the same time? She didn’t like the mixture of emotions that battled for supremacy inside her head.

Without thinking, Tanya headed towards the river where the whale had been. It seemed the right thing to do, and she had nowhere else to go.

Part of her was frightened that the powerful experience of last night would begin to fade. She wanted to cling onto it forever. Was it something spiritual? Tanya had never been the spiritual type; she was far too shallow for all that. Maybe it was the shared experience, like going to the cinema, although, she always got thrown out of cinemas.

Now the whale had gone, she just wanted to be near where it had all happened, just to relive the experience.

As she neared the Thames, she could see the crowds had gone and everything was nearly back to normal. A few council workers in hideous orange jump suits were sweeping away all the litter that had been dropped by the mob of people who had been spectating. A large flatbed lorry hoisted the remains of the ramp and the barricades onto its back. A single policeman stood watching everything. Lazy fucker, thought Tanya. Surely he could be doing something more useful than watching everyone else work.

Tanya walked to the wall and looked over. The tide had gone out again, but there was no sign of where the whale had been. She thought it might have left an imprint like a huge foot. But the filthy river had erased all memory of it, like it had never been there at all.

“Did you see it?” asked one of the council workers. His face was thin and prunish. A sliver of a rolled-up fag perched on his lower lip.

“Yes, yes I did,” Tanya replied.

“Poor thing …” he paused when he saw the lumps on Tanya’s face. “Hey, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I do martial arts,” she lied.

“Oh right, my son does one of them. Tofu, I think it’s called. It’s like Kung Fu but you just use your toes.” He laughed at his own joke, nearly bringing his lungs up in a regurgitating cough. “Nah, seriously, he does do Kung Fu, Lau Gar style at the Leisure Centre, he’s a 2
nd
dan, you know.”

“Good for him.” Tanya was already losing interest.

“So how come you’re not up the river with the rest of ‘em?”

“What?”

“Well, he’s stuck again, up the river.”

“What? The whale?”

“Yeah, he swam out to the estuary and then got confused they reckon. That’s what they said on the news. Turned around and came back up the Thames. He’s only got himself stuck again.”

“Where?”

“Only about ten minutes walk that way.”

Tanya didn’t wait to hear the rest and ran as fast as her battered and bruised body would carry her.

“There’s no rush,” he shouted. “He ain’t going nowhere.”

When she got there it was like a giant hand had picked up the scene from last night and moved it a half mile down the river. The barricades were back and so were the crowds. TV vans were badly parked everywhere and people pushed and shoved, trying to get a glimpse of the tragic sight that lay on the other side of the embankment wall.

Tanya had known she would see the whale again. Her cynical side had dismissed it as a load of hippie tree-hugging nonsense. She didn’t want to admit it but she felt a bond with it. Completely crazy, how could a worthless waste of space like her ever have anything in common with something as magical as the whale? It was dumb, like those idiots who say they’re the reincarnation of someone famous, just so their lives don’t look so boring. Was she being like them? Was this just a desperate attempt to con herself that she was more interesting than she was? She tried to dismiss her feelings as plain old bollocks but something told her it was true.

She knew she had to get down there again, back with the whale. She wanted to comfort it and pour soothing water over it again. It seemed mutually beneficial. The calm that came over her when she was near the whale was like a cool towel on her forehead. Her anger and bitterness just dissolved.

Tanya immediately got annoyed with herself for being a selfish prick. The poor animal was suffocating under its own weight, drying out in the polluted London air, and she was using it to deal with her own hang ups. What was she thinking?
Forget it, cut the crap
, she thought, the only real reason for going down there was to help it get back in the water, not to use as a bit of therapy.

Tanya stood there beating herself up inside her head. After a while she turned her attention to more practical problems. Her pass was still stuffed in the pocket of her filthy jeans that she’d dumped in a pile in the bathroom. She could go back for it, but Tanya was far too impatient for that.

She walked through the crowd straight up to one of the policeman guarding the gap in the barricade.

“Excuse me,” she said as charmingly as possible, “I’m volunteering for the…” She paused to think. Shit what was that name again? Then it came to her “…BDRS.”

“The who?”

“BDRS – you know, the ones organising the rescue.”

“I thought that was the Port Authority,” he said. Tanya could see his eyes darting around the bruises on her face.

“Yeah, but they’re helping them.”

The policeman looked at her deciding whether she was spoon-feeding him bullshit. Tanya quickly countered with a bit of misdirection. “I know, my face looks a mess, I’m a martial artist. I was training last night. I bet you have to do a lot of self defence as a policeman, what technique do you study?”

“Oh, it’s a blend of styles really. Comes in very handy, I can tell you.”

“I bet it does. I do Lau Gar Kung Fu at the Leisure Centre.”

“Oh right.”

“I’m a 3
rd
dan.”

“Wow, so I better be nice to you then.”

Tanya snorted out a cutesy laugh with plenty of sugar on top. If lying was an Olympic sport, Tanya would be on cereal boxes by now.

“I was told to ask for a guy called, Greg. He’s the Scottish one.”

“Yeah, I know the guy, I think he’s down on the foreshore. Look just go through, but you’ll need him to sort you out a pass, okay.”

“Will do. Thank you, officer.”

She looked around at all the people inside the barrier, doing exactly what they were doing yesterday. Even the burger van was back. Tanya felt hungry but was too eager to see the whale. She ignored the growls from her stomach and headed towards the ramp. Coming up the other way was Greg.

He smiled when he saw her. His eyes were tired and soaked in caffeine, and he was still in those filthy waterproofs. As he got closer his grin swiftly turned upside down.

“Tanya, what happened to your face?”

“Oh, nothing. I was doing martial arts last night and …”

“Tanya, what really happened?”

Her Jedi mind trick wasn’t going to work on him. “Nothing. I told you. Can I go down and see the whale now? I can’t believe he’s back. I’m ready to help.”

“Tanya, just stop a second. Tell me who did this.”

“Please, Greg. I just want to see the whale. Is he all right? Why did he get stuck again?”

“Don’t try and change the subject. You’re not going anywhere near the whale until you tell me what happened.”