The Ginormous Book of Dirty Jokes (63 page)

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Authors: Rudy A. Swale

BOOK: The Ginormous Book of Dirty Jokes

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The daughter sat with a confused look on her face, and after a moment said, “Sure had a big dick, didn’t it?”

One day a scientist goes to a school where he is trying to do an experiment on children to see how good their taste buds are. He goes into a random classroom and explains to the class what he will be doing with them today. The class is excited and agrees to help him.

The scientist first blindfolds the children. Then he tells them that he will put a certain flavor of candy in front of them. He then tells them to eat it and tell him what flavor they think it is.

The first candy all the children get right: It is cherry. The second as well: It is orange. But the last one is the hardest. None of the children can get it, so the scientist gives them a clue. He says, “It’s what your mom might call your dad.”

A girl in surprise yells out, “I know, I know.”

Then the scientist says, “Well, what is it?”

Then she says, “The flavor is asshole!”

The children in horror spit it out. The real flavor was honey!!

Marge was in bed with her lover. All of a sudden, they heard a noise downstairs.

“Oh my God, your husband is home!” the man said. “What am I going to do?”

“Just stay in bed with me. He’s probably so drunk, he isn’t going to notice you here with me.”

The fear of getting caught trying to escape was more powerful than the thought of getting caught in bed with Marge, so he trusted her advice. Sure enough, Marge’s husband came crawling into bed and as he pulled the covers over him, he pulled the blankets, exposing six feet.

“Honey!” he yelled. “What the hell is going on? I see six feet at the end of the bed!”

“Dear, you’re so drunk, you can’t count. If you don’t believe me, count them again.”

The husband got out of bed, and counted. “One, two, three, four... By God, you’re right, dear!”

There was a church that had a very big-busted organist. Her breasts were so huge that they bounced and jiggled while she played. Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably.

The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.

One of the ladies approached her very discreetly and told her to mash up some green persimmons, (if you eat them they make you pucker, because they are so sour) and rub them on her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size. She agreed to try it.

The following Sunday morning the minister got up on the pulpit and said, “Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol we will not hath a thermon tewday.”

A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop. With them are their eight children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and her eight children are able to fit in the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the blind man’s stick and says to him, “Why don’t you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy!!”

The blind man replies, “If you had put a rubber on the end of YOUR stick, we’d be sitting in the bus.”