The Future of Our Past (The Remembrance Trilogy) (37 page)

“I love you.” Her fingers traced my face softly. “Ryan, so much.” I thought I saw sadness in her eyes and my brow fell.

“Baby, is something wrong?”

She got a little crinkle between her eyes and dropped her eyes for a split second before bringing them back to my face and smiling softly. She shook her head ever so slightly. “No…I’m so happy to see you. I’ve missed you, Ryan.” Her voice broke slightly on my name.

“Oh, honey…it’s almost over now, right? When I leave you this time, it will be for the last time. We made it through it all.” I pushed her shirt up and she lifted her arms so I could slide it up and off. I wadded it up and threw it aside, hungry to get my hands on her naked breasts. “I missed you so badly,” I breathed against the skin of her shoulder. I lifted her up until she was kneeling with me on the bed. My hands moved over her velvet skin, paying homage to every swell and curve.

My body was screaming for release, it had been so long since I’d touched her and I wanted her in a position that would allow my hands easy access to increase her pleasure.

“Julia, I’m wound so tight, I’m not sure how long I can make this last and I want to take care of you,” I explained as I moved us both to the head of the bed and turned her around in my arms so her back was plastered up against the front of my body. She responded as only Julia would do. Her arms lifted around my neck, hands fisting in my hair as she arched into me again, grinding her ass against my erection. The friction was almost more than I could bear and I moaned into the curve of her shoulder as I dragged my mouth along it, kissing and suckling her skin. My hands roamed over her perfect breasts and taut stomach, pulling on her nipples lightly until she was gasping in response.

“Honey, is this okay?” I rasped out as I pressed into her, seeking the warmth and wetness of her body.

She nodded, not speaking and slid one hand down the side of my body to grasp at my ass and pull me toward her. She leaned forward slightly and braced herself, placing her free hand on the wall, preparing for the force of my entry.

I found her entrance and slid into her from behind. With her legs closer together, she was even tighter than usual. “Uhnnn, Julia. I love you.”

“Mmmm…” she moaned as I filled her, stretching and pushing into her. My head fell to her shoulder and I held onto her with both arms around her, one hand cupping a breast and the other sliding down to touch her sensitive flesh. “Uhhhh…” She let out her breath in a rush as I moved in and out of her in long, deep strokes. It didn’t take long and I had her quivering on the brink of orgasm and I was gasping, trying desperately to stop my own release until I was sure she was satisfied.

I stared down at her alabaster back, the dark silk of her hair flowing down almost to her waist. “You are so beautiful…so sexy. Julia, I’m not going to be able to stop now.” My fingers slid deeper down her body to feel where my body was joining her and it was so fucking erotic I almost lost it. Here was evidence of my possession of this gorgeous woman; this glorious woman who gave of herself so freely to me in so many ways. My breathing was rough and she was panting with me. I wanted her to feel what I was feeling.

I pulled her hand down, mine over hers and guiding it down her stomach and pubic mound until she could feel me pumping into her body. “Ryan,” she whispered, her head turning to nestle into my neck.

I left her hand where it was and then moved mine up to rub and pinch her clit. Almost instantly she clenched around my dick and I lost complete control and slammed into her as deeply as I could while my orgasm consumed me in waves. We were both jerking against each other as our bodies rode out the climax. I moved my hands gently up her body and ran a series of soft kisses over her shoulders as she milked me dry. My heart was swollen to the point of bursting. The passion between us never ceased to amaze me.

“Holy hell…” I breathed against her skin. “I am still so in love…I’ll never get enough of you. Every time…I’m undone.” I wrapped both of my arms around her pulling her back against me as I slipped out of her body, instantly feeling the loss.

She was silent as I laid her back down on the bed and pulled her close to me. She curled into me and pressed her lips to my neck. I wrapped my arms around her as her leg slipped between the two of mine. She was tired, but I was anxious to talk to her. I needed her voice and her words.

“How did you manage it?” she asked quietly as she nuzzled against me. If she didn’t stop the gentle play of her lips and hands, we wouldn’t be sleeping anytime soon.

“I just told my advisor that I needed a couple of days and worked my ass off to make it up in advance. He talked to my professors. I couldn’t stand not touching you today.” I smiled into the darkness and kissed the top of her head. “Were you surprised?”

“Mmmm huh,” she mumbled. “I thought I was dreaming.”

“I’m pretty sure you were dreaming when I came in here. You were calling my name. It was perfect. And then, when I started to touch you, you responded automatically.”

“Yes. Because it’s
you
.” Her voice was quiet and she sounded sleepy.

“The way we are together…I can’t live without you anymore. I’m done.”

Her arms tightened around me and she sighed heavily as she pressed close to me.

“I love you…”

“I love you, too, baby girl. It’s late and you have to work tomorrow, yes?”

“I’d only planned on taking half a day off on Friday, so yeah. Maybe Meredith will take pity on me if you come in and show her your pouty face. I hate to leave you alone all day.” I smiled and nuzzled her forehead and used her leg between mine to pull her tighter against me. She smelled of vanilla and musk and sex and I sucked it into my lungs like it was nectar.

“Oh, that’s okay. I’ll sleep in, meet you for lunch and come back here and take a fork to that luscious looking confection in the refrigerator.” My fingers brushed her cheek as my lids got heavy.

“I’ll expect you to cut a piece, not dig into the whole thing, Matthews,” she admonished and I could imagine the rolling of her eyes in the darkness as she snuggled closer to me.

“We’ll see how strong my willpower is. It’s bad enough that I had that nightie in my pocket all damn day. I felt like a dog with rabies! My mouth was watering, my body was shaking and I was literally going insane. If you keep that up, I’ll never graduate.”

She giggled softly against me, leaned up and placed a soft kiss on my lips.

“Mmm…good boy. Very,
very
good boy,” she teased and I burst out laughing.

“Okay, that’s it!” I said, rolling over on top of her fast enough to take her by surprise. She gasped and looked up at me. The lack of light made her eyes darker, but they were shining as she gently touched my face. “I’ll show you just how good I can be,” I whispered before my mouth descended on hers in hungry assault.

I almost felt guilty because I kept her up until dawn making love.

Almost.

~11~

I snuck out of the apartment early in the morning, leaving a sleeping Ryan behind with a note that told him how much I loved him and that I wanted to see his sweet ass for lunch. Despite the heaviness of my heart concerning my possible move to Paris, I wanted to make this weekend as special as I possibly could. My traitorous eyes filled with tears as I made my way to work and the reality of it hit me square in the face. I hastily blinked them back and by the time I made it to my office I was in control.

Meredith was still in town and had worked out the details with John. All that was left was for me to make a decision. My heart hurt to the point of breaking. I felt listless and I sure as hell didn’t want to work today.

I didn’t bother to hang up my coat and carelessly threw it over one of the chairs as I rounded the desk. Picking up the phone, I quickly dialed Meredith’s extension and waited for her to pick up.

“Yeah, doll,” she answered.

“Hi. Listen, Ryan came to town early and I’d really appreciate it if I could cut out of here early today and maybe take the entire day off tomorrow. I’ll get everything done. Erm…Or at least make sure that Andrea knows what needs to be done.” I rambled on nervously.

“Julia, of course. Though, I would like to get an eye fix of him while he’s in town,” she chuckled suggestively.

“He’ll be in around noon to take me to lunch. I was hoping I could surprise him by not coming back to work, so thank you.”

“What are your plans for him?” Her voice was amused on the other end of the line.

“Well…I wasn’t planning on being here tomorrow afternoon. I’m taking him to a concert in the evening and otherwise, probably just hanging out. We play it by ear a lot.”

“Have you told him about Paris?” My heart dropped to my stomach at her question.

“No. I guess…I’m trying to find the right moment. Meredith, leaving him will be too hard.”

Her voice hardened. “Julia, stop whining like a little baby. It’s only a few months, for God’s sake. You’ve been separated for over three years! Besides, you love this damn job. I know you, Julia. You live and breathe the magazine.”

I fell into my chair as Andrea came and hovered in my doorway. I raised my right hand and waved her in. “Yes…but only because what I really live and breathe for hasn’t been in the same city. Work has been a form of self-defense to keep sane.”

“Look, you could have always moved to Beantown and schlepped ads at the local newspaper. You were cut out for more. We both know it,” she scoffed.

Andrea raised her eyebrows at me as I sighed loudly into the phone.

“Besides,” Meredith began, “Ryan will be damned proud of you.”

“Um…well, if he even hears anything beyond
Hey, Ryan, guess what? I’m leaving the country, isn’t that great
?
I know we had all these plans, but screw it,”
I retorted and put a hand to my head. I felt my voice crack and I swallowed so I could continue. “I’m not sure if he’ll be heartbroken or pissed, but it won’t be pretty.”

“Just tell him and see. Give him the benefit of the doubt.”

“Okay, I don’t want anyone spilling the beans to him when he shows up here today. I need to tell him when I feel the time is right.”

“Okay. I’ve got to get to this pile of reports. Even from across the continent, I still have to run a magazine.”

“Yeah. Life’s a bitch. Talk to you later.”

I leaned forward onto my desk and hung up the phone, looking up at Andrea as I did so.

“What’s on the agenda today?” she asked quietly. Her expression was calm but she was gauging my mood and didn’t want to upset me further by asking too many questions.

I put a hand over my eyes as I leaned back in my chair. “To be honest…I don’t even give a damn, Andie. This whole Paris thing has really taken me off task.”

She nodded sympathetically, her mouth turning down at the corners. “Well, does it help that you look amazing?” she smiled slightly. “I love that dress.”

“It’s Armani,” I threw out the brand offhandedly. It was a dark blue silk wrap dress that Ryan particularly loved. “Ryan came in last night and acted out my dreams. Literally.”

“What?” she said incredulously. “Where do I get one of those? Crap, he’s almost too perfect.”

“No
almost
about it, that’s why this is so hard. I don’t want to go.”

“But…” Andrea hedged. “You do want this job.”

“Of course. In a perfect world I could have everything, but it’s not perfect, is it?” I got up and moved to the art table behind my desk. My office was a lot bigger than the one I had in Los Angeles and the view of Manhattan was amazing. I closed my eyes, remembering the first night I’d shown it to Ryan. The building was practically deserted and we shut all the lights off so we could admire the skyline. We’d made love on my desk. Blushing, I turned back to it and ran my hand along its smooth edge.

“Unfortunately, no. Will he understand?”

I brushed at the errant tear that slipped from the corner of my eye as I struggled to keep my voice from trembling. “Nope. I’m still not sure what I’m going to do. It depends on how he reacts.”

“Julia, surely you have some idea of what he’ll say?”

“Of course. He’s going to lose it. And he has every right to.”

We got down to business and before long it was lunchtime. I found myself anxiously looking at the clock every minute in anticipation of Ryan’s arrival. I’d given Andrea the list of things that needed to be finished by Friday at five, straightened up my desk and then went to make some last minute adjustments on the story boards for the April issue. I rolled my eyes at the collateral list. How many different ways can you do a story on
What Your Man Really Wants in Bed? Ugh.