The Future of Our Past (The Remembrance Trilogy) (29 page)

“Now who isn’t playing fair?”

“All I do is dream about making love to you.”

“Oh? Do they have a new course of study in that at Harvard?” I teased and he shook his head.

“I wish.”

Estes Park was a cute little town situated between two of the smaller ski resorts, and was at the edge of Rocky Mountain National Park. Ryan and I spent a few hours on Skype looking at places to stay when we’d decided to meet over Christmas, and we decided on a resort called Glacier Lodge that had individual cabins with fireplaces and kitchens.

We didn’t have anything set for our time in Colorado, except that we just wanted to go with the flow. We could ski if we wanted to, shop if we felt like it, or hole up the entire time and stay in bed if that was what we decided to do. The point was to have no pressure and just focus on each other.

The cabin was gorgeous, built in classic log-cabin style, the walls and ceilings all rounded timber, the furnishings rustic, with a Southwestern motif. The bed was huge, draped with a Southwestern patterned comforter and the furniture was plush and comfortable, upholstered in brown leather. A big fluffy rug lay out on the floor in front of the fireplace that reminded me of the piles of snow outside and the kitchen, while simple, had all that I needed. The bathroom was Italian marble with a large whirlpool tub which I looked forward to using with Ryan.

“Wow,” I said as I walked around the place. Ryan was leaning up against the back of the couch with his arms crossed, just watching me. “Let’s move here!” I said, feeling a bit mischievous.

Ryan smiled and slowly moved toward me. “Um…I can’t commit to that unless…” his arms slid around me and under my legs and he lifted me up and threw me on the bed, “this bed is fully functional. We have to test it first!”

I squealed in delight and laughed as I landed in the middle of the mattress.

He immediately came down on top of me and the laughter between us died as our eyes met. His body settled into mine and I arched up into his, aching to feel him next to me, inside of me. His hand came up to my face to brush my hair back and he pressed me into the bed with his body, both of us moving against the other, creating the friction we both desperately craved.

“Julia…I’ve missed you. Please don’t make me wait to make love to you. I can’t stand it.” He nuzzled the side of my face with his nose and I turned my mouth toward his.

“Ryan…” I breathed just before his mouth took mine.

He kissed me deeply, and I kissed him back with everything I had. I wanted him; I loved him and nothing else mattered. His hand slid up my thigh and over my hip and ribcage to cup my breast through the thin material of my black cotton shirt and lace bra. My already taut nipples hardened even more under his palm. Ryan groaned when he felt it, too. “God, Julia. You’re body is so responsive, it drives me crazy.”

I answered by sliding my hands beneath his shirt and pushing it up over the strong muscles of his back and shoulders. He sat up on his knees and impatiently pulled it over his head and flung it across the room. “I wanted to go slow, but I’m just…my whole body is vibrating. I want you so much.” His eyes bore into mine as his fingers flew to undo the opening of his pants and then moved to do the same to mine before he leaned down and kissed the side of my neck. His hands moved up my body under my shirt and soon it was a thing of the past.

I reached for him, pulling him down so that he was lying on top of me, in the cradle of my body again. I wanted to feel him closer, to have every inch of his skin against me and to resume the delicious kisses. We kissed urgently, but not without purpose as our mouths tasted and teased each other. “Uhhh,” I breathed against his mouth as his body surged against mine, “you feel so good.”

Soon the clothes separating us were strewn about the room and I gloried in the feel of his bare limbs combining with mine, his hard body thrusting into me, filling me again and again. “God, baby. I can’t…” he gasped against the curve of my neck, “I can’t stop.”

“I don’t want you to. Never stop, Ryan.” He pushed the hair back off of my face, both hands holding my head and then he kissed me deeply, our mouths sucking and licking each other as we moved in perfect unison, the movements deeper and longer. God, I wanted more and raked my hands down his back to grasp around the muscles of his ass. I could feel them flexing beneath my hands in response to his thrust. It was so hot.

“Come for me, Julia. I love you, baby,” he urged. His hands were moving over my body, brushing my nipples and then down lower between my legs. He pushed his hand between us so he could touch me and instantly my muscles tensed as my orgasm exploded, leaving me gasping and clutching around his hardness.

“Uhhh, God,” Ryan groaned as he gave in to his own release, but then brought his mouth back to mine and kissed me, sucking my lower lip into his mouth and then deepening the kiss, laving my tongue with his, mimicking the movements of his body as he moved inside me.

His body slowed and the kisses lightened until he raised his mouth and rested his forehead on mine, both of us breathing hard, struggling to regain control. Emotion flooded through me and I wrapped my arms and legs around him. He kissed the side of my face and nuzzled my nose as a tear trickled down my cheek.

He felt it with the thumb that was brushing along my cheekbone. “Julia, don’t cry, love. I’m right here with you, and you’re everything to me.”

I nodded, but my throat tightened, making it hard to speak. I felt ridiculous; crying when he was with me, but the love I felt for him was just so overwhelming that I couldn’t contain it. My face crumpled and I turned into his neck as my shoulders began to shake in silent sobs.

“Julia, honey…Look at me,” Ryan whispered urgently. “What is it? Can you tell me?” He tried to move off, but I tightened my arms around him.

“No, don’t separate. Not yet,” I said softly and touched his face, reaching up to kiss his jaw gently. “I just…love you more than I can even stand, Ryan. It’s…overwhelming and amazing. My heart is so full of you, I can’t even breathe. You…fill me up.” I surged upward, emphasizing his body still buried within mine. “In more ways than one,” I tried to smile through the tears.

Ryan’s eyes were soft and the start of a small smile lifted one corner of his mouth. “God, I love you, so, so much. It’s beyond words for me too, honey. I’m so pissed at myself for not having the balls to tell you before. To think we could have had this…the whole time.”

I shook my head to silence him and reached up and ran my hand along his face, to grasp the hair at the nape of his neck.

“Don’t say that. I cherish every moment I’ve had with you. Every single one, okay? Even when we fight. Don’t wish it away. Maybe we wouldn’t be
us
if things had been different. And I want this…the way it is between us now is worth all of that waiting and longing.”

Ryan moved to my side and pulled me close, across his chest, and I lay in silence, listening to his heart beating. He took a deep breath, his chest rising beneath my cheek.

“What is it?” I asked and gently ran a hand down his bare chest to rest below his navel. When he didn’t answer right away, I pressed him. “Ryan?”

He sighed again. “It’s just…I
want
this, Julia. I want it every day, and still we’re…” his words dropped off and his fingers flew threw his hair before moving back to slide down my arm and take my hand.

“I know.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “But seeing you even once a month is better than once every five or six. I’ll take it, because it’s
you
.”

“Julia…” he breathed and we were both clinging, our arms tightening around each other. I leaned over and placed my open mouth on his chest, and the light hair tickled my skin.

“Just be with me now, Ryan, okay? We have ten days. Ten whole days. I just want to drown in you and enjoy every second. For ten days, I want to lose the constant ache.”

“Where did you come from?” Ryan said; his voice husky and deep as he pulled me up until my head was resting next to his on the pillow. “You’re so damn perfect you shouldn’t even exist. Just…look at you.” He stunned me by the sudden movement and when I looked into his eyes, they were deep blue and swimming in tears.

My eyes welled and I kissed him, his lips warm and soft against mine. I pressed my hand to his chest, over his heart. “This is where I came from. Right here.”

It was late. I had fallen asleep in Julia’s arms after we’d made love again, but now my stomach was rumbling, stirring me from the soundest sleep I’d had in a month. A month without Julia and a month full of studying and final exams.

The cabin was dark but warm, the full moon shining in from between the blinds and casting a bluish glow across the bed, on the white sheets and Julia’s still form. Her skin was smooth as porcelain, her face serene in sleep, the dark lashes and luxurious mane of hair almost black in the moonlight. I leaned in to gently kiss her shoulder and pulled in a long breath inhaling her sweet scent, a luscious mixture of floral shampoo, perfume and Julia. Another soft kiss later and she stirred softly.

“Ryan…” she breathed, still asleep and my heart thumped wildly in my chest. I picked up a lock of silken hair and worried it between my fingers. Everything about her was so damn soft, so alluring. My undoing. I knew I’d never be able to drag myself away. I longed for those gorgeous green eyes to open and look at me, but I didn’t want to disturb her. The cabin was small, but to me it was paradise, because I was alone with Julia. She was all mine, if only for a short time.

My stomach rumbled again and I reluctantly pushed myself off the bed and padded out of the bedroom. Hesitating to flood the rooms with light, I lit the few candles that were scattered around and decided it was much nicer that way anyway. It was eleven o’clock on Christmas Eve and there was a small tree in the corner with multicolored lights on it. I went back into the bedroom to get the two gifts I’d brought and placed them beneath the tree and then went to find something to eat.

The refrigerator was stocked with basics, but nothing that looked particularly appetizing. I leaned on the open door when something occurred to me; Julia would have made something I loved, to bring on this trip. I smiled in satisfaction. Surely, knowing her, there was some delectable thing packed inside her bag. She wouldn’t mind if I went looking for it, and I could play the pouty, starving card. She’d always given in to that. But…maybe there was a gift inside that I wasn’t supposed to see?

Hmmm…
I patted my grumbling stomach and decided I’d take my chances. I quietly moved back into the bedroom, careful not to wake her, but stopped at the sight before me. She’d rolled onto her back, the sheet barely clinging to her curves, her legs bare and the curve of her breast starting to swell above the edge as her arm flung out beside her head. Her hair was splayed out on the pillows in glorious disarray, screaming for my fingers to thread through it, and her mouth was slightly open. She was so gorgeous and my body stirred as I remembered the feel of her beneath me and the little mewling sounds she made as she came. I swallowed and my mouth went dry.

I tore my gaze away and glanced around the room, searching for her bags and found them against the far wall. If she brought a treat with her, it would most likely be in the carry-on. I carefully unzipped it, as quietly as possible. My hand felt around blindly and quickly found a plastic container. My face split into a grin. She was so damn good to me.

It was too dark to see exactly what was inside, but when I pulled the lid free, the delicious scent wafted out. They were some sort of cookies. I took the container into the other room and opened the refrigerator again, using the light to look inside. Mmmm…one of my favorites. Cranberry, white chocolate and macadamia nut. Delicious and soft, they were just as I remembered them. Aaron and I used to eat the entire batch before they were even cool from the oven. Julia pretended to be pissed, but enjoyed that we loved them so much.

I found a bottle of water and turned toward the living room, carrying the entire container of cookies with me, but stopped short when I saw her leaning on the doorjamb in the hall, wrapped in the sheet.

“And just what do you think you’re doing with those, Matthews?” She laughed softly.

“Um…” I said with my mouth full. “Devouring them, hopefully. They’re just delicious, honey. Thank you.”

“Hmmm…” She walked forward and grabbed the bottle and took a drink. “I’m so thirsty.”

I took her hand and pulled her down on the couch next to me. “Want one?” I asked, before diving in for another cookie.