The Future of Our Past (The Remembrance Trilogy) (24 page)

“That’s why we never dated, Mike,” I scoffed and rolled my eyes but kept avoiding his gaze. “You love yourself too much!” I started typing an email to production regarding a proof on the layout for one of the fashion features for the January issue.

“We never dated, because I didn’t try that hard.” He sat on the edge of my desk knocking the picture over and I reached quickly to keep it from tumbling to the floor.

“Oh? Was
that
it?” I asked flatly.

“Of course,” he said as he brushed back a strand of hair that had fallen out of my low ponytail. Instinctively, I pulled away and glared.

“Pfft. Whatever. If it makes you feel better to think so, have at it.”

Andrea walked in carrying several boards of photos and laid them on the slant table, glancing at Mike on her way in. I had a feeling that she wouldn’t mind a little of his swarthy attention. She’d said on more than one occasion he was hot and she wouldn’t mind a sample.

Gross.

Andrea was still eyeing Mike but he was watching me as I walked to the table. Obviously he wanted me, he’d made no secret of it, but my love for Ryan had always held me back from anything. Even if he’d been Adonis with a personality to die for, I wouldn’t notice. Truthfully, he was a great guy and extremely easy to work with, but his tactics didn’t move me in the slightest.

I stood over the photos, Mike and Andrea behind me, examining with a critical eye. The pictures were full color; the man had a tanned, muscled body and gorgeous face, in various poses with a scantily clothed glamour girl draped all over him.

“These shots are very good, Mike,” Andrea gushed. My brow furrowed. They were sort of overkill. I wanted something more subtle, and could have sworn we’d talked about it during casting, but now I was stuck with this.
Shit!

“Julia, what do you think?” he breathed in my ear. I prickled and moved away, seeking the barrier of my desk, and taking the photos with me.

“Um…well,” I bit my lip. “It’s not really what I wanted. The guy looks good, but the girl is sort of whorish. I didn’t approve that God awful red lipstick. I wanted
hot
real people, not a hot guy with a…well, a hooker. Ehh,” I wrinkled my nose in distaste.

He winced. “Sorry, Mike. It’s my job. I gotta be honest. After all, it’s
my
ass that’s on the line for the final look.”

“And what a nice ass it is,” he stated, leaning back to check it out. I plopped down in my chair.

“Ugh, really? Did you just say that to me? You know sexual harassment is a serious offense, right?”

“Puh-lease,” Mike sat down across from me, an expression of boredom on his attractive features. “You know you
love me
, Julia,” he mocked.

“Yeah, but not like that, and you know it,” I teased.

Andrea was leaning against the art table and didn’t look happy. “Julia’s got a boyfriend, you know,” she shot out and my head popped up to look at her as my eyes widened.

“Andrea.”

“What? You do! Is it a secret?” she asked, her expression completely changing when I raised my eyebrows and shot her a look that told her to zip it.

“Um…” I didn’t know what to say because I’d never referred to Ryan as my boyfriend. It seemed so parochial and sure as hell didn’t do him justice. A hot flush rushed over my face. “Uh…let’s just get back to work. I need to get this done so that I can catch Meredith before she leaves for lunch.”

“Touchy subject, eh? Well, I’m not giving up, sweetheart,” Mike said, rubbing his chin and looking unflinchingly into my face.

“You might change your mind if you saw her…uh,
boyfriend
.” Andrea’s eyes lit up with a sparkle as she said the words. “He’s way hotter than this dude here,” she said, nodding at the boards and wrinkling her nose as she looked at it.

“Andrea! Enough. Work, remember?” I asked sternly, adamant that we focus, but doing my best not to smile. It was damn hard, too.

“Well, we’re screwed because the female model is out of the country for some fashion show in Brazil, so what will we do? We only have a day or two until this goes to press,” Mike stated matter-of-factly. “Right?”

“Hmmm…Andrea, is the guy available? If so, get to work on finding a new girl ASAP. We’ll have to redo the shoot late this afternoon or this evening if we can.”

Mike groaned. “Shit, Julia. Don’t you have a life?”

I’m about to, I hope.

“Well, why didn’t you call me when you saw the model? Surely you knew this wasn’t what we discussed and it would have been a hell of a lot easier to send her back to wardrobe and make-up than to shoot it and deal with this mess,” I admonished. “If we can’t redo the shoot, then we’ll have to Photoshop the shit out of one of these, I suppose.”

I took two of the boards, one in each hand and contemplated which would have the most potential. I was leaning toward one where the woman was standing behind the guy and he was the main focus of the shot. “Either way, this is another budget problem. I’m tired of this type of crap.”

We finished brainstorming about how to change the photo and then I shooed them both out of my office. It would be possible to change her lipstick color, soften her harsh hair style and maybe even make the bed shrug she was wearing longer to look more like a robe.

“Don’t forget, you’ve got to spill. Later girl,” Andrea reminded me as she walked out.

I glanced up and smiled. “Okay, maybe lunch?”

Her face lit up. “Yeah, great!”

After she left, Mike lingered in the doorway. “
You
could always do it, you know.”

“What?”

“You’re a beautiful woman, Julia. I’d love to photograph you half dressed.”

“
Goodbye
, Mike.”

“I’m just saying…you’re bitching about the budget, so think about it.”

I raised my eyebrows. “I’m no model.” I smiled and shook my head, hoping he’d drop it.

“You
could
be.”

“Hmmph,” I scoffed. “I’m way too short. I’m only five six.”

“So get some Jimmy Choos, then. That shit is hot. So are you, Julia.”

I laughed out loud, the thought so ridiculous. He was funny even though he was shameless in his pursuit of me. Since I started at Glamour, we’d bantered and goofed around. While he was serious in his flirting, he was great to work with and a generally nice guy. He chased and I blew him off. End of story.

“Stop, for God’s sake. Get out of here. I want to get some work done.” I shoved him out the door and closed it loudly. My eyes rolled as I glanced at the clock and noticed it was 9:30. I had an email from Meredith in response to the one I sent earlier.

Sure, honey. Pop in around 11.

My stomach dropped. I really loved my job and the people I worked with and I’d be a little sad to be leaving. But life is a series of choices and no matter what decisions came up throughout my life, if Ryan was one of the options, he would always win out.

At the magazine less than a year, I was nervous about this conversation with my boss, but hoped she could understand my predicament. She was aware of Ryan from the photo on my desk and the drawings in my portfolio. I’d told her that he was my best friend when she’d asked who he was. I suspected she knew I was in love with him by her response.

“He is drop-dead gorgeous Julia, and your drawings are just insane. Are you sure he’s only your friend?”

I’d bitten my lip and nodded.

“Well, what a waste! I don’t know how you can resist. Mmm, mmmm, mmm.” She’d smiled big as I put the drawings away and blushed. “Girl, if I were you, I’d get on that immediately.”

I pulled out my phone. When Ryan answered, his voice was low and breathy. “There’s my gorgeous girl!”

“Hi! I miss you.”

He sighed on the other end of the phone. “Oh, honey, I’m pretty sure I miss you more. Did Ellie give you the third degree? Aaron bounced me the minute he walked through the door,” he said and I could literally hear the smile in his voice and knew his blue eyes would be sparkling.

“What do you think? Of course! Probably not as bad as Aaron’s interrogation, though.” I laughed. “Did they have a good Thanksgiving?”

“As far as I know. We didn’t really get to that. So, uh…”

I sat down and turned my chair toward the window. “Yes?” I knew what he was going to ask.

“Um, what’s the verdict?” Ryan asked softly.

“I haven’t had a chance to talk to her yet. I’ve had issues with some photos that need to be redone. I’m meeting with Meredith at eleven.” I hoped the nervousness I felt wasn’t coming through on the phone.

“Are you nervous?”

Shit! So much for that.

“I’m about to go ask my boss of a few months to transfer me to another magazine and out of state. I’m…
freaking out
!” I ran a hand through my hair and then picked at some lint on my skirt.

“Baby, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

“Oh, well…okay, then,” I said, trying to keep my voice even and heard his sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line. I smiled and tried to keep from laughing out loud.

“Really?” he asked hesitantly.

“Um, yeah.” I was feeling mischievous and it was fun to play with him. I realized that Ryan didn’t think it was funny when he didn’t respond.

“Babe, I’m kidding!” I added quickly. “Of course I have to do this, okay? I want to.”

Still he was silent. “Are you sure? You sound like you might be reconsidering.”

“Matthews, I was
kidding
.” I waited. “Ryan?”

“I just…I’m feeling guilty about asking you to move out here. It isn’t fair, Julia,” he said and I could hear his reluctance as the words dropped from his mouth.

“Hey. I love you, so it’s done. I’m doing this for me, too. I can’t be this far away from you. It was hard enough before, but now…forget it.”

“Yes, I’m struggling more now, too, and it’s only been twenty-four hours.” He chuckled softly.

“We’re pathetic, but I like it.”

“Oh, babe…I keep thinking about last weekend. I’ll never forget it.”

“Mmmm. Me, too. Ryan, I’m…” I began softly as memories from the lovemaking started to stir my body to life. Here in my office, three thousand miles from him, he could make me tremble and quake.

“You’re…?” he prodded softly, his velvet voice rolling through me like an electric current.

I’d always been honest with him but this was so revealing. “I’m…
aching.”

He sucked in his breath. “I am too. It was beyond anything I expected. Just remembering how you felt and your voice, makes me rock hard. I want you so bad.”

I felt the throbbing warmth and wetness in my core increase but couldn’t let this continue if I was going to function properly at work. “Ugh, Ryan. You have to stop,” I whispered. “It’s torture.”

“If this is torture, you can kill me right now, Julia. I love you so much. Remember that when you’re talking to Meredith.”

“I love you too. I’m coming out there, one way or another, so just
know
that.”

“You make me very happy. I don’t deserve you.”

“We’ve had this conversation before. You deserve whatever I want to give you, remember?” I laughed softly.

“I don’t know how I got so lucky, but I won’t argue with you.” Ryan’s low laugh was smooth as silk.

“You’re so damn sexy, Matthews. Quit it,” I smiled into the phone.

“As long as you think so, that’s all that matters. I hate to go, but I have class baby. I have to run.”

“Okay. I’ll call you tonight.”

“You better. Good luck with Meredith.”

“Who needs luck? I have you. Bye, sweetie.”

“Bye, honey.”

I continued to work through the morning, slightly stressed when Andrea had trouble lining up another model on short notice. The agencies we normally worked with were scrambling, but I had a budget and a time constraint that we were finding it difficult to work around. I called the head of the art department and gave instructions on how the photo may need to be altered. Just in case.

Finally, it was time for my meeting with Meredith. I took a deep breath as I rode up the seven floors to her office. I was fidgeting and willed myself to stop.

Get a grip.

The executive offices were posh with hardwood cherry floors and large glass doors that separated the offices from the elevator foyer. The receptionist looked up from the paperwork she was working on.

“Just go on in.” She smiled warmly and indicated with her hand in the direction of Meredith’s office.

I clasped my hands in front of me and walked toward Meredith’s open door. She was on the phone, but looked up when she saw me hovering and motioned me in.

“Yeah, you could be right. She’s here now, in fact. Um…I’ll get back to you. It’s a great idea. Thanks.”

Meredith raised her eyebrows, pointing to one of the blue leather chairs in front of her large desk. There were pictures from all over the world adorning the walls of the office. Meredith and her husband had no children, choosing instead to be well-traveled and carefree. She was a strong woman who knew what she wanted out of life and how to go after it. Hopefully, that characteristic would help her understand my predicament.