The Forgotten: Aten's Last Queen (67 page)

Tutankhamun approached.

I let him come over to me and did not speak. I did not want to upset him further with words he might think ill intentions of. He sat down and let out a loud breath. Then he looked down at the grass and casually picked blades out from its bed.

“What are you doing out here?” He asked.

“Reading a story. It is very exciting. Would you like me to share?”

“I think I might.” He looked over at me just then, his eyes met mine, but they quickly darted back to the grass.

I looked down to the scroll, found the serpent’s next words, and read softly, “
Fear not, fear not, little one, and make not your face sad. If you have come to me, it is God who has let you live. For it is He who has brought you to this Isle of the Blest where nothing is lacking and which is filled with all good things. See now, you shall pass one cycle after another on this isle until you shall see eight appearances of Djehuty’s curved beak in the night sky. Then a ship shall come from your land with sailors, and you shall leave with them and go to your country, and thus you shall live and die in your town
.

“Such a converse is pleasing, and he who tastes of it passes over his misery. I will therefore tell you of that which is in this isle. I am here with my brethren and my children around me; we are seventy-five serpents, children, and kindred. As for you, if you are strong, and if your heart waits patiently, you shall press your infants to your bosom and embrace your wife. You shall return to your house which is full of all good things, you shall see your land where you shall dwell in the midst of your kindred.”

Tutankhamun flicked some of the grass blades up into the wind. Some caught on the breeze and twirled in a dance before us. Others fell flat back onto the ground. I stopped reading.

“I thought I should see you before I go,” he said simply.

“It’s nice to see you.” I stopped myself before saying “meret.” I knew what pain it caused him the last time the word love was spoken in replace of his name.

“I just need some time, An, that’s all. Looking into that baby’s eyes, watching her suffer, it’s just too much right now.”

“I understand.”

“Both Ay and Horemheb have been very vocal about starting a harem. They wanted to start construction on new quarters to be ready at my return.”

I felt slapped in the face. I closed my eyes at his words, trying to shut out the lonely images this future would bring to me. “You must do what you think is best for our people.”

“That’s what it’s about, isn’t it? Our people. It’s up to me to preserve our family now. I… I find myself seriously considering their request.”

“All pharaohs eventually sire children from other wives,” I reasoned aloud. I had to let reason take over. My heart was screaming with rage, my eyes were filling with tears. The moment I had feared finally had come. I knew it was my own fault though.

This was what I had wanted, right? For him to find someone better than me? Logically, this was the best path for his succession. My heart thumped loudly and slowly as I tried to purge myself of my hurt and anger.

“Father had three wives,” he replied, no emotion behind his worlds.

“Yes, he did,” I responded so softly that Tutankhamun had to lean in to hear me. I saw his eyes stare down at my lips.

“I want you to know that I do still love you.”

I could only nod my head in response. Words no longer penetrated past the swell in my throat. But it was not my heart this time, it was my stomach. I could taste the cheese and bread ready to resurface. My eyes focused and unfocused on the soft grass.

“I wish it didn’t have to be this way, but two daughters, An, two… I have to think of more than just love now. I have to think of our future. And any child of mine has your blood flowing through him too.”

Him… He used
him
to describe his someday-may-come child. His mind was made up. This would happen. I would fade into the shadows and be forgotten once a child was born to him.

He continued, “Please, An, you must understand this. I do this for our people. Please forgive me.”

I blanched. He was asking for forgiveness? I was so confused. He was starting a harem because he wanted a son, yet he asked for forgiveness from the woman who could not give him one.

Perhaps I should have done that long ago with Amyntas… just asked.

“Say something, An.” He sighed.

I looked down at the scroll. In my eyes, the words had blurred together. I rolled it up, tied it with a ribbon, and handed it to him.

“You’ve always loved a good story,” I responded softly.

He took the rolled papyrus from my hands. He met my eyes and tried to smile at me, but it was forced and awkward in appearance.

I prattled on. “You always had the most wonderful imagination, brother. On your travels, let this free your ka once again, even if it is just a little while.”

“Have you finished?” he asked curiously. He raised an eyebrow at the scroll.

I returned his look with a small smile. “I will when you return it to me.”

He nodded his head slowly but would not look at me. Then he stood and left me alone then. For a moment all was quiet.

I heard a bird, alone, singing in the distance. Its song spoke of mourning.

“I love you too.” I whispered to Tutankhamun even though I knew he did not hear me.

*****

The door was closed, and I waited impatiently for a response. Tia had gone to the side of the house to watch out for familiar faces and give us some privacy.

I raised my hand to knock again, the pendant clasped within, when suddenly the wood began to draw back.

Light green eyes greeted me.

We both stood there and breathed in each other’s ka.

“I must ask you for something,” I finally bumbled, “…forgiveness?”

His face was shrouded in confusion. This made my regret twist up stronger inside of me.

I stuttered on, “Forgive me for all the things I have done to you. Forgive my mistakes. Forgive… everything…” I began to cry.

In return, he smiled at me and shook his head. I felt such joy, sadness, hope, and yet a subtle hopelessness lurking in the shadows. But then he opened his arms wide.

I jumped into his arms. He kicked the door closed with his foot as my tears wet his tunic. He whispered in my ears, “There is nothing that needs to be forgiven.”

I looked into his eyes. He leaned in and kissed me, warm and sweet, and we held each other tight. My body lit up like the sun in response. My lips devoured each touch of his. I ran my fingers through his hair, along his arms, across his back. His kisses followed the curve of my neck, across my collarbone, back up to my lips again. His hands caressed my body and made my belly burn so hot that I felt as if I would melt from his touch. I was hungry for all he had to give.

I could feel the Nile’s breeze coming in strongly through the open windows. The Great River, which carried Tutankhamun’s vessels back to war, tickled my hair. As the light from his ships disappeared from the horizon and my crown lay lonely in the palace, no longer feeling right upon my head, I stopped myself and looked into Amyntas’s eyes.

I spoke quickly between body-shuddering gulps of air. “I need your help.”

“Anything.”

He leaned down to kiss me again, but I pulled away. It was so hard to step away, painful inside of me, but I forced myself to remember another’s need before my own. I held out my hand and opened my fingers to show him the broken pendant.

“She needs to be remembered. She was but a child when she was killed. Please, help me restore her name.”

He stared down at the cartouche now in pieces. His eyes twinkled as if they were lights that had come down from the sky. It was excitement, the type that he would get when he was thinking and creating. He took the pieces gently from my hand.

“I promise to give you your family back.”

I leaned into him and wrapped my arms around him again. I found comfort only he could give me. “Please do one more thing for me.”

“You’re so demanding,” he responded softly, and he kissed my forehead.

I continued, “Watch over Tawaret. Keep her away from the palace.”

“Pa-ramessu has always watched over her. She will be safe especially now with him in charge.”

“No, I fear she is no longer. There is something wrong. Ay is too confident. When Pharaoh left this afternoon, I could see something in his eye. I fear for her, and for your son. Please keep them out of the palace until I’m sure Pharaoh returns safely.”

“How is Pharaoh treating you?” Amyntas cupped my chin and forced my eyes to meet his. He could tell if I was lying in this way. “You did not fear anything after his previous departure.”

I told him the truth, “He blames me. He… he will be starting a harem when he returns.” I let the sadness overtake my features, and I dropped my face in my hands. Amyntas held me close and let me cry.

“Kemet love is a rare thing in this world. Only one woman and one man? I have prayed that you would have the same with your husband. From my father’s country, that is unheard of. Men take multiple wives. I am sorry that things have turned out this way,” he said.

I slowed my tears and looked up at him. “Commoners have multiple wives?”

“If they can afford it, yes. That way they have more hands to help them on their farms and have children upon children who provide for the family as well. It’s about survival, then profit,
then
love if you’re lucky.”

I curled my upper lip in disgust, and Amyntas laughed. It was such a peaceful sound to me. I soon found myself smiling too.

He continued to explain these strange ways. “There is quite the difference between lands. The Greeks, well, they tend to think of their women as no better than slaves without any rights at all.”

“Women from their own country they treat as slaves?”

“They are gardens to plant with their seeds. Not much more.”

My jaw dropped at his words, but then I broke into laughter. “What a horrible thing to say! How will I ever look upon my gardens anymore without thinking of men’s… you know….”

“Better than in the belly of a catfish!”

We both laughed.

As the light began to creep away from the sky, I knew it was time to return home. I kissed him goodbye, gently, but eventually tore myself away. Shaking with desire, I forced my feet out the door to Tia’s patiently waiting arms. She draped her right arm over my shoulder, and we walked back to a place filled with images of a lost love story.

*****

I was almost to my rooms when Ay found me. He frowned down at me and asked, “Where have you been? It seemed as if you could not wait to leave the quay this afternoon.”

“I was out on personal matters. If you needed something, Ramesses would be the one to ask,” I answered coolly.

“Actually, it was your husband looking for you.”

Ay let these words sink into my heart before he would continue. “He wanted to express apologies to you before leaving. The boat was about to pull away when he ordered it to stop, proclaiming that he forgot to give you something to remember him by. Of course, the men all laughed rather crudely at this.”

I shook my head. I had departed after the rituals were done. I had wanted to be sure my journey to Amyntas’s home would not be followed. With everyone else occupied, I felt it a good time to take my leave. I figured I would not be missed, not after my husband’s last words to me.

“He could not find you and was greatly distressed. I assured him that your heart was pure and you could not possibly be visiting the home of that Greek boyfriend of yours.”

I clenched my arms tightly to my side. I felt the muscles in them tense so strongly that it became painful. I had to, though, as it took all this tensing up to stop myself from reaching out and slapping him.

“What evil thoughts did you stir up in him? What did you say? Exactly!?”

“He asked me if I knew where you were. My reply was, and I quote, I doubt she is with that Greek lover she once had, even though he lives in the city close by.”

“Damn you! May Ammut chew your ka slowly when you answer to Osiris! I hope you feel every fang as it rips your soul apart!”

“Are you mad at my words or the honesty behind them? Do you expect me to hide things from Pharaoh? I guess if I think about it, I do believe I did hide things from him. I did not tell him where I thought you were, only where I hoped you were not. You should be thanking me for not giving you away.”

“Your heart is black as night. I am ashamed to say you are my grandfather. Never speak to me again!”

Physically shoving him out of my path, I rushed to my room. I lay down and covered myself with my bed linens. How could he have said such a thing? How could he have said I was with a lover before Pharaoh left for the battlegrounds? Did he want to drive him mad with anger? Did Ay mean to twist Pharaoh’s heart like his was? Anger boiled inside me as time passed. Eventually, I fell asleep, but my dreams swirled with images of what I pictured Tutankhamun’s response to be at Ay’s words. His eyes seemed to scoop out my heart and swallow it whole.

*****

It had started out so beautiful a day. We were breaking the fast, and the morning’s light was winking at us off our gold jewelry. It was almost as if Aten was teasing me.
Look, I’m here, and it’s our secret
!

Ramesses sat at the end of the dining table with Tia-Sitre on his right side and their young son between them. Little Seti was just learning to sit up on his own and was happily slapping the table and babbling, telling us all about it. I sat near the head of the table on the regent’s left.

I remembered I was laughing when they came in. There were three haggard soldiers. Their eyes would not focus as they fumbled over to me. Bowing low, they handed me a rolled up package with my name on it. It was in Tutankhamun’s handwriting! I had not seen much of his script, but I recognized the sharp lines immediately.

I almost jumped out of my seat with joy. As I untied the bundle, I saw stains of brown. It was not a decorative pattern either. I began to worry what I would find.

The outer wrap fell away to reveal a rolled up scroll. With trembling hands, I unrolled the papyrus contained within the package… it was the story of The Shipwrecked Sailor. There was a piece of it ripped off.