The Fixed Trilogy: Fixed on You, Found in You, Forever With You (40 page)

So even though Hudson’s current temperament was baffling and mysterious, I felt good. Strong.

And I’d move in. If he was going to have bouts of isolation, I’d rather still be near him physically, even if I was apart from him emotionally. Besides, that night had proven we could weather stress, and we always seemed to weather it best together.

It was after ten, but I decided to run. I changed and slipped into the penthouse gym, spending forty minutes on the treadmill, followed by a quick shower. Then, after debating over a nightie or a t-shirt or simply my panties, I settled on staying nude and climbed in bed alone. I meant it to be a message to Hudson:
I’m naked for you. Bare for you. No more walls, no more guarded emotions.

When he joined me later, he’d see. He’d get what I wasn’t able to speak to him at the moment, an echo of the words that he had repeated to me over and over earlier.
I’m with you. I’m with you.

I awoke sometime later in the dark room, lying on my side, with Hudson’s arm around me, his hand fondling my breast. Silently, he kissed along my shoulder and up my neck.

I sighed into him, even half-asleep my body was instantly attuned to him, ready, wanting. Slipping my hand between my thighs, I rubbed at my clit, and he thrust into me with ease. It was only moments before we’d found our rhythm, our heavy breathing the lone sound as we moved together toward the same goal.

As my climax approached, my fingers yearned to be wandering up and down the landscape of Hudson’s chest. Reaching behind to grab his ass wasn’t enough. My hands felt empty and a vague thought drifted through my mind that our position mirrored the current state of our relationship. Both of us looking forward, working together toward a singular outcome, but with Hudson still not completely within my reach. My hands reaching for something I couldn’t quite grasp.

We finished near together, and we laid there for several movements without moving or speaking. When our breathing had calmed to normal, I broke the silence. “Where did you go? Earlier.”

He nuzzled his nose into my hair. “Does it matter? I’m here now.”

I’d told Mira I’d talk to Hudson. But what was I supposed to do when he closed himself off? Even now, in the midst of intimacy, he left part of himself closed.

And maybe that was for the best. Because the parts of him that he opened were bright and blinding, like a beacon in the darkness. So I let my questions roll away, evaporating into nothing as he turned me toward him, lining me up underneath his form. Maybe conversation wasn’t needed now. We would speak as we spoke best, with physical touch, our bodies rocking in simultaneous waves. Together.

“Mon amour. Mon précieux,” he said against my ear.
“Mon chéri. Mon bien-aimé.”

He was speaking French. He said he would later, with my legs wrapped around him. So I threw my lower limbs around his hips, tilting into him.

Though the words were unnecessary, he muttered them over and over as we made love again. Between the kisses he placed on my neck and on my mouth, as he rolled in and out of me in rhythm with the beautiful poetry on his tongue. “
Je suis avec vous.
Always. I’m with you,
mon précieux
.”

Chapter Fourteen

The sun was still low and streaming through a gap in the curtains when Hudson released a hand from my breast to look at his watch. “I know it’s Saturday,” he said, kissing along my shoulder, “and it’s early, but I have some business I have to take care of before it gets any later. Then I’ll ravage you nonstop the rest of the weekend.”

“All right. If you must.” I was still recovering from two good-morning orgasms, barely able to form sentences, let alone do anything that required thought. But I did have an important task to attend to myself. One that I’d been avoiding. “I have a few things to do as well so it works out. Lucky for you.”

“Lucky for me, indeed.”

Hudson hit the shower first, while I got in a run on the treadmill. When I’d finished my workout, Hudson had withdrawn into the library. I took a shower of my own then sat on the edge of the bed, towel wrapped around me, phone in hand and contemplating the call I needed to make. It took four attempts of hitting
Dial
quickly followed by
End Call
before I got brave enough to let the call go through. Then I heard the ring on the other end of the line, and, knowing my number would be recognized, I couldn’t hang up. He probably wouldn’t answer anyway, so why was I being such a chicken shit?

It seemed like forever but finally my brother answered. “Oh my god, Laynie, are you okay?”

His concern irritated me. Either it wasn’t genuine or it was too little too late. “Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?” I hadn’t been answering his calls, but that shouldn’t have been cause for alarm.

“Because you haven’t been at the club all week.”

“What are you talking about? I’ve been there every day.”

He sounded exasperated. “I called and asked for you every night this week and you were never there. At first I thought you’d told the staff you weren’t taking my calls but then I gave a different name and called from a different phone.”

“Jesus, Brian, I didn’t realize that stalking was genetic.”

“Ha ha.” His tone was not amused. He’d never liked it when I joked about my disorder. Which was exactly why I did it.

“I wasn’t at the club because I’m not working at night anymore, you moron.” As if it was any of his business. Yet, something in me couldn’t help but tell him. To brag, to seek for approval. “I got a promotion. I’m working marketing and promotional planning. Day hours. Just like you wanted.”

“Oh. Wow. Congratulations, Laynie. I’m proud of you.”

For half a second I felt warm and fuzzy. Then I remembered what a shit he’d been to me, how he’d cut me off financially, how he’d feared for my relationship with Hudson because of my obsessive history. Yeah, warm and fuzzy wasn’t there to stay. “Whatever, Brian. I don’t want to hear it.”

“I mean it.”

“Only because you’re happy that I’m now following the plan you’d laid out for me.” Brian had thought that night shifts and the club environment were not appropriate for someone with my condition, despite the fact that working at the club was what had helped me chill out in the first place. If he’d had his way, I’d be doing marketing for a Fortune 500 company during daylight hours, making a shit ton of money doing respectable work. But had I gone that route, I’d have been so bored and stifled I was sure I’d have shot myself within the first week of employment.

“That’s not true.” He almost sounded remorseful.

I almost felt bad.

“Wait, did you get this promotion because of Hudson Pierce?”

So much for feeling bad. “No. I did not. And fuck you very much for asking.”

“What do you expect me to assume, Laynie? You want me to change my entire experience with you because you say things are different?”

“I don’t know what I expect, Brian.” As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t really blame him for being spiteful. I’d been a burden, and, to his credit, he’d been there when I needed him most. Financially, if not emotionally. Truthfully, he was probably as broken as I was.

But understanding him didn’t make it better. It simply meant I couldn’t hate him.

I lay back on the bed and rubbed my hand over my eyes. “What was so important that you needed to reach me, anyway?” He’d said he was done with me. I figured that would have ended all communication.

He cleared his throat. “The lease on the apartment expires this month.”

Of course. Tying up loose ends. “That’s actually why I was calling you. I’m moving out. So whatever you need to do to end the lease, go ahead and do it.”

“Where are you going to live?”

If I told him I was moving in with Hudson, he’d freak with a capital F. “That’s none of your business.” Besides, why did he even care?

“Fine, be a bitch. I’m sure you think I deserve it.”

I ignored his blatant try to guilt me. “What do you want me to do with the keys?”

“You can give them to me personally when I come there. When are you planning to be out?”

“In the next week or so.” Knowing Hudson, he’d have me completely moved out within a day of telling him. It would be an easy move anyway. The furniture belonged with the apartment.

But I didn’t want to see Brian. There was no reason that I needed to. “Why do you need to come here?”

“To make sure the place is in good shape before I turn it over. I want to get my deposit back.”

I sat back up. “You were there Monday, Brian. You saw what shape it was in. I didn’t destroy the apartment after you left, if that’s what you’re suggesting. Do you think I’d do that just because I’m pissed at you?”

“I don’t know what you would do.” Brian’s voice was raised. “I’m not surprised by anything anymore where you’re concerned.”

“This conversation is pointless. Text me when you’re in town and I’ll get you your fucking keys. Other than that, we’re done.” I clicked
End Call
and threw my phone on the bed.

What had happened to drive us so far apart? I would have thought that the tragic loss of our parents would make us more devoted to each other, more committed. We certainly loved each other. There was no question about that. But loving a person didn’t necessarily make you right for them—didn’t make them a good person to be in your world. That was definitely a common theme in therapy.

I ignored what that might mean about Hudson and me. That wasn’t territory I was willing to broach. Besides, he’d been my salvation in ways that had nothing to do with money and everything to do with real support.

It was Brian who needed to be out of my life. It pained me to think about it in depth, so I didn’t. So what if Brian was my only living relative? It didn’t matter. I wouldn’t let it.

I sat up, about to get dressed, when my phone bleeped that I had an email. I rarely received emails, but since my work email hadn’t been set up yet, I’d had to resort to using my personal account when I sent my official proposal to Julia. Picking up my phone, I tried not to get my hopes up. I pressed the email icon and held my breath as I read. By the time I got through the first paragraph, I was nearly dancing. The email was from Party Planners Plus. And it was good news.

Hurriedly, I dressed into a pair of shorts and black and white sleeveless top, skipping the underwear entirely, then headed to the kitchen to grab something to eat before I ran to tell Hudson my good news. On the counter I found half a bagel and a banana waiting for me next to a mug of coffee. I smiled at Hudson’s never-ending attentiveness. Yeah, moving in was a good decision.

Now I just had to tell him.

But, first, I’d share my news.

After eating three quick bites of the bagel, I peeled the banana, grabbed the coffee and headed for the library.

Hudson was on the phone when I entered the room, his back to me as he faced out over the city. His tone was direct and in charge as he spoke in a combination of English and Japanese. Wow—Hudson knew Japanese, too? He would never fail to surprise me and I loved that.

Not wanting to disturb him, I walked in quietly and perched on the edge of his desk behind him. I must not have been quiet enough, because he spun to look at me, not once halting his conversation. Wearing jeans and a tight blue polo that accentuated his firm abs, he looked hot—fuck, he was always hot, but his casual look was one I still wasn’t used to. It made me squirmy and aware. Especially as I listened to him conducting his business. He always said my brain turned him on. I wondered if he had any idea that his turned me on as well.

He was equally enraptured by me, his eyes never leaving me as he continued his call. Perhaps the way I ate my banana was a bit sultry. I couldn’t help myself. Could I ever when Hudson was in the room?

When he’d finished his call, he set the receiver in the cradle on the desk and swept his glance down my body, as he often did, like he was already fucking me in his head.

His gaze roused me instantly. My body was humming with electricity, my legs swinging with restless energy. “Am I interrupting?”

“Not at all. I’m done for the day.” He hissed as I moved my lips slowly over my final bite of banana. “Done with work.”

“Sounds like your phone call was a lot more productive than mine was then.” I sucked at the tip of my thumb, pretending to clean off banana remnants when there weren’t any there.

When I began to move on to my index finger, Hudson grabbed it and sucked it instead. “It’s amazing I could even concentrate with your gorgeous mouth wrapped around your fruit. But that was your intention.”

I gave a one-shoulder shrug. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

His mouth lifted up into a smile. “Such a wicked, wicked tease.” He sat in his desk chair and rolled to face me square on. “Who was your conversation with?”

“My brother. It was painful.”

“Want to talk about it?” His hands slid along my calves, sending electric sparks through my body.

“Nope.” Not yet anyway. “I’m not letting him ruin my day and this day is fabulous. You know why?”

“Because I’m about to pounce on you?”

“That too.”
God, that too.
My heart quickened with the anticipation. “But also because the event planners I met with agreed to make a deal.”

“Of course they did. You’re brilliant, remember?” His hands slid past my knees to my bare thighs, his fingers dancing lightly over my skin. “This is with Party Planners Plus?”

I tensed unwittingly. “Wow. Good memory.” I’d hoped he would forget the details. The fact that he paid attention made it harder to believe he wouldn’t discover Paul Kresh’s involvement.

“Only where you’re concerned.”

That’s what I’m afraid of.
But I smiled, letting him believe I enjoyed his attention, which I did in general. Just not where Party Planners was concerned.

“Congratulations. I can’t wait to see what you do with them.” He leaned forward to place a kiss on the top of my thigh, so close and so far away from places that wanted his mouth more thoroughly.

“Me neither.” My breath caught as he kissed me again, this time on my inner thigh. “It’s a start. I’m excited about it.” I wasn’t certain I was talking about business anymore.

Hudson took my hand and tugged me forward to straddle him in his chair. “Then we both have good news today.”

“Tell me yours.” My hands wandered over his shirt, enjoying the feel of the firm landscape underneath.

His eyes closed in a long blink, and I knew he was enjoying my touch as well. Mirroring my movement, his palms fondled my braless breasts through my top. “I was on the phone with a contact in Japan. I’ve asked him to arrange for me to make a trip there in the next few days.”

My hands stilled. “What? Why?” Japan was so far away. The thought of him going there for even a short time made my chest ache.

“To make a bid for Plexis.”

“Really? Oh, Hudson, that’s so great!”

“I approached that gentleman you heard talking. His name is Mitch Larson.” Hudson continued to knead my breasts as he spoke, my body arching into his touch. “Turns out he doesn’t have any selling power in his company, but he arranged for me to bid directly to his boss in Japan. I wouldn’t have gotten the meeting if I hadn’t gone through Mitch.” I moaned as he pinched my nipples to two proud peaks. “And I wouldn’t have known to approach Mitch if it weren’t for you.”

I squirmed, trying to get pressure where I needed it, low in my crotch. “I wouldn’t have even been at that party if it weren’t for you.”

“You could easily have tuned the conversation out. Or not bothered to tell me. You did. For which I’m grateful.”

His hands, still on my breasts, felt too far away. I needed them on my bare skin, ached for him to touch me without a barrier. Soon. He’d have to take me soon.

I bent to whisper in his ear. “How grateful are you?”

“I think you know.” He bucked up and I could feel his erection—finally—meeting me at my core.

His mouth lifted to meet mine, but he took his time, brushing my lips with his nose, licking along the curve of my chin. His teeth nipped at my bottom lip and I couldn’t take it anymore. Putting my hands on each side of his face, I held him steady as I crushed my lips to his. My tongue stayed shallow, teasing along his lower teeth until he plunged his tongue into my mouth. Then I claimed his mouth fully, sucking his tongue like it was his cock, reveling in the moan at the back of his throat as I did.

His hands stroked up and down my back but still hadn’t gone under my shirt. I pulled on the bottom, hinting what I wanted, what I needed.

Instead of following my lead, he placed his hands gently on my shoulders and pushed me back. We were both breathless, and I, more than a bit confused, and so utterly aroused I couldn’t sit still.

“Alayna, there’s something I need to say.” Hudson moved his hands to my hips to stop my fidgeting. “About yesterday. About moving in.”

Fuck, was he taking it back? In the middle of a really hot make-out session? “Yes?”

“I don’t want you here…”

He paused, and I got nervous that he’d reached the end of his statement.

But then he continued. “…so I can
control
you. I want you here because I can’t bear it when you’re not. I want you here because I want you with me—always.”