The Fixed Trilogy: Fixed on You, Found in You, Forever With You (42 page)

My fingers curled into the sofa behind me as I waited for him to say the name I knew he’d say.

“Paul Kresh.”

“Oh.” I nodded slowly for several seconds. “Oh.” There was nothing else to say. I had no reaction, I had no defense. “You found out about Paul.”

His teeth gritted. I could hear as he ground them together. “Since you know I’m already aware of your past with Paul, you must be referring to the fact that he’s a partner in Party Planners Plus.”

I shook my head.

“You didn’t know?” There was hope in his tone. He wanted me to not know.

But I couldn’t lie. It was one thing to keep it from him, quite another to lie outright. “Well, he’s not technically a partner, so that’s not a fair question.”

“Dammit, Alayna. Don’t hedge around the facts. Because I’d like to think that you would never do something so stupid as to sign a deal that would put you in close working proximity with someone that you are legally not supposed to be anywhere near. The Alayna I know would never do something so brainless.”

But I had signed the deal. That morning, in fact. “Guess you don’t really know me.”

He slammed his empty glass on the bar. “This is not a fucking game!”

“Don’t you think I know that?” I raised my voice to match his. “I’m the one who has the restraining order. I get the seriousness of the situation.” I pointed my finger into my chest at each mention of the word
I
so forcefully, I knew it would bruise.

“Then why?” His eyes were pleading. “You can’t have been that desperate to sign a deal. I had thought—I’d
hoped
—that you didn’t realize that Kresh was engaged to Julie Swaggert—”

“Engaged? I thought they were just dating.”

The look on his face said that wasn’t the thing to say.

I quickly corrected. “Which doesn’t matter, I know. I didn’t mean to seem interested, because I’m not. I’m not, Hudson. I don’t care what or whom he’s with. It’s only that he didn’t say they were engaged when we talked.”

“You talked to him?”

I hadn’t thought he could be more enraged. Turned out I was wrong.

“So help me god, Alayna, you better say it was on the phone.”

Lie, lie, lie.
It was a song in my head, repeating the same refrain. I willed myself to ignore it. “It wasn’t. It was in person.”

He stepped toward me, his hands poised like he wanted to wring my neck. “Dammit, Alayna! What the fuck were you thinking?”

“Stop yelling at me and I’ll explain.” Even though I knew he wouldn’t hit me, his rage wasn’t productive. And as mad as he was, I was afraid he wouldn’t get past his anger. That he’d end things for sure. I needed a hint that there was a chance we weren’t over.

“I’m waiting.” His volume was lower, but his demeanor hadn’t changed in the least.

“I’m not saying anything until you calm down. You’re scaring me.”

He looked as though I’d slapped him. “That’s fair.” He ran a hand through his hair. “But this is as calm as I’m going to get.”

I swallowed. “I, um, had the meeting with Julia. On Thursday. And I didn’t know she was involved with Paul. But then at the end he showed up and I was totally unprepared.” A chill ran through me at the memory of seeing him in the club, at the shock I’d felt. “He acted like he didn’t know me so I followed his lead. And then when Julia went off to the bathroom, Paul told me he didn’t want to ruin the deal for her and so we had to pretend we’d never met.”

I stepped toward Hudson, hating the look on his face, wanting him to be comforted. “I told him I couldn’t work with him, Hudson, and he said I had to. He said Julia was dying to work with Pierce Industries and this was her in and if I screwed it up…” I bit my lip and tasted blood. “He said I owed him.”

“Alayna, you don’t fucking owe him anything.” His voice was still harsh, but less so.

My eyes stung. “I do! I ruined his life.”

“He cheated on his fiancée. He ruined his own life.”

“But there’s more to it than that, and you know it.”

“You still don’t owe him shit. You were sick. You weren’t responsible for what you were doing.”

I took that in. I had been sick. I hadn’t been in control of my actions. I knew this. I’d accepted this in therapy.

But that didn’t change anything. “It doesn’t matter. Even if I don’t owe him, he has this over my head. He could say that I set up the meeting simply to get to him. I mean, I didn’t, but it could look that way.” I chuckled harshly. “Even you thought that I did. And then he was there again that night at the Botanic Gardens. It looks like I could have been following him. Who’s going to believe me over him?”

I’d been avoiding his eyes, but I met them now. “If I violate that order again, I could see jail time.” Not to mention what could happen to Hudson in the media. He’d be the joke of the town.

“Alayna.” He closed the short distance between us in two quick steps and wrapped his arms around me.

I hadn’t realized how close my tears were to the surface until I was safe and in his arms. I cried softly into his shoulder, not only because of what I’d done or because of the pressure I’d been under keeping it in, but because he was holding me. They were tears of relief.

Hudson pulled me in even tighter. “Why didn’t you come to me? I would never let anything bad happen to you. Never. You have to know that, don’t you?”

I turned my face so my words wouldn’t get lost in the material of his suit jacket. “I got scared. Of what he could do to me. Of what he could do to you.” The long strokes he ran along my back made it easy to keep talking, easy to confess. “And I wanted you to be proud of me. Of the deal I made.”

He pushed me away suddenly and gripped my upper arms. Bending to catch my gaze, he said, “I’m always proud of you, Alayna. Always.”

It broke me. Again.

I clutched on to his shirt inside his open jacket. “I should have told you. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know what to do and I wanted to tell you. Please, don’t be mad at me.”

Softly, he shushed me. “Don’t. Don’t cry, precious.” He held me as I cried. When I was calmer, he said, “I’m only mad because you put yourself in danger. You scared me. You can’t imagine what I felt when the background report came across my desk and I realized the situation. Don’t you know I couldn’t stand it if anything bad happened to you?” His voice cracked.

“Yes, I know.” It was exactly how I’d feel if something happened to him.

“And I’m mad because you didn’t come to me.”

“I wanted to. I did. But Ce—” I almost mentioned Celia, stopping myself right before I did. I didn’t think it was a good time to add that secret to the mix. “But I didn’t want you to have to get in the middle of my mess.”

I pulled away, looking aimlessly for a tissue.

Hudson pulled a handkerchief from his pocket. Who the hell carried handkerchiefs? There was still so much to learn about this man.

“Don’t be silly,” he said, dabbing at my eyes. “First of all, I own The Sky Launch so I’m legally responsible for anything that goes on in regards to employees and the people they interact with.”

I hadn’t thought of that.

He ran his thumb gently down the side of my face. “But more importantly, if you’re in a mess of any sort, then so am I. Not legally. But because you’re mine. And I’m yours. And that means I’m tied to you in every way. Good and bad. If you can’t see that, then we have no chance.”

Oh, god. The enormity of it hit me. I’d put all we had in jeopardy, put us at risk. “I really fucked everything up.” I felt the color leave my face. “Oh, god, Hudson.”

He tilted my chin up with one finger and kissed my nose. “You didn’t fuck everything up. I can fix it. Now that I know.”

“What will you do?” I had a brief flash of men in trench coats meeting up with Paul in a dark alley. Sad that the thought brought a smile to my face.

“I wouldn’t do anything illegal, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

Damn, he could read me so well.

“I’ll offer Party Planners Plus a deal with Fierce in exchange for terminating the contract with The Sky Launch. Fierce is a bigger name and can offer a better payout. They’ll still be working with the Pierce name. Kresh will have nothing to complain about.”

“Good plan. Thank you.” If I’d only come to Hudson in the first place, he would have arranged a deal like this and I wouldn’t have put anyone—myself—in a precarious position. My stomach churned with self-loathing. “I’m sorry, Hudson. I’m sorry you have to clean up my mess. I’m such an idiot.”

“Shush up.” His arms were around me again, holding me, comforting me when it was the last thing I deserved. “Stop feeling guilty. It’s our mess, remember? And I want to clean it up. It’s one of the things I’m capable of. Let me.”

“All right.” I took a deep breath, letting all my worry and regret out as I exhaled. “All right, I’ll let you.”

Chapter Sixteen

Hudson pocketed his damp handkerchief, and I could feel his disposition change, could feel him moving away. “Now, Alayna. What else do you need to tell me?”

“What—what do you mean?” I was still recovering from the last horrific confession. What other information did I need to disclose? At this point, I was ready to spill everything.

Hudson took his jacket off, folding it and setting it on the back of the sofa. “When we started this conversation, you thought I was talking about something else. Some
one
else.” His eyes pierced me. “Who did you think I was talking about?”

Honesty. I owed him honesty. “I thought you were talking about David.”

“David Lindt?”

“Yes.”

He backed up until he was leaning against the wall. I hated that he needed the support. “You told me there was nothing between you and David.”

“There’s not. Anymore.”

“But there was.”

“Yes.”

I could see the pain across his face. It killed me. It was exactly how I’d feel if I found out there had been something with him and Celia. I wanted to go to him, to hold him like he’d held me, to make it better.

I stepped toward him, but he put a hand out to stop me.

“It was nothing, Hudson. We were sort of together. But not really. We didn’t go on dates or anything or tell anyone about us. Just, when we worked late, alone…things happened.” The words tasted awful in my mouth.

“Did you sleep with him?”

“No. Things never went that far.” This hadn’t been the first time the subject had been broached. “You’ve asked me this before and I told you no then as well. I wasn’t lying.”

He shot me a challenging glance. “I also asked if you had wanted to and I never got a straight answer.”

“I don’t know the answer.” I considered leaving it at that. But I knew it would always hang over us unless I let it all out. “Yes. I suppose I did. Once upon a time. But not now.” Again, I wanted to move toward him. This time I stopped myself before he did. “There’s nothing now, Hudson. You have to believe me.”

It was after several long seconds that he spoke. “I do.”

“You do?” I couldn’t hide the shock from my voice.

“Yes. You don’t look at him the way you look at me.”

“Of course, I don’t.”

“But he looks at you the way I look at you. The way I imagine I look at you.”

“No, he doesn’t.” Yes, David had feelings for me, but they didn’t compare to the way Hudson felt about me. “You’re exaggerating.”

Hudson straightened and began pacing. “I’m not. It’s a problem and I can’t have it continuing.”

“What does that mean?” I knew the answer without having to ask, the dread washing over me in a thick wave.

“It means he’s going to have to leave The Sky Launch.”

“Don’t even joke.” As if Hudson was the type to kid.

“Does it seem like I’m joking?”

“Hudson, no. You can’t do that.” My voice was louder than I would have liked it. I’d prefer to be stoic and cold like him, but that wasn’t me. “You can’t fire David because of a stupid fling we had before I even met you. He’s the responsible one at the club. He’s the one who said we needed to end it.”

His glare was heart-stopping. “You aren’t helping your case.”

“But you can’t fire David because we messed around once upon a time. It’s over. It’s not fair. It’s not fair to David.” I felt very near to throwing a tantrum. I may have even stomped my foot once.

Hudson returned to the bar to refill his Scotch. “It was going to happen anyway. Regardless of what you and he...” He took a deep breath and I knew from the awful pain in his eyes that he was thinking about David and me together. They were horrible thoughts. Things I never wanted him to have to imagine. But there wasn’t anything I could do. I’d certainly thought of him and Celia in the same terrible ways. It was painful and heartbreaking, but endurable.

Hudson would endure as well.

Despite his misery, I had to ask, “What do you mean by
it was going to happen anyway
?”

He shook his head, took a gulp of his drink and set it down. “This isn’t how I wanted to tell you. It was meant to be a surprise at an appropriate time. But the truth is that I’ve wanted to make a management change since I bought the place.”

I leaned against the sofa back, not wanting to hear anymore, unable to stop the inevitable words.

“Alayna, I want you to run the club.”

“Hudson…no.”

“I bought the club for you.”

A shudder ran through me. “What are you talking about? You didn’t know me when you bought the club.”

“The symposium—”

I cut him off. “You told me you were already looking at the club. The fact that I worked there influenced you. Never did you say anything about buying it for me.” In my head, I replayed everything I knew about our strange meeting. He’d seen me at the symposium, but I hadn’t known that until later. He came into the bar, once. We’d flirted and he’d given me a big fat tip and a trip to his spa, behavior that in itself was psycho-aggressive. None of it warranted the purchase of a business. If that was the real reason he’d bought the club—well, then he was crazier than me.

“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to seem too forward.”

“Well, too fucking late for that.”

He continued with an annoying degree of impassivity. “It wasn’t as insane as it sounds, Alayna. It was business. I saw you at the symposium and knew I needed you working for me. Since you weren’t taking any interviews with companies, I had to buy the company you were already at. Yes, I was attracted to you. Yes, it influenced my decision to pursue your talent, but wanting you working for me was the driving force of that pursuit.”

It wasn’t an uncommon scenario. Smart-minded business players often made large company purchases simply to get control of a talented workforce. “Then you got what you wanted. I am working for you. I don’t have to run The Sky Launch to be working for you.” I ran my hands up and down my arms, trying to get warm. “I have an important role, and I don’t need anything more right now.”

He stepped toward me, his impassivity replaced with vehemence. “Alayna, you have so much potential!”

“Stop it! You sound like my brother. Don’t decide that I’m wasting my potential. I’m building up to it at my own speed. I’m not ready to run a club, Hudson.” My hands flew expressively as I spoke—pointing at him, then at myself, then flinging madly at my sides.

Hudson chortled. “You’re going to have to be ready. Otherwise someone else will have to step into that role when David’s gone.”

“Then this isn’t about me at all! It is about David. You can’t fire him. You can’t!”

“It’s about you, Alayna. No one but you.” The calm exterior he’d adopted after the Paul Kresh situation was completely abandoned now. “I told you I don’t share. I won’t share you. Not with him. Not with anyone. I will bend over backwards to give you everything you need and want, but this is the one thing I have to have in return. Fidelity.”

“I am faithful. I’ve never been anything but faithful. I have no desire to cheat on you with David or anyone. I’m yours, like you said.”

“Yes. You are. Mine. And I should have gotten rid of him the minute I suspected there had been anything between you.”

The truth of what he was saying hit me in the gut. “In other words, you don’t trust me.”

“I don’t trust
him
!”

“It doesn’t matter if you trust him as long as you trust me!”

His face transformed into a bitter expression I’d never seen before. “Today I discovered you kept both your relationship with David and your recent interaction with Paul Kresh from me and you’re talking about trust? Good timing, Alayna.”

Ouch.
But I deserved that. David, however, did not. “I told you why I didn’t tell you about Paul. And this is why I didn’t tell you about David. Because I was afraid you’d overreact, and wow, here you are trying to fire the best employee The Sky Launch has!”

“
You’re
the best employee The Sky Launch has.”

Under different circumstances, his faith in me would be flattering. “I beg to differ. I wouldn’t be worth shit without David, and I don’t want his job.”

Hudson leaned forward, his eyes dark. “It’s not an option. You want to work at the club, you’ll work in the position that I choose.”

Rage boiled through me. “Then I quit! Because I can’t work for someone who’s so obviously jealous and controlling. And you’re seriously making me reconsider my living situation as well.”

“Don’t!” He stepped forward, his face in mine. “Don’t throw our relationship on the line because of a good business decision.”

I wanted to push him back, push him away. At the same time, I wanted to pull him in and kiss away all the jealousy and angst between us, wanted to end the awful tension. I’d threatened our relationship, but I didn’t mean it. I wouldn’t throw it away. I’d do whatever I had to in order to keep him mine.

But I wasn’t letting my cards show yet. I didn’t touch him at all. I stayed rigid as I spoke. “You aren’t making this decision because it’s good business. You’re trying to punish me.”

His eyes widened. “I’m punishing you by giving you a promotion?”

“A promotion I don’t want!”

He spun away from me, as though he were too afraid of what he’d do if he stayed in such close proximity. When he’d taken a few steps, he turned back to face me. “You want me to take everything from you, but you won’t take from me? How am I supposed to feel about that?”

“This isn’t the same.” He was twisting my words, taking something I’d said in a time of beauty and bringing it into a war zone. It hurt. Deep, in my bones. I wanted it to stop. “I don’t want this, Hudson. I don’t want it!”

I turned to run away. Where, I didn’t know. Just away from him and the terrible situation he was putting me in.

But I’d only made it a few steps when he came after me, his arms circling around my waist from behind.

I squirmed, kicking and hitting at him. “Let go of me!”

“No. I’ll never let you go.” He must not have meant physically, because he did let me go. He threw me on the couch and began undoing his pants.

Immediately my sex felt on fire. The thought of him fucking me with all that rage and passion was a big turn-on. And, honestly, we probably needed the contact—to reconnect before we grew too far apart.

But I was headstrong, not willing to give in. I slipped under him to the floor, crawling toward the elevators as fast as I could.

His strong hand grabbed my ankle, drawing me back to him. I clawed at the floor, but I already knew it was hopeless. Not because he was stronger than me, but because he knew what I really wanted—that I wanted him to overpower me.

He stretched out over me, holding me to the floor, both my hands pinned above my head with one of his. He nipped at my ear. “God, you are so maddening. How can I want you so much when you drive me so insane?”

Using his whole body, he turned me underneath him and crushed his mouth to mine in a fierce kiss—a kiss that was forceful and dominating and full of so much emotion.

I resisted at first, turning my head away from him. But he was relentless and his unusual display of emotion disarmed me. My head was overruled by my body—by my heart—and I surrendered to him, giving in to his demanding mouth and the masterful hands that had already freed his rock-hard cock.

He reached down under my dress, moving the flimsy thong material out of the way to stick a long finger inside me. If he didn’t understand my need before, he did now. I was wet and swollen for him.

He groaned in satisfaction.

“It doesn’t mean I’m not mad.” It was my last attempt to state my case before he replaced his finger with his cock.

I cried out at the exquisite bite of pleasure, the incredible feeling of fullness, almost too much yet also not enough. I needed him to move, to thrust, to ride me.

“Fine,” he said, jabbing deeper into me, still not moving the way I ached for him to. “Be mad. Take it out on me. I’m planning to take out my emotions on you.”

And he did. He drew himself out almost to the tip. It must have taken more control than I could imagine, his contorted expression showing the strain of the slow retreat. Then he let go, pounding into me with thick, insistent stabs. My hips bucked at each deep plunge in rhythm with his primal grunts. Even the sound of his loose belt buckle slapping against the floor added to the animalistic way he took me, as if it were a whip driving the beast, urging him on.

I moaned and tightened around him within minutes, surprised to feel the build of orgasm so quickly with only vaginal stimulation. It was the whole scene, the depravity of it, the utter baseness. It was wild and feral and uncontrolled. I hated that I loved it—loved it so entirely.

He wrapped his loose hand in my hair, yanking at it with just the right amount of pleasure and pain. My eyes began to close.

“Look at me,” he snapped.

My eyes flew open, meeting his.

“Can’t you see?” I was surprised he could speak through his exertion. “Can’t you see what you do to me? Can’t you see how you make me feel?”

He shifted, and I gasped as he hit a particularly tender spot. “Do you feel how hard you make me?”

I didn’t know if he wanted an answer, didn’t think I could speak if he did.

But he tugged again at my hair. “Do you?”

“Yes,” I cried out.

He picked up his speed, reaching a frenzied pace that threw me over the edge. “You do this to me, Alayna.”

I struggled to keep my eyes on him, to focus on his words through the rapturous haze that enveloped me. His words were important, and I wanted to hear what he said as much as I wanted to lose myself in the ecstasy he’d bestowed on me.

He was on the brink, too—I could read his body like it was my own—but still he kept his gaze connected to mine. “Even when you’re petulant and contrary, I still want you. Always, I want you. I want to give you everything. All of me. Why can’t you take it? Take it.”

He delivered one more elongated thrust, burying himself deeply as he poured into me with a low groan. “Take it!”

I whimpered as his release shuddered through me, extending my own into a second wave of euphoria that sent chills down my spine. Lost in the fog of post-orgasm, my ears still thrumming with the pulse of my heartbeat, I had a brief moment of clarity—what if it wasn’t Hudson that was incapable of being loved fiercely, but me?