The Five Stages of Falling in Love (13 page)

I looked into the bag to see a gallon of milk, a box of brown sugar Pop-Tarts and my favorite K-cups. Emma must have told him my preference.

Tears glistened in my eyes, when I lifted my head to meet his intense gaze, “Thank you.”

“You’ll call me if you need anything?”

I nodded. Yes, I would. Ben had proved himself to be someone I could trust.

Someone I could rely on.

“Have a good night, Liz.”

“You too.”

This time I didn’t watch him walk away, I was too absorbed in the little miracle he’d left in my arms. A gallon of milk might not seem like much to anyone else, but to me it was the difference between getting through the morning tomorrow and crashing and burning in a blaze of failure.

He had saved me tonight.

And I couldn’t figure out why.

Chapter Thirteen

I walked in the house, arms laden with groceries. Emma sat at the kitchen island with Lucy and
Jace
making some kind of structure out of
Duplos
.

The kitchen had always been our most loved room. It was open and spacious, with plenty of room for my dream kitchen, an island for the kids to sit at, a table for informal dinners and a window nook for the kid’s fun table. Grady had designed this with all of my hopes and dreams in mind. The mud room walked straight out to the garage and had plenty of storage for coats and shoes, backpacks and whatever else we could pile in there. The kitchen opened up into our dining room on one side and the entry way, leading to the front door and living room, on the other side.

I loved walking into our house, even after the stress of the grocery store. It just calmed me. It was only one of the reasons that I would never sell this place, even though it reminded me so very much of Grady.

He had built this for me. I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else.

The sight of Emma at the counter with my two
littlests
warmed my heart. Whenever she was with them, she engaged them completely. They just ate up every bit of attention she focused on them.

“
Ook
, Mama!”
Jace
held up a tower of Legos. “
Me
did this!”

“Wow, J! I love it!”

“Auntie Emma and me are building a castle,”
Luce
told me excitedly. “It’s for princesses only.”

“It looks like a princess only palace.”

Lucy beamed at me and went back to her project. Emma continued to watch the kids while I brought in all of the groceries and put them away. I was amazed at the peace we maintained during the entire process.

I was also amazed at how relaxed I felt after only an hour to myself.

The grocery store had been blissfully quiet. I walked up and down every aisle slowly, savoring the freedom I had to browse and compare prices. It was a mother’s dream come true.

Comparable only with the illusive and annual pedicure.

“Are you starving yet?” I asked Emma after the last of the groceries found their home and the plastic bags had been tied up nicely and stored for whatever uses I found for them later.

“I don’t know. Are we starving?”

“Yes!” the two littles cheered.

I pulled out ingredients for sandwiches while they cleaned up the Legos.

Finally, the kids were happy with their lunch and Emma and I had a minute to talk to each other.

“Thanks again,
Em
. I needed to get out.”

She leaned forward and rested her elbows on the white-tiled countertop. “You could have called me. You know I want to help out as much as I can.”

“I know.” I let out a weary sigh. “But I already ask so much of you. I know you’re gearing up for the end of the semester. I didn’t want to add any stress.” I cleared my throat and amended, “Any more stress to your busy life.”

She reached out and put her hand over mine. “Stop thinking you’re a burden. I love you. I will always do what I can to help you. And I love your kids like they are my own. You guys are not extra stress. You’re my family.”

I turned my hand over and squeezed her fingers. “Then I’m sorry Ben had to call you. I didn’t ask him to.”

She pulled her hand back and waved it dismissively in the air. “I know. He told me.”

“When he called you.”

She picked up her sandwich.
“Obviously.”

“Even though you told me he hadn’t called you yet! What is that about?”

Her cheeks heated with embarrassment. “I didn’t lie to you!” she blurted in a rush. “He really hadn’t called me like you wanted him to call me!”

“Why didn’t you just tell me that you two wanted to be friends?” Emma could be flakey when she wanted to be, but her lie still bothered me. It felt like she wanted to hide something, but I didn’t understand what or why.

She let out a small breath of indecision. “I don’t know… I guess it was a little humiliating. And you had such high hopes for us. I didn’t want to disappoint you.”

“Why was it humiliating?” Blood rushed to my head and fingers, hot and ready to defend my little sister.

“Because it was so obvious he wasn’t into me. From the very beginning, I could tell his feelings for me would always be neutral. It messed with my vanity.”

I smiled at Emma. She was absolutely gorgeous with her wavy, wild blonde hair and piercing blue eyes set against perfectly creamy skin and full lips. And her nose, her stupidly cute and adorable nose was so much smaller than mine. She hadn’t experienced a whole lot of rejection in her life.

“I’m pretty sure your vanity is going to be okay.”

She grinned at me. “I met someone in the library over the weekend. He’s taking me out tomorrow night.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m glad you’re defining your self-worth by the number of guys that ask you out.”

She snorted into her sandwich. “My self-worth is just fine. But a little attention from the opposite sex doesn’t hurt.”

“So what’s up with Ben? Do you think there’s something wrong with him?” I bent nearly in half to plop my chin in my hand. There had to be something wrong with him if he didn’t like my sister.
Right?

Emma tipped her head back and laughed before leaning over to lay her cheek on the top of
Jace’s
head. “There is nothing wrong with him! But I love your loyalty.”

“Okay, but he’s thirty-five years old and doesn’t even have a serious girlfriend. Plus, you said he wasn’t interested in you from the start. He eats his fingernails or something. I know there is something wrong with him.”

“That was part of it I think. He’s thirty-five. I’m twenty-six. That gap between us is pretty big. It might work for some people, but right now he and I are just too different. He looks at me like a kid sister.”

I frowned. “I didn’t think about that, the age difference I mean. I guess you are in different stages of life.” I let out a long sigh and forced my loyalty to accept that reason. “But still, he’s a catch. He should have found
somebody
by now.”

“He is a catch,” she said thoughtfully. “We had a really nice time hanging out. I definitely like him.”

“There has to be something. What about weird tics? Did he chew with his mouth open? Not a good tipper? Did he check out other girls all night long?” When she wrinkled her nose at me, I cried, “Come on! I need dirt.” It bothered me how many questions I had about Ben. But it also bothered me that Emma had been on a date with him and seen this side of him I never had. We had only known each other a couple of months, but there was something about him that made me feel comfortable to count him as one of my friends.

And ever since Grady died, those had been very few and far between.

Well, basically just Emma.

I had other friends before Grady passed away, but over the past ten years of our marriage my close friendships had more or less dissolved into casual ones. We all had families to take care of now and the time we made for each other had lessened year after year.

Sure, there were still girls I could talk to, but since Grady’s funeral, I had pretty much been a weepy mess of a human. Nobody wanted to deal with that or listen to how hard things were for me now. I knew most of my friends were afraid to even bring Grady up. And I was too apathetic about those shallow friendships to care.

If I didn’t have Emma though…

I couldn’t even think about that.

“Honestly, I think he’s interested in someone else.” Emma sounded completely perplexed.

“He’s never mentioned anyone to me,” I told her. I was a little surprised too. If he had his eyes on someone else, why had he agreed to go on a date with Emma?

Her eyes narrowed a bit and her eyebrows bunched together. “I think it’s you, Lizbeth. I think he likes you.”

An unbelieving laugh bubbled out of me. “Now who’s just being loyal?”

“I’m serious! He asked approximately three thousand questions about you during dinner. He smiles whenever he so much as says your name. He’s clearly smitten.”

I felt sick suddenly. The sandwich churned unforgivably in my stomach. “He thinks I’m crazy. He smiles because he’s trying not to laugh at me.”

“I think he has a crush.”

I pressed my lips together to keep from demanding Emma to take it all back. How could she think that? “Emma, be serious. I am not the kind of girl men have crushes on. He’s seen the chaos of my life and he knows about Grady. The last thing he has is a crush on me. He feels sorry for me. That’s it.” As soon as I said the words, I hated them. The thing I appreciated about Ben so much was that he didn’t feel sorry for me.

Or at least he didn’t act like it.

“He does not feel sorry for you, Elizabeth. He likes you.”

“As a
friend
.”

A full minute went by where neither of us said a word. We stared at each other, waiting on the other to admit that she was wrong. I felt myself grow hard with determination. She was wrong about this.

Finally, she gave a defeated sigh and said, “I’m sorry I said anything.”

“I’m sorry I freaked out.”

She looked at the clock on my stove. “I should go anyway. I have to get ready for class.”

I deflated immediately. I wrapped my arms around my waist and curled my shoulders in. I didn’t want her to leave like this. And over something so stupid! Why couldn’t I stop fighting with every single person I cared about? I hated that I kept lashing out in the ugliest ways possible.

I walked her to the door and found myself near tears. I threw my arms around her before she could get too far. “I’m sorry I snapped at you.”

She returned the hug and squeezed me tightly. “I’m sorry I suggested you’re hotter than me.”

I giggled into her neck and
sniffled
back tears. “I didn’t realize that’s what you were doing.”

She pulled back and hit me with her baby blues. “Lizzy, you’re thirty-two-years old and
smokin
’ hot. It’s a compliment if you can manage to catch a guy’s eye with your wild kids running around.”

“I like Ben. He’s been super nice.”

“So what if he has a little crush on you? It’s harmless.”

“Because it would mean that he’s crazy. You know what my kids are like! You know what
I’m
like. And he’s seen us all at our worst. He would have to be completely bat shit to find anything about this remotely attractive.” I waved a hand down the length of my body and tried not to make a face.
 

It was my sister’s turn to burst into giggles. “You don’t see yourself, Liz. You never have.” That was her goodbye. She kissed my forehead, turned around and skipped to her little Jetta. I waved to her, feeling more lost than ever.

It wasn’t that I didn’t see myself. I
did
see myself.
Very clearly.
Which was why I knew that she was wrong about Ben.

He wasn’t interested in me. He couldn’t be. I absolutely believed that I was well beyond the years of catching anyone’s eyes. If it wasn’t the four kids that turned them off, it was the dead husband. And if those two weren’t enough to put me completely in the untouchable category, I was half-crazy with grief and more than overwhelmed with life.

I had become the kind of woman that men ran from. And men should run from.

Ben was smart and funny. He had a great job and a gorgeous house. He was maybe the nicest person I had ever met and so giving. Finally, he was great to look at. Basically, Ben could have his pick of females. The last one he would turn his dark eyes on would be me.

Emma’s words bounced around in my head throughout the rest of the day. In between naptime, picking the kids up from school, taking Abby to swim team, Blake to basketball, rushing them back home to feed them some semblance of a healthy dinner, finishing up homework and getting them all to bed, my thoughts had ping-ponged back and forth with frustrating thoughts about Ben’s real motivation for helping me.

By the time I walked downstairs again at eight-thirty, I had come to the conclusion that insanity ran in my family and Emma was out of her damn mind.

That was the only thing that made sense.

I had almost made it to the kitchen when someone knocked on my door. I turned around and couldn’t bring myself to feel surprised when I saw Ben’s figure blurred through the glass, as if my spinning thoughts had conjured him.

I opened the door and greeted him with a smile, “Hi.”

He held up a bottle of wine, “Hi.”

“What’s this?”

“Well, I figured since you didn’t have time to grab milk this week, chances were you didn’t have time to grab wine either.”

“I went to the store by myself today, remember? Someone called in emergency babysitting for me. I bought four bottles.”

His wide grin made his eyes sparkle. “Good. You owe me.”

He pushed the door open and stepped inside before I could invite him. I followed him to the kitchen, reflecting on how quickly he’d made himself at home.

“So your plan is to show up and drink all of my wine?
How neighborly.”

He flashed a smile over his shoulder and started rummaging through my cabinets. “I’m going to share. It’s too cold to sit outside now, even if I built a fire.
Glasses?”

“Next to the fridge.”

He moved over and finally found what he had been looking for. He surveyed my small wine rack that sat on the side cabinet. His lips pressed into a frown as he picked up each bottle and read the label.

“We’ll drink mine,” he finally decided.

“Snob!
There’s nothing wrong with my wine.”

He gave me a look that contradicted my opinion. “I’ll teach you. You get out of the house so little, you need my help.”

“You have managed to invade my privacy, insult my taste in wine and call me a recluse in the span of three minutes. I’m honestly impressed.”

He started opening and closing drawers, looking for the cork screw. I pulled it out of the right drawer and handed it to him.