The Fire of Life (19 page)

Rayanne glanced at him. Was he being sarcastic? Why had he suddenly taken a dislike to Cary? she wondered.

Yes, he has, but I'm only to use them as a tie-up of the other lectures. He wants me to tell them of my own experiences here, my own feelings.'

Well, what's wrong with that? Make a good beginning for your much-discussed thesis,' said Burt, even more sarcastically.

Rayanne looked at him worriedly. It was so unlike Burt. Was he upset about something?

I'm going over to young Warrender's house this morning,' Burt said curtly. ' Coming, or do you want to prepare for this afternoon?'

Hesitating, Rayanne thought fast. She wanted to go with Burt, because she hated him to be hurt in any way: on the other hand, she had a lot of thinking to do.

That afternoon! How it hovered above her head, coming closer every moment.

' I think she should study her notes, Burt,' Mrs Jefferson interrupted quietly. After all, there's

always tomorrow.'

He stood up, a strange smile twisting his lips. Of course there is—but how many tomorrows will there be?' he asked, and left them.

Alone, Mrs Jefferson smiled at Rayanne. ' Don't look so worried, dear .girl. Cary wouldn't have asked you to give that lecture if he hadn't complete faith in you.'

Later, alone in her room, standing before the mirror and trying to start her talk, Rayanne wished she had faith in herself. If Mrs Jefferson was right, Cary not only trusted her but had had this in mind for some time. That meant he believed she could do it.

She stood in front of the mirror and glared at herself.

' I'm here this afternoon to take the place of Cary Jefferson. I'm sure, like me, you're sorry about this, but he has been called away on an important visit to New York. He has given me some notes to tie up his previous lectures, but . .

She stopped and buried her face in her hands. How ghastly it sounded! Her voice all hoarse and croaky like a frog's. And pompous! That was the only word to describe it—smug and pompous. How on earth was she going to face all those critical faces of students waiting to see what she was like?

It was even worse that afternoon as Hubert Ellingham, in charge of the students, led the way on to the dais, introducing her to the students as they sat, notebooks open
on their laps, looking up at her. Rayanne caught her breath with dismay, for in the back row she could see not only Burt, but Christine

Horlock talking to him.

After being introduced, Rayanne stood up. She looked at the faces before her.

' I'm sorry Cary Jefferson couldn't be here,' she began, and meant every word of it. ' He has asked me to tie up the lectures he has already given you, but first I'm to talk about my own experiences here. I hope you won't be bored.' She leaned on the tall lectern on the dais, her hair falling forward over her face, so she swept it back with an impatient gesture. She watched the ripple among the heads before her as they looked at one another and grinned. Please try not to fall asleep,' she added, and was rewarded with a chuckle that also seemed to ripple round the room. She took a deep breath.

I came here,' she said, beginning to walk up and down the dais, using her hands as she. spoke, demonstrating with her movements, ' as a sceptic. I'm afraid I had little interest in the conservation of wild life. I felt the money would be better spent on the feeding of the many millions of starving children and people in the world . .

Another ripple of approval from her audience filled the hall and some even clapped and one shouted: Hear, hear.

`But since I've been here . . .' Suddenly she knew she had to make them understand—that it was necessary, not only to Cary but to the whole world, to make them realise the good these reserves were doing, the knowledge that they were given by experiment in water and soil conservation and that could be used . . .

She began to talk earnestly, seeing the faces before

her as blurs, yet knowing she held their interest. She walked up and down the dais, moving her hands, pausing as she waited to let them accept something she told them.

It came as a surprise when Mr Ellingham touched her gently.

' Time's up,' he said.

Don't stop! ' someone shouted from the audience, and there was a sudden roar as everyone clapped. Rayanne stood, silent for a moment, looking at them.

Thank you,' she said. Thank you very much indeed. I'm afraid I got carried away. I forgot about time.'

Go on forgetting!' someone shouted.

But Mr Ellingham was standing up, pointing to his watch. Tea time!

' Can I quickly read what Mr Jefferson wanted tied up?' Rayanne asked.

Hubert Ellingham nodded and Rayanne quickly read aloud Cary's notes. How much better than my words, she thought, and then it was over, the students crowding out of the hall, some coming up to shake Rayannes hand and to say she had given them a new slant on it.

Burt joined her and they walked back in silence to the house, Burt carrying the dispatch case that rarely left his side. Mrs Jefferson was waiting eagerly.

I didn't come, dear, in case I made you nervous,' she said. How did it go?'

I got carried away,' Rayanne admitted, sitting down and taking the cup of tea passed to her. I

must admit I enjoyed it, but I . . . well, I just don't know how it went.'

Burt was opening his case, taking out a tape recorder. ' I've got it all here,' he said. Like to hear it?'

Of course, of course.' Mrs Jefferson clapped her hands excitedly. How clever of you to think of this, Burt.'

He looked up, his face almost surly. Cary asked me to.'

Cary did?' Rayanne's hand flew to her mouth. So he hadn't really trusted her, then? she thought. He wanted to hear just what sort of fool she had made of herself. And why was Burt still in such a difficult mood? Hardly talking to her, almost grunting, and looking as if the end of the world was coming.

He certainly did,' Burt said crossly. Now

listen.'

He switched on. They listened to the introduction and then Rayanne's voice came.

I'm sorry Cary Jefferson couldn't be here,' she began. Her voice was filled with emotion. Rayanne caught her breath with dismay. She had betrayed herself—anyone listening must have known she loved Cary. She looked quickly at Burt and saw him staring at her, eyebrows almost touching, mouth a thin line, eyes full of despair.

Then Rayanne forgot him as she listened to her own voice. Why, she thought with amazement, it was quite good. Clear, warm, full of emotion . . . she wasn't nearly as bad as she had thought . . .

They listened in silence until the end, Then Mrs

Jefferson clapped her hands.

That was very good, Rayanne, very good indeed. You almost convinced me! ' she laughed. Cary will be pleased, won't he, Burt?'

No doubt about that,' Burt said gruffly, closing the tape recorder and putting it away; then he stood up, murmuring something about seeing them later, and left the room.

' What's the matter with Burt?' Rayanne asked. ' I've never known him behave like this.'

Mrs Jefferson had also stood up. ' I have some phone calls to make,' she said with a smile.

They walked together to the door. Doesn't Burt seem to be behaving strangely to you?' Rayanne

asked anxiously. I'm quite worried about him '

Mrs Jefferson gave her a strange look. Well,

my dear, if you don't know what's upsetting poor Burt, it's time you grew up. Or perhaps you should look in the mirror. Ah!' she said, her voice becoming gay as she opened the door. We'll be entertaining tonight, Rayanne dear. Several reporters are staying on, so I invited them over.'

Reporters?' Rayanne echoed. What are they doing here?'

' Cary invited them. He doesn't usually, but this time they were needed . . .' Mrs Jefferson said, and hurried down the corridor towards her room, bouncing like a little pouter pigeon, her eyes shining happily.

Rayanne watched her go, puzzled at Mrs Jefferson's happiness. She had been almost triumphant. Why? Rayanne wondered. Why?

The party that evening was something of a nightmare to Rayanne. It was true the reporters were all friendly men, but they asked her question after question—where was she born, about her education, what had made her interested in wild life conservation, until her head seemed fuddled with the questions.

The group of men stood round where Rayanne sat while Christine and Daphne were at the other end of the room, alone with Burt and Mrs Jefferson. As they left, Christine said sourly:

A lot of fuss about nothing! Anyone can give a lecture,' and Daphne had added, giving Rayanne a strange look:

Just as well you're not in the medical profession or they'd create like mad about all the publicity. Aren't you rather overdoing it?'

' I had nothing to do with it! ' Rayanne said indignantly.

Is that so?' drawled Daphne. Now who'd 'a' thought it!'

As they left, Burt by her side told her softly to ignore them. Both jealous as can be. They want to know why Cary has given you so much publicity when he hates it himself.'

Rayanne turned to him, her hands imploring. Please, Burt, what does it all mean? It makes no sense to me. Cary lying about having to go to New York at the last moment . .

That's easy to answer. He wanted you to talk spontaneously—not after weeks of worried thinking. He was right, too. You spoke naturally and I reckon you're very articulate.'

Why, thank you, Burt.' Rayanne was grateful and also relieved because he seemed in a happier mood.

Now he chuckled. ' Man, how they hate you! Those two dames, I mean. You've done more in a short while than they have done in months. You're the boss's pet—that's the way they see it. Spoilt, cherished, and used.' He walked past her quickly, leaving her to stare after him, puzzled.

Mrs Jefferson kissed her goodnight. ' I think it was a very good evening, my dear, I do hope you enjoyed it.'

It seemed to me . . . well . . Rayanne sought

for the right words as she walked with Mrs Jefferson to her bedroom. Well, didn't I get a lot of publicity for a very small thing?'

' Small thing?' Mrs Jefferson sounded indignant. Nothing to do with Jefferson Wild Life Reserve is small ! '

Alone in her bedroom, Rayanne went over the day thoughtfully. Now what was Cary planning? Why had he done all that? Surely he could have given her more time to plan the talk? Was it kind of him? Or was Burt right when he said Cary was wise, that he wanted the talk to come spontaneously? It was hard not to feel thrilled, she thought, as she lay in bed. Her voice had been infinitely nicer than she had thought—and to have all those reporters interested in her!

She laughed. What a child she must be still to allow such a thing to excite and please her!

Next morning, when she and Burt went to call on the Crisps, Burt was almost silent, back into the difficult mood Rayanne had noticed. She wondered if she should ask him what was wrong, but decided to leave it to him to choose his time.

Samantha welcomed them with open arms. I've got coffee all ready. Burt, Mike is in the office,' she said, quickly getting rid of him and tucking her hand through Rayanne's arm to lead her into the sitting-room. Everything's going to be great. There's nothing definite about it yet, but they were most sympathetic and understanding. Mike realised how much it meant to me and I think he's quite keen to see how we . . . well, what it's like to have a baby. I just can't wait . . . we can make that part of the garden a play part. Sand and a tiny pool. It mustn't be deep, of course, and. I'll have a net over it except when I'm with her . .

You want a daughter?'

Yes, to start with . . . 'we're going to repaint the guest room and . . . oh,' Samantha suddenly hugged Rayanne, ' thanks for suggesting it.'

' Actually I think it was Burt's idea.'

Burt's a darling. Why not marry him? He's obviously in love with you and he'll make a good husband.'

Rayanne smiled weakly. But I don't love him.' You probably could, in time. Oh, that reminds me. We found the note.'

' So Cary told me. Where was it?'

In the rubbish heap. My girl found it under the

sofa. It must have been blown down.'

Rayanne looked at the windows. It would have to be a strange draught or wind that mild have blown the note under the sofa.

' Where did you leave it?'

' On the mantelpiece. Here.' Samantha jumped up in her white trews and shirt, and touched the clock. She frowned, looked at the window and the sofa. Seems rather odd to me that it could have blown there.'

Seems very odd to me, too,' Rayanne agreed.

Samantha looked at her thoughtfully. Still, my girl might have made a mistake. Maybe she found it in the grate.'

Maybe,' said Rayanne. It didn't really matter. The main thing was that Cary knew now that she had been right. I was certain you'd never rush off without telling Mike.'

Of course not. He'd have been worried sick,' said Samantha. I'm surprised Cary even believed I would.' She smiled. Look, Rayanne, may I poke my nose in where it has no right to go? Watch out. You've waving the flag for Cary Jefferson, aren't you?'