The Fire of Life (12 page)

Yet she obviously thought Cary wonderful . . . and if he went on this tour, too . . . Both such dedicated people, both sharing the same interests?

' I'm so glad for you,' Rayanne said, and thought how weak it sounded. ' I really am.'

I know,' Aileen smiled at her. It's been nice

knowing you and having someone intelligent to talk to, at least. Maybe we'll meet again.'

You're going?'

Tomorrow. Burt's staying on, of course, because he and I are just friends. We have little in common.' Aileen stood up. This means so much to me, Rayanne. I just can't believe it's coming true!'

After Aileen had gone, Rayanne snuggled down in her bed. She felt dazed. She had wasted all that time feeling jealous of Aileen, envious, wondering when the wedding would be, when Aileen merely wanted something . . .

But why couldn't Cary have told her? Rayanne

asked herself. Why had he let her believe Aileen was chasing him? Was it a sign that he knew Rayanne was in love with him and it amused him to see her hurt and anxious? No, surely not, she told herself. Cary wasn't cruel. He couldn't be deliberately cruel, of that she was sure.

However, next day after Aileen had said farewell and Mike Crisp driven her to the airport, Rayanne wondered if Cary could be deliberately cruel, after all. Burt had vanished, saying he wanted to develop some films. Mrs Jefferson was busy talking to the gardeners about their work for the day. So Rayanne found herself temporarily alone with Cary in the garden, drinking ice-cold drinks under the trees.

' Well?' Cary asked, his voice amused. She

wasn't after me, after all, as you thought. At least, not in the same sense!'

Inside Rayanne, anger stirred slightly. You

gave me the impression that she was.'

He laughed. ' What a joke! If I really thought every girl was after me, I'd end up an egoist.' You're one now, I think.'

' I thought you probably did. A proper monster, that's how you see me, isn't it? He laughed again. Well, at least Aileen knows where she's heading. Ambitious, hardworking, determined to succeed—what a horrible mixture for a woman! '

Rayanne sat up stiffly. And why shouldn't she be ambitious, hardworking and determined to succeed? Can you give me any reason why that makes her a horrible mixture? Aileen is not only most attractive but a very nice person! ' She paused,

for she saw he was trying not to laugh, his eyes amused. So . . .' she began, and stopped.

So what? Maybe I'm an exception, but I like my women feminine and helpless,' Cary said. A successful woman is usually a pathetic creature.'

And why should she be pathetic and a man not?! Rayanne asked, indignantly again.

Cary chuckled. ' I didn't say that a man wasn't. You're quoting my words before they're spoken.'

The way you spoke implied that you meant women only.'

' Well,' Cary spoke thoughtfully, ' let's face it, Ray. Women mean well but usually fail by trying too hard to succeed.'

A cold finger seemed to slide down her back. Now that's a nasty thing to say!'

He looked astonished, even perhaps a little hurt. It wasn't meant to be.' He spoke almost accusingly. Now you're looking at my words out of context. What I meant was that because women are idealists, they often tackle more than they can finish.'

Isn't that better than tackling nothing?'

Cary tugged thoughtfully at the lobe of his left ear.

You could be right . . Rayanne felt a warm

flush of triumph, for he had admitted it. I

suppose,' he added, spoiling it with his scepticism. Do you succeed in doing everything you tackle?' she demanded.

He smiled. Of course not.'

Then why . . .' she began, then stopped. Sighing, she looked at him. What was the good of

arguing? They could talk all night and get nowhere. He was too clever. You could never hope to win and he knew it, and let you know he knew it, too.

She was surprised when he suddenly leant forward and took hold of her hand. ' Don't look so stricken, little Ray. I think women are wonderful.'

Jerking her hand free, she glared at him. ' You don't, you know you don't. You like to make fun of us, make us look fools. That's what you like doing. You men are all the same, you make use of us, but you don't respect us or . . . or . . .' She had to stop, for her voice was frighteningly unsteady.

He moved with a swiftness that startled her, kneeling in front of her, his hands on the arms of her chair so that she could not escape.

' We do love you,' he said, supplying the word she had been unable to say. ' Otherwise we wouldn't marry you. What you women don't seem to understand is that the average man suffers from an inferiority complex. We're fully aware that you women are not only highly intelligent, but much stronger than we are, and we're so terrified that you're going to dominate us, we have to try to make you feel small and insignificant. Can you really blame us? It's a battle for survival.'

His face was frighteningly close to hers. For once, she could see herself in his eyes. She felt herself trembling and his eyes began to twinkle. As usual, he was teasing her.

This arrogant, hateful . . . she began to think, but her thoughts slid to a standstill. Arrogant, per-

haps, but hateful, no, quite definitely no.

Ray,' he said. Oh, Ray, why do you rise to

the bait so quickly?'

And suddenly she was laughing.

' You are the end,' she told him. ' The positive end!'

He chuckled. Play it cool, baby,' he joked.

This is just a beginning.'

He leaned forward and lightly kissed her cheek.

See you,' he said, rising to his feet with incredible speed, and she found herself alone, sitting back, still shaking a little, and watched him go with his long rapid strides towards the house.

What had he meant? she wondered. Just a beginning . . . ?

Slowly Rayanne followed Cary into the house, meeting his mother when she reached it.

Dear child,' Mrs Jefferson said warmly as she took Rayanne's hands in hers. I'm so glad that girl has gone. She was such a bore.'

Rayanne stared. I thought you liked her.'

' Liked her?' Mrs Jefferson laughed. I couldn't bear her, but she was Cary's friend, after all, and I had to be polite. I'm glad we're on our own again.'

Later Burt said much the same. I can't stand that type of career woman. She can talk of nothing but her work. Anyone would think my work was utterly unimportant.'

' I thought you were a friend of hers,' Rayanne said.

He laughed. So we are, but even friends know the truth about one another. She uses me. I can

be useful at times because I know the right people. Apart from that, she has no time for me. I bore her.'

But, Burt, you've never bored me,' Rayanne said impulsively, then regretted it, for she saw the light in his eyes as he turned to her.

' I don't?'

They were walking along the lawn, just above the edge of the river. Several crocodiles were asleep on the hot sand and Burt was taking photographs of them. He had a film camera and wanted the crocs to move, but stubbornly they refused, their eyes tightly closed.

Well, we seem able to talk about anything,' said Rayanne ' We argue about everything, and it's fun.'

He laughed. That's the difference between you and Aileen. In Aileen's eyes, only one person can possibly be right—Aileen Hampton. You're always ready to admit that the other fellow could be right. Then one can argue. Oh, Aileen's not bad, actually I'm quite fond of her, but she does rather send me round the bend with her know-all. These dedicated women drive me mad!'

Cary said much the same,' Rayanne told him, pausing to toss a pebble into the still water that hardly rippled in response.

He did?' Burt laughed. He made it pretty

plain that he had no time for her. She only wanted that introduction, you know. You thought she was after him—Cary, I mean, didn't you?' He laughed again. ' You and those two birds, Daphne and Christine. What do you see in Cary that makes him

so special?'

Rayanne caught her breath. Had Burt discovered the truth? She breathed again as he went on casually:

' I can see that most girls would find him attractive, that rather arrogant superman sort of behaviour of his has a strange charm. But he's so dedicated to his work. I doubt if he'll ever marry.'

I doubt it, too,' Rayanne said, unaware of just how wistful her voice was; nor did she see the quick look Burt gave her and the cloud that seemed to come over his face.

Whoever he does marry will have a tough life,' he said, his voice almost sulky.

Yes, I guess so.' Rayanne sighed. ' But it would be worth it.' Even as she spoke, she realised what she had said. Feeling her cheeks growing hot, she managed a laugh, and added: If she really loves him.'

Burt put away his camera. ' Hopeless waiting here,' he said curtly. Let's go back. We'll try another day.'

Walking over the lawn, he looked at her. ' What is this thing called love?' he asked.

I sometimes wonder,' sighed Rayanne, walking slowly, her eyes watchful as she stared at the house, wondering where Cary was. It seems to me you can be very happy with someone and like him very much and yet not love him, while you can love someone and be unhappy with him because . . .' She paused.

Burt looked at her. ' Because?'

' Because he doesn't love you.' She laughed.

C est la vie, as Harold would say. He's my eldest brother and he's always being philosophical. It drives you mad. No matter how bad things are he always grins and says c' est la vie. Suppose it is life, but that's no comfort.'

' You've got five brothers?' Burt asked. I'm

an only child.'

I wish I was,' Rayanne said quickly.

Burt shook his head. You wouldn't if you were. It's lonely. Besides, they expect too much of you when you're the only one.'

They do when they're five of them. Imagine my life—with a father and five brothers all waiting for me to do something dramatically important, important enough for them to say proudly: " My sister is a . . ." or better still, " Just think what my daughter has done! " That's what they're waiting for, and what on earth can I do to satisfy them?'

Burt looked at her. This is the chip on your

shoulder, is it?' he asked.

Startled, she turned. Has Cary been talking to you about me?'

Sure. Why not? We've both noticed your moods.'

I do not have moods,' she said indignantly.

Oh no?' Burt laughed. I'd say you have more silent moods than any girl I know. An aura of anger surrounds you and sometimes the way you glare at poor Cary makes me wonder he doesn't go up in smoke.'

I do not glare at Cary !
'

' Oh no? Maybe I should have a candid camera around some time. Might shock you, rather. Why

do you hate him so?'

I do not hate him!' she said angrily.

Don't you? Yet you get mad at the slightest thing he says.'

It's because he will tease me, and I hate . . Being teased?' Burt laughed. Yet you let me tease you.'

Well . . Rayanne hesitated. You tease

differently.'

Is that a compliment or the reverse?'

It was a question Rayanne couldn't answer; or, at least, she couldn't tell him, though she knew the answer all right. It didn't matter when Burt teased her because it didn't matter to her what he thought!

A compliment, of course,' she said, uncomfortably aware of a keen look in his eyes as he stared at her. Whatever happened, he mustn't know the truth. Suppose he told Cary . . . ?

' Actually, according to Cary,' Burt went on, so Rayanne began to walk again, wishing she could end the conversation, you hate all men. I didn't think you hated me.'

Of course I don't hate you, and I certainly don't hate all men. Only just a few.'

And Cary is one of them?'

' Oh, look! ' Rayanne turned to him again angrily. Leave me alone. How do I know if I hate him or not? What is hate, anyhow? I admire him very much, I like him . . . sometimes. He maddens me, makes me angry and then laughs at me. Naturally that makes me furious, yet he has a gift of making me laugh with him. Not at him, but with him against myself. No, I don't think I could

say I hate him, but . .

Rayanne, dear child, I'm going shopping tomorrow. I wondered if you'd like to come with me?' Mrs Jefferson, coming carefully down the few steps from the stoep to meet them, called.

' I'd love to,' answered Rayanne. I haven't

seen any of the countryside yet.'

There isn't much to see—except bushes and trees and mountains,' Burt told her.

Now, Burt,' Mrs Jefferson said with a smile, that's not really fair. There's a lot of beauty round here.'