The Filthy Series: The Complete Dark Erotic Serial Novel (36 page)

“More, Rhett. More!” The strangled words were breathless on my lips.

“Fuck.” He grunted, lifting me higher so he could thrust faster.

I expected my orgasm to be a slow build like it usually was, taking its time coming to the fore, but it came so quickly I didn’t even have time to cry out, the breath catching in my throat as ecstasy bubbled.

Three thrusts later Rhett followed me, grunting, pinning me harder against the car, as if he was going to nail me to the front of it. The hot lash of his cum deep inside my cunt was the most satisfying feeling I’d ever had. And that was saying a lot since I’d spent three years of my life higher than a fucking kite.

He stood there holding me for several moments after it was all over. His arms were trembling from holding my weight, but he still didn’t put me down. He pressed his forehead against mine. His cold sweat, making his forehead slip against my skin. We were both out of breath. My hands still buried in the fabric encasing his shoulders.

There were so many things I wanted to say. I wanted to tell him how I felt. That I loved him. Because I did. I fucking
loved
him. I’d loved him all along—since I was fifteen years old. But I didn’t. I didn’t want to ruin our moment. This moment. It was better than I ever thought it would be. Instead I leaned in and brushed my lips against his. He flinched, pulling back. And when I met his gaze it was back. The pity.

“Faye. Fuck.” He pulled away from me, disentangling himself completely and cramming his softening cock back in his pants. I didn’t miss the way the light hit it just before he put it away. It was wet with my orgasm, with his cum. My feet clattered to the ground as he stepped away from me, my jeans tangled around one foot.

“Wha—”

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!” Rhett turned around and shoved a green trash can a few feet away. It toppled over, trash spilling everywhere.

“What the—”

“That shouldn’t have happened.” He looked back at me and there was so much torment. It swirled around with the pity, multiplying like a virus.

“No.” I took a step forward my jeans dragging awkwardly on one foot. “Don’t say that.” Pain ripped through me.

He isn’t saying these things. He isn’t. He can’t be.

“Oh my God, look at you.” He came forward and grabbed me, picking me up as if I was made of glass. As if he hadn’t just fucked the shit out of me.

He put me inside the car on the passenger side and started righting my clothes. Guiding my foot into my jeans as if I was a little child. The whole time he muttered to himself. I couldn’t hear what he was saying. But I could feel his regret. It wafted off him like a stench, making it hard to breathe.

Once he was done he climbed into his side and started driving.

All I could do was stare at him. At his chiseled jaw. He’d been inside me just minutes ago. Just like I had always wanted. And it was perfect until now. Until he ruined it with this.
What is this?

“Don’t do this.” The words came out as a sob.

“I shouldn’t have…” He let the words trail off as if he couldn’t bear to finish them.

“Well you did.” Tears spilled over my cheeks. “You fucked me, Rhett. How does that make you feel? How does it feel to know that you just put your dick where hundreds of men have been?” I shouted the words at him while the tears dripped down my face. Rivers of all the things I’d lost. “Where your own father has been.”

I expected him to yell at me. That’s what I wanted. But instead he just looked wrecked, destroyed. Like the whole world was caving in on him. And that was worse.

“I’m sorry, Faye.” The ache in his voice was like a physical slap. Of all the things I wanted from him—his sorrow was the last thing. His pity. His regret. I didn’t want any of them. I wanted his love.

There were a million things I wanted to say. I wanted to tell him how he had ruined it. The one thing in life I had coveted. The one thing that was supposed to be beautiful and full of love. But I didn’t say anything. Instead I buried my head in my knees like a child and let the tears fall.

THIRTEEN

I watched Sarah bustle around the kitchen. She was humming softly, her red hair swinging back and forth like a puppy dog tail.

“Are you sure you’ll be alright for the weekend?”

I nodded absently. In the four days that had passed since Rhett had fucked me against his car, I had felt myself spiraling downward, reality setting in. What happened between Rhett and I wouldn’t happen again. He didn’t have to say those words for me to know it was true. Things were different now. Sarah was happy again and Rhett ignored me. Perhaps that was the only thing that stayed partially the same. Before he had watched me. I could feel his eyes on me whenever I was in the room, but not now. He seemed to only have eyes for Sarah, something that was certainly out of the ordinary.

“You’re sure?”

“What? Oh, yes.” I wasn’t okay with it, not really. Her and Rhett were going away for the weekend, getting a hotel in uptown, going to the big aquarium and some other things that made me want rip both their faces off. The trip was impromptu, something Sarah had just told me about the day before. She’d told me in front of Rhett and I expected him to turn her down, brush her aside, or at least deny that the trip was going to happen. But he didn’t. Instead he smiled at Sarah and wrapped his arm around her shoulders like everything was great. Like he couldn’t fucking wait. Like he hadn’t fucked me ruthlessly against the side of his car.

I cried more in the last four days than I had in years. Was I turning into Sarah all of the sudden? It seemed like it. I didn’t think I could get more pathetic, but I suppose life was really about proving yourself wrong.

“I’m gonna go hop in the shower. We’re gonna leave in about an hour.” Sarah paused in front of me on her way out of the kitchen. Which led me to question why I was even in there at all. I should be in my room, but I couldn’t bring myself to go in there. To soak in the loneliness. “I’m really glad that everything is over. That things can finally be the way they should be.”

I opened my mouth to respond, but no words came out. What was she talking about? Things with Taylor, or what happened with Rhett? The sour look that pinched her features had mostly lifted, but I could still see it there, just under the surface of her pale skin.

She hugged me, pulling me into her embrace with both arms and I had to remind myself that this was Sarah. This was the woman who brought me into her home, her life—even when she didn’t have to. The woman who had gone above and beyond for me. And how had I repaid her? I fucked her boyfriend up against his car. I was the terrible person in this situation. Not her.

But I couldn’t help the anger, the disdain that wormed its way through my system during our hug. How I wanted to wrench myself away from her. I didn’t. But I fucking wanted to.

“I bet it will be nice to have a few days here by yourself.” She smiled at me and it was genuine. She had two little dimples on the corner of her lips. I couldn’t look at her for long. I couldn’t even form a response. I just nodded. I heard the door to her and Rhett’s room close a few moments later.

I supposed I was a glutton for punishment, because I sat in the living room for the next hour. Watching them both bustle about taking their bags to the car. Sarah giggling all the while. Rhett didn’t look at me at all. It was as if I was invisible. It made me miss the hate that used to swim in his eyes—the pity. At least that was something. Nothing was worse. It was as if I was a fly on the wall—one that would die before anyone even realized I was there.

“See you in a few days, okay Faye?” Sarah waved at me from the door a little while later. Rhett was already at the car, waiting for her, I suspected.

“See ya.” My attempt to sound chipper failed.

The door closed with a click and I was left alone. The apartment had always seemed small to me. I had never lived anywhere this small. Taylor’s house was huge and my life as a junkie prostitute had been full of wide open spaces. But now that I was alone the apartment could have been as vast as the ocean for how small I felt sitting inside it. It was empty. Full of all the things that Rhett and Sarah had bought together. Their life together. I was the intruder in this world of theirs. I was the problem.

I hated the tears that came next. I had done well all morning. Holding them in, but now there was nothing to stop them.

Where will I go from here?

A terrible ache gripped my chest. All I wanted was Rhett. Did that make me pathetic? Probably. But I couldn’t seem to help it. I yearned for him. The way he acted the other night should have made me hate him. I should hate him for the pity—for the fact that he would never see me as anything but the little girl who fucked his father. But I didn’t. I loved him. I fucking loved him. And the sex—it just confirmed it. Those tormented feelings that had been bottled up inside me for years.

I pressed my face into my hands, my fingers slipping on my slick skin, when the click of the door opening had me glancing up. It was Rhett who walked back through the door, though unlike before, his eyes fastened to mine and I saw it. There was no missing the sorrow, the yearning in his eyes. I expected him to walk across the apartment and into his bedroom to get whatever he came for. But instead he stopped just inside the door, staring at me.

It was that look that gave me confidence. It sent my heart into a panic driven frenzy as I jumped up off the recliner.

“Don’t go.” The words slipped from my lips as quickly as the tears streaming down my cheeks. “Don’t go with her.”

“I—”

“You don’t want to go. I know you don’t.” I walked toward him.

“Faye, this—what happened between us—”

“No.” I shook my head. “Don’t say it was a mistake. You don’t really believe that.” Part of me wasn’t sure. Part of me didn’t know what the fuck he was thinking. I was good at reading men, but now I didn’t know anything. I didn’t know the signs of love, of compassion. I knew lust. I knew sex. Fucking. But those things didn’t apply here in this space. I stopped just feet away from him. He was wearing jeans today. His hair styled in that sexy way of his. The white v-neck hugged his broad chest. He was perfect. So perfect it hurt.

Indecision was back in his eyes. He seemed torn, ripped apart.

“It’s not hard.” The words were thick on my tongue. “You’re making this harder than it needs to be.”

“Faye…”

“I love you.” There. I said it. I spoke the words I’d wanted to say for a long time. I’d never truly loved someone. Not the way I loved Rhett. My love for Taylor had been exactly as Rhett said—misguided. I’d never loved any other man. Never felt any sort of emotion for anyone else. “I’m in love with you.” The words felt good, like balm on chapped lips, smoothing over all the hurts, the beginning of the healing.

But the smooth, sweet feeling, it didn’t last long because Rhett looked absolutely gutted by my confession. As if I had taken a knife and ripped him shreds, slashing him from head to toe.

“You don’t mean that.”

“I do.” I held by head up, trying my damndest not to crumple in on myself.

“Faye,” he took one of my hands into his. His touch felt so right, so perfect. We were made for each other. “You don’t love me.”

“What?” I blinked at him.

“You’ve been through a lot and that kind of thing… it does things to your head and—”

“Wait, what?” I pulled my hand out of his. “What are you trying to say?”

“Your feelings for me are misguided, like they were for my father. I’m the closest connection you have to him, so—”

“So you think I’m trying to replace him? With you?” I wanted to laugh. I wanted to fucking cackle at the sky at the ridiculousness of this statement. “Where the fuck is this coming from?”

“It’s just not right. You
don’t
love me.” His voice cracked on the end.

“Yes, I do. And
you
love
me,
Rhett.” I bit the words off in my mouth. They tasted bad saying them. Forcing them out, making him see. He had to see it. Had to see that he loved me. I wasn’t the only one in this. I hadn’t imagined everything that happened between us. It wasn’t a figment of my imagination. It was real. I was real. We were real. Here in this moment. It was us and no one else. He had to see that. He had to.

“I don’t.” He moved past me and I couldn’t see his face, but his words, they blistered my ears.

“Yes, you do.” I followed him.

“You’re my sister. I love you as my sister.”

“You weren’t loving me as a sister the other night.”

“The other night was a mistake.”

“Just because you say something over and over doesn’t make it true. It wasn’t a mistake. You fucking know it wasn’t.” Maybe I was grasping at straws. Maybe I wanted these things so badly that I had false hope.

Rhett picked up his watch off the dresser in his bedroom.

“Please, Rhett. Don’t go.” I hated the way I sounded. Like a child. A begging child. Who just wanted love.

He turned around slowly. “I don’t love you, Faye. Not the way you want me to. You don’t love me the way you think you do either. We’re just two unfortunate people in a fucked up situation.” He didn’t look me in the eyes when he spoke. He stared down at his feet. As if he couldn’t bare the sight of me. As if he couldn’t face me and speak the words both.