The Fight Within (27 page)

“Yes, I’m certain that is the reality for some people,” she offered.

In that same reflection, she saw the man standing behind her, looking at her through the reflection. They just stood there, observing one another amongst the array of name brand DVD players, designer Coach bags and fancy buckles with diamond encrusted skull heads.

“I wonder how much that PlayStation is worth?” he asked, pressing his hard body against her. His seductive, woodsy scent drove her wild, brought her deeper under his spell.

“I’m sure it is worth more to the person that had to sell it than it is to the pawn shop.”

“It’s just a bunch of shit, just things,” he whispered.

“Yeah…but sometimes
things
mean more than just, well, what they seem to be.”

“I think everyone has too much shit.”

“And I think shit has a claim on everyone…”

“It’s not worth it.” He buried his chin in her hair and clasped his arms around her waist.

“What is worth, Sean? Nothing is actually worth anything until someone else says it is.”

She made out the expression of thoughtfulness on his face.

“That’s true,” he uttered after a few moments of silence. “But people define worth. Who makes these rules?”

“We do. The people that change the rules are the same people benefiting from the status quo, so they don’t change the policies very often and when they do, not by much.”

“I’ve been told I’m not worth much. Must’ve been by the same people changing, or essentially
not
changing the rules.” He chuckled, said it with a huge grin, one so big, if one were looking at him from a distance, they’d think he was amused beyond belief. She studied his face harder in the reflection, noting the curvature of his smile, the pain in his eyes…

What a sad clown…

What masks he wears…

How can one be so genuine yet so guarded and hidden all at once?

“Sean, let me give you some unsolicited advice. You are a hell of a man, and many people will be threatened by you. You’re powerful, your mind is sharp, and you’re decisive. There are going to be people who see that, become envious, and try to tear you down. You have to be careful, baby. Never let other people define you…”

“I don’t.” His smile dissipated ever so slowly, like air escaping a punctured bike tire.

“Do you know how much you’re worth? Have you had yourself appraised?” she questioned with a smirk.

“I thought I couldn’t let other people define me. Being appraised would mean I’d done just that.”

“No. I’m talking about
self
-appraisal. You sit yourself down; you evaluate what you want out of life and what you have at that current time to obtain it. Not necessarily just material goods, but the things that make you happy, the experiences life has to offer.”

“I don’t really…I dunno.” He shrugged and cleared his throat, seemingly growing uncomfortable as his grip on her loosened a bit. “I guess I haven’t done it in that manner, not in the way you described.” A small smile budded across his face. “I guess it’s worth lookin’ into, huh?”

“I think
you’re
worth looking into…”

“You want to look into me, hmmm? If I let you, what do you think you’d find?” His warm breath swayed the curls against her ear.

“A man made of gold who thinks he’s made of tin foil…”

His smile vanished in an instant and he released her completely, even taking a couple of steps back as if she had been diagnosed right then and there with a deadly, contagious disease. Turning away from the pawnshop window, she looked him directly in the eye, drawing him toward her with a grin, coming alive again with the anticipation of his touch.

He came back to her. Her gut curled with orgasmic spasms as she weakened in his grip, prepared for another one of his ‘I’m not ready’, knock you out cold, fall dead on your ass kisses. Instead, he wrapped his arms around her waist and looked deeply into her eyes.

“I’m sorry if I made ya uncomfortable in the restaurant… But can’t you tell what my problem is?”

“Your problem? Besides you being stark raving mad, no,” she joked. And then, unable to resist, she raised eager fingers to the man’s dark chocolate brown strands and caressed them…so soft…

A chill meandered down her spine as he lifted her chin, delivered a succulent, fat kiss, then stared her dead in the eye.

“Treasure, you make me feel crazy. You make me feel like I can’t do shit without you…like I need you so damn bad. I
do
need you so damn bad. Baby, you’re
exactly
what I needed. You’re what I was looking for, and I didn’t even know I was on the search.” He groaned into her hair as he nestled his face in the crook of her neck, squeezed her harder and harder, forcing her to feel his beating chest against her breasts. People walked past them, leaving them there, letting them have this surreal moment while they went on to their destinations, not paying the besotted couple any mind.

And then, it became official. She thought she’d pissed her pants, but oh no, it was just the ‘little girl’ talking, dripping her fair share of ‘sugar-wall’ juice from his heart-pounding words. Instead of fighting, dragging the shit out, she gripped the man’s face, refused to let him turn away.

“Sean, look at me.” He slowly opened his eyes, his lips slightly parted, revealing the vulnerability in his eyes. “I feel the
exact.same.way.
You’ve got me…”

They remained quiet for a bit, then crossed the street. She had no idea where they were going or how long they’d be, nor did she care. All she knew was that she was with the man she adored—the only thing that mattered. He’d secured a slot in her life, one that kept growing and changing every second of every day. After her children, he was the first person on her mind in the wee hours of the morning, from the moment she woke up, and the one who consumed her thoughts when her head hit the damn pillow at night. She’d even occasionally dream about the man. First and last thought he may be, but even more than that, he was steadily climbing within her spirit, chasing away her fears, so close to a permanent spot right in the
middle
of her heart…

‡

“I
t’s not like
that, Colin.” Sean completed his push-ups, doing his final one out of a set of fifty. He’d just finished at the gym an hour beforehand, but was still amped, rearing to get himself in tip top shape for his upcoming fight against a bastard known to rearrange faces like fucking Picasso. He paused, looked at his hard, callous palms, now indented from the carpet fiber imprint and burning with heat as he pushed all of his weight down upon them. The beige rug had gone flat like a tortilla beneath him. He swiped his slightly sweaty face with the back of his hand, got up from the ground, and fell back onto the broken-in couch in his mother’s living room, sighing with instant relief at the same time his muscles screamed in agony. “I already told you this a few days ago anyway. There’s nothing else to tell.”

“Sure there is. You’ve been seein’ this chick for a long ass time, don’t think you’re foolin’ anybody. So I’m right, right? It’s serious,” Colin probed, his head turned to the television screen, watching a re-run of ‘The Big Bang Theory’. Popping a ranch flavored Dorito into his big mouth, he crunched it heartily.

“Yeah, we’ve been seein’ each other for a while now.” He crossed his ankles and yawned.

“I can’t believe you’ve been keeping this from me. You and that superstition bullshit about if you say something, it’ll get ruined. Anyway, what does she look like? Gotta pic on your phone you can show me?” Colin gave a devilish grin as he slumped in his seat in obvious anticipation, crossed his arms over his chest, and waited for some lusty, explicit details to roll out of Sean’s mouth.

“You already asked me this, and I said it was inconsequential.”

“Oh bullshit and look at you usin’ the big words, college boy! That means she’s either ugly as a swollen hemorrhoid on the ass of a baboon, or she’s so good lookin’, you’re afraid I’ll steal ‘er from ya,” he teased, forcing Sean to grin and give him the middle finger.

“She’s pretty…real nice lookin’. Give me those chips.”

His brother handed them over and stared at him from the corner of his eye. Sean plunged his hand in the loud, crinkly bag, grabbing hold to a fistful of delicious junk.

“You have a fight coming up, you better watch the Doritos, man,” his brother warned, as if truly looking out for his well-being. Sean knew better; they were Colin’s favorite flavor, and he didn’t want to part with them, end up with nothing but the crumbs that dwelled at the bottom of the bag. “Give me some details, man. You told me you were done with women. Something changed your mind. It’s like pullin’ fuckin’ teeth with you about this tonight!”

“Ahh.” He winced and shrugged. “Man, who cares?! Okay, fine.” He huffed, popped one in his mouth, crunching it fast, and swallowed hard. “She’s about 5’8, hair that falls to about her shoulders, a bit longer. She’s black. She’s good looking, shit, not sure what else to say. Oh, she’s got a nice body, too.”

“About what size are her breasts?”

“Colin, are you fuckin’ serious?” Sean laughed hoarsely and popped another chip into his mouth before handing the bag back over.

“I’m just asking! Don’t act like you haven’t asked me the same about most of the chicks I’ve dated in the past! Pshhht!” He dramatically rolled his blue eyes.

“I dunno, maybe 36 B, something like that. She’s built real nice, okay?”

“How old is she, cougar chaser? Granny-panty lovin’ bastard… Whose cane and walker are you chasing this time around?” the man pestered, causing Sean to suck his lower lip and narrow his eyes in annoyance.

“Forty-two. She sure as hell doesn’t look it. Looks
my
age…must have good genes. I figured she was older though.”

“Why?”

“Man, her pad!” He craned his neck hard in Colin’s direction. “Her house is something rich old people would have…you outta see this shit.” He slicked his hand in the top of his pants and readjusted himself; his damn nuts were squished. “It’s real nice.”

“She’s rich, then?” The man’s curiosity seemed definitely piqued now, beyond the physical attributes that he’d been previously pleading for.

“I don’t believe so. She’s okay though, can take good care of herself.”

His brother nodded in approval, and then those devilish blue eyes of his twinkled…

“You fuck ’er yet?”

“Not yet.” He sighed. “When I do, you’ll be the first name written down on my ‘Do Not Tell List’.”

Just then, their mother walked into the room. Her lime green gown flowed around her stout body as if she were some angel drifting about as she made her way to her favorite chair. She set down a big wooden bowl of chili, chock full of kidney beans and onions and topped with shredded cheese, along with a few Saltine crackers stuffed on the side of the container.

“Are you two eating here tonight? If so, you better hurry because your father is on his third serving,” she said in almost a whisper. Leaning back, she crossed her ankles and plucked a cracker into her mouth.

They both stood like shooting rockets ready for blast off and made a fast dash into the tiny bright kitchen, only to find their old man with his rounded, clean-shaven face hovering over the hot, simmering silver pot, dark brown lines of goodness stained on the side of the damn thing from where it had bubbled over. A big, silver ladle hung poised in his hand, prepared for battle.