The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings (84 page)

Thrift shops and consignment shops can carry “pre-owned” designer clothes; and vintage clothing stores are a popular alternative for a different spin on bridal attire.

Check the classifieds in your local newspaper or online (like Craigslist) for gowns that were bought and never used because the wedding was canceled. (Boy, talk about questionable karma.)

You may be fortunate enough to have your mother's or grandmother's dress in a trunk; at one time you probably thought it would never be worn again, but here you are, about to be a bride. The heirloom dress becomes a sentimental part of the ritual. Do you have a close friend or sister who has a wedding dress
that you love? They might not want to lend it, but if your budget is tight, it's worth asking. And hey, you're taking care of “something old” and “something borrowed” at the same time.

Recycle your wedding and bridesmaids gowns and pick up some
good
karma points along the way. Donate your clothing to a worthy charitable organization. Brides Against Breast Cancer hosts bridal events around the country and donates proceeds to the cause. The Priceless Gown Project provides prom dresses to young women who can't afford to purchase them. Explore thrift stores like Out of the Closet, which donates proceeds to people living with HIV/AIDS, the American Cancer Society Thrift Shops, and of course your local Salvation Army.

Yes, yes, veils did historically mean veiling the woman so no other eyes could gaze upon her until her future partner got his hands on her. But consider: Salome and the Dance of the Seven Veils was sexy, with each veil revealing just a little bit more. (There's a fashion tip in here too: instead of one veil, wear a whole bunch of them—seven?)

Veils can be made for $2 by taking a headband and pasting some tulle or lace on it to cover your face. Or you can pay hundreds of dollars and have a veil that will rival the one Julie Andrews wore in
The Sound of Music.
There are plenty of options in between. A general rule of thumb: the shorter the dress, the shorter the veil.

If the shoe fits, buy it, but don't wait until the last minute. If you're wearing a gown, you'll want to wear the proper shoes for fittings, so plan ahead of time.

Finding the right shoes seems simple enough, but this is not always the case. You need to find shoes that will be comfortable yet work with what you're wearing. Before you buy those spike heels, consider how long you're going to be on your feet and, maybe, dancing. Break them in ahead of time.

One simple and elegant solution is to wear ballet slippers.

If the slipper doesn't fit, you can wear heels for the ceremony, then change into tennies to dance, dance, dance at the reception. Rachel gave us this tip: “Buy a size bigger and put in inner soles. When your feet start to swell, take the inner soles out and it's like putting on a new pair of shoes.”

Hair Do's and Don'ts

Do
practice on your hair a few days ahead of time, with whatever headgear you've chosen. You don't want to have a bad hair day on your wedding day, so prepare in advance.

Don't
end up like Lucille Ball in that
I Love Lucy
episode where she fell down the staircase in her Ziegfeld headpiece. If you're wearing a veil, crown, tiara, comb, headband, flower piece, or Carmen Miranda basket of fruit, try it on ahead of time and walk around with it.

Do
have someone style your hair (and makeup too, if you go in for that sort of thing) the day of the wedding if you can. You'll be nervous enough without worrying about poking yourself in the eye with the mascara wand or having a pesky burn mark on your forehead from the curling iron that got away.

For the ultimate fashion statement, wear Doc Martens.

In olden days, the garter was a sash worn just below the bride's knee to keep away the wandering hands of the groom and his men. Today you might wear a garter belt to hold up your stockings, but a garter? It's just a prop. You can buy garters at bridal shops, novelty stores, or over the Net; or make your own. Buy two if you're thinking of throwing one to the crowd. If you hate the lacy stuff, tie a piece of suede or purple grosgrain ribbon around your leg.

Keep it simple for a classic bridal look, or shoot the moon for a more theatrical take. Pearls are classy wedding attire and can be in the form of earrings, a bracelet, or a single-strand necklace. Diamonds are always nice, as are heirlooms of any kind. Best of all is a pendant, locket, or anything similar given to you by your lover. (Preferably the one you're marrying.)

The higher the hair, the closer to God.

—k.d. lang

Legend has it that originally the wedding couple was surrounded by many friends, family, and neighbors all dressed similarly so that the evil spirits could not distinguish them from the nuptial pair; this is one of the reasons members of the
wedding party all dress alike today. Pop folklore has it that the bride chooses dowdy matching outfits for her wedding party to make sure that she stands out from the crowd and no one steals her thunder (or, perhaps, her groom).

If you want to do the pretty-bridesmaids (or groomsmen)-all-in-a-row thing, check out the following:

Some tux rental shops or bridal salons also rent bridesmaid dresses. If you're determined to have everyone match, this might be the most inexpensive way to pull it off.

If it's a battalion of tuxes you're after, coordinate the kind of tux each person is going to wear. Otherwise you'll be unpleasantly surprised when they all show up in black—except your Cousin Selma, who's wearing a Wayne Newton look-alike red satin ruffled number.