The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings (77 page)

If you tend to be of an understated nature, the usual recommendation is to have the baker or florist top the creation with a spray of fresh flowers that will finish off the look of the cake. They may be lightly sprinkled along the tiers of the cake or individually applied to accent the frosted creation. Just make sure they haven't been sprayed with insecticides.

Many bakery artists can re-create your bridal bouquets in spun sugar atop the cake. Your florist or whoever is going to make your bouquets can supply a photograph or description of what kinds of flowers will be used.

We've heard of creative types using twinkling lights (buy the strings with battery packs), dollhouse figures, puppets, framed photographs representing different eras from each person's life, and windup toys.

Our award for Most Creative Choice for Cake Top Adornment goes to Beth Saltzman and Patti Levey of San Francisco for their usage of Glinda the Good Witch and The Blessed Virgin Mary. “Each of us has a special affinity with these women,” they reported.

And if you don't have enough takes on the subject already, we're going to wind up this discussion of cake tops with a quick survey of some of our favorite etiquette gurus:

“Then there are Temples of Love, and gay little cupids perched on wedding rings, wedding bells in tulle, small baskets of real flowers, and on it goes. It is for you to choose the pinnacle for this cake of cakes!” This, courtesy of Marguerite Bentley.

A check with Emily Post reveals her personal take on the cake-top dilemma: “Bells or a replica of a wedding ring may top the cake in place of flowers. They are in better taste than the bride and groom dolls sometimes used.”

Respected food and entertaining guru Martha Stewart writes in her book
Entertaining
: “For decorations the crowning bride or groom statuette has given way to antique figures, or Kewpie dolls, or other personal whims. One bride I know wanted gnomes; another, who collected frogs, found a chef extraordinaire to create a pair of sugar amphibians dressed in lace and top hat.”

A word of warning from Sweet Lady Jane:

“R
EMEMBER, THIS ISN'T
a children's birthday party, a Sweet Sixteen, or a Quinceañera. This is your
wedding,
and (hopefully) your only wedding cake. You have spent time and money to create the most delicious and memorable dessert of your life, so don't muck it up with a ridiculous cake topper. And one more thing: size does matter. Nothing is more inappropriate looking than an elegant eighteen-inch cake with a garish foot-tall cake topper. Keep it in good taste and in proportion.”

The Groom's Cake

(Which May or May Not Be Served at a Lesbian Wedding, and of Which Two May Be Served at a Gay Wedding.)

The groom's cake began as a custom in the South and at one point was a disappearing item, but it seems to be making a comeback in all parts of the country. Southern belles used to set aside a rich chocolate cake (but much more simple than the bride's cake, with no decoration) to share with their first guests after returning from the honeymoon. At some point the groom's cake evolved into a dark fruitcake; maybe that's why it almost became extinct. This tradition then segued into having a separate cake at the reception that was cut into small squares, packaged in little boxes with the couple's initials, and distributed to the guests to take home. Legend has it that women who slept with the piece of cake under their pillows would dream of the men they would marry.

With what you'll be spending on the wedding cake, you may just decide to eighty-six the groom's cake. Or, close friends or relatives might offer to bake and package a groom's cake as a wedding gift.

If you want the boxes, you can get them printed at the same time your invitations are, or skip the boxes altogether and invent some sort of whimsical wrapping yourself. (Caution your friends not to put the cake under their pillows without the box, however.)

Now about that little tradition of saving some cake to eat on your first anniversary. Folklore says that you must do this to ensure luck and a long life together. The older etiquette gurus talk about taking the entire top
tier
and freezing it, but talk to savvy bakers today and they'll shake their heads in disbelief. Sweet Lady Jane says, “First of all, there's just no way that you can freeze cake for a year and expect it to taste as good as it should. And with what you're paying for a wedding cake, stop and figure out what the top tier is costing you. Then let me know if you still think it's such a great idea.” If you want to partake of this tradition, you can do it in a modified way. Take a single slice, wrap it well (several layers of plastic wrap, aluminum foil, and a freezer bag are not overkill), and wait for a year to pass. It's actually a sweet little ritual, and perhaps tasting the same cake you had on your wedding day will turn you into newly-weds all over again.

HOW TO SAVE A LITTLE $$$

Thrifty brides (and their parents) have used this little trick down through the ages, and we pass it along to you:

Buy and display a fancy cake that is smaller than one you would buy to serve all of your guests. Then in the kitchen, have auxiliary sheet cakes that are of the same flavors and frosting. After the cake-cutting ceremony, have the fancy cake taken to the kitchen and—along with the sheet cakes—sliced for serving your guests. For instance, if you're having 150 people, order a wedding cake for 75 and sheet cakes for another 75.