The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings (68 page)

You:
Well, definitely champagne.

Caterer:
Are you thinking a glass of champagne just for the toast, or do you want it available the entire time?

You:
The entire time. And beer and wine too. I think that's enough booze. And soft drinks, juices, and lots of mineral water.

Caterer:
Okay, we can work this one of two ways.
I can supply all of the drinks, but it would be less expensive if you bought your own.
I can provide the bartender and set up the bar… you know—ice, lemons, whatever. When we get closer to finalizing things, I can give you an idea of how much you'll need. One more thing: I must tell you that I just did a great party where we served outrageous frozen margaritas.

You:
Most of my friends don't drink hard liquor, but let me think about that one. But let's backtrack:
do I pay for the bartender and the other help?

Caterer:
When we know exactly how many guests you'll have and how involved the service will be, I'll make sure there's enough servers and kitchen help. These are people who work for me all the time; they're efficient and friendly. You'll be charged per server, per hour. And if you decide you want to go the margarita route, I can hire the bartender too.

You:
You're making this all sound so easy.
Will you be there the day of the party?

Caterer:
Probably not, but at our next meeting I'll introduce you to Tammy, who will be your coordinator and will run things for you. The church has enough chairs, but you'll need to rent extra tables for the food stations, and Tammy will sit down with you and work out a floor plan.

You:
Wait a minute.
We have to rent tables? I thought you supplied all that.

Caterer:
Sorry, but this is pretty standard. You'll choose and pay for linen and dish rental, as well as utensils and glassware. I supply all of the serving pieces such as punch bowls and chafing dishes. And don't worry about renting champagne glasses; I'll take care of them.

You:
What if I want to use paper plates and plastic utensils?

Caterer:
I think I have to go now.

Think of your wedding reception meal as having everyone you know over to eat at the same time. What would you serve?

Unless you've been in a cave the last couple of years, you're aware that American food trends are moving toward lighter fare and smaller portions. Yet during the holiday season and for special occasions, people often throw their Weight Watcher points out the window and indulge. Your wedding will probably be one of these occasions.

Americans are also expanding their food horizons toward more international tastes, so you can offer your guests the very best quality of a food that they know and love, or choose unusual dishes that might be completely new to them. Ethnic food from all over the world is being rediscovered; across the country you'll find Ethiopian restaurants, Thai food, Polynesian cuisine, and Caribbean specialties as well as old-world European-style cooking. You can find a caterer who specializes in a particular ethnic cuisine or go directly to a restaurant and make arrangements for them to cater your party.

What if you want to make this a more sophisticated meal than you would usually serve, but don't feel educated when it comes to food talk? Here's where a good caterer earns his or her money. If your eyes glaze over at the mention of words like
julienne, terrine,
and
roulade,
don't panic. A proper caterer will explain it to you; all you have to do is ask. If you love crab and the sample menu lists “crab quesadillas with pineapple salsa,” but you don't have the foggiest idea what quesadillas are, ask. If you don't know an herb-infused oil from Crisco,
ask
. If you don't know crudités from pâté, but you think maybe one or the other is something you want to serve,
ask
.

Some food for thought as you chew over your menu choices:

Know your crowd.
This shouldn't be too difficult, because these are people you have chosen to share one of the most intimate moments of your life with; you'd better know them. It's highly unlikely that, if you and most of your guests are Orthodox Jews, you'll consider serving ham. You probably also know if many of your friends are vegetarians, vegans, or follow gluten-free diets, and you should plan accordingly. You don't have to know whether your friend Jared prefers white or dark meat, but you should have a sense of what kinds of foods will make the crowd happy. Pleasing your guests can even be accomplished by “going against type.” One groom told us, “Everyone I know is so diet conscious, we're sick of grilled chicken
breast and salad. So for our wedding Sam and I decided to have deli platters—huge trays of pastrami, corned beef, turkey, ham, cheeses, potato salad, coleslaw. It was a big hit, and I got a real kick out of seeing people eating their third or fourth sandwich of the day.”

Know yourselves.
You may want to use this occasion as an excuse to serve the foods that are at the top of your own wish list. Sandy and Pat told us, “We decided that, hey, it's our party, we want our favorite food. So we sat down and made a list of all of our top takeout, like buffalo wings from Hot Wings Café, moo shoo pork from China View, the chicken salad from Junior's, garlic basil naan from East India Grill, guacamole from El Chavo, focaccia from Il Fornaio, and hummus and pita chips from The Mad Greek. We called ahead of time and ordered, and the morning of the wedding our best friend took our list and ran around town collecting it all; then the crew we hired did the setup, the serving, and the cleaning up.”

You may want to reflect the heritage of one of you or both of you in the selection of foods that you serve.
Ben told us: “Mikel's family immigrated here from Russia; they're very close-knit and very supportive of our relationship. We decided that blinis, smoked fish, caviar, and vodka would make the perfect statement for the afternoon. His parents were so proud to be acknowledged and honored that way.”

Consider the nature of the event, and think about eliminating certain foods.
If you're all dressing to the nines, skip the barbecued ribs. If you serve shrimp in the shell at a cocktail buffet, your guests will pay more attention to peeling the shrimp than to each other.

At certain times of the day, people expect to be fed certain types and amounts of foods.
If you're having a cocktail party reception, people will know that they'll just be getting finger food and drinks, and won't be surprised if they feel the need to go out to dinner afterward. However, if you've billed your event as a dinner party, they'll expect to see some meat, poultry, fish, or other entrée land on their plates at some point.

Pay attention to the season.
If it's winter in Minneapolis, you won't want chilled leek soup on the menu. At 110 degrees in the shade, steer clear of heavy cream sauces. If it's December, think about roast goose, glazed sweet potatoes, baked squash, and a cranberry ring.