The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings (67 page)

The Help:
These are the folks who actually set up and serve the food. Often the caterer
you're interviewing will not actually be present on the day of the wedding, so you'll want to know who your contact person is. Labor costs include cleaning up after the party so the space looks as good as (or better than) it did before the festivities began. Caterers either have the cost of help in their prices or will charge you a separate per-server/per-hour fee. There is often a five-hour minimum, which sounds like a lot but includes setup and prep time as well as breakdown and cleanup. The industry standard figures on roughly one server for every ten guests, but this varies greatly depending on how complex the service is; you'll need more for a sit-down dinner, fewer for a buffet. Also let your caterer know your feelings about the personality types that the staff should or should not have. You could end up with a staff of youngish waiters and waitresses who might add to the fun and even end up partying a little with the guests, or a more professional and seasoned group who are almost butlerlike in demeanor and efficiency. But whether you're hiring two servers or a team of fifteen, make sure that the caterer understands that the wait staff must be at ease serving at a gay or lesbian wedding.

The Rentals:
You can rent almost any equipment your heart desires, from twinkle lights to crystal champagne glasses to chandeliers. Caterers rarely come fully equipped with silverware, plates, tables, chairs, and linens, so don't assume these things are part of the food package. Rental charges vary greatly depending on what you need and for how long. Some caterers attach an administrative fee for handling rentals; others will suggest what to rent and whom to call, and let you deal with it. We like the caterer who handles the rental logistics and charges you only the true cost. Rental companies pick up and deliver for an additional fee. (See chapter thirteen, “Rent Control.”)

Okay, now it's time to go online and do some serious (or not so serious) research. Make a list of ideas (on paper, not in your head) of desired cuisine, possible locations, and your budgetary constraints. If you don't make a list, and your ADD kicks in when you surf the Net anyway, you run the risk of spending hours on this, with little to show for your efforts.

Most large restaurant chains will post a catering menu on their site. You can preview menus broken down into appetizers, main dishes, and desserts. If you're lucky, your chosen eatery will also post costs for help, setup and breakdown charges, and maybe even what's included in terms of chafing dishes and utensils. If you plan to coordinate the other details yourself, this is a perfect way to go because you can pull parts of your menu from different sources: knishes and meatballs from a deli as appetizers; steak and chicken from, say, The Wood Ranch Grill; and brownies and fruit skewers from your local supermarket.

If you have specific dietary preferences such as an animal-free or organic menu, or if you desire ethnic foods, definitely start here. You can figure out a great Greek, Indian, or Moroccan buffet without leaving your desktop.

Okay, you're now ready to make some calls. When you first speak with caterers, they'll ask some basic questions about your party. (If they're already completely booked up for your wedding date or are out of your price range, you may as well save everybody's time and move on.) They may pitch you some ideas over the phone and/or set up an appointment to talk in person. Ask them to e-mail a sample menu with price breakdowns, which will give you a dose of reality. They should e-mail this to you within forty-eight hours. If they don't return your original phone call or e-mail your information promptly, it's not a good sign; after all, you're hiring someone to be organized for you, and this is their first test.

Once you've looked over the info they send, you'll begin to get some idea of whether they're anything vaguely like what you envisioned and whether you should pursue them. They should give you a minimum price quote per head, along with a description of what they can provide for that amount. If their price is somewhat more than you planned on spending, don't give up immediately, because you may be able to work something out. Catering costs will vary greatly depending on what part of the country you live in and how well you do your homework. If you bring in a caterer, a punch and cake reception can cost anywhere from $8 to $20 per person; a buffet lunch or supper can tally up at $16 to $45 per person. Full sit-down meals (including passed munchies beforehand) ballpark in the $28-$60 range. At hotels, prices begin at $25-$45 for a tea service and run from $65 to (hold onto your wallets) $350 and beyond per person for dinner on a Saturday night.

If they seem like they might be the caterer for you, and you haven't done so already, now's the time to explain to them that there will be two brides or two grooms, and is that a problem? You should be aware of the chemistry between you and the caterer. (No, no, not sexual chemistry, dummy—you're getting married!) Hiring someone who “gets it” will be much better for you in the long run than dealing with someone whose text messages will put you on edge. Think about whether they seem comfortable with the fact that you're gay, because their attitude may filter down to their staff, who will be serving you and your friends and family.

You should ask to see pictures of party setups that the caterer has done, not just their air-brushed dog-and-pony-show photos on the Internet. Get names and telephone numbers of recent events they've worked, and call for reactions. (Any caterer worth his or her salt—as it were—should be able to provide you with at least three recent recommendations.) If you're bringing the caterer to your site, you should ask if they've ever catered there before. You might even ask if you can stop by while they're setting up for their next party, which will give you a good sense of how smoothly their organization runs.

Share your ideas concerning the menu, attire of service personnel, style of rental equipment, and decorations with the caterer. Remember, it's more than just the food when you hire a caterer. Steer clear of anyone if you hear the phrase ‘this is the way it's done—just trust me.'

—Don Kreindler, Caterer, Beverly Hills, California

The Perfect Dialogue with the Perfect Caterer

We join the following conversation, which is already in progress. (Important points are emphasized in italics.)

You:
We're having our reception in the party room of the First Unitarian Church.
Are you familiar with the space?

Caterer:
We work there from time to time. In fact, we did a lovely heterosexual wedding there just last month. They have good facilities—a walk-in refrigerator and lots of prep room. Unfortunately, the stoves aren't great, so I would stay away from anything that needs intense preparation on the premises, like poached salmon.

You:
That's okay, my friends aren't big fish eaters. But
can you work within my budget?

Caterer:
Within reason. It's important that whatever I serve be of good quality, so if you want lamb and your budget doesn't allow for a choice cut, I suggest you go with a chicken dish instead. You might also think about having the party at a time when your guests won't expect a full meal.

You:
What are some of your specialties you'd suggest?

Caterer:
If you want a full meal, people rave over our beef tartare with chives on whole wheat toast points, brie-and-eggplant quiche, medallions of chicken in a light bell-pepper curry sauce, saffron steamed potatoes, and asparagus bundles.

You:
Frankly, most of my friends aren't the nouvelle cuisine type. In fact, many of the people who are coming are vegetarians.

Caterer:
In that case, we make a mean meatless chili. We can serve it with fresh baby greens and homemade jalapeño cornbread.

You:
Now you're talking. Okay, we're having fifty people, and I want everyone to be free to mingle and dance, so a sit-down dinner is out.
How can we serve
the chili?

Caterer:
Well, actually, chili isn't something you'd want to stand and eat; balancing the bowl in one hand and your beer in the other is kind of tricky. Instead of chili, why don't we come up with a variety of finger foods that have some substance to them. We can have them passed on trays, served on a central buffet table, or split up at different tables, which are called food stations. For fifty people, a combination of passed hors d'oeuvres and several stations might be nice.

You:
How do we make sure that there's enough food for everybody?
I only
heard
about how good the oysters were at Sally and Nicole's wedding.

Caterer:
Rumor has it that Nicole ate most of the oysters herself. But when they selected their hors d'oeuvres, due to cost they probably ordered a lot more minipizzas than oysters on the half shell. We'll choose our selections carefully so that everyone will get a chance to taste everything.

You:
Tell me you're not one of those caterers who buy frozen hors d'oeuvres at the Price Club and nuke them at the reception.

Caterer:
Food is my life. We make every single morsel ourselves; certain items we have to make in advance and freeze, but those are the exception to the rule.
I can arrange for you to stop by one of our next events and have you taste some of our selections.

You:
When do I have to decide?

Caterer:
I like to have my menus finalized at least a week before the date, but we'll certainly be in touch, and I can be flexible—within reason, of course.

You:
Okay, let's
talk about drinks.

Caterer:
I know that the reception hall has no problem with alcohol being served. What did you have in mind?