The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings (111 page)

Have We Forgotten Anything????

As you prepare to take your leave, think about the following:

Double-check that your helper bee has cash on hand to pay the help (don't forget the tips).

Make sure that someone will be transporting your gifts and other personal belongings back to your home.

Don't forget those leftovers. Decide in advance who gets to keep them (maybe you can set it up so that a local food bank or homeless shelter gets them—and don't forget the cake).

Make arrangements regarding who gets to steal the centerpieces.

Appoint somebody who, after you leave, will make sure everyone is in okay shape to drive home safely.

Oh, and one other thing:
Congratulations.

GRACE: Can you believe it? They're getting married in four days. I love weddings.

WILL: Well, it's not strictly a wedding; it's a same-sex civil union, which affords many of the same rights as a marriage.

GRACE: Right. Where are they going on their honeymoon?

WILL: Well, it's not strictly a honeymoon; it's a same-sex vacation with a lot of the same events as a honeymoon.

—
Will and Grace

T
O HONEYMOON, OR
not to honeymoon—that is the question. Your decision usually comes down to time and money (which we'll get to in a minute), but some gay and lesbian couples feel that honeymoons are another one of those useless heterosexual conventions. Wrong. This is one of the wedding traditions they really got right.

Here's the setup: You've been working your butts off pulling everything together. No matter how many of the tasks you farmed out, you've still been worrying about deliveries, learning your lines, picking up friends at the airport, schmoozing with family… well, it's downright exhausting. The two of you probably haven't had a conversation in weeks that didn't start with “The caterer called today…” or “We got the response card from your ex-lover. I thought you said she'd never accept in a million years.”

And then there's the wedding day itself. Physical exhaustion is a pretty sure bet, and emotional exhaustion is almost guaranteed. Now… doesn't a nice little vacation sound like just the thing?

It may be that you can't get any significant time off of work. See if you can at least get a few days off after the ceremony, and then plan an extended trip for sometime later on that you can call your second honeymoon. If you can't even swing a couple of days, see about checking into a romantic spot close to home just for the first night. (We especially recommend this to any couple having a home wedding; there is just no tactful way to get lingering guests out of your living room when you feel like you're going to drop.)

Now, it may be that you've shot your bankroll on the celebration, and you're just going to have to be at home. In this case we prescribe the following for the perfect staycation:

Get lots of leftovers from the caterer, stock up with goods from your favorite deli, or keep restaurant delivery numbers by the phone.

Keep that phone unplugged except when you're ordering something to be brought to you.

Rent some romantic and/or sexy DVDs. (How far you want to go with these is a matter of personal preference.)

Sit around and be in love, and when you need a little break from that, open some wedding presents.

Even if you've been living together, a honeymoon is a wonderful occasion. You need time alone and a chance to put everything on hold. If you're changing your names, you'll undoubtedly practice calling each other by your new ones (“Why, good morning, Mr. Johnson-Meyers.”) Or you'll have long discussions about how you're going to introduce each other from now on—“‘I'd like you to meet my spouse.' No, ‘I'd like you to meet my wife.' No, how about, ‘This is my old lady'?”

HONEYMOON HISTORY

After the caveman stole his bride, his main goal was to avoid the vengeance of the bride's family. So he “went to the mattresses,” so to speak, and hid out with his new wife for thirty days—the cycle of the moon. While they were hiding, they consumed the current drink of choice, mead, which contained… honey. Thus, “moon of honey.”

Let's say you're blessed enough to have the means to take a trip somewhere. You have a series of decisions to make. Some are the same things that any newlywed couple needs to consider:

Do you want to go one place and stay there, or do you want to travel through various areas?