The Endgame (19 page)

Grayson looked pained as she moved out of his embrace, gazing at her longingly as she dressed and called a taxi. He pulled on his clothes and saw her out. On the doorstep he took a thick white envelope from his pocket, throwing her an almost apologetic look as he handed it to her. Lisa’s hand shook as she took it from him.

‘Thank you,’ she whispered.

He gave her a soft kiss on her forehead. ‘I’m busy all day tomorrow,’ he said. ‘But come tomorrow night – same time?’

She nodded and turned to go.

Lisa felt fundamentally changed in some way as she left his house, instantly bereft the moment she walked out the door, and longing to turn around and run back into his arms. It was crazy, but she missed him already; missed his arms around her, his mouth on her skin, his eyes looking into hers and really seeing her. She felt dazed on the cab ride home, her mind constantly replaying images of their lovemaking, or just of Grayson’s face, the way he smiled at her, how his eyes glowed with tenderness sometimes when he looked at her. Tears rolled down her cheeks before she even realised she was crying.

She felt so lonely without him, wrapping her arms around herself for comfort. This was what she had been afraid of. It was why she had tried to put up barriers between them. She didn’t want to like him, but she did – she liked him so much it hurt. What made it harder to bear was the fact that she knew he felt the same way. It was there in his eyes, in the way he touched her – it was unmistakable. It would have been so much easier if she didn’t like him – and if she didn’t enjoy the sex so much. She hadn’t expected that.

She had enjoyed sex before, but it had been a long time ago, and she had thought that Mark’s brutality had put her off sex for good. With him, it had become a chore, just one more thing she had to get through to please him and keep some semblance of peace. It hadn’t always been like that. He had been a good lover in the beginning; less selfish, more giving. He had made her feel good. He hadn’t treated her like his plaything, only existing for his pleasure.

But over time he had chipped away at her confidence and self-esteem until sex had become something she dreaded. He had become more demanding; more contemptuous and critical. He told her she was a lousy lay, and she started to believe him. He thought she should be able to orgasm to command, and he would get angry with her if she didn’t, calling her frigid and accusing her of deliberately holding back. So now when he said ‘Come for me’ she went through the motions and faked an orgasm. It worked for them both. Mark was satisfied that he was some kind of sex god who could control her orgasms, and she was glad to get the whole thing over with, so he would leave her alone.

She hadn’t expected to ever feel lust or take pleasure in sex again. She thought her libido was dead, that she was numb to desire. But Grayson had shown her that wasn’t the case. She really wanted him – she had been dismayed to discover how much. Not only did she crave his kisses and caresses, she wanted to please him too. She was stunned by how proud and glad she felt when she made him groan and shiver with pleasure, bemused by the dawning realisation that she wanted his satisfaction as much as her own.

What was that? Was it love? It couldn’t be love, she told herself firmly as the cab pulled up outside Mark’s house. And if it was, she just had to ignore it. She couldn’t afford love, not now – not when there was so much at stake.

The traffic was moving slowly, crawling bumper-to-bumper up the hill in the high street, but she waited for the pedestrian light to turn green before stepping into the road. She was halfway across when she saw the car coming towards her in her peripheral vision and realised it wasn’t slowing down. She knew it was going to hit her seconds before the impact.

The next thing she knew she was on the ground at the side of the road, one shoe missing and tears streaming down her face. A crowd was starting to gather around her, voices asking was she all right, but she was too dazed to answer. A man held a hand out to her and helped her up. The car that had hit her was parked at the side of the road now and a woman emerged from it and rushed up to her.

‘I’m so sorry,’ she said to Lisa. ‘Are you all right? The sun was in my eyes and I didn’t see the red light. It’s all my fault. Are you okay?’ She spoke in a breathless rush, and she was so obviously distraught that Lisa felt sorry for her.

She made a mental check of her body. She didn’t seem to be injured, apart from a few cuts and grazes. She realised she was lucky the traffic had been moving so slowly. She nodded reassuringly at the woman, still struggling to speak. ‘I’m okay,’ she managed finally, her voice sounding tearful and shaky, she supposed from shock.

Somebody handed her her shoe, and she thanked them, and then the woman was offering to take her to hospital. ‘You should get checked out.’

Lisa shook her head. ‘I’m fine, really.’

‘Well, at least let me give you a lift,’ she said, putting an arm around Lisa and steering her towards the car.

Lisa was grateful to let someone take over. She sank gratefully into the leather upholstery, and concentrated on trying to calm and reassure herself. She felt wobbly. She was shaking, and tears were still flowing from her eyes.

‘Are you sure you don’t want to go to the hospital?’ the woman asked as she passed Lisa a tissue.

Lisa thought about it, but she would probably have to wait ages to be seen, and she didn’t want to spend hours alone in an emergency department. Besides, she wasn’t worried about her injuries. She hadn’t been badly hurt.

‘I’d rather just go home, thanks,’ she said, wiping her eyes.

‘Okay.’ The woman nodded. Then she pulled a piece of paper and a pen from her bag. ‘I’ll give you my number and address, in case you want to contact me,’ she said as she wrote. ‘My name’s Sheila,’ she said, handing the paper to Lisa.

For insurance, Lisa realised, taking it from her – in case she wanted to sue. ‘Thanks,’ she said. ‘But I’m fine, really.’

‘Well, just in case. Sometimes complications take time to set in.’

‘It’s just a few scrapes. You didn’t hit me hard.’

‘Thank God,’ Sheila said, looking horrified. ‘I got such a shock. I just didn’t see you. The sun is so low, and it was in my eyes, but that’s no excuse–‘

‘It’s okay, really. I’m fine,’ Lisa said, feeling sorry for Sheila, who was obviously shaken up herself. ‘It’s lucky the traffic was jammed and you were moving so slowly.’

Sheila heaved a shaky sigh. ‘Well, where would you like me to take you?’ she asked, as she started the car.

Lisa considered giving her Mark’s address. But the thought of going back to that cold, empty house was depressing. She wasn’t badly injured, but she was in shock and she wanted the comfort of being with someone – someone who cared about her and would be concerned and sympathetic. She wanted Grayson. Besides, he was expecting her, and he’d already paid her for the whole week. She wasn’t badly injured, and she would be perfectly able to have sex with him, so there was no reason to cancel. She gave Sheila his address.

‘I hope there’ll be someone at home to look after you.’

‘Yes, my ... boyfriend.’

‘Good. Maybe he’ll insist on taking you to the hospital.’

If it were Mark, he probably
would
insist on taking her to hospital. He would make sure she had the best care possible, but he would also want to make Sheila pay. She shuddered to think how he would react if Sheila were to turn up at his door taking responsibility for Lisa’s accident.

‘Thanks,’ she said, turning to Sheila as they pulled up outside Grayson’s house.

‘Well, you have my number if you need to contact me. Anything you need, don’t hesitate to call.’

‘Thanks. But I’m sure it won’t be necessary.’ Lisa unbuckled her seatbelt.

‘Well, take care,’ Sheila said. ‘I’ll just wait here until you get inside.’

Lisa glanced at her watch as she got out of the car and saw that she was late. It was almost seven-thirty. Grayson opened the door seconds after she rang the bell, as if he had been eagerly awaiting her arrival. His welcoming smile vanished as soon as he saw her, taking in her cut, grazed knees, her legs streaked with dirt and her tear-stained face at a glance.

‘Lisa!’ he gasped, his eyes wide with alarm. ‘What happened?’ His eyes drifted behind her to Sheila’s car still parked at the gate with the engine running.

Lisa turned and waved to show she was okay, and Sheila raised a hand in acknowledgement before driving off.

‘I was knocked down,’ she said to Grayson as he ushered her inside.

‘Oh my God, are you okay?’ he asked, his eyes sweeping over her.

Lisa nodded, but she was so touched by his concern, her eyes welled with tears again and her chin started to wobble.

He put an arm around her and led her into the sitting room and over to the sofa. Lisa sank down on it gratefully as she was starting to shake uncontrollably. She supposed it was a mixture of delayed shock and relief. Grayson hunkered down in front of her and took her hands.

‘Was that the woman who hit you?’ he asked, jerking his head towards the window.

Lisa nodded.

‘Did you go to hospital? Have you seen a doctor?’ he asked as his eyes raked over her.

‘No.’ Lisa shook her head. ‘I’m fine. I just have a few cuts and grazes. The traffic was moving really slowly, so I wasn’t hit hard. I just–‘ She drew a ragged breath. ‘I just got such a fright,’ she finished on a sob, tears spilling from her eyes.

Grayson sat beside her and pulled her into his arms gently. ‘Ssh,’ he whispered as he stroked her back soothingly. ‘You’re okay now.’

‘It’s just shock,’ Lisa gulped.

‘Should I take you to the hospital?’ Grayson asked when her tears subsided. ‘You should probably get checked out.’

She shook her head. ‘No, I’m fine, really. The only reason to see a doctor would be if I wanted to sue, and I don’t.’

Grayson looked at her uncertainly for a moment. ‘Well, if you’re sure,’ he said finally. ‘You didn’t hit your head?’

‘No.’

His features relaxed a little. ‘Okay, then. Let’s get you cleaned up.’ He took her hand and led her upstairs to the bathroom. There, he sat her down in a big comfy chair by the sink while he rolled up his sleeves and filled the basin with warm water. He wrung out a washcloth and handed it to her, and she washed her face while he moved around the room gathering towels and medical supplies. Then he knelt in front of her, removed her shoes and deftly attended to her cuts, washing them with cotton wool before swabbing them with antiseptic. His hands were so gentle on her that Lisa felt like crying again, and her eyes welled up with tears. It had been a long time since anyone had touched her in such a caring, non-sexual way.

‘Sorry,’ Grayson winced sympathetically, looking up into her eyes, ‘am I hurting you?’

‘No,’ Lisa said in a choked whisper. ‘I’m just– it’s just delayed shock, I guess.’ She couldn’t admit that she was moved to tears because he had made her feel cherished simply by looking after her like this.

‘Better?’ he asked, smiling up at her when he had applied strips of plaster to the cuts.

‘Yes,’ she nodded, smiling back. ‘Thank you.’

He stood and dropped a soft kiss on her forehead before helping her up. ‘Come on, you need something to eat. And I think we could both do with a drink. I was going to make risotto. Is that okay?’

She nodded. ‘That would be lovely. Don’t go to any trouble, though.’ She felt she ought to tell him that it wasn’t necessary to cook. He had already wasted enough of his time taking care of her. But she still felt shaky, and food would be comforting and help steady her nerves. She knew it would make her feel better. She would make it up to him later.

So she let him lead her downstairs and into the library, where he made her comfortable on one of the big armchairs in front of the fire, piling up cushions around her until he was satisfied she was snug. He went to a side table and poured them both glasses of wine.

‘Thank you,’ she said as she took it from him. ‘Can I do anything to help?’

‘No.’ He shook his head. ‘You just relax. It won’t take long.’ He strode from the room, carrying his glass.

Left alone, Lisa sat sipping her wine, listening to the distant sounds of Grayson moving about in the kitchen while he prepared dinner. As the heat of the fire seeped through her, she felt herself relax completely and an overwhelming feeling of wellbeing and contentment washed over her. Grayson made her feel so cherished and safe. He was so attentive and solicitous towards her. He would be a wonderful boyfriend. Not for the first time, she wished they could have met under different circumstances. Who knew what might have happened then? Maybe this could have been her real life. She allowed herself to indulge the fantasy for a moment that Grayson was her boyfriend and she lived with him in this beautiful house and shared his life – and when they had sex later, it would be because they loved one another. She sighed sadly. If only it could be like that between them, with no financial transaction involved. But there was no point in wishing for what could never be. She had to put aside any feelings she might have for Grayson. If she was to earn her freedom, she needed to remain cold and mercenary in her dealings with him. She was glad she had him to come to tonight instead of going home to an empty house, and she was grateful for the way he cared for her. But she would just enjoy it for what it was and accept that it couldn’t be anything more. Meeting Grayson was the best thing that had happened to her in a long time, and she wouldn’t let it be a source of dissatisfaction or unhappiness by wishing for what could never be.

Grayson brought dinner into the library. He set up a little table between them and they ate in front of the fire. The risotto was soothingly creamy, rich with butter and cheese, and Lisa ate hungrily. She couldn’t remember when food had ever tasted so good. As she finished her bowl, she looked up to find Grayson watching her, an indulgent smile on his face.

‘What?’ she asked.

‘I love how much you enjoy your food,’ he said. ‘It’s a pleasure to cook for you.’

‘The pleasure is all mine,’ she grinned at him. ‘That was absolutely delicious. Thank you.’

‘You’re welcome.’

He began clearing away the things, insisting she stay where she was when she offered to help.

‘Are you sore?’ he asked when he returned to the library. ‘Do you want some painkillers?’

‘No, thanks. I’m a little stiff,’ she said, stretching her arms out to test them. ‘But I’ll be fine. I’m sure I’ll loosen up once I move around a bit.’

‘Would you like to go to bed?’ Grayson asked.

‘Yes,’ she said, smiling up at him. Glancing at her watch, she saw that it was just after nine. He wasn’t getting great value for money, she thought wryly.

All her muscles had seized up, and she felt stiff and sore as she stood. The food and wine had made her feel sleepy, and she suppressed a yawn.

‘Are you okay?’ Grayson frowned in concern.

‘Yes, I’m fine. Just a little– oh!’ she yelped in surprise as Grayson swept her off her feet and scooped her up into his arms. She didn’t protest, wrapping her arms around his neck and nuzzling into his shoulder. He carried her up the stairs as if she weighed nothing.

Lisa didn’t unwind her arms from around his neck as he set her on her feet in the bedroom. She pressed herself closer to his body and kissed his mouth, one hand drifting to the waistband of his jeans. Grayson went very still. As she popped the button, she realised he wasn’t kissing her back.

‘Lisa,’ he said hoarsely, stopping her hand and pulling away. ‘What are you doing?’

‘I’m– ‘ She looked up at him in confusion. Wasn’t it clear what she was doing? That was what she was here for, after all. ‘Do you want ... something else?’

He reared back, looking shocked. ‘You think I expect you to have sex with me tonight?’

She shrugged, completely thrown off balance. ‘Well ... yes. That’s why I’m here, isn’t it?’

He looked like she had hit him, but she couldn’t understand why he seemed so upset.