The Edge of Juniper (5 page)

“Hmm.”  That wasn’t comforting.  “Can I ask you a question?”

“I guess.”

“Why did he call you a prude?  It was such a personal way to bully you.  It made me wonder if you two have a history.”

She snorted.  “God no.  No
romantic
history, anyway.  He said it because he wants Celia to have sex with him, and I told her not to, considering he’s a jerk and all.  For some dumb reason, she told him I said that, so he’s mad at me.  I guess calling me a prude was his way of hitting me back.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“It’s too bad it’s not your decision to make for Celia.”

She made a noise of annoyance at me.  “That’s exactly what Celia said.”

“I mean it, though.  I wasn’t being sarcastic.  It
is
too bad it’s not your decision.”

Esta smiled at me.  “True.  And to think I was worried you’d like Ronan, and that would make me the lone bad guy in Celia’s eyes.”

“I feel kind of bad for Celia, that neither one of us likes her boyfriend.”

“Yeah, but maybe it will help her see him more clearly.  She’s too caught up in the fact that he’s older than her.  She can’t believe he chose her.”

I sighed loudly.  “She doesn’t see herself clearly, either.”

“Exactly, that’s it
exactly
.”  She pulled her phone out and looked at the time.  “Well, I better go inside.  Ten is my curfew.”

“Ten’s a terrible curfew, especially for a Saturday.”

“No joke.  My sister got pregnant last year. My parents went crazy, and made all sorts of rules, to keep the same thing from happening to me, I suppose.  It’s kind of stupid, because once she was pregnant, there was nothing more for Mom and Dad to worry about.  As far as they were concerned, the worst had already happened, so she didn’t even have a curfew the rest of her senior year.  Whenever I complain about how unfair it is, my sister tells me if I want to get rid of my curfew, I should get knocked up.  It worked for her.”

I laughed.  “Interesting strategy.”

“And now, of course, my parents love the baby like mad.  None of their craziness even mattered.  Yet, I still have my ridiculous curfew.”

“Well, see you at work then.  Thanks for talking with me.”

“Sure.  You too.”

After she went inside I lifted myself off the swing and turned toward my aunt and uncle’s house.  But after a block, I decided my night wasn’t finished yet, and turned back around.

I came upon the ball field and stood at the chain link fence in the darkness where I wouldn’t be seen.  I knew I shouldn’t be there, because Malcolm likely would be, but that didn’t seem to make my feet move in the opposite direction.  There weren’t more than ten people, so I was surprised by the amount of noise.  A few field lights were on, and the brightness was as jarring as the noise. I hooked my fingers in the fence and watched.  Three girls sat atop the shoulders of three guys.  They raced around the bases, the girls screaming and wobbling as the guys ran.  I chuckled at the bent-kneed boys, straining under the weight of the girls, but still managing to run pretty fast.  A few people in the bleachers cheered them on.

I scanned the faces in the bleachers, and saw neither Malcolm nor Paul.  I looked at the field, and realized Paul was one of the running guys, and he had a tiny brunette clutching his forehead.  He was in the lead.  He picked up the pace and his rider leaned backward precariously.

Still not seeing Malcolm, I decided it was safe to get a closer look at the race.  I walked across the grass and climbed the bleachers to sit beside a girl midway up.  She looked over and smiled at me.  “Hi, I’m Daisy.”

“I’m Fay.”  Then our attention was captured by screaming as the racers rounded home and went for another lap.

I laughed loudly when two of the guys collided at first base.  The girls on top of them grabbed each other for balance, which made it harder for the boys to get their footing.  Daisy laughed too.  We clapped and Daisy let out a whoop when the race ended.  Paul had won.

He helped his rider dismount, and leaned down and kissed her on the forehead.  She batted him away and wiped her forehead with her hand.  “We’re too sweaty for kissing,” I heard her say, but she was smiling.

Paul walked up the bleachers toward me, getting congratulatory slaps on the back on the way.  “Hi Fay, you came.”  He sat down beside me, trying to catch his breath, and dug around in a cooler at Daisy’s feet.  “Here, have a beer.”  He tossed it to me, and I caught it.

“That was quite the athletic feat,” I told him, nodding toward the field.

“What can I say?  I cannot be beat at Chicken Baseball Racing.”

“Is that what that was?”

“Yep.  Watch for it at the next summer Olympics.”

I tipped my head back and took a deep drink of my beer, and an image popped into my mind, of Uncle Todd doing the same thing out by the fire, his neck long and exposed, moving as he swallowed down the beer.  I passed the can to Paul.  “You have the rest.”

He took it, and I looked up to see Malcolm walking toward the bleachers.  “I didn’t think he was here.”

“Sorry.  Guess he decided to show up after all.”  Paul wiped sweat off his forehead with the hem of his shirt; a move I knew was intended to give me a glimpse of his stomach.  It was a nice stomach, but I couldn’t force my attention off the pressure I felt on the side of my face where Malcolm’s gaze rested.  He crossed over home plate and started up the bleachers.

“So what’s up with you and his family?  Why can’t you talk to Dearings?” Paul asked.

“Well—” I noticed Daisy was listening closely to our conversation.  “It’s complicated.”

By then, Malcolm had reached us, that ever-present grin making me feel guilty.  For what, I wasn’t sure; maybe for having the family I did.

“Why is it complicated?” Paul asked.

“Hi,” Malcolm said, and sat down backwards on the bench in front of me, crowding into my space.  I shifted my feet to the side, making room for his feet.  “I’d like to know the answer to that question, too.”

I allowed myself to look at Malcolm’s eyes, which didn’t go a long way towards convincing me not to talk to him.  They were soft brown, like his hair.  They were thoughtful eyes; eyes that made me want to explain.  “It’s nothing, really, just that my aunt and uncle…never mind.  I shouldn’t have come here.”  I stood, and stepped around Malcolm’s huge feet.

“Fay, don’t leave,” Paul said, standing too.  “We’re going to get ice cream later.  You don’t want to miss that.”

“Thanks, but I already had ice cream tonight.  It was nice to meet you, Daisy.”  I walked past Malcolm and started down the bleachers.

“I’m going after her,” I heard Paul say.

“No you’re not, Paulie.  I am.”  That was Malcolm.

“Come on man, she won’t even let you talk to her!  Why do you want the one who won’t even talk to you?”

I laughed, in spite of myself, and picked up the pace.  When I reached the ground, I turned toward the fence and kept going.  By the time I reached it, Malcolm had caught up with me.

“I asked my dad about the things you said the other day, in your yard.  I figured if I was at risk of getting screamed at by someone, I ought to know why.”  He smiled down at me. “He said your uncle was angry with him, but that he didn’t hold any anger in return.  He wouldn’t say what it was about, though.  He’s all about respecting people’s boundaries.”

I gave him a look.  “You didn’t inherit that quality.”

He only smiled, tucked his hands in his pockets, and matched his stride to mine, step for step.  Right feet.  Left feet.

I pressed my lips together, willing them to stay put, but it was no use.  I couldn’t keep my lips zipped.  “Malcolm, I understand that it’s probably weird for you to learn that someone isn’t allowed to talk to you.  But I’m wondering…why are you pushing this? Why does it matter to you?  You just met me.”

His eyes sparkled, and I got the impression he was glad I asked.  “True, I don’t know much about you.  But I want to.”

“Why?”

“Do you want me to be honest?”

“That’s a dumb question.”

He chuckled.  “Okay.  I realize we’re basically strangers, so I’m sure my reasons say more about me than about you.  But, here goes.”

I waited, but he didn’t say anything.  He sucked in his bottom lip and squinted at me.  “Huh.  I suddenly feel sort of embarrassed.  I’m not sure I can tell you.”

“Oh no, now you have to tell me.”

“Now you know how I feel; you’re always saying cryptic things.  Alright, I’ll do it.”  He took a deep breath, and cringed a little bit, as though to ward off his embarrassment.  “You keep refusing to give me information, which makes you a mystery, which makes you interesting.  I realize that reveals certain character flaws about me, but it’s the truth.”

I looked down at my feet.  I knew that was true for me too.  Trying not to think about him made me think about him even more.  Maybe it was a flaw, but at least we both shared it.  I wasn’t going to tell him that though, at least not yet.  I didn’t want the mystery to be over so soon, because then we’d be left with reality.  I’d never had any sort of reality with a boy, and frankly, I was afraid reality would be disappointing.

“But it’s not just that.  I should admit that another reason is because I think you’re pretty. Beautiful even, but I feel like I should know you better before I call you beautiful, because that’s sort of personal.  But you know, you’re, you know.  I like how you look.”

He glanced at me nervously and I laughed a little, not knowing what else to do.  No one had ever said something like that to me.  There was a guy back home that hung out with Freya, Finn, and me sometimes, and one time he called me hot.  That didn’t feel like this.

“Okay, now for the most important reason.”  His voice went a little higher, and he continued speaking, so quickly I had to concentrate to make out all the words.  “You have this
open
face, and you’re funny, and sometimes you say things in a weird way that I like.  And, I don’t know.  I just have a feeling I’d like you, if you let me know you.”

I felt my cheeks go hot.  We walked quietly for a bit.  “Give me a minute; I’m trying to think of something to say.”  I had never felt so provoked.  In a good way.  In a
blood racing through my veins
way.

“Don’t blame me, I tried to back out, but you insisted on honesty.”

I crossed my arms over my chest, as though that might keep him from seeing inside me and knowing how very fast my heart was beating.  I’d never had this sort of conversation with a boy.  “I’m going to tell you this last thing, and then I really need you to go.”

His smile widened.

“You’re pretty sure of yourself.”  I shook my head at him.

“Maybe I think the same thing about you.”

I waved my hand to dismiss that.  I was anything but sure, I was just fairly unafraid.  There was a difference.  “I guess it’s okay if I tell you.  I’m surprised you don’t already know.  I’m pretty sure Celia thinks you know.  But then again, don’t people always assume other people are thinking about them more than they actually are?”

“Maybe, but sometimes it’s the other way around.  Sometimes someone is thinking of a person, and that person has no idea.”

I froze for a second.  Did I sometimes pop into his mind the way he popped into mine?  “Well, I guess that happens too.  Anyway, I suppose if I can’t talk to you, it’s only fair for you to know why.  I should warn you though, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me.”  I paused, trying to think of the right words.  “My aunt and Celia have this idea that we should all ignore your family, because of something your dad did.”

“What did he do?”

I felt rather embarrassed to tell him.  I didn’t want him to think my family was crazy.  “I don’t know all the details, but I know your father called the police because of an argument between my uncle and aunt.  My guess is that my uncle feels ashamed.  They like to keep the fighting private.”

That wiped the smile off Malcolm’s face, as I thought it might.  “I’m not trying to be rude or mysterious by staying away from you,” I continued.  “I just need to keep from upsetting my family.”

His eyes widened at me.  “Do you mean because you’re afraid they’ll hurt you?” He tensed and his posture went rigid.

“No, I don’t mean that, not at all.  To be honest, I think the whole thing is kind of ridiculous.  Clearly your dad was only trying to help.  But Celia told me to stay away from you, or her dad would be angry.  I heard him talk about your dad a few nights ago, and he really does hold a grudge.  I guess they think if we all stay away from your family, nothing else bad can happen.”  I swallowed.  “My parents need me to stay here this summer, and so I want to respect my aunt and uncle’s rules.”  I’d said more than I planned.

“Why do your parents need you to stay here?”

“If you keep asking follow-up questions, this will keep being a conversation, and I’m not supposed to be doing that with you.”  I looked up at him, to see his smile was back.

“I hear what you’re saying.  But is it family loyalty, or is it fear?”