The Dream Sourcebook: A Guide to the Theory and Interpretation of Dreams (19 page)

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Authors: Phyllis R. Koch-Sheras

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BOOK: The Dream Sourcebook: A Guide to the Theory and Interpretation of Dreams
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When Is a Dream About Sex, and When Is a SEx Dream About Something Else?
Dreaming makes strange bedfellows, to say the least. But sometimes a dream in which you engage in some sexual activity may in fact be about some other aspect of your life.
How can you determine what your sexual dreams mean? Think about the symbols in the dream, then try to determine what they represent. In other words, consider the context.
* Look for clues in the situation. Are you dominant or submissive? Upset or satisfied? Guilty or fulfilled? What waking-life situation does this feeling remind you of?
* Consider the personality traits your sex partner exhibits in the dream and in waking life. Is he or she alluring or repulsive? Strong-willed or easily swayed? Could you use more of this personality trait in your own life?
Sigmund Freud's theory was that even nonsexual dreams are sexual. In a dream, a baseball bat might symbolize a penis (Freud called this a phallic symbol, meaning it represented a phallus, or penis). A dream in which you are entering a dark and foreboding cave might indicate a desire for and fear of having sex with a woman. It can be fun to look for these symbols in your dreams, but keep in mind symbols don't always have to have an underlying sexual context. "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar," as the saying goes.
As for "wet dreams," sex dreams that culminate in orgasm and, for males, ejaculation, the fact is that "having orgasms while dreaming is perfectly normal for both men and women" of all ages, according to Gayle Delaney, author of
Sexual Dreams: Why We Have Them, What They Mean.
 
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Theme
The theme is the answer to the question "What was the dream (or movie or play or story) about?" A dream might be about fulfilling a wish, as Freud believed, or confronting a fear. It could concern acquiring something, or letting things go. It could be about your family relationships, or your partnership with your mate. It could be about motherhood or fatherhood. It might be about creativity or frustration. Just as a dream has an overall or prevailing mood, it also has an overall message, one you can explore in your waking life to gain new perspective. Here are just a few common themes to think about:
Nudity: "I was walking to the school bus stop, but I wasn't wearing any clothes." "All of a sudden, I realized I was naked." "Everyone was completely naked, but nobody seemed to notice." Most people have had a dream involving nudity at one time or another, often in the unlikely scenario these dreamers recount. If you dream you are nude in an inappropriate place, you might be feeling exposed or vulnerable in some aspect of your waking life. Being ''caught with your pants down" makes you feel embarrassed, so you might well be dreaming about it as an expression of some embarrassment you feel in your waking life. Nudity might also suggest openness or honesty: You're not covering up your true self. Freud's take was characteristically sexualnudity to him suggested sexual feelings or exhibitionism and guilt about sex.
Examinations or tests: "I've been out of college ten years, but I still dream I forgot to take an exam and flunked out." "In my dream, I attend the first class session of the day of the final exam, and when I get a B, I complain!" "I'm taking the test, and before I can even read the questions, it's time to turn it in." "I go to take a test and get anxious when I realize I haven't studied and don't know any of the material." Test or exam dreams are
 
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quite familiar to most of us. They may indicate a feeling of being "under examination" or "put to the test." They can also indicate feeling judged as to your basic goodness as a person. They may mean you need to examine some aspect of yourself you've been ignoring.
Losing teeth: "My teeth begin falling out of my mouth one by one." "I bite into an apple and my teeth sink in and don't come out." Losing teeth may symbolize that you're unable to understand or "chew on" some problem, or that you're having trouble "getting your teeth into" some issue. Sometimes, it means something is ''hard to swallow.'' Because teeth are associated with aggression, losing teeth may mean you're reluctant to get angry or "bare your teeth." A dream about teeth may refer to growing up or getting older. (Or it may simply mean you need to go to the dentist!)
Pregnancy: "In the dream, I'm pregnant and everyone is happy for me." "I dreamed I was pregnant with a six-year-old child; I found out a week later that I had been six weeks pregnant at the time of the dream." A woman who dreams she's pregnant may be indicating a desire to conceive a child; or she may have become pregnant, which might register with her subconsciously before she even takes a pregnancy test. Pregnancy also symbolizes conceiving or giving birth to an idea, direction, or desire that you have not fully expressed in your waking life. If you are pregnant and dream about your pregnancy, you might have concerns about pregnancy or childbirth. (Paying attention to these dreams has been shown to correlate with reduced complications during pregnancy and childbirth and easier deliveries!)
Death: Dreams of death may reflect the loss of some part of youlost opportunities, the ending of an era, the letting go of some part of yourself you no longer need. Death of another can represent your unexpressed anger toward that person.
 
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Finding or losing money: If you have gotten a raise, inherited some money, or sold something of value, it may register in your dreams as finding money. It may also indicate discovering something of valuein yourself, in another, or in your lifethat you had previously ignored. Losing money in a dream may mean loss, or risk of loss, of money or something else.
Colors and Numbers
Have you ever wondered what colors and numbers mean when they appear in our dreams? To find out, as always, first think about any special associations a color might have for youyellow might remind you of the yellow house you grew up in, blue might symbolize a swimming pool. The emotional associations you have with a color depend on your own experiences. These common associations, culled from the research of several dream experts, can get you started:
Black:
Danger; the unknown; hidden feelings.
Blue:
Openness; spirituality; a "blue" mood.
Brown:
Earthiness; sometimes depression.
Red:
Danger, proceed with caution.
Green:
Positive change, a "green light" to move ahead; health, growth, and healing; jealousy, as in ''green with envy."
White:
Peace; purity; cleanliness.
Yellow:
Happiness, lightness; intellect; cowardice.
Gold:
Values; riches.
 
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One:
Individual; solitude.
Two:
Partners; twins.
Three:
Trinity; self-exploration.
Four:
Limitations; earthly things.
Five:
A change of activities.
Six:
Balance; harmony; love.
Seven:
Mental perfection; healing.
Eight:
Power or authority; karma.
Nine:
Completion.
Don't forget to consider the pun value of colors and numbers in dreams. Plays on words might include sound-alikes such as "one" and "won," "red" and ''read," "four,'' "for," and "fore," "blue" and "blew," and so forth.
You might also be surprised to discover the relevance of some seemingly arbitrary numbers and colors in your dream. One woman dreamed of buying an apartment for $50,000a number that meant nothing to her until she realized it was the recently reported cost of a controversial magazine kiosk that had been erected in her city.
Your Own Symbol Dictionary
As you can see, there are more interpretations of dream symbols than there are symbols themselves! Always remember there is no one right answer as to what your dreams mean. Context is essential, and you can look at your dream life from three different vantage points: If you consider it like a set of circles, the innermost circle, the personal, might be the most immediate place to search for the unique references your dream symbols are making to your waking life. The middle circle is the cultural reference point
 
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that is, you live in a city or suburb, in the North, South, East, or West, in the Western World, and as a part of a socioeconomic group and religious orientation. These cultural factors are liable to make their presence known through references in your dreams. And finally, there is the universal context, the outer circle that binds us all together through what Jung called the "collective unconscious": archetypal symbols of witch and wizard, king and queen, lion and butterfly, that have a shared meaning among us all, are larger than our individual experiences or our cultural backgrounds, and carry a certain timeless resonance.
The same symbol in two different dreams can have different meanings even during the same night's sleep, so don't think all the work is over once you've figured out what something means in one particular dream. Instead, use the meaning as a clue when interpreting other dreams, and look for connections with an open mind. Don't jump to conclusions! Let your waking mind wander in the same way your dreaming mind seems to, weaving a tale with a symbolic meaning that can offer insight into your thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
Having said all this, we want to acknowledge that, as they say, "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar." You don't have to find some deeply significant meaning in every dream that flits across your nocturnal screen. Not all dreams are easy to interpret, and references to your waking life or past memories may not surface at all. As your mind files away the many bits of information it has taken in, cross-referencing with everything it has ever known, some curious plots may evolve. Free to roam, your mind may engage in word play or other forms of humor for its own sake, or startle you with unlikely scenarios that would have you on the edge of your seat if you weren't fast asleep. Sometimes, your mind makes a creative leap so far that the result seems like
 
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utter nonsense. For example, someone we know, who had listened to the sound track from
Miss Saigon
, dreamed the singer deviated from the powerful lyrics into nonsensical lines such as, "I'm going to wash your car now" and "Have a nice day." Look forward to these nonsense dreams. Enjoy them. They're a fabulous movie, and you've gotten in free!
 
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Chapter Five
What's it All Mean? A Guide to Recalling and Interpreting Your Dreams
In ancient times, it took a soothsayer to interpret dreams. Dreams were considered visions sent to the dreamer from outside forces over which the dreamer had no control, and only a specially chosen interpreter could reveal what message these otherworldly beings were trying to convey. While we have in large part abandoned these beliefs, it remains true that most people feel their dreams are a mystery that they themselves cannot solve, and that, while their dreams may not convey messages from the spirits, they certainly didn't originate from themselves as writer, director, producer, and featured player.
In fact, as the previous chapter on symbols illustrates, you are entirely responsible for the dream movies you create each night. The stories, characters, settings, and themes are your own design. Sure, your dreams may seem foolish or even inappropriate, but remember that your dreamworld knows no bounds: There are no bad dreams, there are no taboos. In dreams, anything goes. Even
 
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if you feel out of control in a dream, you are in fact controlling that feeling of being out of control. What you dream is entirely up to you. Don't be tempted to explain away your dream details because they refer to recent waking experiences; see them as mere jumping-off points for your dream story line. Take ownership of your dreams. Accepting the role you play in the creation of your own dreams is the first step toward understanding your dreams and putting them to use in your waking life.
So you don't need a soothsayer. And although Sigmund Freud or his fellow psychoanalysts might tell you otherwise, you don't necessarily need a psychiatric or mental health professional's input either, except when some emotional disorder exists or you desire special guidance. Though you may work with others and get their input, for normal dreamers, having the final word on your own dreams is the only way to guarantee an accurate interpretation that is true to your personal reality. Yes, that's right. The only way. You are the source of your dreams, and you hold the key to the locked room that contains their meanings. Certainly, ideas from other peoplethis book, other experts, even your friendscan be useful. And a knowledge of the mythological, historical, or literary meaning of symbols can offer insight. But only you can identify what meanings fit your own dream, which exist in the context of your life experience and value system. In this sense, as Raymond de Becker points out in his book
The Understanding of Dreams
, "No interpretation is ever more than a dream about a dream"you devise the dream, and then you devise the interpretation of the dream, based on what you feel, what you think, and what you know.
This book may be called
The Dream Sourcebook
, but it is really only a supplement to yourself as the original source. "But I don't have any idea why I dreamed I can fly!" "I've never even been to France! Why would I dream I live there?" ''My neighbor

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