The Doctor's Forbidden Fling (13 page)

‘I don't expect you to take this on. That's why I'm leaving. This was my mistake. I'll deal with it on my own.' She wouldn't look at him and turned her attention back to throwing her clothes haphazardly into her case.

A vice gripped his heart and squeezed. If there
was
a baby he wanted to be part of its life, wanted to be included in any decisions concerning
their
child. He didn't want Violet to deal with this on her own, regardless of how she did or didn't feel about him. A child needed two supportive parents to have the best possible start in life. To make sure it wouldn't ever feel abandoned, as he had when he'd attempted to improve his lot in life.

‘Let's not jump too far ahead of ourselves. First things first—we get a test.' If their lives were about to change for ever they should really find out for sure. The delay would also give him a chance to figure out how to get her to stay. Indefinitely.

* * *

The sight of Violet packing to leave had crushed him almost as much as finding her room empty had when she'd first gone to London without an explanation. This was much, much worse. That had been puppy love, a childish infatuation. Now he knew how powerful real love was. The kind that was ripping him apart from the inside out at the thought of her leaving again. She was taking an even bigger part of him with her this time. Literally.

This baby might not have been planned but that didn't mean he didn't want it or wouldn't take responsibility for it. All of those steps he'd taken to avoid emotional attachments had led to the biggest one of all—fatherhood. He got chills every time he thought about it. Twelve years ago this would've been everything he'd wanted. Violet's rejection had changed all that, clouded his view on relationships even more. He'd dodged commitment as if it were some deadly disease when all along he'd still been devoted to Violet. She was the only woman he'd ever imagined spending his life with. Still was.

Unfortunately, the last time he'd confessed his feelings for her she'd skipped the country. He doubted ruining her life with an unplanned pregnancy was going to do anything to improve his chances of her loving him back. She'd only just begun making progress with her father and this news could set them back at loggerheads. Nate knew the Earl's reputation was everything to him and he would never want to sully Violet's name because of his selfish mistake.

The journey in the car to the chemist for the pregnancy test had given him the space and clarity to decide what to do.

‘Marry me, Violet.' He loved her. No matter how much he tried to deny it, in the midst of this chaos, the strength of his feelings for her were abundantly clear. Until now he'd refused to admit it and run the risk of repeating the past. Although he'd never be the great love of her life he'd hoped to be, he'd always supported her. He'd always been afraid of marriage but now it seemed the best solution for all three of them. They needed each other.

‘Don't be stupid.' A marriage proposal wasn't helping her dizziness as she glared at Nate and back at the screen. She knew it was a knee-jerk reaction to the reading when he'd told her what an awful idea he thought marriage was only hours ago. He didn't love her and she doubted he'd even entertained spending the rest of his days with her until they'd sat on the edge of her bed watching the digital screen spell out their future.

Pregnant

2-3

There was no mistaking her symptoms now, the damage apparently done at the beginning of their supposed fun fling. She gave a strangled laugh. It was either see the irony of that or start crying again.

‘I mean it. This baby needs a father and I know how you feel about marriage but you need a husband. Hear me out—' He put a hand up to stop her as she bristled. ‘It can be in name only, or you know we can keep the physical side going since we've both enjoyed it. What I'm saying is, love doesn't have to enter the equation. I don't expect it to. But I have a house you and the baby can live in, I can provide for you, and your reputation remains intact.' He looked so pleased with himself as he shredded her heart into tiny irreparable pieces.

The man she'd apparently never stopped loving, the father of her unborn child, was offering her a marriage of convenience. It somehow seemed worse than the arranged marriages her father had proposed to maintain his social status. Probably because she knew she was in love with Nate and she'd ruined her chances of him ever feeling the same way about her. It was the reason she'd made certain she would leave the country again for London, a place she'd hoped to be able to forget him. Now she would have a permanent reminder.

Nate would always do the right thing, that was who he was, and it was the only reason he
would
want to marry her. She'd wreaked havoc in his life once too often and it wasn't fair to lumber him with a wife and child he'd never wanted. Neither did she want to give up her job to fake a happy marriage, following in her mother's tragic footsteps after all.

In an ideal world her baby would have two doting parents, madly in love with each other, providing the happy, family environment she'd never had. Marrying Nate would simply be perpetuating that myth that money and good name were all that mattered. She would rather raise this baby alone than with a father who was only there out of a sense of duty. The next generation of Dempseys deserved more after the trouble she'd caused to emancipate herself from society rules in the first place.

‘It wouldn't work, Nate. We'd only end up making each other miserable. Marriage isn't for us. It's for people who love each other and are willing to give up everything to be together. Forget about me, forget about the baby, and just pretend I never came back. That this never happened.'

The vertigo was back, her head spinning with snapshots of these weeks they'd spent together and memories of her parents' tumultuous relationship. Neither of them should have to compromise who they were simply because they'd made a mistake. In her case, it was falling in love with a man who could never love her back after everything she'd done to him.

‘That's impossible.' Nate rested his hand gently on her stomach, staking a claim on the life growing inside her.

She slapped it away. It would be easier for him to walk away now before this was about more than a bunch of cells. ‘Not if I'm in a different country. I don't want you in my life, Nate. That wasn't the deal.'

She was shaking with nerves as the lie left her lips, hoping he couldn't see through it, or if he did he'd realise this was her way of letting him off the hook. She wanted Nate in her life more than anything but not through a sense of responsibility. This was her way of trying to protect him, sacrificing her desires again and putting him first before her own needs. No matter how much it hurt.

* * *

Violet had taken a sledgehammer to what was left of his heart and pounded it until it was nothing but a big red stain he would never be able to scrub away. He was willing to give himself to her body and soul, something he'd never thought he would do, something he'd never imagined he would
want
to do. Everything he had worked to achieve seemed to have been building up to this moment and asking Violet to share it with him and their baby. Yet, she still didn't want him. The house, the job, the car—none of it was enough to convince her to be with him. None of it seemed to matter without her.

‘I know this wasn't what either of us had planned but I'm simply trying to make the best of the situation.' He was doing his damnedest not to get too emotional and make her even more skittish than she was. She didn't respond well to intense personal discussion, as he'd found out to his cost. Her default setting was to run and hide rather than confront the truth; he'd seen it so many times before. She'd disappeared for twelve years after one kiss between them and he knew if she went back this time he'd lose her for ever.

‘I just want you to go, Nate.' She sounded tired, resigned to life as a single parent already and he was being forced into the role of absent father. He didn't want to make things even more difficult for Violet than they already were by arguing with her, even though he was dying inside with every push further away. Neither could he, in good conscience, simply walk away after getting her into this condition in the first place.

He wanted to be there as she blossomed during her pregnancy, see their baby on the screen as it happened, not in some grainy printout he'd been sent as an afterthought. That role of a supportive father was important to him. It was something neither of them had really had growing up. Violet's father had been more concerned with his place in society than her feelings and Nate's parents' priority had always been Strachmore.

His childhood hadn't been carefree either, but an endless round of chores and lectures on being respectful. He'd practically had to make himself invisible so as not to offend the Earl. That wasn't conducive to making a child feel wanted or loved. More like an unpaid, unappreciated skivvy. Perhaps if they'd both been accepted for who they were by their own families they wouldn't have the problems they had connecting now.

If Violet didn't want him in her life there wasn't much he could do, but he had to at least try to be a part of their child's. That wasn't going to work long distance and he was willing to make sacrifices to get her to stay if it prevented their baby becoming another statistic of a broken relationship.

‘I'll go and I promise not to come back unless you want me to. On the condition you stay at Strachmore until you're due back at work. I want you to be one hundred per cent sure that this is what you want.' His feet were blocks of wood, heavy and clumsy, as he reluctantly made his way to the door. He'd thought knowing she was leaving would be easier than finding out after she'd gone. He was wrong. However, whenever it happened, Violet walking out of his life was always going to be the worst thing that would ever happen to him.

‘I am.' She threw one last knife into his back and killed the last dregs of hope stone dead.

CHAPTER NINE

‘I'
M
SURE
IT
won't be much longer now.' Violet tried to pacify her father, who'd already picked up and set down the one magazine sitting on the waiting-room table. She understood how difficult it was to manage time when dealing with emotional patients, but she also knew how much of a short fuse her father had when he was kept waiting for an appointment. Especially when grief counselling wasn't something he was totally on board with.

He checked the clock again and gave a huff but at least nothing had been thrown in the interim. It was progress but she was still tense sitting here in the hospital with him. Her heart picked up the pace again as the thought of bumping into Nate came to mind. It had been over a week since she'd seen him at the house. He'd kept to his word to stay away as she'd known he would, enabling her to spend her last few days at Strachmore trying to figure out her next move.

‘I haven't seen Nathaniel for a while. Did something happen between you two?' Her father picked up on the very subject matter making her unhappy.

Although she was glad he'd chosen conversation over berating the staff to fill the time, every time she thought of telling him about the baby her heart fluttered in her chest and she felt as though she might pass out.

‘He's a busy man and we've probably taken up too much of his time at Strachmore.' She had no wish to take up any more of it by making him pay for her mistake. Whether she stayed at home or went back to London, she had to plan the rest of her life without him in it. The thought alone made her light-headed.

‘I'm not blind, Violet, nor am I stupid. That boy has been in love with you for years and vice versa, unless I'm very much mistaken. He's hardly been away from Strachmore these past weeks and I doubt that's solely because of me. Now, he's suddenly incommunicado. Something clearly happened between the two of you and, whatever it is, I don't want it to affect your decisions about coming home in the future. I know I drove you away in the past but I really want you to at least visit.'

It was a huge step for him to admit his past behaviour towards her and let her know he wanted her to be part of his life again but, oh, how she wished he were right about Nate's feelings for her. He might have been in love with her when they were kids but time and distance, not to mention her actions, had changed that. She fidgeted with the sleeve of her shirt, knowing she in turn should be honest with him, regardless of how petrified she was at the prospect of having to tell him she was pregnant. He might have mellowed slightly since his heart attack and subsequent procedures but that didn't mean his principles had changed.

The Earl's daughter was pregnant by the son of the housekeeper and it didn't get much more scandalous than that when it came to society gossip. This would be a real test of his priorities but she couldn't put it off much longer. Her condition would soon become apparent if she did come back in the future. It wouldn't be fair on her father to disappear again without telling him why.

She took a deep breath. And another. ‘I'm pregnant.'

She braced herself for the backlash—shouting, screaming, crashing furniture—all of his typical reactions to such news would be justified this time. Most of them she'd done herself since sending Nate away.

‘And he's not stepping up to his responsibilities?' Only when he'd jumped to the wrong conclusion did his face take on that red hue of impending rage.

‘No. It's not that...he even offered to marry me.' She was quick to defend Nate; he'd done everything right. Except love her.

‘What's the problem, then?'

‘I don't want to get married because it's the right thing to do. I'm sorry, but I'd rather be on my own than in a cold marriage put on for appearances' sake.' Her reasons for turning Nate down might seem a tad insensitive in light of the present situation but it was the truth. Perhaps if there'd been a bit more of that between her parents, or between her and Nate, things could've turned out much differently. If she'd been honest with him about the strength of her feelings for him in the first place they might've actually stood a chance together.

Her father's frown turned into a half-smile. ‘Marriage always was your sticking point. That doesn't mean you can't still be together. Times have changed, so you keep telling me.'

She was surprised he'd paid any heed to her word against that of his ingrained sense of tradition. An illegitimate child would have devastated him not so long ago but he was clearly working hard on keeping their relationship alive.

‘I can't be with someone who doesn't love me. It wouldn't be fair on me, or the baby.' She rubbed her hand over her still flat-belly, wishing only happiness for the life growing inside her.

‘I don't believe that for one minute. Only a man in love would put up with your irritable father and do everything he has to secure Strachmore's future. I think it's
you
who doesn't want to commit.'

‘Well, he's never said it,' she huffed, upset at the accusation she was the one at fault here. As far as she was concerned she'd done everything right to ensure Nate had been treated fairly. Not many women would've given him the green light to walk away. Especially when they were head over heels about him and carrying his child.

‘Have
you
? You know, if I could change things I'd make sure your mother and I had really talked about how we felt. I'd make damn sure I listened. Don't throw something special away because you're scared to face the truth. You'll spend the rest of your life regretting it.' His teary blue eyes were a reflection of her own but she feared they'd both left it too late. She'd pushed Nate away, said some horrible things to ensure he'd stay out of her life. Unfortunately, given his silence since, she seemed to have succeeded in her quest.

‘You're not mad at me? About the baby?' She was going to need at least one person to be there holding her hand when this bundle of trouble arrived and turned everything upside down. If she had her father's support it would ease some of her stress and help her enjoy this pregnancy more. So far it had been all tension and sickness and she was still waiting for the so-called blossoming to start.

He sighed.

‘It's not what I wanted for you but it's not the end of the world. I just want you to be happy.' He reached over and gave her hand a squeeze, the only loving gesture she could ever remember getting from him. She cursed her hormones as the tears tipped over the edge of her lashes. She wasn't sure she'd ever be truly happy again.

‘Lord Dempsey?' The receptionist called him for his appointment, drawing them both out of their heart-to-heart and on their feet.

‘Whoa.' Violet had to sit down again as all the blood in her body seemed to rush to her head at once.

The receptionist rushed over to check on her. ‘Are you all right?'

‘She's pregnant,' her father answered for her, rubbing her back, already playing the role of protective grandfather.

‘Just a little dizzy. My heart's racing a little but that's been happening a lot recently.' She didn't want to make a fuss and somehow have Nate get wind of it, but she was a bit breathless and seriously feeling as if she was about to faint.

‘At least you're in the right place. I'll put in a call and get them to check you out in A and E.'

Violet could only nod as she struggled to stay conscious.

* * *

It wasn't long before she found herself stretched out on a bed with electrodes stuck all over her body, hooked up to an ECG machine. They'd gone over her medical history, and taken blood samples. She didn't know what they were expecting to find but the longer she lay here worrying what was happening, the faster her heart rate seemed to get. It was beating so hard she could easily have just finished running a marathon rather than simply have had an intense conversation with her father. She rested her hands on her invisible bump. It was still early days into her pregnancy and she was trying not to freak out about the fact she was already in hospital.

The doctor studied the printout of her test with a frown, which wasn't helping her relax at all. ‘Your heart rate is higher than we would like. At the minute it's beating so fast the heart muscle can't relax between contractions and the lack of oxygen is what's causing the dizzy spells.'

‘Will it harm the baby?' That was all that mattered right now. She mightn't have planned on this baby but neither did she want anything to happen to it. It was all she had left of Nate now.

He shook his head. ‘There's nothing to worry about. We do want to send you to CCU, though, so they can keep a close eye on you during treatment.'

If she didn't laugh at the irony she'd cry. It was the one department in the building she was virtually guaranteed to see the man she'd been trying to avoid. There was no way her baby daddy was going to remain a silent partner once she and junior rocked up on his turf. He was going to have plenty to say about looking after herself and his child. Fate was going to make sure they had one last showdown before she left for London this time.

London.
It had been her salvation, her road to independence, but now going back to her empty apartment felt like a punishment for her mistake. She had family here, and friends. And Nate. All she had in London was her job. She'd been so busy building walls to protect her heart she'd isolated herself emotionally and physically from anyone who'd tried to get close. It wasn't the ideal set-up for a woman raising a child on her own. What if there were any more complications during the pregnancy? She had no one to lean on there because that was the way she'd wanted it. Impending motherhood had since changed her views on complete independence.

These past weeks had reminded her how good it felt to have companionship, to be loved, to be
in
love. Even having her father waiting patiently outside for news she and the baby were safe was a turning point in their relationship, an insight into the family life she could have had here. Returning to a one-bedroom flat, pregnant and broken-hearted, wasn't something she was looking forward to. She was going to miss Strachmore and everyone associated with it.

* * *

Nate was on his way to do the rounds on the coronary care unit, having just finished fitting a pacemaker for one of his patients. It was best to keep busy to stop him from running up to Strachmore to see if Violet was still there. He'd given her his word he wouldn't go near her to give her space to think, but the distinct lack of communication indicated his plan to get her to stick around had backfired. As she'd told him in no uncertain terms, she didn't want, or need, him in her life. He didn't even know if she was still in the country.

This time he wasn't simply going to accept her decision. He would follow her to London if it meant he could at least see their child grow and flourish. Without Violet and the baby here he wasn't sure what was keeping him here anyway. The house he'd been so proud of owning now seemed too big for a single man, too empty. The rooms should be full of toys and plans for the future, not a reminder of everything he'd lost. He didn't know how he was ever going to get over her this time, knowing what they could have...
should
have had together. Too bad his peasant status had let him down again. It was a stigma he would never be able to overcome to become worthy of the Earl's daughter. Or perhaps he'd simply have to face the fact that she'd never loved him anyway and he'd been the one using his upbringing as an excuse. Either way she didn't want him, and he was lost without her.

If only it were as easy to fix his broken heart as those of his patients. He'd gladly volunteer as a guinea pig for any new research looking into replacing emotionally battered hearts if it meant an end to this misery. He hadn't even been able to share the pain of losing the woman he loved and his baby when no one had known they'd existed, including his family. This was only supposed to have been a meaningless fling; there'd been no reason to broadcast the fact they were together. He'd had no way of knowing this would change him for ever. Somehow he was going to have to break the news to his parents they were soon to become grandparents and they might never see their first, and possibly only, grandchild.

Thoughts of Violet and the baby had tormented him for days; he'd been wondering if some day another man would take over
his
role as husband and father. He knew without doubt he could never replace what he'd lost, but that didn't mean Violet wouldn't love someone else, someone acceptable. If she didn't relent about seeing him again to at least discuss future arrangements, he might have to move away too. He didn't think he could face Strachmore again or hearing any stories coming out of it. He'd been here before, knew the pain he'd go through to come out the other side and the only thing to get him through was hard work.

In fact he was obsessing over his personal life so much it was encroaching on his professional one. He would've sworn he'd seen the Earl walk past when the CCU doors had flashed open at the end of the corridor. Impossible. He would've known if his patient had been readmitted. Still, it would put his mind at rest to check with the senior nurse in charge.

‘Has Samuel Dempsey been admitted again, by any chance?'

‘No, but he's here with his daughter. She came in yesterday.'

‘What? Why didn't anyone tell me?' In the fearful haze clouding his brain he'd forgotten this had been a secret affair. His colleagues had no idea this woman in jeopardy was everything to him.

The nurse frowned. ‘She said she didn't want us to contact anyone. We've put her in Room One—'

Nate didn't wait to hear any more. He was already haring off to find Violet, regardless of whether she wanted to see him or not. People weren't admitted to CCU on a whim, especially pregnant women. If Violet, or the baby, were in danger he was going to be there for them regardless of her objections.