The Decimation of Mae (The Blue Butterfly) (14 page)

He smiled widely as the loud music and atmosphere in the
room manipulated us. The Jackson’s
, Can You Feel It
played deafeningly
around us, the beat in the song enlivening the part of me that wanted to dance.
His grip on my hips was strong as he forced me around until his groin pressed
against my lower back.

“I love this song,” he shouted in my ear. “Move with me,
baby.”

I laughed and let it flow. It was good to dance with
someone who owned the music as I did, another person feeling the beat in his
soul.

The whole of the floor moved with us, every single person
feeling the song take over as we all moved with the DJ, The Jackson’s demanding
that we give in to their brilliant ability to own you with music.

I stumbled slightly as I leant back and my dance partner
disappeared. However, just as I was about to turn around, different large hands
slid around me until I was pulled back into a firm wall of muscle. Fingers
splayed over the slight roundness of my tummy, a strong chest supported the
weight of my back and a large erection pulsed against my bottom.

I hated the way my body reacted instantly to him, the
throb in my lower belly matching the pulse in my pussy. My chest heaved as my
nipples hardened with need and blood surged into my brain making me lightheaded
and woozy.

“Your body demands to be owned, lamb. The way it moves claims
every man’s attention in this room.” The way his hot breath whispered over my
ear made me wonder what it would feel like to have his mouth between my thighs,
how it would empower me to have him taste my pleasure.

“There’s something wrong with me.”

I didn’t realise I had openly voiced the statement until
Master spoke quietly in my ear. “Because you desire me?”

“Yes.” It was a whisper but an honest whisper. “I hate
the way you manipulate me, Master. It confuses me, makes my mind argue with my
body.”

I closed my eyes and groaned when he started to grind his
heavy cock into the crease of my arse, the thin dress I had chosen to wear
providing little barrier between us. “Oh, God.”

His breathing deepened, the current of hot air over my
ear heavier but slower. His hands made their way upwards until they were spread
over my ribs. His hold on me was tight, entrapping me between his body and his
hands. I felt like his possession, his property, but what frightened me more
was his ability to make me feel there was no one else in the room with us, just
him and me. My body betrayed me, causing a horrific confliction between
sensation and reality.

I was his hostage, his plaything, yet suddenly and
somewhat insanely I wanted to be his toy, the pawn in his sick game. I wanted
to be controlled and used to his satisfaction. I wanted him to take me and
mould me into something he wanted me to be. I needed him to put a stop to this
need in me but I also wanted him to encourage the dark side of me. I had never
been so at odds with different sides of me as I was then.

I turned in his arms. “Why do you do this to me?” I
needed to see the truth in his answer as well as feel it.

“I do nothing, Mae. Your reaction is all you, my darling.
It’s the part of you that is hidden, another of your lies that you refuse to
accept. You crave this darkness. I knew as soon as I saw your reaction to the
situation I put you in that it was locked deep inside you. I just so happen to
possess the key that has unlocked the kink inside you.”

“There is no
kink
inside me. I choose to think it’s
inexperience. How you could ever think that I condone this situation you have
thrust upon me is beyond me.”

We still moved to the music, our bodies locked together,
twisted into one moving entity. “I’m not saying you condone it. However answer
me one question truthfully and then I’ll let this… this
connection
between us go.”

I stared at him, worried about what his question would
be, but I eventually nodded. I promised myself to answer as truthfully as I
could, more for my benefit than his. I needed to understand the part of me that
he awoke.

“How arousing is pain?”

I swallowed, dropping my gaze from his. The answer was
already formed in my head. It was already something I often subconsciously
asked myself. He was just the one to actually voice the question.

“Be honest with yourself, not just me. Accept that part
of you, Mae. But let me make one thing clear. I can bring that side of you to
life. I have the ability to pull out your desire and free it from you. I am the
very person who can allow you to find comfort in the one thing you need, give
you the light you crave from the dark.”

“I don’t…”
     “Don’t lie to yourself, lamb.” His eyes were hard as one of his hands
spread across the nape of my neck and the other slid into my hair, his fingers
twisting the roots into his fist, making me gasp. I chose to ignore the deep
throb that developed inside me. He didn’t speak for the longest time, just kept
me in his harsh grip and pierced me with those damn hypnotising eyes.

“I don’t understand how you can have this effect on me
when I hate you.” I was as honest as I could be but also anxious at how he
would react to my straightforwardness.

He smiled slightly giving me a reprieve over the worry I
held. “You don’t have to like somebody for them to arouse you, lamb. Your reaction
to me is just how nature intended us to procreate.”

“The way I feel about you is far from natural.”

He smirked. “Let’s experiment shall we?”

“What exactly do you have in mind?”

He shook his head and took hold of my hand once again.
“Not yet, lamb. First we go get you some of those chips you desire.”

I allowed him to lead me out. I was too nervous to refuse
his possessive hold. He seemed to seethe at anyone who looked at me or stood in
my path as they silently asked me to dance with them. I frowned at them all; my
scar usually scared them off.

“They’re not repulsed by me,” I stated as Master tilted
his head questioningly when he saw my confused look.

“Why would they be repulsed by you?”

“My scar.”

He rolled his eyes in frustration. “I’ve told you, it’s only
you who sees it as it is. You are still you, Mae. People in this room just see
another partier, another much like themselves who likes to let go to the music
for a while.”

“No,” I answered over the music. “I can promise not all
people are like that.”

“If you’re referring to the scum on your estate, then I
can tell you honestly that they only see what their personalities want them to
see. They see the sadness inside you and react to it, therefore boosting their
own confidence with your anxiety.”

“How do you know how I’m treated at home?”

We managed to push through the door and onto the street
before any more revellers stopped us. The cold wind bit at me, generating a
deep shudder through me. Master pulled me closer to him. “I told you. You have
been on my radar for three years. I make it my business to know about you,
especially as you were chosen for education.”

“Chosen?”

He flicked a glance my way and sighed irritably.
“Enough!”

My footing stuttered as I came to an abrupt stop, angered
by his sudden barked order. “What? I think I deserve an explanation to why this
is all happening. Who chose me? Was it you? Did I fit the bill as to what kind
of human being you like to twist and morph into something your sick desires
want?”

I had been
chosen.
How the hell he hadn’t expected
my anger by that notion I had no idea.

He dropped my hand and stormed ahead but my stubborn side
refused to allow him to hide from me. I scurried beside him, my heels clacking
loudly on the pavement in my haste to keep up with him. His strong wide steps
were as furious as he was, anger rolling off him as each foot thudded loudly on
the concrete.

“Come on, Master. I deserve an explanation.”

People were starting to stare at us, me chasing after a
huge guy, furiously barking questions at him as he chose to ignore me and just
concentrate on his rage. I should have noticed the wrath simmering beneath his
calm exterior. Maybe I did, but I refused to allow it to scare me out of
pursuing answers. I deserved them, it was my life after all, and I needed to
understand why I no longer owned myself or had a choice in how the rest of it
would be played out.

“Answer me, damn you. Who the hell chose me? It wasn’t
you, was it?”

His fingers dug into my upper arm as he dragged me down
an alley, darkness and shadows seeping deeper around us the further down the
alley we went. I didn’t see the danger; my fury was too intense to see anything
else.

“You tell me, Daniel. TELL ME!”

His hand covered my mouth, cutting off my words and my
oxygen supply as he slid his palm over my mouth and my nose.

“I suggest you calm down, lamb. I am so close to cutting
your throat right now, but if I’m honest, the only reason I won’t is because a clean-up
down an alley would be somewhat irritating.”

My back hit the brick wall behind me with a thud. I
struggled beneath him, anger still controlling my stupidity. My lungs squeezed
tight as they fought for air but every single inch of me fumed with his
inability to answer my question.

My heart rate pounded in my ears, the thump almost
hypnotising as life drained from me quickly.

I implored with my eyes, begging him to let me go and
allow me much needed air. He narrowed his eyes, enjoyment heavy in his
expression as he once more overpowered me and took God’s place, deciding
whether to let me live or die.

My fist slammed into his chest as I struggled to breathe
beneath his hand. My legs started to tremble as my vision tunnelled and a
whooshing sound echoed in my ears. He sneered at me, the curl of his lips
mocking and cruel until he suddenly moved back.

I gulped at the instant availability of air, my mouth
opening and closing like a damn guppy’s. My chest heaved painfully as my lungs
powered back to life.

“Why do you do that?” I shouted. “Every damn time I upset
you, you try to suffocate me. What the hell is wrong with you? I only asked a
bloody question.”

He stepped into me but I didn’t notice his proximity as I
still fought to bring back consciousness. Everything hummed around me as my
brain struggled to cope with the sudden rush of oxygen.

I gasped when his body pushed against mine and the groove
of each brick indented its shape into my spine. His furious eyes held me,
overpowered me. “You never, ever use my name again.”

I blinked at him. “After all that, that’s all you focus
on? You try and kill me, yet all you’re bothered about is that I called you
Daniel?”

I was angry, confused, stunned; every emotion possible
coursing through me with a speed I couldn’t keep up with. I stared as hard as
he did, denying him my surrender and refusing to show him any weakness.

“Believe me, little lamb, if I wanted to kill you then
you wouldn’t be stood there arguing like the stubborn woman you are.”

“What the hell is your problem with me? I can’t do this
anymore. You have more sides than a Rubix Cube, each a different colour, a
different mood. How do you expect me to surrender to you when I find it
impossible to understand you? I never know what is expected of me, I never know
how to treat you. I don’t even know what the hell I feel anymore. You confuse
me, anger me, humour me… heal me.”

Tears pricked my eyes, burning my sight as much as they
burnt my heart. My mind was shattering into various parts, each an assortment
of different thoughts as my brain struggled to decipher each one.

He was silhouetted in the moonlight, each contour of his
handsome face highlighted eerily until he resembled something ethereal and
ghostly.

He dropped his forehead, his brow slotting against mine
as we both fought with the commotion in our heads.

“You intrigue me, Mae Swift. You make me question
myself.” His honesty grounded me. It took hold of something inside me and
twisted it until all I could feel was guilt, his manipulation once more
muddling everything.

“Please don’t use this to hurt me.” I whispered the words
but my soul shouted them. I needed some sort of stability, something real I
could take hold of. “Answer me one question truthfully.”

He regarded me for a while but when he nodded I plunged
ahead before he changed his mind. “Do you… have you ever… regretted what you do
to women?”

His eyes widened as though he had expected some other
query. “Honestly, please,” I begged.

He swallowed heavily as his gaze locked with mine to show
me the truth in his answer. “Not until now. I’ve watched you, Mae. Watched you
struggle with life, and for some insane moments, I actually wanted to give you
a smile. I’ve never felt that before, the want to please. You confuse me, make
everything I know… knew, for once seem wrong and…”

“And?”

“And…” He gulped and ran the tip of his nose down the length
of mine. My body shivered as something other than arousal caused the blood in
my veins to flow freer. “Every year I came to you, you never changed. You still
held a deep sadness. The first year you were beyond approach. You hid away in
that dark, dismal home of yours and I barely caught a glimpse of you. I
initially thought you had died and for the first time in my life I felt
something other than the need to hurt and cause pain. I wanted to check you
were okay and that confused the hell out of me. You hide from me and for the
first time in my life I need to see all of you, feel all of you.”

My heart bled with his words. Memories stabbed my soul
once more. A tear freed itself and rolled down my cheek, the taste of it bitter
when it trickled onto my lips.

My hand lifted to his face warily, my palm cupping his
cheek. “I’m glad you only visited me at Christmas, there are some things that…
that are too hurtful to share with you. From the day you took my soul, you
never left me. You lived inside me, more than you may think. You refused to
leave my nightmares, your hurtful words and cruel taunts lived my life for me.
I couldn’t push them away, you brought me down further than my parents’ and
Connie’s death ever could.”