The Cost of Commitment - KJ2 (18 page)

The gruff voice said, “A friend of mine faxed me something he thought I might be interested in today.”

“Yes?”

“I’m sure you can guess what it was.”

“No, Dad, I’m sure I have no idea.” She rolled her eyes for Kate’s benefit.

“It was a copy of today’s
New York Post
. What is this garbage about you being...one of
those
people?” The disgust in his voice was plain.

Jay’s anger was rising. “If by ‘one of those people’ you mean a lesbian, then it’s true.”

“What?”

Jay reflexively recoiled in fear, but cleared her throat and continued,

“I said, it’s true. I am a lesbian.”

“I’ve never heard such a bunch of hooey in my life.”

“Sorry if you don’t approve, Dad, but it’s not up for debate, and I’m not asking your permission.” She had never spoken so boldly to her father before, but the presence of her six-foot, growling lover gave her courage.

“You will not talk to me like that, young lady.”

“Ted, calm down,” Jay’s mother, who had picked up an extension, interjected.

“Don’t tell me to calm down, Edith. This is our daughter we’re talking about, and no child of mine is going to be known as some pervert.”

“Dad, I am not a pervert, I am a lesbian. I am in love with a wonderful woman, and I have nothing to hide.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about. I knew we should never have let you go to college with all those long-haired hippie freaks.”

“If you’re done, Dad, I’ve got things to do.”

“We’ll be finished when I say we are!” he boomed.

As Jay cringed, Kate, who could hear every word from where she was standing, visibly tensed as if to strike at him despite the fact that he was thousands of miles and two time zones away.

“The article questions your ethics,” he spat.

“I read the article, Dad.”

“What do your bosses say?”

“They are standing by me and the story.” Jay had no intention of telling her parents about her suspension.

“That’s nice, dear,” her mother chimed in.

Lynn Ames

“Who is this Katherine Kyle, anyway? And what has she done to poison your mind?”

“Kate is everything to me. For the first time in my life, I’m truly happy. So happy, in fact, that we’re planning a formal commitment ceremony, which is the closest thing we can have to a wedding.”

“Formal commitment ceremony?” He said it with distaste. “What on earth does that really mean? It’s not bad enough that you have this perversion? You have to go around and try to pretend that it’s normal?

I’ve never heard anything so ridiculous in my life.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way, Dad. In that case you won’t mind if we don’t invite you to the ceremony. Really, this has been a lovely conversation, but I’ve got to go. Bye.”

Jay could still hear her father’s rantings as she hung up the receiver.

She turned to Kate and buried her face in her chest, seeking comfort for the hurt inside that would never heal.

“I’ve got you, love. Shh. Don’t worry. He can’t hurt you anymore.

You don’t need him.”

“I know, Kate. But he’s the only father I’ve got, and, well, every time I talk to him I wish it could be different. I wish I could have a father who could be proud of me, who could love me for who I am and not find fault with everything I do.”

“I know, love, and so you should have. He’s not worth your tears, baby.”

“You’re right. Still, despite everything there’s some part of me that still cares what he thinks. And then I hate myself for caring.”

“Don’t hate yourself, baby. It’s natural to want a parent’s approval.

And it hurts when it’s not forthcoming. But you know who and how he is, and he’s not likely to change any time soon, is he?”

“No.” Jay wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “And then there’s my mother, who just wants to keep the peace. God forbid she should stand up to him on my behalf.”

“Maybe she’s got her own issues, honey.”

“Probably.”

“In any case, that doesn’t excuse her behavior when you were a child.”

Jay sighed heavily. “Can we not talk about this anymore tonight, honey?”

“Of course.”

“I just want you to hold me.”

Kate pulled Jay tighter to her, effectively wrapping her in a cocoon of safety and security. They stayed like that for a very long time.

The Cost of Commitment

Kate held Jay tightly throughout the night, murmuring soft words of love and comfort long after her lover had fallen asleep. She was far too angry to sleep. That anyone would talk to his daughter the way Ted Parker had spoken to Jay was something she simply could not abide. If he had said those things in front of her, Kate was sure she would have torn him to pieces with her bare hands.

Jay was disconsolate, Kate knew. All she wanted was for her parents to love and cherish her. Instead she was disrespected and made to feel unworthy. Thinking about it, Kate felt a deep hatred well up inside her. It was a foreign and rather unwelcome sensation. She had never hated—

truly hated—anyone like she did Ted Parker. What he had done to Jay as a child was beyond comprehension, and the fact that he continued bullying her as an adult turned Kate’s insides to molten lava.

At 5:00 a.m. she slipped out of bed to go for a run and pick up the morning newspapers. Jay remained fast asleep, no doubt worn out by the emotional traumas of the previous day. When Kate returned, Jay was still asleep.

Stripping out of her running clothes, Kate stepped into the shower, where she allowed the pounding spray of hot water to help ease some of the tension from her body. When she had finished, she felt somewhat better and more in control of her emotions.

Watching Jay sleep, Kate was overcome by a desire to protect her.

She looked so young, so innocent. The depth of pain and suffering she had endured at her father’s hand had marked her in ways Kate was only just beginning to comprehend, but lying there with her eyes closed she looked like a beautiful angel.

Jay stirred.

“Hi, sweetheart. What are you doing?”

“Looking at you.”

“I see that. Come here, gorgeous.”

Kate moved across the room, her eyes never leaving those of her lover. When she got within several feet of the bed, she unfastened the towel from around her torso and let it fall to the floor.

Jay beckoned her forward with the crook of a finger. Her eyes were coal black with desire.

Their lips met in a slow dance that was equal parts love and passion.

Each savored the taste of the other, both cognizant of the preciousness of their bond. Losing themselves in the wonder of their love, they temporarily shut out the world beyond the borders of their bedroom.

Over breakfast, they examined the handful of newspapers laid out before them. As they had predicted, the second round of stories focused
Lynn Ames

heavily on Jay’s tenure at
Time
, the stories she had covered, the people and events she had chronicled. The headlines ranged from the factual to the sensational.

“Magazine Takes Action to Preserve Integrity,
”
said the bold print on page one of
Newsday
.

“
Time
Out for Lesbian Reporter,” read the headline in the
Daily
News
.

The
New York Post’s
front page screamed, “
Time
-ing Is Critical for Parker.”

The nation’s top news magazine wasted no time taking action against a reporter whose ethics came into question yesterday in a
Post
exclusive. Jamison Parker, 24, was identified yesterday as the lesbian paramour of Katherine Kyle, the spokesperson for the New York State Department of Correctional Services and subject of a May cover story in
Time
that was written by Parker. It was research by this newspaper that revealed questions about whether Parker had, in fact, written the Kyle piece while she was involved with her romantically.

In a statement released late yesterday,
Time
managing editor Vander Standislau announced that Parker has been suspended for two weeks for “exercising poor judgment.”

Although the magazine continues to investigate the matter, Standislau said, “
Time
stands by the Kyle story as written, and by Jamison Parker.” Contacted later by the
Post
, Standislau refused to say what Parker’s future with the magazine would be.

For months, Kyle had refused to name the unidentified woman in a photograph published nationally in which she and the woman were captured locked in a passionate embrace. Then yesterday, Kyle and Parker inexplicably came forward. Questions raised by the
Post
regarding Parker’s obvious conflict of interest in writing the story about her lover were deflected in a press conference held by the two women in Albany. Attempts to reach Parker and Kyle yesterday failed.

When Jay looked up from reading the paper, the pain in her eyes was evident. Kate moved around behind her chair, wrapping her arms around her tightly and kissing her on the side of the neck.

“Well, it could have been worse, right?” Jay’s attempt to sound flip failed miserably.

“Yes, it sure could have been, baby.”

“Of course, we haven’t seen the tabloids yet. And they’ve got three more days to dig up all kinds of dirt.”

The Cost of Commitment

“Jay, you and I both know that whatever the tabloids print is going to be garbage.”

“Yes, but we also know that people read that stuff, Kate. And they believe it.”

There was nothing to say to that, as Kate and Jay were both too familiar with the truth of that statement.

Kate said, “Let’s cross that bridge when we get to it, honey. There’s nothing we can do about that right now. One day at a time, okay?”

Jay leaned back into her. “Okay.”

Lynn Ames

The Cost of Commitment

ate and Jay were sitting in their kitchen in Albany on Monday Kmorning, having just come back from the

ir run. The
Globe
was

out that morning, and they had picked up a copy on their way home. Jay thought, before she started reading, that she had prepared herself for the worst. She was wrong.

“Maverick Lesbian May Bring Down
Time
Magazine.” The headline alone was enough to make her sick to her stomach.

In what may be the single most damaging scandal ever to hit the venerable magazine, 24-year-old ace reporter Jamison Parker’s stunning revelation of an illicit relationship with 27-year-old flak Katherine Kyle has threatened to destroy the credibility
Time
has spent decades building.

“That’s a terribly constructed sentence.”

“What?”

Kate leaned over Jay’s shoulder. “That first sentence. It’s too wordy.”

Jay looked up at her lover. “You’re kidding me, right?”

“Hmm?” Kate continued to read.

“They’re tearing me to shreds and you’re interested in their grammar?”

“Sweetheart, the
Globe
is blowing smoke out its ass. You and I both know it.”

“Yes, but the public at large isn’t as erudite as that.”

“Give them more credit than that, baby. I think most people understand that tabloids take liberties with the truth.”

“Regardless, Kate, this is a nightmare.”

Lynn Ames

“I know, honey.” She kissed Jay on the top of the head and resumed reading.

“This is the most serious ethical lapse I’ve ever witnessed by a reporter at a major news magazine,” said Ernest Wheatogue, professor of journalism and an expert in ethics and the media.

“What Ms. Parker has done—writing a story about someone with whom she was romantically involved—raises questions about every other story the magazine has ever published. Is this the first instance in which a reporter at
Time
has shown such an appalling lack of ethics? How do we, as the reading public, know? The answer is, we don’t.”

Wheatogue added that the scandal could mushroom, causing the public to lose faith in the information it gets from what has been, to this point, one of the most respected news sources in the world.

This is apparently not the first time Parker has brought a news organization to its knees. As a junior at prestigious Middlebury College in Vermont, Parker wrote a scathing editorial that was so controversial it forced administrators to close down the school newspaper, the
Campus
, for two weeks. School officials, contacted for this article, refused to comment.

Jay was beside herself. “Bullshit. We shut down the press so that we could make technological upgrades.”

Editors at
Time
are said to be desperate to salvage the magazine’s reputation. Sources tell the
Globe
that managing editor Vander Standislau has demanded that every employee sign an oath to adhere to a strict code of ethics. The document was hastily drafted by the magazine’s lawyers over the weekend in the wake of the explosive disclosure of the Parker debacle.

Standislau himself is said to be distraught at the potential destruction of
Time
’s credibility. Sources tell the
Globe
that he has been holed up in his penthouse suite, surrounded by loyal editors and reporters, working to come up with a strategy to restore the magazine’s good name.

“In truth,” said Wheatogue, “I’m not sure anything short of firing Parker outright and disavowing any stories she’s written for the magazine will save them.”

Calls to Standislau and several editors at
Time
were unanswered at press time.

The Cost of Commitment

Jay bowed her head and put her hands over her face.

Kate turned Jay’s chair, knelt down before her, and gathered Jay to her. “Sweetheart, you know that’s not the truth.”

Jay raised her tear-stained face to her lover. “Do I?”

“Yes,” Kate answered vehemently. “You talked to Standislau yesterday, remember?”

Jay sighed heavily, “Yeah, right after I read the editorial in the Sunday
Times
calling for my head.”

“And what did Standislau say?”

When Jay didn’t immediately answer, Kate filled in the silence. “He told you not to worry, that he had no intention of asking for, or accepting, your resignation. He said it would take a lot more than a few bits of adverse publicity and a couple of negative editorials to change his mind.