The Cost of Commitment - KJ2 (15 page)

“How is that going to further your objective of pushing Kyle out of DOCS?”

“We’re just going to keep turning up the heat on all fronts until she folds. Fuck with me, will she? We’ll see about that.”

When she got home, Jay was surprised to find that she had a message on her office answering machine from Barbara.

“Jay, I wasn’t sure you’d pick up the home line at this point, so I thought I’d try reaching you this way. I hope you don’t mind. I was wondering if you’d care to join me for lunch? Nothing terribly fancy, I’m afraid, but I could whip us up a couple of nice salads and perhaps some homemade chicken noodle soup. Let me know if you’re available. My schedule is somewhat flexible this afternoon.”

Jay shook her head. “I’m willing to bet your schedule didn’t start out being all that flexible before all hell broke loose this morning, Dr.

Jones.”

At 12:30 p.m. Jay was knocking on the front door of Barbara’s house, a beautiful stone mansion in the heart of one of the city’s ritziest suburbs.

“Jay, I’m so glad you could make it.” Barbara enveloped her in a hug.

“Thanks for the invitation, Doc. I appreciate the effort it must have taken to clear your calendar.”

“Nonsense. No one was dying to see me today. Get in here.”

“Uh-huh.” Since she’d come to Albany to live with Kate, Jay had grown to love and cherish Barbara’s rapier-sharp wit and wicked sense of humor. They had gotten to know each other well.

They settled at the eating island in the middle of Barbara’s gourmet kitchen. The first time she had walked into this room, Jay had felt an acute stab of kitchen envy. All of the appliances were stainless steel and commercial grade, the pots and pans rivaled those of top restaurants, and the work surfaces were large and efficiently laid out.

Jay felt the other woman’s eyes appraising her.

“What?”

“It’s okay to feel a bit undone after the morning you’ve had, you know.”

“Do I look that bad?”

Barbara laughed. “Jamison Parker, I have never seen you look anything less than perfect. But judging by the bulge in your temporomandibular joint, your jaw must be killing you.”

Lynn Ames

Jay smiled. “That’s a rather fancy way to say you can see that I’m stressed out.”

“Med school had to be good for something. Want to talk about it?”

“What’s to talk about? I just outed myself in spectacular fashion in front of a pack of hungry tabloid reporters, Breathwaite wants Kate’s head on a platter and figures to get to her through me, and my editor is meeting with the grand poobah at
Time
to discuss what to do about me.

My life is completely under control.”

Barbara put a comforting hand on her arm. “I can’t even begin to imagine what it feels like to be you at the moment. All I can do is listen, offer support, and remind you that tomorrow is another day.”

“Yeah,” Jay said glumly. “Tomorrow, in addition to putting my personal life under a microscope, the vultures will go after me professionally.”

“What makes you so sure they will?”

Jay sighed, looking down at her hands as they methodically shredded a paper napkin. “It’s the next logical story. And the door was opened by a reporter this morning who connected me with
Time
. The only reason we managed to dodge the bullet this time was that a reporter friend of Kate’s intervened with an unrelated question.”

“It’s nice to have friends. Have you been monitoring the news?”

“Yes. I listened to the three major radio stations’ newscasts at eleven and noon, and I watched the noon newscasts on all three local television stations.”

“What’s the verdict?”

“About what you’d expect. Everyone except for WCAP rehashed Kate’s firing, the
Enquirer
pictures, et cetera, over footage of the two of us coming into the press conference, me standing there listening to Kate talk, and us leaving. Then they all played the sound bite of Kate talking about our reasons for coming forward today. Finally, they closed with a close-up of me. Ugh.”

“What did CAP do?”

“They conveniently managed to worm their way around mentioning that Kate had ever worked for them.”

“Lovely bunch over there.”

“Yeah. Kate never says anything, but I know how hurt she was at the way she was treated.”

“I’m sure you’re right about that, but your Katherine is a very stoic person.”

“Yes, she is.” Jay grew pensive. “When I look back now at what happened to her last May, I have a far greater appreciation for the way she handled herself. In the middle of the media circus today,” Jay said, almost to herself, “I wanted to run away. Part of that was about wanting
The Cost of Commitment

to get myself out of the picture so that Breathwaite wouldn’t have me to use as ammunition against Kate.”

“Jamison,” Barbara said sternly, “that is no more the answer for you now than it was for her then.”

Jay looked up, startled at the vehemence in her friend’s voice. “I know that. I’m not going anywhere, Barbara. You didn’t let me finish.”

“I’m sorry, Jay.”

“The other reason I wanted to run was simply because I was scared. I didn’t want to have to undergo that kind of media scrutiny. And I hate that I was feeling that way. Kate didn’t have the luxury of making a conscious choice when she got outed. At least this was something I could try to prepare for.”

“But you weren’t really ready, were you?” Barbara asked quietly.

Jay hung her head. “No, I wasn’t. I’m just feeling a bit overwhelmed, I guess.”

“That’s not surprising. Nor is it anything to be ashamed of. Have you talked to Kate about how you feel?”

“She’s been flat out since she got back to the office. I planned to talk to her tonight.”

“Good idea. The best thing you two can do is keep the lines of communication open.” Barbara tapped on the table to get Jay to look at her. “She needs you, Jay. And, just as importantly, you need her.”

“Don’t I know it.” Jay’s eyes glistened with tears. “Why is this happening to us? What have we done to deserve this?”

Barbara moved around the island to hug Jay to her. “Nothing, honey.

Neither one of you has done anything to deserve this. That’s one of the things that makes this so incredibly aggravating.”

As Jay sobbed, Barbara rubbing her back in circles. “I know, honey.

Let it all out. It’s okay to cry. I’d be crying, too.”

After a few moments, Jay pulled back. “I’m so sorry, Barbara. I didn’t mean to do that.”

“Don’t you ever be sorry for letting your feelings show, Jay. Bottling all that up inside will make you sick. I’m your doctor, I ought to know.”

She winked.

“Here you invited me for a nice lunch, and I’ve turned it into a pity party.”

“No you most certainly have not. I’d like to think I’m your friend, too, not just Kate’s.”

“Of course you are.”

“Okay then, supporting each other in the tough times is part of what friends do. It’s in the fine print when you sign the contract.” She put her fingers underneath Jay’s chin to lift it. “Right, friend?”

Lynn Ames

Jay sniffled and blew her nose in the tissue Barbara supplied. “Right.

Thanks, friend.”

“Any time.”

Kate arrived home just in time to catch the six o’clock news. She hustled into the living room, where Jay was already planted in front of the television.

“Hi, baby,” she said, as Jay made room for her on the couch. Kate thought she looked exhausted.

“Hi, sweetheart. You’re just in time for the show.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. I wanted to be home earlier, but the phone just kept ringing off of the hook.”

“Don’t worry about it, Kate. I understand.”

Their conversation trailed off as the anchorman intoned, “In an unusual move today, former local television news anchor Katherine Kyle appeared before a packed news conference to announce the identity of the ‘other woman.’”

The picture on screen was an enlargement of the tabloid pictures of Kate and Jay, whose back was turned to the camera.

“Kyle, who was fired from competitor WCAP after these compromising photos of her and an unidentified female companion turned up on the front page of the
National Enquirer
last May, explained her reason for coming forward at this time...”

The women watched in silence a clip of Kate talking about their desire to preserve their privacy.

The anchorman continued, “Jamison Parker, the other woman in the
Enquirer
photos who was introduced to the media today, is a writer for
Time
magazine. Kyle is now the spokesperson for the state prison system.”

As the camera shifted to the co-anchor for the next story, Kate changed the channel to another network, then the third. In all three instances, the story was the same. When it was over, she turned to Jay, taking her hands.

“Are you okay, sweetheart?”

“I’ve had better days.”

“Yeah, I know. Me too.”

For a moment, they just sat there, content to be in each other’s company, Kate’s fingers gliding over the backs of Jay’s hands.

Jay broke the silence. “You were right. The television and radio stories were pretty basic and mostly benign.”

“Jay, the newspapers won’t be as superficial. They aren’t constrained by thirty-second sound bites.”

The Cost of Commitment

“I know.”

“Honey, I’m so sorry about all this.”

“Kate, it’s not your fault. You didn’t ask for any of this to happen.”

“Still, I wish we’d had more time to talk through all of the ramifications and your feelings before we acted.”

“There was no time. Breathwaite would have done it for us in less than an hour, Kate.”

“That doesn’t mean I don’t wish I could’ve done something different—found some way to make this less painful for you.”

“Let’s face it, Stretch, this isn’t what either of us had in mind, but we had no choice. I am glad, in some sense, to have it out in the open. Now we won’t have to hide or make an elaborate plan just to go out to dinner together.”

“That is the upside.” Kate kissed Jay’s hand. “The downside is that this isn’t going to be just a one-day story. If the reporters don’t figure it out themselves, I’m sure Breathwaite will help them find ways to get more mileage out of it.”

“Yeah, he pretty much told you that this morning.”

“It seems to be his mission in life at the moment to make me as miserable as possible. If that means going after you, then he certainly won’t hesitate to do so.” The very thought of Breathwaite trying to intentionally hurt Jay made Kate’s blood boil.

“Lucky me.”

“It’s ironic that the very thing I was most afraid of when I ran away last spring is coming true now, long after the story should have been ancient history.”

“Kate,” Jay ran her fingers over her lover’s cheek, “I understand so much better now why you did what you did. I felt a little bit the same way this morning—I wanted to run away to take away Breathwaite’s ammunition.” Kate’s body stiffened perceptibly. “Don’t worry, love. I’m not going anywhere.”

“You’d better not. Sweetheart,” Kate turned so that she faced Jay, “I was wrong to leave you then. We’ve discussed that. I didn’t handle that situation very well, and we both paid a steep emotional price for my actions.”

“No,” Jay interjected, “we both made mistakes.”

“Yes, that’s true, but the mistakes you made would never have happened if I hadn’t run in the first place—if I had stayed and talked to you about how we should have dealt with the situation instead of making unilateral choices.”

“It’s old news, sweetheart.”

“No, Jay, it isn’t. Because I feel like I did something equally bad this morning.”

Lynn Ames

“What?” Jay asked, caught off guard.

“I forced you to do something you might not have been ready to do for my own selfish reasons.”

“Whoa, wait just a minute here, Stretch. I made the choice to come out this morning.
I
did. Not you. You gave me options and I made a decision. You didn’t put a gun to my head. I knew what I was doing.”

“Jay, you made a decision in the heat of the moment because you wanted to help me. That doesn’t mean it was the right thing to do for you.”

“I’ll admit that busting out of the closet in that fashion wasn’t the highest thing on my to-do list when I woke up this morning, but I’m not sorry, Katherine.”

“You might be before this is all over.”

“Do you remember months ago when I told you that my career meant nothing to me when compared to you? Kate? Look at me, sweetheart.”

Kate dragged her eyes from her hands to Jay’s face.

“Do you remember that? I told you they could have the job. All I wanted was to be with you.”

“Yes, but it was theoretical then, Jay. This is real.”

“I realize that, honey. And I’m not going to tell you I’m not scared to death, because I am. But I also know that as long as I have you, nothing else really matters.” As if to punctuate the point, Jay pressed her lips to Kate’s.

Kate pulled Jay into her arms, surrounding her with love and kissing her tenderly on the mouth and face. “I love you, Jamison Parker. More than anything in the world.”

“I love you, too, Katherine Kyle. Nothing, and no one, is going to change that or come between us. I won’t allow it to happen.”

“Me either, baby. Me either.”

The
New York Times
ran a small paragraph on the story buried inside the Metro news section. The
Albany Times Union
carried Wendy’s AP

story on page B2.

The
New York Daily News
ran a teaser on the top of page one, with the full story on page three. There were several quotes from both Kate and Jay, along with a “no comment” from Kate’s former news director.

Commissioner Sampson was quoted as saying, “Ms. Kyle’s personal life is just that. I am very pleased with her performance at DOCS. She is an outstanding spokeswoman and I am lucky to have her.” The governor could not be reached for comment. The managing editor of
Time
confirmed that Jamison Parker worked for the magazine, but would say nothing further “at this time.”

The Cost of Commitment