The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (493 page)

I hope I have your support, father Page.

PAGE

You have, Master Slender; I stand wholly for you:

but my wife, master doctor, is for you altogether.

You have, Master Slender; I'm completely on your side:

but my wife, master doctor, is completely on yours.

DOCTOR CAIUS

Ay, be-gar; and de maid is love-a me: my nursh-a

Quickly tell me so mush.

Yes, by God; and the girl loves me: Mistress

Quickly told me as much.

Host

What say you to young Master Fenton? he capers, he

dances, he has eyes of youth, he writes verses, he

speaks holiday, he smells April and May: he will

carry't, he will carry't; 'tis in his buttons; he

will carry't.

What would you say to young Master Fenton? He can leap,

he can dance, he has a young man's eyes, he writes verses,

he speaks in a jolly way, he has the freshness of spring:

he'll win, he'll win; you can see it in his face; he

will win.

PAGE

Not by my consent, I promise you. The gentleman is

of no having: he kept company with the wild prince

and Poins; he is of too high a region; he knows too

much. No, he shall not knit a knot in his fortunes

with the finger of my substance: if he take her,

let him take her simply; the wealth I have waits on

my consent, and my consent goes not that way.

Not with my agreement, I can assure you. The gentleman is

no catch: he used to hang out with the wild Prince of Wales

and Poins; he moves in too high circles; he is too

experienced. No, he will not patch up his fortunes

with my material: if he wants her

he can have her on her own; my wealth depends on

my decision, and I don't decide that way.

FORD

I beseech you heartily, some of you go home with me

to dinner: besides your cheer, you shall have

sport; I will show you a monster. Master doctor,

you shall go; so shall you, Master Page; and you, Sir Hugh.

I really must insist that some of you come home with me

for dinner: besides the food and drink, you shall be

entertained; I'll show you a freak. Master doctor,

you shall come; so shall you, Master Page; and you, Sir Hugh.

SHALLOW

Well, fare you well: we shall have the freer wooing

at Master Page's.

Exeunt SHALLOW, and SLENDER

Well, have a good time: this will give us more freedom

to woo at Master Page's place.

DOCTOR CAIUS

Go home, John Rugby; I come anon.

Exit RUGBY

Go home, John Rugby; I'll come in a while.

Host

Farewell, my hearts: I will to my honest knight

Falstaff, and drink canary with him.

Exit

Goodbye, dear boys: I'm going to my good knight

Falstaff, to drink sherry with him.

FORD

[Aside] I think I shall drink in pipe wine first

with him; I'll make him dance. Will you go, gentles?

I think I shall have a little tipple with him;

I'll make him dance. Are you coming, gentlemen?

All

Have with you to see this monster.

Exeunt

We'll come with you to see this freak.

Enter MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE

MISTRESS FORD

What, John! What, Robert!

Hello, John! Hello, Robert!

MISTRESS PAGE

Quickly, quickly! is the buck-basket--

Quickly, quickly! Is the laundry basket–

MISTRESS FORD

I warrant. What, Robin, I say!

Enter Servants with a basket

I'm sure of it. Hello, Robin, where are you!

MISTRESS PAGE

Come, come, come.

Come on, hurry up.

MISTRESS FORD

Here, set it down.

Here, put it down.

MISTRESS PAGE

Give your men the charge; we must be brief.

Give your men your orders; we must hurry.

MISTRESS FORD

Marry, as I told you before, John and Robert, be

ready here hard by in the brew-house: and when I

suddenly call you, come forth, and without any pause

or staggering take this basket on your shoulders:

that done, trudge with it in all haste, and carry

it among the whitsters in Datchet-mead, and there

empty it in the muddy ditch close by the Thames side.

Now, as I told you before, John and Robert, be

ready close by in the outhouse; and when I

suddenly call you, come out and without pausing

or hesitating take this basket on your shoulders.

When you've done that, walk off with it quickly, and carry it

to the bleachers in Datchet Meadow, and there

tip the contents into the muddy ditch by the side of the Thames.

MISTRESS PAGE

You will do it?

You'll do it?

MISTRESS FORD

I ha' told them over and over; they lack no

direction. Be gone, and come when you are called.

Exeunt Servants

I've told them over and over again; they don't need

any more orders. Go, and come when you are called.

MISTRESS PAGE

Here comes little Robin.

Enter ROBIN

Here comes little Robin.

MISTRESS FORD

How now, my eyas-musket! what news with you?

Hello, my baby hunting hawk! What's the news?

ROBIN

My master, Sir John, is come in at your back-door,

Mistress Ford, and requests your company.

My master, Sir John, has come in by the back door,

Mistress Ford, and wants to see you.

MISTRESS PAGE

You little Jack-a-Lent, have you been true to us?

You little imp, have you stayed loyal to us?

ROBIN

Ay, I'll be sworn. My master knows not of your

being here and hath threatened to put me into

everlasting liberty if I tell you of it; for he

swears he'll turn me away.

Yes, I'll swear it. My master doesn't know that

you're here and has threatened to sack me

permanently if I tell you he is; he swears

he'll lay me off.

MISTRESS PAGE

Thou'rt a good boy: this secrecy of thine shall be

a tailor to thee and shall make thee a new doublet

and hose. I'll go hide me.

You're a good boy: your discretion will be

a tailor for you and get you a new jacket

and stockings. I'll go and hide.

MISTRESS FORD

Do so. Go tell thy master I am alone.

Exit ROBIN

Mistress Page, remember you your cue.

Do that. Go and tell your master I'm alone.

Mistress Page, don't forget your cue.

MISTRESS PAGE

I warrant thee; if I do not act it, hiss me.

Exit

I promise I won't; if I miss it, boo me.

MISTRESS FORD

Go to, then: we'll use this unwholesome humidity,

this gross watery pumpion; we'll teach him to know

turtles from jays.

Enter FALSTAFF

Off you go then: we'll trick this unhealthy sweatbag,

this gross watery pumpkin; we'll teach him the difference

between tarts and respectable women.

FALSTAFF

Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel? Why, now let

me die, for I have lived long enough: this is the

period of my ambition: O this blessed hour!

Have I got you, my heavenly jewel? Why, now

I can die, for I have lived long enough: this is the

pinnacle of my dreams: oh what a happy time!

MISTRESS FORD

O sweet Sir John!

Oh sweet Sir John!

FALSTAFF

Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate,

Mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish: I would

thy husband were dead: I'll speak it before the

best lord; I would make thee my lady.

Mistress Ford, I cannot lie, I don't have a silver tongue,

Mistress Ford. Now I shall be a sinner by wishing: I wish

your husband was dead: I'll say it in front of the

highest in the land; I want you to be my lady.

MISTRESS FORD

I your lady, Sir John! alas, I should be a pitiful lady!

Me your lady, Sir John! I'm afraid I would be a very poor lady!

FALSTAFF

Let the court of France show me such another. I see

how thine eye would emulate the diamond: thou hast

the right arched beauty of the brow that becomes the

ship-tire, the tire-valiant, or any tire of

Venetian admittance.

Let the French court show me one as good. I can see

that your eyes are like diamonds: you have

the perfect curves to your brow that would suit

the most elaborate headdresses of the Venetian fashion.

MISTRESS FORD

A plain kerchief, Sir John: my brows become nothing

else; nor that well neither.

A plain headscarf, Sir John: nothing else suits my brow;

and that doesn't look particularly good.

FALSTAFF

By the Lord, thou art a traitor to say so: thou

wouldst make an absolute courtier; and the firm

fixture of thy foot would give an excellent motion

to thy gait in a semi-circled farthingale. I see

what thou wert, if Fortune thy foe were not, Nature

thy friend. Come, thou canst not hide it.

By God, it's treason to say so: you

would make a perfect courtier; and your