The Complete Memories Series (23 page)

‘‘Alexis Mae, look...at me.’’

I turn my head and she’s staring at me intently, her eyes shining with truth and emotion.

‘‘Alec Johnson...is in
love
...with
you
.’’

‘‘I never wanted a summer romance, Grammy. I never wanted to be hurt.’’ A tear escapes my eye as the raw, fresh pain builds inside me again.

‘‘Lexy...’’ She takes my hand again. ‘‘You have to learn...that...you might not end up where...you wanted to be...but you’ll always...end up...where you’re meant...to be. Maybe Alec is...your meant...to be.’’

‘‘Mrs Highwood, I’m going to have to ask your granddaughter to leave now. It’s time for your bed bath.’’ The nurse smiles apologetically at us.

‘‘Of course.’’ I wipe at my eyes and try for a smile. ‘‘I’ll see you soon, okay, Grammy?’’ I kiss her cheek and she holds me tight.

‘‘I wouldn’t count on it, baby girl. I’m ready...to meet your...Grandpa once again. You...remember what...I said, and talk...to Alec. Be happy...again. I love you, Lexy girl. Always...will.’’

I pull back from her and breathe deeply to keep my tears in.

‘‘I love you, Grammy. Always will,’’ I whisper as I walk backwards.

She smiles at me, a half-there smile before I close the curtains in front of me. I know in my heart she’s already going, she’s already leaving to be with the man she’s loved her whole life.

My heart clenches as I leave the ICU ward, and I press my back against the wall, bending over as tears start to fall. I slide down the wall and hug myself tightly.

I’m crying for Alec-

for our pain of two needlessly broken hearts.

I’m crying for myself-

because I’ve never been so alone.

And I’m crying for Grammy-

because that just felt an awful lot like a forever goodbye.

Forever waits for no one, I know this now. There are no guarantees in life, no definitive paths we must take. The bottom line is that it’s luck. Some you get given to you, some of it is random luck, and the rest you have to make for yourself.

I lost a piece of myself when I walked away from the hospital this morning. A piece of me stayed in the room with my Grammy, to go with her wherever she might be going now.

Strangely, the fact that she’s giving in to her fate doesn’t bother me as much as it should. She’s had a long life, a happy one, and if she’s ready to go and take her place as a star in the sky, who am I to hold her back?

She always knew what was best. She was always the one to talk sense into our family with a few simple words, and that’s what she did to me earlier.

Despite having no definitive path, we all have places to go, people to meet, feelings to feel. Love, friendship and happiness are the luck you get given to you. What you do with them is the luck you make for yourself.

We all have a meant to be, whether we believe in fate, destiny, or nothing at all. Do we decide our meant to be, or do we get it chosen for us? Do we get more than one option?

If we do, what if we go through them all then decide the first one was the best option, do we get a second chance?

No. There are no second chances in life, no rewind button. You don’t get a do-over, so if you want something you have to run, smash into it and grab it with everything you have. You have to take it and hold onto it tightly before it’s too late.

One life. One chance. One love.

Maybe Alec and I are more like Romeo and Juliet than I thought. Maybe we are each other’s one tragic love, destined for disaster. But if that means I get to look into his eyes, touch his face and kiss his lips every day, is a tragic love really that bad?

The sand slips between my toes as I slowly walk onto the beach. It’s calm, quiet. The peace is only broken by the occasional breaking of the waves.

I stop at the edge of the water, letting it roll over my feet, and look up at the stars. A thousand specks of glitter sparkling in the night sky, waiting for Grammy to join them. They make me remember the last time I stood here and stared at them.

A lone tear escapes my eye.

We’re minutes apart but so far away. As I stand beneath the stars, I miss him. I miss all the little things that make Alec who he is.

I miss how his hair curls at the nape of his neck. I miss how the sun plays across his face, illuminating his captivating eyes. I miss how we laughed, how we joked. I miss how he teased me, how we could lie in silence with nothing but the beating of our hearts between us.

I miss everything he is.

If I close my eyes and believe hard enough I can feel Alec’s arms around my waist, his breath against my ear, his lips against my hair. I can feel the rumble of his chest as he laughs. And then...

Then reality intrudes.

And once again, I’m all alone with only the night for company.

I know, without him, I’m falling apart inside. Every beat of my heart, every breath I take, they’re forced. I force them to keep holding on, to keep fighting against the pain that creeps through my body every time I think his name.

For someone I never wanted to get close to, he’s holding my heart and soul in his hands.

The silence is deafening and I pull my gaze from the stars, dropping it to my feet. My hair falls around my face, creating a thick curtain, hiding me from the rest of the world.

What Gram said makes sense. I know why he didn’t tell me - but I don’t know if that actually makes it okay.

Will it ever be okay? Without him?

My stomach tightens. I squeeze my eyes shut as more tears burn them.

I don’t want to cry anymore. I don’t want to hurt.

I want to be taken in and mesmerised by those stormy eyes. I want to curl my fingers in that dirty blonde, messy hair. I want to press my face into his neck as he holds me tight against his body.

I want to forget the pain and just - be.

My hair moves from my face and I feel fingertips brush my scalp. I know that touch.

“Princess,” he whispers. “Don’t cry.”

Damn silent sand.

I sniff and look up - away from him.

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” His words are soft, full of emotion.

It’s been two days since I heard his voice. Those two days have seemed like an age, and my heart automatically speeds up as my ears drink his voice in like my lungs take in oxygen.

Like I need him to live, to breathe, to be.

“I...” He pauses and I risk a glance at him. He’s looking at the stars, the way I was. “Do you remember the last time we looked at the stars?”

“How could I forget?” My voice is wispy, barely there.

“That was the night I knew.”

I look up at him at the same time he looks down at me.

“That was the night I knew I’d fallen in love with you. I remember looking at you, curled in my arms with your hair fanning across my chest and thinking, ‘what did I do to have her believe in me?’”

Emotions play across his face and this time I let myself see them. Guilt, sadness, regret. He’s broken, just as much as I am. Regret floods in his eyes, swimming with the blue and grey hues of each iris.

“I never wanted to hurt you.’’ He raises a hand and cups my cheek. “If I could take it back, I would. Believe me, Princess. Every time I close my eyes I see the look in your eyes when you realised I knew about your Gram, and I hate that I put that there. I should have been there for you but instead I made it worse. Even if you can’t forgive me... Just tell me you know I never meant to hurt you.”

His hand is warm against my cheek and I turn my face into it.

“I know,” I say quietly. “I know you never meant to hurt me. But you did.”

He nods and gives me a sad smile. “Then I’ll take that.”

He makes to move his hand and I put mine over it, stopping him.

“But I forgive you.’’ Tears well in my eyes again. “I know Gram didn’t want me to know and that’s okay. Well, it’s not, but you made her a promise and I respect that. I understand, Alec.”

Hope flares in his eyes and he pushes hair from my face with his other hand.

“You forgive me?” he says in disbelief.

I nod and smile slightly. “I forgive you.”

His face changes. He smiles, his dimples showing, and steps closer to me.

‘‘Never forget, right?’’ I whisper, my eyes meeting his.

‘‘Never,’’ he says softly.

We look into each other’s eyes for what seems like an eternity. I raise my hand and gently put it behind his neck, rising up on to my tiptoes as he lowers his head.

His lips meet mine. He wraps his arms around me, holding me tightly as if he’ll never let me go again.

He’s not perfect. I’m not perfect. But you know what?

That’s okay, because I’ve realised that love is seeing other’s imperfections, and loving them anyway.

Four days after Alec and I made up, Grammy’s heart gave out. They managed to resuscitate her and she naturally fell into a coma. They said if it happened again they didn’t know if she’d come back.

It did. Two days later, exactly a week ago, her heart gave up the fight and we said goodbye.

Today, we say our final goodbyes. I stand in front of the church, dressed in black, knowing my beloved Grammy is lying in there. I take a deep breath and a hand slips into mine.

I curl into Alec’s side and he kisses my forehead. As if saying goodbye to my Grammy isn’t enough, we leave for London after her funeral. I have to say goodbye to Alec, too.

A battle of emotions fight inside me but I hold it together, accepting condolences and shoulder-pats from well meaning friends of Gram’s.

Many have stopped me over the last week to regale me with stories of years gone by. In Tesco, at the beach, they even stopped by the cottage a few times. I smile and nod when they do. I don’t need them to tell me how amazing my Grammy was. I know. I have my own novel of memories that will stay with me until I die and join her again.

The sun is shining through the stained glass window at the far end of the church, casting rainbows of light through the building. Grammy would have loved it.

When the first half of the funeral is said and done I step up to read my eulogy for her. I have no prepared speech, no scrap of paper like my brother did. Even if no words leave my mouth, she’ll know I was thinking of her.

I look up, casting my eyes over the church and I swallow. It’s packed. People are stood up. It’s a testament to Grammy. Alec catches my eyes and nods once. I can do this.

“If someone had told me nine weeks ago when my parents drove into the smallest town in history that I’d be stood here saying goodbye to my Grammy today, I would have told them where to go. I would have laughed and told them my Grammy was immortal, with foundations rooted deep enough on this Earth to withstand a tsunami.

“I also would have been wrong. I’ve found out many things over the last two weeks, things I didn’t know, but should have. It’s all because of Grammy.

“One last summer is all she wanted with me. I’ll always think I didn’t spend enough time with her, but time isn’t something you can measure. It’s what you do in the time you do have that matters. This summer I’ve laughed, cried, joked and danced with her. I’ve listened to her tease me and try to play Cupid. I know why, now.

“She’ll never get to watch me marry the man of my dreams, have children or graduate university. She’ll never watch me land that big fashion label I’ve talked about since my mother introduced me to Chanel at age seven, and she’ll never see my clothes on the runway. But, she’s seen me happy. She’s seen me fall in love and do some really, really crazy stuff this summer. Courtesy of Jen,” I smile at my friend to a small rumble of laughter and she bows. “Seeing me happy was enough for her. Because of that, I’ve changed and grown into the kind of person I know she wanted me to be and for that, I’ll always thank her.

“She wasn’t just my Grammy. She was my friend, my rock, my confidante. She made everyone’s day brighter without even realising it, especially mine. Some things in life are priceless, and she was one of them.

“So, Grammy, if you’re up there listening with your Vino in hand, then thank you for being you because it’s the greatest gift you could have given us. You’re not here in body but you’ll live on in our hearts and you’ll never be forgotten. I don’t know what else to say, and there’s a pretty good chance I’m boring everyone now. We all know I got your, um, gift for talking, so I’m just gonna tell you that I love you. Those three words say pretty much all I need to say.” I step down and pause at the coffin, kissing my fingers and pressing it against the wood. “You should also know I cut back your lavender plant earlier. I’m still waiting for you to come and kick my ass, so if you get a minute, I’ll be on the M5 waiting for you.”

Everyone laughs and I smile. I look back up and tears stream down Mum’s face, but she smiles proudly and winks at me.

I did it.

~

“He’s not here,” I say to Jen and she hugs me.

“He’s probably running late. I’ll see you next week, right?” She smiles and I nod.

“Sure you will. Can’t have a small town country girl getting lost in the big city.” I shrug a shoulder.

“Ha, joker.” She winks and climbs into her mum’s car. “Love you!”

“Love you!” I wave after her.

“We gotta go, Lexy,” Dad calls from the car.

I look around again and sigh. “Okay, Daddy.”

I put my hand on the door handle when I hear the familiar rumble of a black 4x4 behind me. I turn my head slowly and Alec parks behind Dad’s car.

“Need a lift?” He leans out the window.

“I’m pretty sure you’re not headed my way,” I say sadly.

He jumps out and slams the door. “You might be wrong there.”

“Wh-what?” I mumble and drop my hand.

“Two months ago this little city girl walked into my life and took my world by storm.” Alec stops in front of me and tilts my chin up. “She did something that made me fall stupidly in love with her, and baby, call me crazy, but there isn’t a chance in hell I’m lettin’ her walk back out of my life.”

“You.... You’re coming to London? With me?”

“I know a guy who owns an estate agents. Said he’d find a flat close to some hot shot university and give me a job until I found one of my own or I could stay working for him.” He winks and I turn to Dad in amazement. He shrugs his shoulders innocently and I smile.

“I’d never ask you to leave your home for me, Alec. There’s no surfing in London.” I stroke my finger down his cheek.

“Princess, you’re not asking me to do anything. I made the choice and spoke to your Dad about finding a place to stay. He did it all. And besides.’’ He leans his face into mine. “There might not be surfing in London, but there’s no Lexy in Lilac Bay. I can live without the surfing, but live without you? You’d have to kill me first.”

I press my lips to his and he holds me tight.

He’s coming.

With me.

To London.

“So, did you need that lift?” His eyes twinkle.

“I’m pretty sure you’re headed my way.” I grin.

It’s been a whirlwind summer filled with the unexpected. I’ve found true friendship again, I’ve fallen in love, felt the pain of heartbreak and I’ve said goodbye to a woman who I’ll always remember.

As I climb into Alec’s car and say goodbye to Lilac Bay, I know it’s been a bitter sweet ending to a roller coaster summer... But it’s one I’ll never forget.

THE END.