The Complete Memories Series (10 page)

‘‘I do,’’ she says firmly. ‘‘I see the way he looks at you, Lexy, and I know I’m a bit crazy with my words sometimes, but he actually would do anything for a chance to prove to you he’s worth a shot.’’

‘‘I already said I’d give him a chance-’’

‘‘But are you?’’ She turns and pins me with her blue eyes. ‘‘Are you letting him show you, or are you still trying to control it? Letting yourself see what you want to see? You can’t control everything, and matters of the heart are one of those things. The heart wants what the heart wants and you gotta let it have it. Everyone will get hurt at some point, but don’t think about that. Think about now. Think about the crazy way he makes you feel right now, cause I know he does make you crazy. Stop focusing on the future. The here and now is what matters, not something that might or might not happen in a week, a month, a year from now. Let him in, Lexy, just once, and you’ll see what I do.’’

She faces away from me, seemingly done with her rant.

Who knew Jen was so deep? Uh, not me.

But, as always, she’s right.

Why does everyone seem to understand my heart better than me?

~

I flick a bit of mud off my knee. “I don’t know how you can stand this.”

“What? The mud?” Alec looks at me incredulously.

“Uh, no. The flowers.” I roll my eyes.

“I’m a country boy, Princess. I’m not afraid to get my hands a little dirty. Devon is all about the farming - you should know that by now.”

I make a non-committal noise in the back of my throat and wrinkle my nose at the dirt again.

“You should try it, you might like it.”

“What, gardening? No thanks. I’ll hold the bag for Grammy, but that’s it.”

“So let me get this straight.” Alec puts the trowel down and looks at me. “You’ll try surfing - far more deadly than gardening - yet you won’t dig up a little mud?”

I screw up my face. “Surfing is.... Water. It’s wet. Gardening is dirty.”

“Well, shit, you don’t say? No wonder you’re off to university.” Alec rolls his eyes.

I punch his arm.

“You punch like a girl.”

“I am a girl!” I punch him again.

He turns to me, a twinkle in his eye. “Oh, I know, Princess.”

Before I can reply I’m hit by a handful of mud. I blink in disbelief.

“You did not just do that,” I say.

“What you gonna do about it?” Alec taunts.

I stand and move backwards, discreetly grabbing a small flowerpot filled with soil ready to plant in.

“Nothing,” I shrug, keeping my eyes downcast.

“Really?” Alec’s tone is disbelieving and it’s a struggle to keep my face straight but somehow, I’m managing.

“Yeah, nothing. It’s childish.” I shrug again.

“Mmm.” He eyes me carefully before turning back to what he was doing. I step up next to him and glance down.

“Whatcha doing?” I ask casually.

“Planting, what does it look like?” He looks up at me and I whip the plant pot from behind my back, tipping the soil over his head.

He sputters and curses, pinning me with a playful glare. I giggle and walk backwards. He stands up and walks towards me, his eyes housing a predator-like gleam.

“We’re even,” I bargain. “Even. Alec, Alec.”

“Oh no, Princess, we are not even.” He shakes his head. “But you might wanna stop, or you’re gonna end up over the edge.”

Ah, yeah. So I didn’t think that part of my plan through very well.

I stop an inch from Gram’s fence.

“Don’t worry.” Alec holds his hands up. “I’m not gonna get you.”

I narrow my eyes and rest my hands on Gram’s fence. It gives way a little and I wobble.

Alec shoots forward and grabs me in his arms, pulling me back in.

“I won’t let you fall,” he says softly.

“I’m not afraid of falling,” I whisper, my heart pounding from both my near fall and his sudden closeness.

“Depends where you’re falling to.” His tone matches mine.

I swallow and look up at him. His eyes are fixed on me, emotion showing in them.

“What if you catch me?” I ask in a soft, tentative voice. “Do I have to be afraid then?”

He runs a hand up my arm, my neck, my face, until he’s cupping my head.

“No,” he replies. “No, Princess. I’ll catch you when you fall, and then you’ll never have to be afraid of anything again.”

My breath hitches and my eyes shut as he dips his face towards mine.

“Lexy, Alec! Dinner... Oh sugarplum fairies!” I hear Gram call out. “My bad, my bad! Whenever you’re um... Whenever you’re ready, kids.”

Alec groans softly and I exhale, opening my eyes. I step back from him.

“We should go and get cleaned up.” I run my fingers through my hair, shaking mud clumps from it.

“Yeah, I guess.” Alec looks at me longingly and I flush.

I clear my throat. “Good old Gram.”

“Yeah, she has great timing,” Alec rolls his eyes and puts his arm over my shoulders. “As long as she’s not around next time I try to kiss you, we’ll be good.”

Next time?

‘‘Fancy going for dinner?’’ Alec calls from the side of the road. I lean out of my window.

‘‘With you?’’

‘‘No, with the Moomins,’’ he shouts back.

‘‘In that case, count me in!’’ I laugh. ‘‘Five minutes, okay?’’

I pull the window shut and slide my feet into my white pumps. I check my reflection quickly in the mirror and satisfied, I grab my phone and run downstairs.

‘‘I’m going out for dinner. Bye!’’ I yell.

‘‘Say hi to lover boy!’’ Grammy cackles. I ignore her. Silly woman.

I walk calmly down the pathway, a harsh contrast to my skippy-dance down the stairs. Sheesh. I’m turning into one of those girls. Shoot me. Now.

Alec beams as I get into the car, his dimples out in full force.

‘‘Afternoon,’’ he says and pulls away.

‘‘Afternoon. Where are we going?’’

‘‘My house.’’

I blink. ‘‘Your house?’’

‘‘Yep.’’ He glances at me. ‘‘No need to seem so scared. I can cook, you know.’’

‘‘Good to know.’’

‘‘And if I can’t, Mum will be there to take over.’’

‘‘Wait, wait, WHAT?’’ I turn and grip my seat. ‘‘Your mum?’’

‘‘Yeah.’’ He shrugs. ‘‘She’s usually there at dinnertime, you know, family thing?’’

‘‘You’re taking me to meet your mum?’’

‘‘If you wanna put it that way, then yes, but personally I think it sounds a lot better if we said ‘dinner at Alec’s, and his mum just happens to be there,’ don’t you agree?’’

‘‘Don’t try and butter me up, Alec Johnson. You could have warned me,’’ I huff.

‘‘Where would the fun be in that, huh?’’ He grins playfully and I narrow my eyes, giving his thigh a light backhand.

‘‘You’re so mean to me.’’

‘‘Oh, yes.’’ He rolls his eyes. ‘‘I’m so cruel to you. How can you bear to be in my company?’’

‘‘Oh, shut up.’’ I laugh and he pulls up outside a small, white house. Little flowers sit on the windowsill in a window box and pots of bright flowers are on either side of the bright red door.

Alec opens my door and gives me his hand. ‘‘Come on. She doesn’t bite.’’

‘‘I’d hope not,’’ I say and climb out. ‘‘I can’t believe you coerced me into this. Really.’’

‘‘I didn’t coerce you into anything.’’ He pushes the door open. ‘‘I merely left out a few minor details.’’

I glare at him and he shrugs one shoulder, pulling me into a light green living room. Pictures of Alec, a copper haired woman I assume is his Mum, and a dark haired man litter the walls and the mantle above the fire. The cream sofa is dotted with cushions and sitting there elegantly, is the woman from the pictures.

She turns to me with a dazzling smile, bright blue eyes taking me in. Her smile widens and I can’t help but smile back as she stands. Her copper hair curls around her shoulder in smooth ringlets and I can see where Alec gets his good looks. His Mum is beautiful.

‘‘You must be Alexis.’’ She hugs me. ‘‘I’m Joanne, Alec’s Mum. Call me Jo.’’

‘‘I am. You can call me Lexy.’’ I hug her back gently.

‘‘I’ve heard so much about you,’’ she gushes, gesturing for me to sit.

‘‘Have you?’’ I glance at Alec and he puts his hands behind his back, whistling. I smirk.

‘‘Alec, honey, don’t you have a meal to cook?’’ Jo raises her eyebrows and Alec gives a thumbs up, disappearing into what is presumably the kitchen. Jo turns back to me. ‘‘I’m assuming Alec hasn’t told you much about himself, but don’t worry, I’m prepared.’’

She winks and reaches behind the cushion next to her, extracting a leather bound book.

I grin. ‘‘Baby pictures?’’

‘‘Of course, what do you take me for?’’ She grins back at me.

‘‘Oh no! No no no not the baby pictures!’’ Alec runs back in. ‘‘Mother! You promised!’’

‘‘I had my fingers crossed.’’ She waves two crossed fingers in his direction. ‘‘Cook, now. You don’t want to make a bad impression on Lexy, do you? A girl needs a man who knows his way around the kitchen.’’ I blush.

‘‘I thought it was supposed to be a woman in the kitchen?’’ Alec teases.

‘‘For that sexist pig comment, son, I’m showing Lexy the mud picture.’’

‘‘I’m sorry. I take it back. Please don’t,’’ he begs. I run my tongue across my top teeth.

‘‘That sounds incriminating.’’ I grin and Alec visibly holds his breath.

Jo turns to me, her eyes sparkling. ‘‘He was about, oh, fifteen months, and we’d had a wet few days. He went into the garden to play in the mud – that’s okay, really, he’s a country boy – but you should know that my boy had a thing for being naked.’’

Alec groans and I purse my lips to hold in my laughter.

‘‘He’d pull his clothes off at any opportunity, and he decided he’d go play in the mud starkers. I couldn’t find him so assumed he was in the garden. I found a pile of clean clothes at the back door and a naked toddler rolling in a muddy puddle.’’ She flicks through the book and shows me a page.

A mini Alec with chubby cheeks and scraps of messy hair covered head to toe in mud stares back at me. Those cheeks. Oh, my.

‘‘You were a cute baby.’’ I wink at him.

‘‘I... Just... No.’’ He shakes his head, throws his arms in the air and goes back into the kitchen. ‘‘I need to cook my balls.’’

Both Jo and I do a double-take.

‘‘Excuse me?’’ Jo cries and jumps up.

‘‘Meatballs!’’ Alec yells. ‘‘Meatballs, guys. I need to cook my meatballs.’’

Jo sits back down with her hand on her chest. ‘‘Damn boy.’’

I giggle and flick through the pictures. I see one of Alec with singed eyebrows.

‘‘Why do I get the feeling this one has a good story behind it?’’ I point to it.

She smiles fondly. ‘‘That’s because it does! We were at my parents’ house in Exeter and they have an open fire, much like ours. The fire was on because it cold and Alec was about eight. There was a can of aerosol on the side and the little scientist wondered what would happen if he sprayed it on the fire.’’

‘‘Oh no.’’

‘‘Oh, yes.’’ She nods. ‘‘We hear a big bang from the next room, run in, and Alec is stood in front of the fire minus his eyebrows and plus an inch of soot coating his skin. He wasn’t hurt – just filthy.’’

I giggle again. ‘‘Sounds like he was quite the mischief maker.’’

‘‘Was? He is. We need to watch him cook in the kitchen so he doesn’t accost us with super hot chilli powder.’’

‘‘He hasn’t?’’ I gasp.

‘‘He has,’’ she says solemnly and I follow her into the kitchen.

I curse the onion as my eyes pour with tears and turn away, rubbing them clear with my sleeves. I spot two blurry figures.

‘‘Crying, dear?’’ Mum says and pours two glasses of wine from the bottle in the fridge.

‘‘She’s under-age,’’ I tease, drying my cheeks.

‘‘Oh, for like, seven hours.’’ Lexy rolls her eyes. ‘‘Sheesh.’’

‘‘No such thing as under-age,’’ Mum says nonchalantly and hands Lexy a full glass. ‘‘Not in my house.’’

Lexy accepts the glass with a grateful thank you and they both sit at the table.

‘‘You can’t tell, you know,’’ Lexy says, studying me. I turn back to the chopping board.

‘‘Can’t tell what?’’ I dump the onion, pepper and garlic into the pan with the meatballs and the sauce.

‘‘That you burnt your eyebrows off.’’

‘‘Mum.’’ I freeze. ‘‘You didn’t.’’ No-one says anything. I stir the food once and glance over my shoulder. ‘‘Mum?’’

‘‘I have no intentions of saying anything on the grounds I may incriminate myself.’’

‘‘The evidence against you is pretty damning,’’ I remind her.

‘‘Evidence is not an admission of guilt,’’ she giggles and she clinks her glass with Lexy’s.

‘‘I’m done for.’’ I turn back to the cooker. ‘‘Now they’ve teamed up. Fifteen minutes and they’re drinking wine and embarrassing me. I should just go and join a monastery.’’

‘‘Ha!’’ Mum cries. ‘‘You? A monk? That’s about as likely as oranges turning bright pink.’’

I roll my eyes. She’s crazy, but she’s all I’ve got. I look back over at the table and see the brown haired girl smiling and laughing with her.

No, I’m wrong.

I have Lexy now, too.

~

‘‘I can’t believe you actually cooked this,’’ Lexy says when she’s put her fork down. ‘‘It was pretty good.’’

‘‘Minus the spaghetti mishap,’’ yes, I burned the spaghetti, ‘‘I’d say I did okay.’’

‘‘And calling the meatballs your balls,’’ Mum adds. ‘‘You and mixing up your words. It’s not the first time, is it?’’

I know where this is going, and I feel the sting as it spreads outwards from my heart. ‘‘Yeah, yeah, I remember.’’

Lexy looks between us and I know she can sense the mood shift. ‘‘Should I ask?’’

‘‘You can always ask,’’ Mum says. ‘‘It’s one of the best stories, in fact.’’ She laughs softly. ‘‘When Alec was seven, his Dad took him fishing. Steve preferred a bait called ‘Power Bait’. He planned for Alec to use worms on his kiddie fishing rod but Alec wanted some ‘Masturbate.’’’

I rub my chin and smile at the memory. Lexy smiles softly.

‘‘We tried not to laugh, but we couldn’t help it. Photography is one of my passions so I was there with them to document their trip. Anyway, after a couple of hours of Alec’s continuous masturbate requests he finally caught a fish. He had no idea what it was and when he asked Steve, Steve said ‘it’s a chub, buddy. Well done.’ Alec, still innocent, jumped up and down screaming ‘Daddy! Mummy! I used masturbate and caught my first chub!’’’ Mum’s eyes fill with tears and she blinks them away.

I can’t take it. I can’t listen to him be talked about.

‘‘Excuse me.’’ I stand and walk into the back garden, the night settling onto me.

I watch Alec go, his slumped shoulders, the pain in his eyes.

‘‘Did we say something wrong?’’ I ask Jo, noticing she’s trying not to cry. I touch her hand.

‘‘No, no, honey we didn’t.’’ She sniffs and I squeeze her hand. ‘‘He really hasn’t told you much about himself, has he?’’

‘‘Apparently not,’’ I say softly.

‘‘Steve – Alec’s Dad – died three years ago in a car crash. He’d been to Bristol for a meeting and took the back roads to save getting caught in traffic. It was raining and pretty dark. Some younger guy came speeding round the corner and hit him head first. He died on impact.’’ She breathes in deeply and I can feel the pain as it encompasses her. ‘‘It’s our only comfort, that he didn’t feel any pain. Alec didn’t know how to cope. He’d lost his best friend, his idol, his hero. He was sixteen and they were supposed to go on one of their fishing trips the next day. Alec lost it. He didn’t deal with his pain. He buried it deep inside him and became the very thing his Dad would have hated. Drinking, womanising.’’

‘‘He wanted to forget,’’ I look out the window at him, his hands in his pockets, leaning against a tree.

‘‘He needs you,’’ Jo says suddenly and my eyes settle on her again. ‘‘He might not admit it, but he needs you. He’s never brought a girl home to meet me before. When I suggested it I thought he’d say no, but he couldn’t have been happier. You’re good for him.’’ She nods and squeezes my hand. ‘‘He needs you more than he’ll ever admit to himself. I know he’s not perfect and he’s not the ideal guy for you to fall in love with, but he’s my boy. I see how he looks at you, and you ain’t like the others, Lexy. You’re one of a kind.’’

His bada bing person.

‘‘Thank you, for sharing that with me.’’ I smile sadly. ‘‘I know how hard that would have been.’’

‘‘Have you ever lost anyone, Lexy?’’ We both stand and Jo looks at me with heartbroken eyes. ‘‘Have you ever lost someone you would have given anything to save?’’

‘‘My granddad.’’ I nod and look out the window again. ‘‘If I could, I’d swap places.’’

‘‘Then you know the pain Alec is feeling. Go to him. Trust him enough to know he believes in the idea of you two.’’ She nods once. ‘‘It’s in his eyes. Look hard enough, and you’ll see it. Look hard enough and you’ll see your future.’’

I’m starting to see it.

‘‘He needs you now, so you go to him.’’

‘‘Will you be okay?’’ I ask.

‘‘Honey, I’ve got endless photos, our song and his jumper. I’ll always be okay.’’ She disappears around the corner and I make my way outside, to Alec.

“Alec, I’m sorry.”

The pain of losing my father still cuts like a knife. It’s a sharp stab whenever I remember; but as I look down at the large, compassionate brown eyes staring up at me, the pain softens. The edges blur and for the first time in three years, it’s almost bearable. She makes it bearable just by being here.