The Color Of Grace (30 page)

I clenched my teeth as scattered remnants of conversation
floated back to me. But I’d lived through worse in the past few days; I was
surprisingly numb to the gossip. I didn’t particularly care for anyone in this
school. It didn’t bother me if none of them returned the love. Not even Mindy,
who’d actually acted like a friend. When she saw me, she huddled closer to her
boyfriend and turned away as if she wanted me to think she hadn’t seen me.

But what surprised me most was Laina’s sudden appearance at
my side.

“I know you’re not the reason for the fight,” she said as
soon as I saw her.

For a moment, I blinked, staring blankly. Then my face
softened. “Listening at Mr. Howard’s door again?”

She rolled her eyes and grumbled, “No, I couldn’t. As soon
as Dad saw me hanging around his office, he shooed me off and shut the door.
But I still know you couldn’t have been behind the fight.”

Instead of thanking her for having so much faith in me, I
wrinkled my nose. “Your dad?”

Laina arched both eyebrows. “The school counselor.”

“Wait.” Mouth falling open, I gaped. “Your dad is
Mr. Howard
?”

“What, you didn’t know? I thought everyone knew.”

“No, of course I didn’t know. Why would I know that? Neither
he nor you ever told me. I didn’t even know your last name.”

“Oh. Well, I just assumed everyone knew. That’s why no one
ever talks to me. My dad knows everything about everyone’s problems and grades.
But it’s not like he tells me anything,” she was quick to reassure me. “I
usually have to find stuff out on my own.”

“By listening at doors.” I grinned.

She grinned back, and I decided maybe I did care what one or
two people at Southeast thought of me.

Laina must’ve been the only person to think I wasn’t the
reason behind the big fight, though, because her father called me to his office
in the middle of second hour.

Five minutes later, I fidgeted, sitting deep in my chair
under a flickering florescent light in Mr. Howard’s office with my freezing
hands buried in my lap.

Laina’s dad.

It still felt weird thinking of those two as related, but
they did resemble each other now that I knew the truth. He was a middle-aged
man, around my mother’s age, with light brown hair and a thin frame. He had an
easy manner, almost shy, that immediately made me comfortable.

Well, as comfortable as I could be, sitting there, listening
to him say, “Ryder Yates suggested you might need to talk to me.”

My eyes flared wide.

Ryder
 
had been the one to start the rumor that I was
behind his and Todd’s fight? I flinched. Well, I had to admit I wasn’t
completely innocent. As soon as he’d told me Todd was only acting interested in
me to mess with him, I should’ve walked away from both boys—despite how
adamantly Todd had tried to get me to date him. I’d known better. And my inability
to stand up for myself and say, “no,” when I should’ve was what had started the
tension between two best friends.

I sank lower into chair across from Mr. Howard, wincing. “He
thought
I
 
needed to talk to you? Why?”

Giving a light shrug, Mr. Howard smiled a kind smile. “I
don’t know. I guess he thought you needed to…get something off your chest
maybe.”

I gasped, and the defensive comment gushed its way from my
lips. “But I’m not the reason they got into a fight. Kiera’s the one who
cheated on him with Todd. I had
nothing
 
to do with it.”

Mr. Howard blinked. Then sat back in his chair, blushing as
he glanced away. “Actually, I wasn’t insinuating anything of the kind. I’m
sorry, Grace. I guess I should’ve mentioned how both Ryder and Todd have
already explained the reason for their fight. No, Ryder said this as more of an
afterthought as he was leaving my office. It made me think it was a personal
issue for you, something that had nothing to do with him or anyone else in
school.”

Everything inside me drained: the color in my face, the
starch in my shoulders, the knot in my throat. I gaped at Mr. Howard and opened
my mouth a few times before I rasped, “Oh.”

I guess I’d been doing so well at pushing the “event” into the
furthest recesses of my brain that I’d completely forgotten about it for a
minute there.

Ryder obviously hadn’t.

The traitor.

How dare he go behind my back and try to get help for my
personal—secret—problems? This was not something I wanted to talk about with
anyone. I wanted to forget and move on. Pretend it had ever happened, and no
one would be the wiser.

But as the counselor sat across his desk, seemingly staring
straight into my soul, I felt pinned and exposed.

“He…” I paused, cleared my throat and tried talking again.
“Ryder was wrong. I don’t need to talk to you about anything.”

Mr. Howard squinted, his gaze becoming even more
scrutinizing. “So nothing’s wrong?”

Grr. Hadn’t I just said that?

I lowered my balled hands into my lap and nodded.

“Is nothing really wrong or is something very wrong but you
just don’t feel comfortable sharing it with me?”

I lifted my face. In his eyes, I saw the truth. If I opened
up and remained perfectly honest, he’d make sure he found someone I could talk
to—an idea that scared the crap out of me.

So I lied. “Nothing’s wrong,” I rasped out the words, my
throat scratchy and raw from the fib.

Looking sad and disappointed as he nodded, Mr. Howard sighed
and rested back in his chair. “I knew your father. Did you know that?”

I blinked, totally thrown off track by his change in subject.
“Actually, he’s only a
stepdad,” I said, shuddering from just thinking about
him
.

Mr. Howard frowned in
confusion before his face cleared. “Oh, I didn’t mean the dentist. I’m talking
about Daniel. Daniel Indigo.”

Hearing my father’s
name made something thump painfully against the inside of my ribcage. “Oh. I…I
didn’t realize that.
How…how did you know him?”

“We went to high school together. He was a year older than I
was. I’m not sure if I ever actually talked to him. But I definitely knew who
he was. Truth be told, I envied Daniel Indigo. His girlfriend was by far the
prettiest, nicest girl I’d ever met. I had this awful crush on her
.” He looked unsure as
he eyed me before adding,
“If you don’t mind
me saying so.”

A warmth of pride spread through me, thinking someone
thought so highly of my mother to call her the prettiest, nicest girl he’d ever
met. Shaking my head vigorously, I whispered, “I don’t mind.”

“Good. I didn’t want to offend you. I knew she and Daniel
were like…you could just tell it was true love between them. And I have nothing
but the greatest of respect for Katie Walsh. I don’t want you to think—”

“Indigo,” I corrected.

Breaking off with a rattled frown, Mr. Howard paused.
“What?”

“Kate Indigo. She’s Kate Indigo now.” Then the truth struck
me, and I had to gasp. “I mean, Struder. She’s…she’s Kate…Struder now.”

Oh, God. She carried
his
 
name. The idea horrified me.

It shoved home the truth of how awful my situation was. My
mother had married a pedophile who wanted her daughter and now she bore his
very name.

I fully realized then that I couldn’t sweep this under the
rug. I couldn’t move past it. I couldn’t forget. Because honestly, I couldn’t
bear the idea of my mom staying with
him
 
for the rest of her life.

Covering my mouth, I gaped at Mr. Howard, tears filling my
eyes.

Surging to his feet, the counselor flailed his hands, looking
panicked. “Oh, no. I
did
offend you,
didn’t I? I’m sorry. I—”

“No.” I waved my own hands to stop him. “It’s not you. I
liked hearing about my parents. I’ve only ever heard stories about them from my
mother. It’s wonderful to hear from an outside source for once.”

He paused, looking suspicious, and remained standing. “Then
what’s wrong?”

I gulped.

What was I going to do? I was a rule-follower. I obeyed all
forms of authority. I had never before encountered a situation where the
authority was clearly wrong and I had to stand up for what was right.

I wasn’t sure I had the guts.

Actually, I’m pretty positive I didn’t.

More tears filled my eyes. This was going to create huge
waves. And I didn’t make waves; I calmed them.

“I…” Swallow, breathe, overcome. “Do you think I could talk
about this later? I need to…I need to think.”

Mr. Howard’s facial features softened. “That would be just
fine. Whenever you’re ready, my door will be open.”

“Thank you.” Pushing to my feet, I felt the urge to hug my
second near-stranger adult for the day.

Must’ve been the whacked out emotions roaring through me.

At the door, I paused and glanced back. “What happened to
Todd and Ryder?” I had to know.

He winced. “Out of school suspension.”

“
Both
of them?”

His nod of confirmation made me feel a little bit woozy and
wishing I could see Ryder right about then so I could give him that second hug I
was itching to give away.

Chapter 23

I had to get my mother alone, then I had to bolster my
courage and somehow spit out the truth.

That’s all there was to it.

But when I arrived home, the first thing I heard when I
opened the front door was, “Parents, don’t ever believe anything your teen
tells you. Because they’ll lie…every time.”

Say what?

Frowning, I clutching the straps of my book bag tight and
hurried to the entrance of the living room, only to stumble to a halt when I
saw Mom standing frozen in front of the television, remote in hand as she
stared transfixed at the screen where a girl sat, being interviewed. Silver
studs pierced her eyebrows, nose, ears, and bottom lips. A black,
tribal-looking design tattooed a half ring around one eye and blonde, Jamaican
dreadlocks covered her head, spilling down her shoulders. She sat in an interview
chair and leaned forward in a dramatic pose as she stared out at my mother. And
my mother seemed to swallow every word she said.

“My parents thought I was going to soccer practice after
school every day, when really, I snuck off to my boyfriend’s garage to watch
his band practice and get high with them.”

My jaw dropped as Mom sucked in a horrified gasp and lifted
both her hands to cup her face. From my side view, I saw a trembling tear hover
in the corner of her eye. The overhanging chandelier caught it in a prism-like
effect, and it blinked out toward me like a light bulb, letting me see how
clearly my plan to “talk” to my mother about her husband was a worthless effort.

Parents, don’t ever believe anything your teen tells you
.

Dear God, why would someone ever say that? I had never lied
to my mom...well, except when she asked who the third, unnamed boy was her
husband had seen me talking to at the bowling alley. Ryder was most definitely
not a “no one,” but that lie had been majorly white, and I probably would’ve
spilled everything about him if Mr. Creepy hadn’t been standing next to her
when she’d asked about him.

Grr. I wanted to storm into the living room, grab the remote
control from her hand and turn that after-school special garbage off. Not every
teenager on the planet did drugs, participated in premarital sex, or lied about
where she was going to be.

But Mr. Creepy himself appeared in the living room and went
directly to Mom, wrapping his nasty arms around her as he gave her a supportive
hug. With a shiver of distaste, I jerked further out of view until I was
cloaked in shadows.

“It’s only a stage, sweetheart,” he murmured in an assuring
manner against mom’s temple. “Every teen goes through it. Grace is simply
acting out because she’s jealous of me being the new person in your life. Just
be patient. She’ll come around eventually.” Then he kissed Mom’s hair. She
rested her head on his shoulder, hugging him back.

As my mouth dropped open in disbelief,
he
lifted his face and looked across
the room, directly at me. I felt frozen as his gaze glittered, the meaning in
his eyes no secret. If I tried to tell her what he’d done, she wouldn’t believe
me; she’d only think I was trying to break her and her new husband apart because
I was
jealous
.

Spinning away, I hurried to my room and bawled most of the
evening away, until it was my turn to make supper. Before seeing her cry, I had
planned on hopefully catching Mom by herself for a moment to lean in and
whisper, “Hey, I need to talk to you…alone,” but he prevented even that,
because he stuck to her like glue through the entire meal and even lingered
around afterward to help her clear the table.