The Color of a Dream (18 page)

“It sounds like an offer I can’t refuse,” I
replied.

He picked me up at five and when I asked
where we were going to eat, he told me he’d cooked something for
us. It was packed in a cooler in the trunk.

“Although ‘cooked’ might be a bit of an
exaggeration,” he added. “I hope you like cold chicken salad. I
also stuck a bottle of red wine in there. You’re allowed to have
red wine, right?”

“In moderation, yes,” I replied, wondering
what he had in mind for us tonight, because he’d never done
anything like this before.

We drove out of the city and headed along
the Charles River toward Waltham. Eventually we turned onto a
private wooded lane and drove a short distance through lush green
foliage.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“To see a house,” he finally explained. “I’m
thinking about buying it and I’d like your opinion.”

My eyebrows rose. “Really? I thought you
liked living in the city.”

“I do, but I’m not crazy about my apartment.
It’s kind of small. Besides, this isn’t that far out. It’s only a
twenty-five minute drive, and there’s a hospital in Waltham”

What can I say? I was a woman in love and my
hopes were stirred into a frenzy as I imagined that he might have
invited me here to talk about long-term plans for us. Together as a
couple.

As a family.

Ellen loved Jesse, and so did I. He was the
kindest, most generous man I’d ever known, and every time I looked
at him I felt like I might swoon. There was just something in his
eyes that moved me. Each day since we met, my purpose in life—the
reason I received this gift from my donor—became clearer. It was to
be happy, fulfilled and to shower my joy upon Ellen and Jesse. I’d
felt joyful before Jesse came along, but now that had
quadrupled.

The sun was just setting when we reached the
end of the narrow lane and the house came into view. It was blue
with white trim, surrounded by fertile greenery and overlooked a
narrow section of the river.

We pulled to a halt on the gravel driveway
and Jesse turned off the car. “There’s no for sale sign,” I
said.

“Not yet,” he replied. “I know the guy who’s
selling and he plans to put it on the market next week. I convinced
him to let me take a look first.” Jesse reached into his pocket,
withdrew a set of keys and dangled them in the air. “Ready?”

“Yeah.”

We got out of the car and walked hand in
hand to the covered veranda.

“How old is it?”

“It was built around 1910 but it was
renovated recently. Doug says it has a new kitchen and bathroom and
they replaced the roof two years ago.”

“I love the veranda,” I said as we climbed
the steps. “And look, there’s a porch swing.” I hurried to sit on
it.

Jesse followed but didn’t sit down. He
leaned a shoulder against one of the square white columns and
smiled. “You look perfect sitting there.” He dug out his phone and
took my picture.

“It’s so peaceful here,” I said, rising to
my feet. “Close your eyes and listen.”

We both stood on the porch with our eyes
closed, taking in the hush of the forest. Then a chipmunk called
from somewhere in the treetops and we opened our eyes.

“Rabble rouser,” Jesse said.

“Yes,” I replied. “You’ll have to lay down
the law if you buy this place. Chipmunks must keep it down to a
dull roar.”

He kissed me on the cheek and led me to the
front door. After slipping the key into the lock, he pushed it open
and gestured for me to enter. “Ladies first.”

I walked in and discovered that the house
was completely empty of furniture. There weren’t even pictures on
the walls.

The floors were hardwood and looked like
they could be refinished. Cherry wood paneling covered the walls in
the living and dining rooms, and the stair rail was cherry as
well.

“It’s very beautiful… Kind of has a
craftsman style. How long has it been empty?”

“Only a few days,” Jesse said. “It belonged
to Doug’s parents and on a whim they decided to pack up and move
down to their condo in Florida.” Jesse followed me into the main
room where he seemed more interested in looking at me than
inspecting the house. “They lived here all their lives,” he added,
“since they were first married fifty years ago. ‘Lots of love in
this house,’ Doug says.”

“I can sense that.” I met his gaze with a
smile, then I glanced up at the white-painted ceiling to admire a
center medallion and wrought iron hanging light fixture. I looked
over the wood-burning fireplace and mantel as well. “Where’s the
kitchen?”

“Through here.”

I had the distinct impression, as Jesse
gestured toward a door, that he had already been here to see the
place on his own.

I followed him into a modern kitchen with
cream-colored cabinets and a speckled granite countertop. A large
window overlooked the river in the backyard.

“Do the appliances stay?” I asked, admiring
the stainless steel fridge and gas range.

“Yes, everything you see is included.”

“Even the curtains? They look new. I really
like them.”

I moved across the breakfast nook, opened a
new sliding glass door and walked out onto the back porch. There
was a small blue boathouse at the river’s edge and some Adirondack
chairs on the lawn.

Jesse followed and we both gazed out at the
river. “Quite the view, isn’t it?” he said.

The water was shiny and calm. I breathed in
the fresh clean fragrances of early autumn.

“Do you like this house?” he asked.

“I love it. It’s like a dream.”

There were times I wondered if I truly
was
dreaming all of this. How could my life have become so
miraculous every day when I’d always been the unluckiest woman on
the planet?

Or maybe I died during my transplant surgery
and went to heaven, and this was it.

But no… Surely God wouldn’t let Rick sue me
for custody in heaven.

Jesse reached for my hand. “I’m glad you
like it because I want to buy it for you. For
us,
I should
say
.
Ellen, too.”

My heart was pounding like a jackhammer and
I turned to face him. “What are you saying, Jesse?”

“I’m saying that I want to marry you. I want
to take care of you and Ellen.”

Though I was thrilled to hear him utter
those words—
I want to marry you—
together in a sentence,
there was a part of me that couldn’t help being hesitant and
cautious.

I inclined my head at him. “Take care of us…
That sounds lovely and I’m flattered, but I don’t think that’s a
good reason to marry someone—so that you can take care of them. I’m
in love with you but I don’t want you to think I need to be taken
care of.”

He bowed his head. “Oh, God, I’m sorry. That
came out all wrong. Not like I planned it at all, and I don’t think
that way about you.” His eyes lifted to meet mine as he reached
into his jacket pocket. He pulled out a small velvet box. I blinked
down at it in shock.

“I love you,” he said. “I respect and admire
you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” He opened
the box and showed me a diamond ring that took my breath away.
“Will you marry me?”

I hesitated, perhaps for too long, because
Jesse carefully closed the box and lowered it to his side.

I let out a sigh. “I’m sorry. I think we
need to talk about this.”

He nodded and pointed toward the water.
“Let’s go sit in those chairs down there.”

There were four painted Adirondack chairs
facing the river. We crossed the lawn and I sat in the purple one.
Jesse took hold of my hand.

“I proposed,” he said, “because I love being
with you and Ellen and I don’t ever want to lose you.”

“I believe you,” I replied. “We love being
with you, too, but does this have anything to do with Rick? Are you
just doing this to try and help me win the custody case? Or to
prevent Rick from winning it?” It had never occurred to me before
that our relationship might be rooted in the bitter competition
that existed between these two brothers. I’d never let myself
imagine that Jesse might be using me toward that end—unconsciously
of course. I didn’t believe he could ever be a manipulator, but he
might not be sure of his true feelings.

He sat back in his chair. “You know me
better than anyone. You know how I feel about Rick, and yes—all of
this does take me back to what happened ten years ago with Angela.
So I won’t lie to you. I’ll freely admit that I want to keep you
and Ellen safe and make sure he doesn’t destroy your life. I want
to help you and I’m certain you’ll have a better chance in court if
he can’t wave that single mother argument around. He won’t be able
to say that he can provide a more stable homelife for Ellen if you
and I are married.”

“That may be true,” I argued, “and I’d be a
fool to refuse you if it meant I could keep Ellen—because I’d do
just about anything to make sure I didn’t lose her. But I don’t
want you to ever feel like you sacrificed your own future by
marrying me. I can’t ask you to do that.”

He sat forward and spoke with an intensity
that caused my blood to race through my veins. “How could you ever
think it would be a sacrifice? I fell in love with you the first
moment I saw you, and every moment since has been better than the
last. You
know
that, Nadia. You also know it would have come
to this eventually, with or without the court case. I was never
going to let you go or move on. You’re it for me and I can’t
imagine living without you. I’ll be honest with you now because I
respect you.” He took a breath. “You’re right. I probably wouldn’t
have proposed today if Rick wasn’t breathing down your neck with
his custody suit. I would have waited a little longer because…” He
paused. “Well, just because. But since I knew I was going to
propose anyway, I figured…why not do it now and help you—
help us
both
—keep Ellen?”

I felt breathless. I wanted to run and jump.
“Are you sure about this, Jesse?”

“Of course I’m sure.” He squeezed both my
hands. “I want to marry you as soon as we can arrange it and I want
to buy this house and move in right away and build a swing set
right over there for Ellen.” He kissed the backs of both my hands.
“I want to start our life together. I want to go to bed with you
every night and wake up beside you every morning. I don’t want to
waste another minute living apart.”

Laughter bubbled up inside me and my eyes
filled with tears. “I want that, too,” I said. “Let’s do it.”

He smiled, then rose from the chair and got
down on one knee in front of me. “Then let me do this better. Thank
God for second chances.” He presented the ring to me again and
said, “Nadia Carmichael, will you make me the happiest man alive
and be my wife?”

I cupped his face in both my hands and
kissed him. “Yes. I will.”

Then he slipped the ring on my finger and I
wondered if I should pinch myself.

Jesse and I were married at the courthouse
five days later which gave me just enough time to buy a dress,
choose some flowers and arrange a small dinner party at a downtown
restaurant for our guests, which included Ellen, Diana and Jacob,
her parents and her sister, Becky. Her brother Adam wasn’t able to
attend because he lived in Australia, but he sent us a lovely
antique clock for the new house.

Under the circumstances, Jesse chose not to
invite his parents or Rick, though I suggested it might be a good
way to mend some fences. He said he would think about that in time,
but he didn’t want anything to spoil our wedding day.

As it turned out, I don’t believe anything
could have spoiled it. It was a day filled with happiness, hope and
blessings. We spent our wedding night at a nearby historic inn
which was the extent of our honeymoon for the time being, though we
planned to travel somewhere in the spring.

A week later, we took possession of the blue
house on the river and Jesse hired movers to take care of
everything while I tried not to get worked up about my upcoming
court date.

* * *

Thankfully the rash I’d noticed on my arm a
few weeks earlier disappeared after a day or two and no other
health issues arose to upset my wedding plans or the relocation to
the new house. I continued to take all my medications and found a
moderately strenuous walking trail not far from the house that led
to a nearby playground—perfect for Ellen and me.

I was busy the week of our move, unpacking
boxes and organizing the kitchen while Jesse worked nights. It was
exhausting but exciting and I probably tried to do more than I
should have.

“Are you feeling okay?” Jesse asked when we
sat down to eat dinner, just the three of us. “You look tired. Your
color’s not great.”

“I
am
tired,” I replied as I fastened
Ellen’s bib behind her neck, “but it’s the good kind. I haven’t
been this busy since before I got sick and it’s nice to feel normal
again.” I took a seat. “If someone had told me when they were
wheeling me in for my surgery that a year later I’d be a married
woman, I never would have believed it.” I gave Jesse a cheeky look.
“And my word, this has introduced all sorts of new and exciting
“activities” into my daily routine.”

He pointed a finger at me. “Behave. There’s
a child present. But seriously, you should still be careful. Why
don’t we take it easy tonight? Those boxes can wait.”

“All right.” I passed the green beans to
him. “Want to watch a movie later?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

* * *

The sun shone brightly the following day, so
I applied some sunscreen and took Ellen to the playground where we
met some other young mothers from the neighborhood. Their children
were about the same age as Ellen, which gave us lots to talk about.
They shared all sorts of helpful information about activities for
families in Waltham. We exchanged phone numbers and I returned home
feeling confident that Jesse and I had made the right decision in
buying this house and moving out of the city. Everything about the
area seemed to fit with the person I had become.