The Click Trilogy (15 page)

But, something came up about parents and he confided that his mom was killed in a car accident a few years ago.   I responded with a genuine and sympathetic “I’m so sorry.  That’s just horrible.” And he said, “Yeah.  It really sucked. My buddies and I were out drinking one night…” and I just tuned out from there.  UGH! UGH! UGH!

From: Shelley Manning – June 17, 2011 – 8:12 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: I need a drink!

Perhaps his buddies have to drink all the time because they need
something
to get them through a night of Pete’s stories?  Don’t despair, sweetie!  Your dream man is out there.  I promise.

I, on the other hand, could use a drink.  I hooked up last night with a guy we will refer to as “Wee Man.”  And no, this isn’t a joke about the size of his junk.  This has to do with the fact he was turned on by the thought of being urinated on.  YUCK!  Maybe it’s time for me to settle down.

From: Renee Greene – June 17, 2011 – 8:26 AM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re:  I need a drink!

What?!?  You settle down?  Blasphemy.  You’re “pissing” me off with talk like that.

From: Shelley Manning – June 17, 2011 – 8:29 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: I need a drink!

HA!  A “Wee Man” pun.  Nice!  Not as good as all of the Cuddler jokes, but good nonetheless.  Can always count on you for a laugh.

From: Renee Greene – June 19, 2011 – 9:09 AM

To: Ashley Price

Subject: Everything Okay

Hey there.  Just wanted to email to see if everything was okay.  I left you a message a few days ago and haven’t heard back.  I know you were going to Chicago for work, but I thought you would be back by now.  Just worried and miss you friend.

From: Ashley Price – June 21, 2011 – 1:13 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Everything Okay

Sorry.  Yes, I got back from Chicago on Saturday morning.  Meant to call you back but got wrapped up in things with Evan.  We had a really great Saturday night and then got in a stupid argument about him getting a haircut on Sunday.  It started out with an innocent question by me about why he always cuts it so short and wouldn’t it look better if he let it grow out a bit.  From there it escalated into World War III about how I never support him in anything.  It was pretty awful.  So, I’ve just spent the past few days wallowing in self pity and drowning my sorrows in cupcakes.

From: Renee Greene – June 21, 2011 – 2:02 PM

To: Ashley Price

Subject: Re: Everything Okay

I’m so sorry.  I know you’re probably not up for meeting at Flint’s.  Want to just grab a quiet dinner and talk?

From: Ashley Price – June 21, 2011 – 2:05 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Everything Okay

That would be great.  I’ll call you tomorrow and we’ll set something up.

From: [email protected]/AdMan922 – June 22, 2011 – 9:02 AM

To: [email protected]/PRGal1981

Subject: Adorable

I love how you modestly acknowledged in your profile how other people would describe you.  I would say…adorable!

From: Renee Greene – June 22, 2011 – 9:32 AM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Fwd: Adorable

From: Shelley Manning – June 22, 2011 – 9:51 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Fwd: Adorable

That is very sweet.  What’s his story?  Is he cute?  Are you going to go out with him?

From: Renee Greene – June 22, 2011 – 9:58 AM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Fwd: Adorable

Honestly, I haven’t logged in to his profile yet.  But, unless he’s got a massive facial deformity or lists his profession as serial killer, I have to meet this guy. 
He
sounds adorable.

From: Shelley Manning – June 22, 2011 – 10:02 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Fwd: Adorable

Well, stop emailing me and email him.  Sheesh!

From: [email protected]/PRGal1981 – June 22, 2011 – 10:15 AM

To: [email protected]/AdMan922

Bcc: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Adorable

Thank you for that sweet introduction.  I must confess, I blushed a bit.  I hope you don’t think this is too forward, but would you like to meet for a drink or something?

From: [email protected]/AdMan922 – June 22, 2011 – 7:35 PM

To: [email protected]/PRGal1981

Bcc: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Adorable

Are you up for dinner?  I noticed from your profile that you like Italian food.  Have you ever been to Emilio’s on Pico?  What about Sunday night at 8:00?

From: Shelley Manning – June 22, 2011 – 8:15 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Fwd: Re: Adorable

He read your profile.  That’s a good sign.  Not only is he interested in you, but he reads too.   ;)

From: Renee Greene – June 22, 2011 – 8:15 PM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Adorable

HA!

From: [email protected]/PRGal1981 – June 23, 2011 – 9:01 AM

To: [email protected]/AdMan922

Bcc: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Adorable

Sunday at 8:00 at Emilio’s sounds great.  I will see you there.

From: Renee Greene – June 23, 2011 – 9:03 AM

To: Mark Finlay

Subject: Date Alert!

I have a date on Sunday with Mike at Emilio’s at 8:00.  I’ll call you when I get home.

From: Mark Finlay – June 23, 2011 – 10:12 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Date Alert!

Mmmmm!  Love Emilio’s.  Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy.

From: Renee Greene – June 26, 2011 – 11:02 PM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Honey?  Snap, snap!

You know I’ve always said you can tell a lot about a person on how they treat other people.  This guy could not have been nicer…to me.  But, he could not have been more of a – excuse my language, here – dick to the waitress.  Anytime he needing something, he kept snapping his fingers at her and calling her honey – or just hon.  I was so embarrassed.  I just kept looking at her with these sympathetic eyes and she kept looking at me in horror.  It was just awful.

From: Shelley Manning – June 27, 2011 – 8:52 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Honey?  Snap, snap!

I hate, hate, hate when guys call you honey.  You know what honey is?  It’s bee excretion.

From: Renee Greene – June 27, 2011 – 9:47 AM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Honey?  Snap, snap!

Ha! Ha!  Thank you for taking a crap evening and making it so that I can laugh about it at the end of the day.  I’ll call you later, hon.

From: Shelley Manning – June 27, 2011 – 10:17 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Honey?  Snap, snap!

Don’t call me bee shit!  ;)  Mwah! Mwah!

From: Ashley Price – June 28, 2011 – 2:01 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Bitter Party of One

No.  That’s not a new brand of strong coffee.  But wouldn’t that be a GREAT name?  I know.  I know.  I’ve been MIA for a while.  Sorry.  Things with Evan have been…rocky to say the least.  We had this big fight…again…where he told me I’m a snobby, judgmental person who is always on his case about being an underachiever.  Before you say anything, I know.  I’m too good for him.  So, you’ll be happy to know we’ve called it quits.

I could really use an ice cream sundae from Mel’s to drown my sorrows and lament the fact I will end up alone.  It’s got to be better than succumbing to the indignity of online dating or the bar scene – no offense to you or Shelley (well, maybe a bit of an aside to her).  Anyway, call me tomorrow.

From: [email protected]/GreenLife66 – June 28, 2011 – 8:29 PM

To: [email protected]/PRGal1981

Subject: Liked your profile

Hi there.  My name is Andrew and I really liked reading your profile.

I’m a salesman for a company that makes green cleaning products.  Not that I’m obsessed with the environment or anything.  And not that I don’t care about it either.

Anyway, you’re my very first email and I think I’m a bit nervous.  Hoping you won’t hold that against me and that maybe we could have a drink.  Let me know.  Thanks.

From: [email protected]/PRGal1981 – June 29, 2011 – 9:23 AM

To: [email protected]/GreenLife66

Subject: Re: Liked your profile

Hi Andrew.  No worries about being a bit nervous and welcome to this strange new world known as online dating.  I imagine it must be a nice feeling to know that what you do is not harming the planet.  I work in PR and sometimes think we spend too much time and energy stressing out about things that are pretty inconsequential.  We joke, it’s PR not ER.  Anyway, why don’t we meet up for a coffee?  How does Sunday afternoon sound?  I’m in West LA.  What about you?

From: [email protected]/GreenLife66 – June 29, 2011 – 10:08 AM

To: [email protected]/PRGal1981

Subject: Re: Liked your profile

Sunday sounds good.  I’m downtown, but could easily meet you in Westwood.  How does 11:00 sound at the Coffee World?

From: [email protected]/PRGal1981 – June 29, 2011 – 10:26 AM

To: [email protected]/GreenLife66

Subject: Re: Liked your profile

Don’t want to be difficult, but can we meet somewhere else instead.  Say, Juice Joint?   I don’t drink coffee.  See you Sunday?

From: [email protected]/GreenLife66 – June 29, 2011 – 11:06 AM

To: [email protected]/PRGal1981

Subject: Re: Liked your profile

Sounds good.

From: Renee Greene – July 3, 2011 – 10:05 AM

To: Shelley Manning; Mark Finlay

Subject: Collide with my date?

On my way to Juice Joint to meet Andrew.  He works for an environmental products company.  But, I get the sense he’s no “EarthMan.”  If you’re around – stop by.  Would be fun for you to “bump” into us.

From: Renee Greene – July 3, 2011 – 1:59 PM

To: Shelley Manning; Mark Finlay

Subject: What a difference an apostrophe makes

Okay, met this guy for a juice this morning and he was SMOKING.  No, not SMOKIN’.  SMOKING!

His profile said “non-smoker” and mine said “non-smoker” but he was smoking!  It started out just fine.  He arrived and was really cute in a boyish way.  He was really nervous, but it came across as totally genuine and sweet.  I ordered a blended (of course) and he ordered an iced coffee.  We also decided to split a chocolate chip twist.  When I reached for my wallet, he was almost offended.  Again, not in a bad way, but in a really sweet way.  Then he asked if I minded if we sat outside.  It was a bit cool for me, but I said sure.  We started talking and he’s really…sweet.  Yes, I know I’ve said sweet about a gazillion times already, but it truly is the best way to describe him.

Then, out of nowhere, he lights up.  And, he didn’t even ask if I minded if he smoked.  He just lit up.  First off, it was so disgusting!  But, even more so, it seemed so odd to me that he was so sweet – yes, I know, sweet again – and he didn’t even bother to ask if the smoking would bother me.  I didn’t even know what to say.  So, I just kept on with the date.  But afterward, when he walked me back to my car and leaned in for a kiss, I had to draw the line.  I told him that I thought he was really sweet (UGH! I need a thesaurus or something) but that I don’t date smokers.  He said he’s not really a smoker, but just likes an occasional cigarette.  I told him that I was going to have to pass – that even the occasional smoker wasn’t going to work for me.  It was horribly awkward.

From: Mark Finlay – July 3, 2011 – 2:30 PM

To: Shelley Manning; Renee Greene