The Cirque (17 page)

“What’s wrong, Mom?”

“I needed to hear your voice.”

“Did something happen?” I asked, sitting down in my usual spot at the picnic table.

“Your dad left for home early for a big case he had to prepare for.”

Normally they stayed until the end of September. My dad’s firm knew he was unreachable in August and September. He earned that by working eighty-hour weeks the rest of the year. Her dilemma sounded like nothing a new BMW and a little Botox couldn’t fix, but she sounded so blue, I felt bad for her. My mother wasn’t the type of woman to fend for herself in a foreign country, though they owned a home there. I knew from personal, terrifying experience she should never be allowed to drive a stick shift while trying to interpret Italian road signs, since the only Italian she spoke was
vino
and
grazie
.

“I wish you didn’t have your show, and you could fly out here and be with your old mom.”

My heart quickened for a second when she mentioned the show, until I realized she meant the
Sleeping Beauty
production. My secret was still safe, but I felt guiltier than ever.

For her to actually consider pulling me away, I knew something was up. “Mom, are you drunk?” I knew this wasn’t the right thing to say, but I had no idea what to do. No previous life experiences had prepared me for how to handle this tender moment with her.

She was quiet for a few seconds then said softly, “Maybe I rode you too hard. Are you happy, Nell?”

Again, the nickname pulled at my heart. “Yeah, Mom. I’m happy. Don’t be sad, okay?”

“Okay,” she said quietly. “I love you,” she added.

“Love you too. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay? Get some sleep, Mom.”

“Bye, sweetie,” she said.

I sat on top of the picnic table and rested my feet on the bench. I pictured my mom alone in their big farmhouse on the Tuscan hillside and I felt sorry for her. I know she planned her life out to a tee, but somehow I knew she never thought it would turn out like this.

***

After our first show in Colorado Springs, I became even more determined to wrench Hope from Dmitri’s clutches. I enlisted the troops, but in return I had to promise Tanner the night wasn’t going to be only about Hope. I would continue to help him with Operation Spatula, which had kind of stalled out. Shane was too nervous and giggly to pursue anything else.

As soon as the show ended and we’d all taken a bow together on stage, Gabriel, Sasha and Shane corralled Hope over to the side, where we met up with Tanner. Sasha told her we wouldn’t take no for an answer. She was coming with us. There were things she needed to know about Dmitri. Hope looked at our faces and nodded. I almost didn’t trust her to
go change on her own, but eventually I relented, and we agreed to meet up in fifteen minutes at my trailer.

Gabriel came back with Sasha and me and sat on my bed. He turned around while we changed. Shane and Tanner showed up next with drinks, and Tanner plugged his iPod into the speakers, cranking up a pop song I didn’t recognize. The way Shane’s eyes followed Tanner, I knew that Operation Spatula was not a lost cause.

Tanner bounced around the room, swaying his hips to the song. He tried to make me get up and dance with him, but I was like a puppet on a string, limp and distracted, watching the clock, wondering where Hope was. Gabriel could tell I was miserable and offered to go find her for me.

“No, I’ll go,” I said, realizing that some time alone with her was exactly what I needed. Before he could argue, I opened the door and jogged down the steps. “Be right back,” I called over my shoulder. I almost expected Gabriel to come out after me, but he stayed put. Maybe he understood I needed to do this on my own.

I jogged all the way to Hope’s trailer. She was standing by the open door with Dmitri. He was gripping her elbow. “Hey, let her go,” I said in my most authoritative voice.

He turned and his face broke into a cocky smile. “Look who it is. Little Miss Perfect Ballerina.” He pulled Hope toward him.

“Hope, you said you were coming over.” I focused my attention on her.

“Sorry, Dmitri,” she said. “I promised Ari a girls’ night.”

I smiled. Perfect story, he couldn’t argue with that, right?

He ran his hand through his hair. “Come by tomorrow then,” he said lifting her chin to make her meet his eyes.

Suddenly I knew the only revenge I wanted was that Dmitri never used another girl again. Protecting Hope tonight wasn’t the only thing that mattered. I wanted Dmitri to know it was game over. I sucked in a breath and turned toward him. “Dmitri, I know what you did to me.” His eyes flickered to mine. “And if you ever think about doing that again, with anyone, I’m going to tell.” He swallowed and dropped his hands from Hope.

I looped my arm through Hope’s and steered her away from him toward my trailer. “You made the right decision,” I told her when she glanced back over her shoulder.

“Why are you so intent on keeping me from him?” she asked. “He says you’re trying to get back at him for dumping you.”

I almost laughed. “Hardly. I am trying to get back at him, but not for what you think.” We walked in silence for a few minutes while I thought about how to approach the conversation. When we were almost back to my trailer, I stopped and turned to face her.

“Things started out fun and easygoing with him,” I said. She looked at me patiently, waiting for me to continue. “I went to his trailer after every show, just like you – and lots of girls before us.” Hope’s head tilted to the side. “But pretty soon, he wanted more from me. It wasn’t enough just to hang out. When I wouldn’t sleep with him…he and his friends got me wasted and when I blacked out, he brought me into his room and undressed me....”

Her eyes went wide and her hand flew to her mouth. “Did he…?”

I shook my head. “No. I got lucky. We were interrupted, so I’m okay.” I gave her a reassuring smile. “He’s pretty much used every girl here and then dumps them once he gets what he wants, then brags about his conquests. It happened to Sasha too, years ago. So, yeah, I’m trying to find a way to get back at him. And keep him from doing it again.”

“I can’t believe I didn’t see through his act.” She looked down at her feet. “I feel like such an idiot.”

“No. You shouldn’t.” I shook my head. “You couldn’t have known, and you’re certainly not the first one. But now that you know, promise me you’ll stay away from him.”

“Of course,” she said quickly. “I promise.”

We started walking toward my trailer again, this time more slowly. “Oh, and one other thing, don’t say anything about this to Gabriel.” I swallowed down a lump in my throat. “Things aren’t good between him and Dmitri and he doesn’t need any reminders. I’m afraid of what he’d do to Dmitri.”

She nodded. The look on her face told me she felt the same about Gabriel as I had when I first came here – outright fear. It was funny, based on appearances, who we trusted or didn’t trust. And the connection I had with Gabriel and with Dmitri turned out to be the complete opposite of what I would have expected. “Dmitri’s not going to be happy, but we’ve got your back.”

She smiled at me. “Thanks, Ari.”

We walked the rest of the way in silence. When we stepped inside the trailer, I announced that we had another convert to the anti-Dmitri club. Tanner cheered and Sasha put her arm around Hope’s shoulder and passed her a drink.

***

The next day, when Hope sat with us instead of Dmitri in the cafeteria, I think Dmitri started to get the picture. I passed by his table, balancing a salad on my tray and saw him cutting into a rare steak. I could smell the blood pooled on his plate around the slab of meat and had to look away.
Who the hell eats a bloody steak for lunch?

After lunch, he passed by me and Gabriel on the way out and threw his shoulder into Gabriel’s as he stormed past.

“Tell your sexy little girlfriend to stay away from me and my interests,” he snarled in his thick accent I used to think was sexy.

Gabriel moved with precision and speed, bringing his hand up to block the shoulder hit
and sending Dmitri into the wall, all in one efficient motion. Gabriel held him there firmly by the neck. He didn’t say anything, but his eyes looked dangerous.

I stepped between them and put my hands on Gabriel’s chest to try and push him back. He didn’t budge. “Don’t Gabriel. You’ll just get in trouble with Del,” I said, pleading with him to back off.

“You should listen to her,” Dmitri said, his expression now cocky. Gabriel stared at him for a second longer, then dropped his hand. Dmitri stalked away.

I put my hand on Gabriel’s forearm and felt the veins standing out against his skin. “He’s not worth it. Don’t get yourself into trouble over me,” I said, trying to calm him. “Promise me,” I said as he watched Dmitri walk away.

“I’ll leave him alone as long as he leaves you alone,” he said, meeting my eyes. I wanted to barter for more, but knew that was probably the best I was going to get.

“Deal. I’m going to go stretch with Sasha. What are you doing today?” I asked. We still had a few hours before the show.

“I’ll probably just lie in bed and read.”

“Hmm. If you want company….” I trailed off hoping he’d make me an offer.

“No, you go ahead with Sasha. Gertie will keep me company.” He sensed my disappointment and added, “Let’s do something tonight though.”

“Okay.” I sighed. I was hopeful that tonight I could break some of the perfect self-control he applied to me – and nothing else in his life. Swallow fire?
Sure
. Play with knives?
Why not?
Fight a ripped acrobat?
Anytime.
Make out with me?
Let’s hold off on that.

I sulked on the walk to the mats, but cheered up when I saw Hope and Sasha already getting started. Hope was more flexible than anyone I’d ever seen. She must have been double-jointed, because no regular human could bend the way she did.

***

Things fell into a steady rhythm over the next several weeks as we racked up miles on tour. I felt like time was speeding up, carrying me closer to the end of the summer and on toward an unknown future. I was seeing so many new places, though there was rarely time to explore the cities and I still had no clue what the future would hold for me. I tried not to think too far ahead, and instead I focused on dancing, my new friends
, and of course, my fascination with solving the mystery that was Gabriel.

After leaving Colorado, we’d stopped in Salt Lake City, Reno, Sacramento, San
Francisco and were now headed to Phoenix. Gabriel and I were spending more and more time together. We went on hikes, loaned each other books and read in the sun, and sometimes I just lay in his bed and watched him paint. He seemed to be in no hurry to take our relationship any farther, which only made me more determined to have it move forward.

Apparently, Tanner had successfully flipped Shane to the other team. They were rarely apart and this morning when camp was getting packed up, I saw him leaving Shane’s trailer still wearing yesterday’s clothes. So Operation Spatula had succeeded after all.

I plopped down in the tour bus, ready to settle in for the six-hour drive. Gabriel was beside me using his fingertips to absently trace little patterns on the palm of my hand. I felt my backpack vibrate at my feet, and as much as I hated to pull my hand away from his, I bent down and fished out my phone. It was my mom. For a second I thought I’d missed my weekly phone call to her, but realized that I hadn’t.

Anytime she called, my stomach turned jittery. I hoped she hadn’t found out I wasn’t in New York. She would be back any day now and there’d be nothing stopping her from swinging by my apartment.

“Hey, Mom.” I tried to keep my voice even.

“Hi, Nell.” I knew immediately that something was wrong.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“Can you talk now?”

“Mmm hmm.”

She hesitated. “There’s something you need to know. It’ll be better if I just get it out quickly.” I waited for her to continue. “Your dad and I have separated.”

It took me a minute to understand what she’d said. My brain hadn’t been expecting this. I had been so wrapped up in my own life, and so concerned with not getting caught in a lie that I never even considered she might be going through her own crisis. I got up from my seat and held onto the backs of the seats as I headed for the rear of the bus.

It was louder back there because of the engine, but that usually meant no one else would be there. I slid into the last row and sat down low in the seat, resting my head against the back. Maybe I was naïve, but I never thought this would happen to my parents.

“Did you hear me, honey?”

“Yeah. I’m just…. I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry, Mom.” The bus hummed loudly and I pressed the phone to my ear.

“So am I,” she said softly.

“What happened?”

“I should have told you when he left Italy, but I just didn’t know how.” She released a breath she’d been holding in. “We’ve been growing apart for years. When we got married, I was young and looking for someone to distract me from the loss of my dancing career. Your dad gave me that life. We never wanted for anything. But I guess it wasn’t enough – for him or for me.”