The Child Whisperer (23 page)

In an attempt to fix what they perceive as their flawed nature, Type 3 children may try to alter their natural forward movement or shut it down altogether. However, their naturally forceful energy still needs somewhere to go. A Type 3 child who has been shamed or confused into living contrary to their nature will just exhibit a lot of fiery frustration that can rapidly get out of control. The more they try to contain it, the more it will push back, possibly in other areas of their life.

What’s the key to helping your Type 3 child live in balance with their outward energy and fiery personality? Honor them! Recognize your child’s dynamic, forward movement as a natural strength that encourages everyone around them—even you!

Pay attention to the times when you might view your child and their energy as too much and clear that judgment from your life. These children are naturally confident, but they don’t like others (especially their parents) to judge them for wanting to do something that may seem against the grain. To a Type 3 child, their own energy doesn’t feel like too much or too extreme; it’s just an expression of who they are. When a Type 3 child feels that their parent just honors that natural expression, their natural confidence remains intact and they don’t feel the need to act out or boil over.

Child Whisperer Tip:
Parents of Type 3s may try to rein in their children to keep them from getting into things, or doing what the parents perceive as too much. Within obvious boundaries of safety, allow your Type 3 enough space and permission to
do.
They may want to pursue results that are not a high priority for you. If you try to stop them, they will probably find a way around you to do it anyway. If you succeed in stopping them, their frustration may simmer until they act out their frustration in other ways. Both of you will experience much more joy and harmony if you facilitate opportunities for your Type 3 child to actively pursue their dreams, no matter how big. Don’t just get out of their way: Cheer them on. Trust that they can do it!

What can you do to help your child feel like you appreciate their natural determination? List some things you want to focus on here:

Thought and Feeling Processes: Quick and Deliberate

The movement in a Type 3 child’s thought process is quick and deliberate. Because these children can have a lot going on in their minds, they compartmentalize their thoughts to keep track of everything. They may shift abruptly in focus from one thought to the other, and they return just as abruptly to a thought or project they’ve already started.

Type 3 children spend time thinking about topics that feel purposeful to them. If an idea or project seems purposeless to them, they won’t waste time on it. When they spend time in imaginative thought, the play that accompanies it is very active. The stories they tell tend to be action-oriented, rather than descriptive.

Since a Type 3 child’s primary connection to this world is physical, they often move into action as soon as a thought hits them. Their parents sometimes say that they “act without thinking.” They do indeed think, but sometimes only after their body has already moved into motion:
Ready, fire, aim!
They can look impulsive, taking action in situations when maybe they should have thought just a moment more.

Child Whisperer Tip:
Your reaction to your child’s impulsive behavior will get better results when you remember that their energy is not naturally devious or rebellious. They do not do things to purposely upset you, especially when they are young. Consistently disciplining your Type 3 child for
exploring
(not disobeying) can make your child more and more aggravated, frustrated, angry, and ashamed of who they are. This shame can lead to confusion for them about how they should relate to their world.

For example, a mom of a Type 3 six-year-old called in on my radio show for advice. She felt overwhelmed by her daughter’s forward, determined movement. She had labeled her daughter as difficult and unruly. The week prior to our conversation, her daughter had left home and walked half a block down the street to their neighbor’s house to play with a friend. Before the mom noticed her daughter’s absence, the neighbor mom called to say her daughter was at their home.

I agree that this is a concern and I don’t support any Type of young child venturing out on their own without checking in with their parent. I do feel strongly that discipline to punish the girl in this situation would not be helpful, as this child had no ill intent or rebellious drive behind her choice. She honestly felt confident that she could find her friend’s house and took the challenge upon herself to prove it.

Here is how I would respond to this Type 3 little girl’s choices: “I really admire your adventurous nature. You are such a confident little girl to walk down to your friend’s house. Next time you want to do something like that, come and tell Mommy so I know where you are, and I can call your friend’s mom and let her know you are on your way. It’s not okay to leave the house without talking to Mom or Dad.” I would not discipline her unless she chose to do it again without first telling a parent.

Because a Type 3 child’s thoughts are accompanied by action, they may come across as impulsive or abrupt. They usually say what they’re thinking, and they don’t beat around any bushes! They don’t usually wait for good timing to add their thoughts to a conversation either—they just go! They may burst into a room to share a joke or story at the wrong time, or barge into conversations loudly with whatever they’re currently thinking. This can sometimes get them in trouble because they interrupt or say things they haven’t thought through entirely.

Child Whisperer Tip:
Let your Type 3 child’s experience of sharing their thoughts with you be open and safe. Receive the thoughts that come spilling out of your child’s mouth without an immediate negative reaction. If they want to take back something they said hastily, let them.

To handle their constant interruptions, make every effort not to shush them. Rather than shushing, look directly at your child and tell them you will be with them in a moment. Assure them that they can wait to tell you what they want to. And then make sure you honor them by taking a break from your current activity or conversation and switching to focus on them. Let them tell you what they want to share. I promise it will be quick and to the point. When you do this, they will feel heard and honored and then head off to their next activity.

Type 3 children’s passionate personalities have a practical side. In fact, a Type 3 child’s passion and practicality are closely connected. In order to carry out the results they are so passionate about, they need to move forward in practical ways. Type 3 children have an innate confidence that they can find the practical steps to accomplish the end they have in mind.

. . . .

ROSALIE’S STORY

Oh So Practical

The Christmas right after Rosalie turned two years old, everyone got a kick out of watching her open presents. She gave the paper a single tug, and then if the wrapping didn’t immediately come off, she handed it back to the giver to open it for her. She just knew that someone else could get to the prize inside quicker than she could—and they always did!

Even at a young age, Type 3 Rosalie knew the result she wanted and did what her practical nature dictated to get it done. No extended fuss with the wrapping paper—just the quickest path to get to the presents inside.

. . . .

While you may need to help your child recognize times when they need a few more details in place, take care to honor their natural confidence. It is such a tremendous gift that will serve them well. If you question their confidence consistently while they are young, they may take on an inner script of self-doubt that does not actually come naturally to them.

Child Whisperer Tip:
Honoring and supporting your Type 3 child’s natural confidence is as simple as changing the phrases you use with them. Instead of disciplining or chastising your child when they do something that seems thoughtless, help them learn from it so they can experience more success the next time. Instead of blocking their path when they have already moved into action, help them see additional angles they might consider while in motion. Instead of this: “You never think things through.”  Try this: “Tell me what you needed to do to make that happen.”

Or instead of this: “Do you really think that will work?” Try this: “I’m excited for you and I’m here to help. Before you start, have you thought of. . . ?”

Better yet, when your Type 3 child has already moved into something, move with them! They move into something, jump in with them! They spring into action for everyone else so easily, and they appreciate it when others do the same for them. You can share your expertise along the way without blocking their path. Your child will know, in a practical way, that you appreciate who they really are.